


Liking is Easy, Dating is Hard

by anarchycox



Series: True Love is Found in Event Horizons and Taco Nights [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Clueless Men, Fail sex, Fluff, Injury, Interrupted Sex, Jealousy, M/M, Matchmaking, Sass, Sex, Sickness, True Love, children's birthday parties are worse than any mission, growing up is hard to do, happy ever after, pining even after they are together, taco nights are sacred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-07-25 04:39:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 89,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16190267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Merlin and Eggsy have admitted that they desperately like each other. It should be smooth sailing from now on right?Of course not, have you met these two?Both have poor experience of relationships and have to contend with family, friends, being secret agents, and figuring out exactly what they mean to each other and want.It would help if they could be left alone for five minutes, but quiet and space are in awful small supply when you have Merlin's five daughters watching you.





	1. Chapter 1

"What are you doing, Gretch?" Audy walked into their garage flat and saw her sister furiously typing.

"Updating the blog," Gretchen replied. "What sounds better pathetic pining or continued cluelessness?"

Audra flopped down on her bed. "I don't even know," she groaned. "How? How are they still pining three weeks after agreeing they liked each other."

Gretchen finished typing and updated the blog with a couple of photos of her dad and Eggsy mooning over each other during tacos. "Okay, that's done. Bors is out money, he was sure by tonight they'd get their shit together."

"Do all the Kingsman follow the blog?" Audra looked over at the  _When Will Eggsy and Merlin Get Their Shit Together_ page that Gretchen had started two weeks ago.

"Yup, said it helps gauge office mood," Gretch replied and opened her drawing problem and worked on her sketch of the number 321. "Dad's assistant is using it to run book on when they do the do."

Audra made a face. "Oh, don't want to think about that."

"Dad does, he stares at Eggsy's package."

"Dicks are so gross."

"Like you've never ridden a strap on," Gretch said and frowned when the shade of red wasn't quite warmer enough. She started to fiddle some more. She paused when there was no retort from Audra. She looked over her shoulder. "Audy?" Audra had a pillow over her head and Gretchen put it together. "Dude, haven't you boned Roxy yet?"

"It's only been a few months," Audra said around the pillow.

"But you boned one of the other girls right?" Gretchen left her computer and sat on Audy's bed. "Audy?"

"No," she said, voice still muffled, clearly mortified.

Gretchen lay down and hugged her. "It's okay, you know. Waiting."

"You and Ben have done it and you are younger than me."

"Yeah but that's me and Ben," Gretchen said. "You know Dad always taught us free choice and our bodies are ours and all those sex positive talks. Fuck he hated those."

"So much, but he did them. And better than Mum's," Audy agreed and both girls shuddered at the memory of her period talks. "I just, I'm not ready yet to let someone else have power of my body, even if it isn't very long."

"Hey it can get pretty long," Gretchen said.

"Oh Bean Boy Ben a bean pole there too?" Audra asked and Gretchen decided to try to suffocate her with the pillow. "I yield," Audy said under the cotton and feathers.

"Ben has a nice cock," Gretchen said primly. "I mean I guess? I dunno it's a dick, took us like three months before we got really good at it." She smiled, "Bet Roxy is good right from the get go."

"I'll find out eventually."

"If you tell her you are a virgin, bet she'd go all out, champagne and strawberries, candles, mood music, super romantic."

"Ugh, gross," Audy said and laughed when Gretchen snorted. "Okay maybe not completely gross sounding."

"Make sure she knows you prefer martinis to champagne before she goes all out for when she steals your womanly virtue."

Audra pushed Gretchen off the bed. "Moving on to Dad and Eggsy. Things got fucked when they couldn't go on that first date due to that emergency cropping up at work for Dad, and now they are back to the longing and the looks and why aren't they face smooshing."

"Cowards," Gretchen said and then quickly looked at their door, like saying that might have summoned her father to yell at them for daring to suggest a Kingsman would ever be a coward. "We could try interfering again?"

Audra shrugged. "I think we have to let it play out."

"But we're going to suffer!" Gretchen whined.

"We are." Her phone dinged and she smiled when she saw it was a text from Roxy. "Go art, she has time to talk right now."

Gretchen went back the computer and put headphones on so that she wouldn't here all of Audra's happy little sighs at each message that Roxy sent. She was much more civilized about when Ben texted. Her phone dinged and it was Ben asking about a movie on the weekend that he had forgot to mention before Eggsy offered him a lift to the dorms.

_Fuck off, number 321 isn't cooperating you bastard_

**I love you too**

Gretchen grinned and went back to work.

************************

At the main house, Merlin was checking on the girls, that they had actually actually brushed their teeth and gotten ready for bed. Lacey was already drifting off and he tucked her all in. "Oh my little one, dawn isn't so far away, you'll feel it's warm kiss again soon enough." He kissed her cheek and sang to her a bit until her hand went slack in his. He turned and Clara was watching them. "Not so sleepy yet?"

Clara shook her head and clenched her jaw to stop the yawn. "I'm older I get to stay up more," she said. "I'm not sleepy."

"Of course," he agreed solemnly. "You still have another twenty minutes."

"Yeah," she said and the yawn slipped out. "Pretired, not actually tired or sleepy."

"I understand," he promised and kissed her head. "But maybe we turn out the light. You don't have to go to sleep, but imagine, just imagine all the wonderful adventures you can plot while staring at the stars in the sky?" He turned off the lamp and the glow in the dark stars shone. "Remember, it's the second star to the right and straight on."

"I'm not for Peter, I'm on Hook's team."

"Of course you are," Merlin gave her a kiss and left, knowing that she'd be asleep in a few minutes. He went across the hall. "Bethany, how are you?" he asked as he knocked on the door and waited for permission to enter. Time was moving too fast and she was growing up and he was determined to give his tween her privacy.

"You can come in, Da," she called.

He went in and looked at the room. "Something is different."

"I moved a few things about," she said. "Dad?"

"Yes, darling?" Merlin went over and sat on the bed.

"Can we paint my room? It is still the colour Gretchen had had when it was hers and it is a little loud for me."

Merlin looked at the bright blue walls. "Aye, it is a little searing isn't it?" She nodded in agreement. "Look up colours online and we'll hit the shops on the weekend. Maybe like a warm and soft peach colour?"

"That sounds nice." Bethany sat up and hugged him and he held her tight. "Just you and me?"

"Just you and me," he promised. "Even lunch out."

She smiled as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Thank you."

"Of course. Only one more chapter, okay?"

"They are pretty short, and tomorrow is an assembly day at school. Not real learning."

"Two chapters then," he agreed. "Goodnight, my beautiful, isn't it lovely that in the dark there is infinite possibility?"

Bethany gave him that smile that was looking more and more grownup every day and he left her be. Merlin went up to his tiny office and answered a few messages and plotted an upcoming mission for Lamorak and he could just feel from long practice when everyone else in the house was asleep. He shut everything down and went to his bedroom. Merlin looked out the window and could see the lights still on in the garage but Gretchen was a nighthawk and nothing kept Audra awake once she decided to be asleep. He touched his hand to the window, a silent goodnight to his eldest and went to the bathroom to have a shower.

He stood under the warm water and sighed. It had been torture, having Eggsy lean against his leg during the movie, his hand wrapped around Merlin's ankle the whole time. Merlin scrubbed with his apple scented soap and thought of the way Eggsy smiled at the move and the feel of him. They hadn't had another kiss since that one in the garden and he was so hungry for Eggsy, but he had to let the lad work this at his own pace. He had always rushed with Susan, pushed and that just fucked him over. This time he would be patient. Even if it was killing him. Merlin put the soap down and then wrapped his hand around his cock, years of a crowded house had him used to wanking in the shower and fairly quickly too, since you never quite knew when there would be a knock on the door and a child bursting in a second later. When the contractor had suggested clear shower doors, Merlin had said a very firm no and the bottom half were completely opaque. It had saved several awkward conversations. He finished himself off quickly and it just left him more frustrated than before, which had been par for the course the last few weeks.

Merlin turned off the shower, and dried off and put on pajama bottoms. Five girls, sleeping naked was not an option. He settled into bed and read a book on his tablet for a while before falling asleep, morning did come very early to the Young house.

Across town, Eggsy was having a more leisurely wank in his flat and he groaned out Merlin's name as the orgasm rolled over him. But he could wait, he liked the man so bloody much, and he could wait for Merlin to realize he was properly serious about this. He just wished Merlin would hurry up and set a date to make up for the one he had had to miss.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Eggsy was in Kyoto on a drop mission and he had to admit he loved Japan. He was starting to really get into the food and even pick up a few words. He was definitely going to do some Rosetta Stone stuff when he had the time. He just liked the energy in the cities there. Maybe he was starting to stretch his mission reports to suggest that Merlin's calculations were off and he needed an extra 36 hours to make sure everything went perfectly. He was 40% sure Merlin hadn't noticed. He was sitting in a cat cafe because oh my god cat cafes were the best when his glasses went off.

He tapped the side and there was a shopping list that was mostly washi tape and gel pens.

What the hell?

Since he was rather in public he pulled out his phone and called Merlin. "Hey what's with the shopping list?"

"What shopping list?" Merlin asked. Eggsy could hear him typing.

"I have a list that looks like it will be five pounds of Washi tape?" His glasses were dinging again and he tapped. "And now I am to bring home a variety of face masks." Another ding. "Jesus why don't you just ask me to find a real live Hello Kitty with this list? And wait...what's a Naito?"

"New Japan Pro Wrestling," Merlin said automatically, " A member of -"

"You like pro wrestling?" That was something Eggsy just could not picture.

"Clara discovered it a couple months ago. It is now a thing. She likes pins if that helps any."

"Hold on," Eggsy said. He hissed a little as a cat landed on his shoulder. "Did all your girls send me a shopping list?"

"Not like you are actually working on your mission," Merlin pointed out. "And sounds like nothing from Bethany."

Of course as soon as that was said there was another blink. "Hmm, Pocky the weirder the flavour the better."

"There you go, then."

"I'll need to buy another suitcase for all this."

"When family goes on business trips they bring the kids back stuff," Merlin said unthinkingly. Eggsy went very silent on the line and he cursed himself. "Ignore them, they shouldn't be contacting ye via the glasses anyways, that is only supposed to be for emergencies."

"It seems Lacey is suggesting that this is a Sanrio emergency." Eggsy pet the cat in his lap. "They can hack the glasses?"

"All the girls have Susan's number, as well as yours and Harry's. Gretchen and Audy also have the access code for yours and Harry's glasses. It is supposed to be just in case. Not for shopping for stickers."

"Stickers wasn't actually...never mind," he said as the word stickers flashed in big red letters across his glasses. "I can try, but you know I'm rather busy with the mission."

"Yes, I know you wrote a very thorough report on why my calculations were wrong." 

Eggsy laughed awkwardly. "Well drops are a delicate thing."

"Harry does the same for Italy you know," Merlin said. "Why younger agents don't realize I have seen and heard it all, I'll never know."

"I'll wrap up the mission on your time frame," Eggsy said quickly not wanting Merlin to be mad.

"Galahad, enjoy Japan. I never mind indulging agents a bit. Everyone has somewhere they love."

"Where do you love?"

"I'm not someone who goes on missions," Merlin reminded him. "Make sure ye get all the cat hair off your suit. Enjoy your day."

"What do you want me to bring you back?" Eggsy hurried to ask before Merlin could hang up.

"I am fine, Eggsy," he replied and hung up. Eggsy drank some tea and played with cats and decided oh hell no. He texted Audra,  _what souvenir from Japan would your dad want?_ He gave the cat in his lap one last cuddle and then went to find the 100 Yen shop he had thought he had seen on his walk. He went in and smiled. Maybe he'd buy a few things to send along to Daisy. Can't do much damage in a store like this, he loved these sorts of stores.

**Anything Godzilla or Godzilla related**

That surprised the hell out of Eggsy.  _What really?_ he texted back.

**He adores the original movies, them and Ultraman too. He has a giant ass crush on Nick Adams.**

_K_

**Weird face masks, ones that would creep people out if i walked**   **by.**

 _Who said I'm buying you lot anything?_ Even as he was typing that he found a freaky Attack on Titan face mask and threw it in the basket which was pretty damn full. He went to the counter and asked if he could leave it there while he did more shopping. He then grabbed a second basket and laughed at the photo Audra sent of her best deadpan face. He did some more shopping and thought he had enough. He was going to have to buy another carry on bag. He checked out and realized that somehow he had dropped the equivalent of a couple hundred pounds. He almost had a heart attack before he remembered that these days he could spend that. He had savings, and the Kingsman paid a stupid amount and it was fine. And the girls would lose their shit. But there hadn't been any Kaiju stuff that suited Merlin. He'd look around.

He'd do the mission too, but he had to bring stuff home for everyone in the family. Because Merlin called him family.

Fuck, if they were family he really had to get that first date with Merlin.

**************************************

"Oi, you're late," Gretchen said when Eggsy walked in for taco night. "Ben has laid claim to the guac."

Eggsy lifted up the bag that turned out to be not just a carry on but a small suitcase. "I hunted and gathered in Japan, including shit for Ben which was hard since his girlfriend didn't give me a list for him. He wants his toy surprise he shares the guac." All the girls stopped eating and stared at the large bag.

"After dinner," Merlin told them all mildly. He heard a chair move just a little. "Or it can be another day entirely," he added and that chair inched back towards the table. Eggsy put the bag down and sat at his spot which was waiting for him. "Where's Rox?" She wasn't there every week, but most and she wasn't on a mission.

Audra finished chewing, "Thing with her uncle."

"Good, didn't actually bring her back anything." He smiled when Ben looked at him carefully. "Trust me, you want to give up the guac for what's in the bag for you."

Ben blinked, "Wait you are serious? You brought me something too?"

The whole table went quiet at Ben talking. 

"Oh god, he communicated!" Gretchen wiped a fake tear away. "I'm so proud. That was two whole sentences."

"See, that right there, might be why he doesn't talk a lot," Merlin pointed out.

Eggsy looked at Ben, "Yeah mate, course I brought you back stuff, what you do for family right?"

Ben didn't say anything else just handed over the guac. His cheeks went bright red and he leaned into her when Gretchen hugged him. He had a family, and a good one, but it was small and quiet. He didn't always show up just for the food, it was to be around the perfect chaos of the Youngs. It made him feel alive. He didn't say anything else just made another taco.

"Did you see a wrestling match while you were there?" Clara asked.

"No, didn't have the time," he said. "So why wrestling?" He and Clara talked about that while Bethany tried to read and Merlin took her book away, and Audra helped Lacey with her glass that had spilled. Eggsy did notice that the girls were eating a little faster than usual.

"Okay, dishes need to be done."

"DAAAAAAAD," Gretchen whined, "Toy surprises."

"I'll do the dishes, all of you can go upstairs with Eggsy and see what he brought you back." Merlin smiled as the girls and Ben all ran upstairs. "Go Eggsy, and I appreciate you indulging them." He stacked plates to take to the kitchen. Merlin looked up as Eggsy didn't leave. "Problem?"

Eggsy reached into the bag and pulled out a box. "Your souvenir," he said and hurried up the stairs. 

Merlin looked at the box, but he hated leaving dishes so he decided to ignore it for the moment. 15 minutes later though everything was cleared and tidied and he went over. He saw the Japanese writing on the box and the embossed godzilla and opened it up. Inside was a snow globe and there was a button on the bottom. He shook it so the glittery snow moved about and hit the button. It made the Godzilla scream and he smiled. It was absurd and perfect. He took it upstairs with him and almost dropped it when he screamed.

7 faces in Attack on Titan face masks were staring at him. 

"What the bloody hell?" Merlin's breath was choppy and he actually put a hand to his heart. Gretchen began to giggle like a loon.

"We're getting beautiful, Daddy," Lacey explained. "Plus we look gross right now!"

"Ye do at that," he had to say.

"We have one for you, too," Bethany offered.

"I am good thank you," he managed to say and he went to his spot on the sofa. "I trust we all thanked Eggsy?"

"They did," Eggsy promised. He quickly yanked the mask off his face.

"Hey we are supposed to leave these on another five minutes for perfect pores," Audra said.

"My pores are close enough," Eggsy said and he moved from his spot on the floor up beside Merlin. "Babe, you okay?"

"I don't like scary things."

"You like Godzilla?"

Merlin looked down at the snow globe. "It's a man in a rubber suit, Eggsy." He hit the button to make it roar.

"It's good?" Merlin nodded. "I like snow globes, they make me happy," Eggsy explained.

Merlin looked at Eggsy. "You make me happy."

Eggsy smiled and pulled Merlin in for a kiss and they ignored the way everyone in the room cheered. When he pulled away he smiled, "We really need to go on that first date. Not that I don't love the audience and performance review -"

"Why was your tongue in Daddy's mouth?" Clara interjected. "Was it to see if he tastes like taco?"

"Yeah, alone would be good?" Eggsy finished.

"Alone would be very good."

"We have the girls tomorrow night," Audra quickly filled in before they could cock it up again. She took off her face mask and so did the rest. 

"How are my pores?" Ben asked.

Gretchen smiled at him. "Beautiful, go ahead eat all the weird Japanese junk food Eggsy brought you." Ben dove in and he traded a bag of shrimp puffs for green tea Pocky with Bethany.

"Tomorrow is good," Merlin said. "But for now, I do believe it looks like we are watching Kiki's Delivery Service."

"It felt appropriate," Lacey said. "Because Eggsy brought us stuff from Japan." She was in a huge fluffy Hello Kitty onesie.

Merlin wrapped an arm around Eggsy before he could slide back to the floor. "Aye, plus it is just charming." He kissed Eggsy's head and Eggsy settled in and fell asleep, jet lag finally hitting him. Audra quietly covered him with a blanket and Merlin held him tight.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin stared at Gretchen and Audra, "I can get myself ready for a date you know." He tried to close the door in their faces, but Audra got a foot in and Gretchen wiggled through. She was like a cat, she could fit in places you couldn't believe. "Shouldn't you be with the other girls?"

"They are into the playdoh it is fine," Audra said. "Why didn't you shave your head when you showered?"

"Is that what you are wearing?" Gretchen shook her head and went to the closet.

"How do you feel about makeup, just to hide the bags under your eyes?" Audra was headed towards the bathroom.

"Stop!" Merlin ordered and the girls just looked at him. "Stop," he said again, "I'm nervous enough." He had to smile that they both ran over and hugged him tightly. "You two are forces of nature, just like your mother."

"Just like our Da," Gretchen said. "The trousers are fine but you need to change the jumper."

Merlin kissed her head. "Alright, I will change my shirt and jumper and you can pick. And Audra I shaved my head three days ago, it is fine."

"You didn't see his face when he saw you after I had done it for Bethany's guide lunch. Trust me, Dad, let me shave your head," Audra fluttered her lashes. "Please? Please? Pretty Please?"

"I'm already running late," Merlin protested.

"By actual human standards or your standards?" she questioned and Gretchen snorted.

"Yes, by mine," he had to admit and took the jumper and shirt off and went to the ensuite. "He liked the look of your shave?"

"He likes your looks period you old geezer!" Gretchen shouted.

"Gretch!" Audra yelled. "You know Dad's sensitive about how much older than Eggsy he is."

"Suck it up, if you want to suck it down!" Gretchen shouted back. There was dead silence from the bathroom. "Yeah, okay. That was a bridge too far." She poked her head in. "Sorry, Dad."

"Been hanging out with the footie girls again have we?" Merlin asked.

"For lesbians they have a lot of comments about dicks," Gretchen said. "But I needed a leg mold and they have killer calves."

"I can get you a leg," Merlin replied. He shivered a little as Audra applied shave foam to his head. "Any body part really."

"Thanks, Dad, I'm good for now," Gretchen said. She held up a shirt. "When did you get an electric blue dress shirt?"

Merlin had to think. "Parent theatre thing for Clara two years ago," he finally recalled. He looked at the way Gretchen was eyeing it. "Yes you can have it."

"Score." Gretchen held up a dove grey shirt with a black stripe. "This with waistcoat."

"Ooh, I like," Audra said and began to do a smooth shave of her father's head. "Go for it."

Merlin had to admit it was a good selection. "Pull out the black trousers, third in." Gretchen disappeared and laid out all the clothes on his bed. She came back into the bathroom. 

"Now then, where exactly are you going?" she asked. She went to put the lid down and let out a blood curdling scream. "Nana's brooch!" She stared in horror as the 125 year old brooch sank into the water and started to go down the hole. "Daddy!" She froze, she didn't know what do.

Merlin didn't think, just dove and the cut on his scalp would sting in a second but he hit the floor and reached into the cold water and managed to catch the brooch before it went all the way down. "I have it, Bunny, it's okay, I have it."

Gretchen collapsed on the ground next to her father and hugged him. "Daddy I was careful with it," she swore, "I don't know how it -"

"Shh, Bunny," he said, "shh, the clasp is old and worn it just fell off your sweater and I have it in hand and -" Merlin tugged. "I have it," he repeated and tugged. "I have it?" he said. "But it appears the toilet has me."

"What the shit?" Audra asked still holding the razor up.

"Perhaps not the best time to use the word, shit, my dear," Merlin said. Gretchen and Audra both tugged at his arm but his hand was wedged in perfectly.

"If you let go, can you maybe get your hand out?" Audra suggested. "Like not a fist?"

"I don't have it in a fist, it is trapped between two fingers." He looked at the two girls. "I...I am at a loss," he had to admit.

"I'm calling Ben," Gretchen said immediately. "He'll know what to do."

"How?" 

"His father's a plumber, he'll know how to get things unstuck from a toilet." Gretchen hit Ben's number and it went to voice mail. "Shit, he has that study group. He turns his phone off." She left a voice mail and then five texts. "I'd call his dad direct, but the guy doesn't like me." She saw her dad's face and gave him a look. "It's fine, don't kill him. He thinks Ben needs someone more serious minded."

"You are very serious about your work and about Ben."

"I know but he doesn't think art is a real career. Swear it's fine, Ben is actually really sweet about talking about how he plans to live off of my money and think esoteric maths thoughts and be my kept man."

"He's so perfect for you," Audra said happily. "And Roxy is great too."

"She is, you two seem like a killer fit," Gretchen said. "And -"

"And I am currently a lovely fit with a fucking toilet when we are past my schedule and headed towards I'll be late to meet Eggsy." Merlin tugged his hand again and it was still stuck. "Get a mallet and break the toilet," he ordered.

Gretchen popped up eager to create some destruction. "No," Audra said and stopped her. "We aren't causing mayhem. Dad will call Eggsy and say..." Audra looked at his hand. "Oh god, this sounds like the worst fake excuse ever."

"It's not so bad, he just says hey my girls were shaving my head and picking my clothes and a brooch that has been in the family for generations fell in the bog and I dove to catch it and woo I did catch it only now my hand is completely stuck. How does that sound fake?" Gretchen gave a sickly laugh. "He'll think it's complete bullshit."

"Again maybe we don't say shit while my hand is stuck in the toilet!" Merlin hated to yell around his girls but he couldn't help himself in this situation. The foam started to slide down his head. "Audra," he said, and the girls both winced. He seldom sounded that defeated. Audra grabbed a towel and cleaned off his head which had only been half shaved. "Can I have a moment of privacy while I call Eggsy and then we'll get this all sorted out, okay?"

"Sure, Daddy," Gretchen kissed his cheek. "Thank you for saving the brooch."

"Of course, Bunny." He waited until the girls were out of his room and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He sighed as he hit Eggsy's number.

***************************************

Eggsy hung up and went out into the living room. "Thanks for the help Harry, but turns out it was unnecessary."

Harry looked over at Eggsy. "I don't understand."

"Merlin had to cancel, said there was a sticky situation that required a delicate hand and that we would have to reschedule." Eggsy tried to smile. "Work right? What can you do?"

Harry shook his head. "I got no message."

"Well, I mean does Merlin inform you of everything?"

"I am the one in charge," Harry said stiffly and Eggsy just looked at him and Harry broke down into giggles. "Yes, alright, I couldn't pull saying that off, but still, if there was a truly delicate situation, I would have been informed." Harry tapped the side of his glasses. "Nothing." 

Eggsy sat down in a chair, in crisp trousers, a shirt and tie. "So, what, that means he just bailed with a shit excuse?" He stared at his phone. The phone call had been less than a minute, no mention of rescheduling.

It hurt.

"I thought he...I thought we were...he called me family, Harry."

Harry leaned forward. "Trust me, he wants you. Eggsy, he adores you and you two are just having the problem of being men with difficult jobs, on top of which he has the girls. It makes chaos but it will be worth it."

"Sure," Eggsy gave him a sad smile. "We'll get it right next time. Want to go to a posh restaurant with me? I picked out a nice one, wanted to impress him a bit."

"How about we get takeaway?" Harry suggested. His phone rang and he checked. "Huh," he said and took a risk and put it on speaker. "Hello?"

"Hi, Uncle Harry."

"Bethany," he said. "Is something up? Do you need me?"

"I think we might," her voice was serious. "Dad hasn't come out of his bathroom and Audra came running up and put another movie on for us and told us not to leave the family room. She threw chocolate at us. She forgot my dried fruit. And when she went down we just heard her yell  _Gretchen we agreed to think of alternate options put the fucking mallet down_. Don't tell dad I said a super bad word."

Eggsy looked at Harry in horror and Harry was pale, "Gretchen has a mallet?"

"Yeah, and well, do we really think that is the best idea? Especially when we haven't heard or seen Dad since he went to get all loverly for his date?"

"No, my dear, that is not good. I'll be right there," Harry said and hung up. "Excuse me, Eggsy, I do believe this is something that requires immediate attention."

"I'm coming with," Eggsy said quickly and they both hurried out of Harry's flat, and Harry drove in a way that even scared Eggsy to make excellent time to Merlin's place. They ran into Ben outside who was just being dropped off with a square black box. Ben gave them a wave and just went into the house as cool as could be. "Ben, what's up?" Eggsy asked as they followed him in. 

Ben just gave a vague smile and headed upstairs, he was not saying. He went into Merlin's bedroom where Gretchen was pacing. "Oh thank god, you are here." She saw Harry and Eggsy right behind him, she reached out and closed the ensuite door. "You called them?" she was glaring at her boyfriend now. Ben held up his free hand in peace.

"Bethany called us that you had a mallet, you can understand our concern."

"Audra took it away from me," Gretchen said. "And Ben is here and he can fix it. Go in, Ben," she told him. She blocked Harry and Eggsy though. "Not you two, you are not a part of this. You were called and informed of the situation. It's no big deal. Everything is fine. A-okay. No worries. Ben will fix it."

"What the fuck is going on?" Eggsy asked. "Because he didn't tell me shit, Gretch."

"We're not saying the word shit right now." She closed her eyes. "Great now I said it again. Look go downstairs, Dad will be down in a bit."

"Not moving," Harry and Eggsy said at the same time. They all heard the toilet flush. Gretchen had to take a picture of the face Eggsy was making, because it would be a good reference.

"Is Merlin injured?" Harry added.

"I mean, maybe?" Gretchen had to admit, she could never lie to Uncle Harry.

Eggsy couldn't think, he just rushed the door, pushing Gretchen out of the way and flinging it open, he burst into the bathroom. His brain couldn't quite put all the pieces together because there was a shirtless Merlin with his hand in the toilet, and Audra was putting the tank in the tub, and Ben was using tools. He somehow didn't think of Ben and tools. "Uhh..."

"I believe I mentioned a sticky situation," Merlin said trying for calm and not quite reaching it.

"Is your head only half shaved?" Eggsy asked. "Is that a deliberate look?"

Gretchen and Harry came in and made the bathroom overcrowded. "He got stuck saving Nana's brooch," Gretchen said. "And we told him maybe it would sound fakey if he told you he couldn't make the date because we had to wait for Bean Boy Ben to bring his dad's toolbox over and free him from the bog, in which he is still holding a crazy old brooch that fell off my jumper?"

Eggsy had to nod. "Yeah, that sounds rather fake." He shook his head. "I don't...what?"

"Okay," Ben said, "Ready Audra? we are bring the base up and I'll hold it steady. Hamish drop the brooch into Audra's hand and then we'll get you free." The three moved and Audra a moment later held the brooch aloft. "Okay, now I'll push your hand and you tug." Ben sprayed some machine oil around Merlin's hand. Between them they managed to free Merlin. His hand was red and pruny and was numb for a moment and then the pins and needles came on. "Next time, you three, three of the smartest people I know, turn off the water and flush. Would have still be stuck but more comfortable."

"Ben do you really think there will be a next time?" Merlin asked. Ben just shrugged and started to put the toilet back together.

"My hero," Gretchen said in awe, "I'm painting you all in knight's gear or something." Ben blushed as he worked.

Merlin moved his fingers back and forth and lord but they ached. "He's the hero? I've had my hand stuck in a toilet for over an hour."

"You are my hero too, Dad," Gretchen promised. "And hey now you can go on your date!"

"I'm not exactly up to it, at this point," Merlin admitted. He looked to Eggsy. "I am sorry."

Eggsy didn't say a word just walked out of the room. Harry looked between the men and at Merlin's small nod chased after Eggsy.

"I can finish shaving your head, so you aren't so lopsided," Audra offered. "Not in there though." They both watched as Gretchen settled in and started taking a lot of photos of Ben. "I think that is going to get creepy soon."

"Soon?" Merlin asked but he shook his head. "I just will be on some sweats and go hang with the girls. I'll worry about my head tomorrow."

"Daddy," Audra said quietly.

"It's fine," he told her and she didn't even remotely believe him, but let it go. Merlin put on sweats and his housecoat and went upstairs and the girls curled around him.

"Did I do bad calling Uncle Harry?" Bethany asked.

"No, sweet one, you didn't," Merlin promised. "Now what are we watching?"

"Hilda on netflix, it's wonderful," Lacey said. "It's magic, Daddy."

"Magic is a wonderful thing." Merlin watched the show with the girls and smiled whenever they looked over at him, and tried to act like his heart didn't ache more than his hand.

It was two or three episodes when Audra came upstairs. "Dad, the neighbour's cat is in the garden again. Can you?"

"Of course," he was the only one that could catch the bastard cat. He wondered why it was just the fairy lights on, and not the larger lights and opened the patio door. And there was Eggsy at the table, set with covered dishes and a couple beers in an ice bucket. He was standing awkward and hopeful. "Hello, Eggsy," he said.

"I figured after your evening you deserved something nice." Eggsy gestured to the table. "Harry told me what you would like. Not the place we had the reservation for, but it looked good." He took the covers off the food and then went over and held Merlin's chair out.

"I'm in a thirty year old robe."

"Doesn't look a day over 25," Eggsy promised. "Come on, Hamish."

Merlin went over and sat and then Eggsy did too, and soft music began to pour from the outdoor speakers. He looked back to the house and was surprised that there were no faces pressed to the windows.

"Fierce and lavish bribes to give us some privacy," Eggsy explained. "Gretchen and Audra will keep them busy. Think they felt miserable."

"They weren't stuck in a toilet," Merlin said.

"Brooch that important?"

"Important enough, and honestly when one of the girls screams like that, I just sort of react. Trust me, if I had thought of it, I would have let it fall. I do need to give our housekeeper a raise, the bathroom is impeccable." He smiled at the way Eggsy laughed. "You are gorgeous," Merlin said sincerely. The fairy lights caught the sparkle in his eye and cast interesting shadows on his face.

"You are arresting," Eggsy said in return.

"Is that good?"

"For me it is. Eat you've been through an ordeal." Eggsy took a bite of his food and made a happy noise. "This is good."

Merlin recognized the food and agreed before he had even taken a bite. "Thank you for this, Eggsy."

"Had a thought, that if we kept putting it off, something else would happen," Eggsy explained and opened them both a beer. "So here we are, not what we expected, but alone enough, with food and a drink. All date like." He held up his bottle. "To our upcoming second date."

Merlin clinked his bottle. "That sure this one will go well?"

"I have a hunch," Eggsy said and took a hefty drink.

Merlin smiled. "I think it is a good hunch. Tell me about your day. It has to have been better than mine." 

Eggsy laughed and they talked and ate and held hands when they finished the meal and had a second beer and then made plans for their second date.


	4. Chapter 4

"Not so close to the camera, Dais, your picture is all a blur," Eggsy said and Daisy moved it back a centimetre. Maybe. "Little more," he coaxed, "and a little more." Eventually he could make out the picture. "Wow, Daisy that is incredible. Look at it!" he enthused.

"Do you like it?"

"Oh, I love it," he promised, "it's incredible."

"She's getting really good at drawing the ducks at the pond we go visit on the weekends, isn't she?" Michelle helped out and winked from behind Daisy. It was their weekly Skype call and Daisy always had art to show him and he never knew what it was.

"Yeah, those are the best darn ducks I have ever seen."

"I'll mail it to you!" Daisy cheered. "Do you know what the red is?"

"Uh..." he hadn't a single clue.

"It's the rivers of blood, they are evil duckies."

"Daisy, I told you, you got to close to a nest, that mama wasn't evil, she was trying to keep her babies safe," Michelle reminded her.

Daisy leaned forward, "Evvvvvvillll, duckies," she whispered. Michelle pulled her back into her lap.

"How are you love?" Michelle asked before there could be twenty minutes on evil ducks.

"Good," Eggsy said easily. "Works fine, got sent to Paris this week."

"Oh, and did your boyfriend go with you?" Michelle asked. 

"No, work and the girls, he can't exactly be spontaneous. And that's not super his style anyways," Eggsy gave her a smile. "But I been looking at my calendar and noticed that someone was going to be graduating preschool soon. Don't suppose I can get a ticket to that?"

Daisy squealed. "Me! Me! I finish preschool next month!"

"Oh is that the someone I'm thinking of?" Eggsy had a huge grin on his face. "Boss knows I need the time off. Want me there Dais?"

"YESSSS!" 

Michelle winced at how loud the screech was. "Eggsy, we'd love for you to come down. Are you sure you can spare the time?"

"Like I said, already cleared it with Harry, not an issue." Eggsy grinned. "I'll be there in my best suit and maybe a gift or two." His heart melted at the way Daisy clapped.

"I'll go make your bed," Daisy said and jumped off Michelle's lap.

"Daisy, it isn't for a -"

"Love she won't hear you. I'll make a countdown calendar," Michelle said. "It will be so great to hug you."

"You too," he said. He took a sip of coffee. "How about you, Mum?" She was quiet and looked to the side, an obvious tell. "Mum?"

"I'm sure it is nothing," she protested and Eggsy immediately straightened.

"Mum, what is it, you have a good gut, tell me," he insisted.

"I have a new neighbour," she said and bit her lip. "He's -"

"Does he scare you?" Eggsy was ready to drive to Wales and deal with it that night.

"He's nice," Michelle complained.

Eggsy paused his thoughts, which were mainly centered around places to ditch a body around his mum's house. "He's nice?"

"He puts my garbage can out for me, the last three weeks he's done it, Eggsy. Said it is no bother, it is right beside his. And he didn't complain when Daisy picked some of his flowers from his pots. Bloody brought her, her own little pot of marigolds to grow. I'm scared what will happen if I kill it Eggsy she is so attached."

"No, not a pot of flowers," Eggsy said in a dry voice that was a perfect copy of Harry's.

"Eggsy, he washed my car," Michelle snapped, "and when I offered to pay him, he just laughed and said he was being neighbourly."

"We had a couple nice neighbours on the block."

"That would wash your car without stealing your radio?"

Eggsy shrugged, "Our radio wasn't worth stealing?" He looked at her carefully, "Mum is he being a creep?"

"No," she said, "He just seems like a nice and decent human being. What the fuck is wrong with him?"

Eggsy snorted. "Mum, you know nice people."

"Not ones that handsome," she countered, "Ones that good looking are jerks."

"Ohhhhh," Eggsy smirked a bit.

"Shut it," she warned him.

"He was the car shirtless, did you watch from the window?"

"He wore a gross hoodie and beat up denim," she said.

"Remember do we?"

"I will send your baby photos to your boyfriend," she threatened.

Eggsy glared, "You wouldn't dare."

"Watch me."

"Mum, Merlin is good at finding out information, you want I have him dig a little into your neighbour? What's his name?"

"Sean Mcknight, and he doesn't scare me, he's just...nice," she sounded so helpless.

Eggsy held open his arms. "Hug."

"Thanks, love. But enough about me, how is your bloke?" She heard a loud crash. "Daisy Marie Unwin, that did not sound good!"

"Yes it did! It was loud!"

"Oh lord, sorry Eggsy I have to run. Talk next week?"

"Yeah of course," he promised and hung up Skype. He did a few chores and realized then he was at a bit of a loss. He decided to go to work, to use the gym a bit. Ride in on the bullet train was smooth as ever and he walked past Merlin's office and was surprised that the man was there. "Merlin? Shouldn't you be home?" He got a good look at the man and realized how dreadful he looked. "Fuck, Merlin, what's up?" The screens were blank and Merlin was just sitting there.

"Mission complications," he explained. "Bad enough, they decided to call me in, to see if I could fix it."

"And you did," Eggsy said. He paused and moved closer. He crouched in front of Merlin. "You fixed it, right?" Merlin nodded and Eggsy breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't had to deal with a fallen Kingsman yet and hoped he wouldn't have to for a long time. "Then you should be happy yeah?" He realized that Merlin was shaking. "Oh, baby, I've got you," he promised. "Can you leave your desk?" Merlin gave a small nod and Eggsy helped his stand. Merlin smelled rank, sweat and stale coffee but he held him close as they left the office and headed upstairs.

They ran into Harry in the hall who had clearly come running to help Merlin but he stopped when he saw that Eggsy had him. "He's off duty for 48 hours."

"I just need a shower," Merlin protested.

"I will make it 72 if you say another word," Harry warned. "Look after him. Here. I'll see to the girls."

"Thanks, Harry," Eggsy said. He guided Merlin upstairs to one of the suites. "You, in the shower."

"I can't put these clothes back on again," Merlin said and he was shivering.

Eggsy went to the bathroom and started the water to warm. "I'll run to the lockers and get you some."

"They are biometric," Merlin replied. "You need my thumb."

"Suppose I could just cut it off?" Eggsy teased. He realize it was the wrong thing to say as Merlin started to retch. He got to the toilet in time to throw up the litres of coffee he had drank during the mission. When he was done Eggsy helped him out of the clothes and into the shower. "What the fuck happened Merlin?"

"The agent in question came very close to losing a limb. I had been brought in because things had gone pear shaped and they found an exit that wasn't on any of our plans. They didn't wait for me to confirm, just played the odds in order to get out. Only the odds weren't in their favour. Foot got stuck in a trap and they were captured. They managed to fend off their captors all while the foot was still trapped. It was like a bear trap, but with circuits and pass codes. We had a countdown clock, the point where either I hacked it, or the agent would lose their foot."

"Jesus," Eggsy breathed out. He was in too much shock and Merlin too much pain for either of them to care that Merlin was naked. 

"They were getting ready to just cut it off, they thought they could hear more people coming. And I managed to crack it. They ran. They ran with a broken ankle and found a car and made it to the nearest city, but that wasn't the extraction location. I had to keep them safe while they triaged and we formed a plan. They are on their way home though, and hopefully...well, hopefully it is all okay."

"You were brilliant, Merlin," Eggsy swore. "You got them out. You did it." Merlin was just braced against the shower walls, water pouring over his back. "Why'd you use gender neutral there, Merlin? No agent requests it." Merlin wouldn't look at him. "Only one person of the lot of us doesn't go by he/him," Eggsy said slowly. "Oh god," he realized. "Fuck it was Roxy?" Merlin gave a small nod and Eggsy had to move and pace. "But you got her out, she's okay?"

Merlin gave another nod, "We think so. She's on the plane and getting antibiotics and a mess of other things. Benched for at least six weeks to heal."

"Did you call Audy?"

Merlin shook his head and had to rest even more against the wall. "I can't," he explained.

"What the fuck? Why the hell not?" Eggsy glared, not that it did any good, Merlin was just watching the water go down the drain. "She's dating, Roxy, she has a right to know!"

"Roxy has not changed her next of kin, or her list of people to inform in case of injury. Percival has been informed but that is it."

"So break the rules!" Eggsy almost shouted.

Merlin looked at him, "Just because it is my daughter?"

"Yes!" To Eggsy it was simple.

"If I did that, I wouldn't be fit to be quartermaster," Merlin replied.

"How does not calling her make you fit to be her da?" Eggsy asked. He watched Merlin collapse to the ground in the shower and he felt like shit. "Merlin, I don't -"

"Do you think it isn't killing me to not call her? She hasn't said it, but she is clearly head over heels for Roxy, and she would want to be here for her when she arrived. But there are rules and reasons and as much as it is fucking breaking my heart right now to not tell her, I'm not telling her because Roxy has not okayed it and my agents have to trust me or what is the fucking point?" Merlin looked at Eggsy was the water rained down on him. "What would you do if I betrayed your trust for my own personal reasons?"

"I..." Eggsy sat on the ground on the other side of the tub, "I don't know. Roxy'd want Audy here."

"Do ye know that 100%? Not what you would want. What Roxy would want? She is a precise agent, a careful woman. Can you tell me she just forgot to change her paperwork?"

Eggsy opened his mouth and then closed it again. "No, no she wouldn't just forget, not her."

"I call Audy, and I am doing it for her, not for Roxy. I am letting the personal influence the professional. And if I did that, I would have to resign. No matter what I do, I'm carving a scar onto my heart, Eggsy because people I care about are hurting or are going to be hurting." Merlin reached out and turned off the water. "Eggsy, what do you want me to do?"

Eggsy stood up and got a towel. "I want you to dry off and have a nap."

He helped Merlin out of the shower and began to dry him off. He started at the top and worked his way down, slowly, gently. He knelt at Merlin's feet, saw, touched his soft cock, but ignored it beyond the drying and once he was sure Merlin was nice and dry he took him to the room and tucked him in. "You sing the girls to sleep ever?"

"Sometimes, but read to them more."

"Singing's a little more my speed," Eggsy said softly and began to sing. He kept it low and gentle and eventually Merlin drifted off. He smoothed the covers over his shoulders and then went down to the lockers. They weren't Merlin's but there were always spare sweats and tees available and he grabbed a set that he thought would fit Merlin. He then called Harry and gave him a report. Eggsy figured he'd let Merlin sleep for a few hours, feed him then take him home to the girls. "That right? Kind of new to all this. Taking care of Merlin."

"I welcome the help," Harry said. "The girls are fine, we are doing some arts and crafts. Gretchen figured out something was up but hasn't pressed. Audy had gone into the office to do some paperwork, she had had a busy week."

"She doesn't know," Eggsy said, "she's not on Roxy's list."

"I am thinking curse words that I can't currently say," Harry replied, "compound ones. That would explain why he was so rough. Hiding this from Audy would kill him, but of course he did what was right." Harry sounded matter of fact and proud at the same time, it was a bit impressive.

"I gave him shit about it," Eggsy admitted. He felt dreadful, and didn't know if he could have kept his mouth shut. But Merlin had been right. He realized Harry wasn't saying anything. "Harry?"

"Make it up to him, you soggy eggroll," Harry snapped and hung up.

Eggsy took the sweats to the room and dashed over to the bed when he realized Merlin was having a nightmare. He crawled in and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm here, shh, it's all fine," he crooned. He babbled, said nonsense until Merlin was more restful. He kept a tight grip and a little later the nightmare was clearly back. He began to sing and that seemed to put Merlin back in a deep slumber. He didn't dare get up though and it was a comfortable bed. Eggsy stayed there and watched Merlin sleep. In sleep he looked younger but his age at the same time. This close and his glasses off, Eggsy could see the crows feet, where eventually there would be a hint of softness along his jaw line, but it hadn't started yet. And his shoulders, god Eggsy wanted to leave his mark on those shoulders and so many other places. They had had four dates now, plus family taco nights and there had been kisses and hand holding and it was like a dream. He was looking forward to more though, when they made it there.

"Ye are staring," Merlin whispered. He looked better but not great by any stretch.

"You are worth staring at," Eggsy replied. "I'm sorry."

"You were right though."

"No, Merlin, I wasn't not even a little. I don't think...you make the job look effortless. You're you and we all just assume you are magic and stronger than all of us put together." Eggsy reached out and ran his thumb over Merlin's lip. "How hard is it being you?"

"Depends on the day really."

"And today was a rough one."

"Aye," Merlin said. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"You can tell me anything. Everything," Eggsy promised.

"I hope one day to walk Audy down the aisle to Roxy, to watch them wed. And I had to sit there and type faster than I ever have before, and listen as Roxy cried and screamed in agony and be two minutes away from doing permanent harm to her body. All I could think was not I don't want to lose an agent, it was I cannot bear it if I have to watch my daughter grieve." Merlin closed his eyes. "In that moment, the agent should have been my only thought. Any distraction and it could have changed everything."

"But it didn't," Eggsy told him. "You did the job. Merlin you did it, and you did it well. You were brilliant and it is okay to fall apart after, yeah? And I was dead wrong to say what I said. Because as good a quartermaster you are, you are a better da, and no fucking way could I balance what you do."

"Thank you," Merlin gave a small nod, like he had made a decision. "I'm going to have to hand Roxy over to my assistant."

"Think she'll let you? Roxy wants you."

Merlin moved a little closer to Eggsy and Eggsy took the hint and wrapped him in a tight hug. "She might, but she'll have my assistant, it is the logical choice."

"Stand with you, okay? Just so you know."

"Thank you, Eggsy." He wrapped Eggsy up as well. "I'm naked," he realized.

"You are, and I'm annoyed yet understand that we cannot really take advantage of that current state. But you know...if you wanted to let me see it all again, when I'm not worried about you passing out, that'd be great." Eggsy knew that Merlin was trying to lighten the moment and was willing to oblige.

Merlin gave a small chuckle and moved the blankets and the laugh grew at the way Eggsy whistled. "I'd like to go home," Merlin said. 

"I have sweats for you. And I'll come along?"

"That sounds good," Merlin agreed and Eggsy gave another whistle when he saw Merlin's arse. They used a Kingsman driver to get to the house, where they discovered Uncle Harry in a boa and blue hair doing a dance routine with Lacey. Eggsy burst out laughing and almost died when Merlin automatically joined in. The silliness seemed to help Merlin and soon after Harry left, so that he could be there when Roxy arrived. Eggsy ordered pizza and they all ate up in the family room. Merlin's phone beeped and he checked. "Audy won't be home tonight," he said. The tension he had been carrying in his shoulders left. "Roxy was hurt on her business trip, she texted Audy once she was back and Audy is going to spend the night at her side."

"If she let me run her missions, she wouldn't have gotten hurt," Clara said.

"I'll remind her of that, once she's up for it," Merlin promised. "Gretchen, looks like you have the garage to yourself for the night. When you have Ben sneak in for the love of god, remind him about the garden pot he always stumbles into."

"Sorry, Daddy, I missed that?" Gretchen blinked innocently.

"Sure you did," Merlin replied. "Go on then."

"I have...arty things to do. Bye," Gretchen said and sauntered from the room.

"Bean Boy Ben's gonna touch her butt again," Clara said seriously and the other two nodded. Eggsy had to laugh at that. He stopped laughing when Clara's intense stare caught him in its gaze. "Do you touch Daddy's butt?"

"Ewww, Daddy butt," Lacey said. 

"I'm...gonna go, getting near bedtimes and all, Eggsy said. He leaned down and kissed Merlin. "Okay?"

"I am," Merlin promised him, "and thank you, Eggsy."

Eggsy gave him another kiss and left swiftly as Clara shouted the question again after him. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.namcofunscape.com/london where the birthday party is

Merlin was getting dinner ready when Clara came in and sat at the counter. "Dad, we need to talk."

"Okay," he agreed and checked on the rice. "What about?"

"My birthday."

Merlin glanced over his shoulder, "I thought everything was set for Saturday, all five girls can come, we ordered the food and cake, have the reserved space. I even got clearance for a lot of balloons like how you like."

"Balloons are awesome," Clara said. "But..."

Merlin realized this was a serious talk and put burners on low and came over. "What is it, little bird?"

"I don't want Audy there," Clara whispered. Merlin could see how upset she was and his heart broke. "Daddy, I'm the worst."

Merlin quickly kissed her head, "Go to the living room okay?" Clara nodded and ran. He went upstairs where Gretchen was helping Lacey with her reading homework. "Can you keep an eye on dinner? Clara needs me." One look at the two of them and he knew they knew what this was all about. But he had a good idea too.

"Yeah, Dad, I got it, we can read in the kitchen right Lacey?" Lacey gave a quick nod.

"Thank you girls."

Merlin went back downstairs and Clara was curled into the corner of the couch. "Oh little bird," Merlin crooned and went over and picked her up for a cuddle. "It's okay, I promise."

"I want my birthday to be fun," Clara began to cry, "I get to go to Namco Funscape with five friends daddy, no other parents! It is going to be so cool and just -" her face buried in his shoulder.

"You worry that Audra's current sadness and anger will damper what is a very important day for you," Merlin concluded and Clara's curls bounced a little as she nodded. "She would try her best."

"So then sad smiles that make you hurt more for her?" Clara said.

Merlin would have liked to disagree but he couldn't, "Aye."

"I feel mean wanting my party to be happy and if she was there I'd be worried the whole time about her and it's my day. It's been about her all week and I want that for me. Mine." Clara looked up at him, lip stuck out a bit. "I don't want to share," she said like it was the biggest, meanest thing she could have thought of.

Merlin held her close and rocked her a little. "Okay," he agreed.

"Wait, really?" Clara was shocked that it was that easy.

"Yes," he said and wiped her tears away. "Little bird, it isn't selfish to want your day to be important and magical. And loud, dear god that place is loud."

"You can shout and no one cares even though it is inside," Clara said.

"A good thing to be sure. Audy is hurting right now, so much, but that never outweighs her love for you and she will understand."

"I'm never dating anyone," Clara said.

"As you like," he said. She'd change her mind or not, that was for time to decide. "But I cannae ride herd on six nine year old girls alone, so Gretchen and Ben?"

"I want Eggsy," Clara said firmly.

Merlin was thrown for a loop. "I'm sorry?"

"Eggsy. Your boyfriend. I want him as the other adult." Clara nodded for emphasis.

"Why?" Merlin thought about Eggsy in this situation and he couldn't.

"Tell me he wouldn't be good at the games and get me all the tickets ever."

That was actually a fair point. "He might be dreadful at bowling though."

"Can't be worse than you," Clara offered.

"You have to call him and ask."

"Okay," she agreed and fished Merlin's phone out of his pocket and entered his code.

"Excuse me?"

I've seen your thumb move. Keypads function in the same pattern, easy to extrapolate the number." And sure enough she had the phone unlocked. He mentally moved up the age he would start teaching her his job by a couple of years. "Hi Eggsy, do you want to have the most fun you will ever have in your life this Saturday from 1-3:30pm? There will be food and cake and a treat bag in it for you." Clara listened as he responded. "Okay, see you then. Daddy he wants to talk to you," Clara said, "I'll go help set the table." She hurried off.

"Eggsy," Merlin said when he brought the phone to his ear.

"So, I'm coming over for a party on Saturday am I?" Eggsy asked and he sounded downright cheerful. "Already got her a killer gift."

"No, the party is not here," Merlin said. "And Eggsy I can get you out of this."

"Why would I want to get out of it? Clara is my favourite troll," Eggsy replied and that warmed Merlin's heart.

"Eggsy, no mission has every prepared you for this. The fight against Gazelle? That was easy. This is hell. Harry refuses to assist with the birthday parties after a Gretchen incident. He has nightmares from it Eggsy."

Eggsy snorted, "I love Harry but outside of mission parameters he is a wuss. I got this. Now where is the party at, a park or something?"

"It is at the Namco Funscape," Merlin said.

"Okay, what's that then?"

"The seventh ring of hell," Merlin replied darkly. "I'll send you the address and if you are there before us, just say you are there for the Young birthday party. I'll also send you a mission briefing about what to expect and your duties at the party."

"Jesus Merlin, Harry ain't the only dramatic one," Eggsy said. "I got this."

"Thank you, Eggsy, and when you break up with me after, I will hold no grudges," Merlin tried to joke but it fell flat. 

"How is she?" Eggsy asked after a moment of silence.

"Hurting," Merlin replied. "How is Roxy?"

"Hurting," Eggsy replied. "See you Saturday, okay?"

"Aye," Merlin said and hung up. He went to the kitchen and all the girls except Audra were there. "She needs to eat."

"Good luck with that," Gretchen replied. She put the wok in the middle of the table and started dishing up rice to everyone.

Merlin put a small bowl together. "I'll be back." He walked through the garden and knocked on the garage door. 

"I'm not hungry, Gretchen," she shouted.

"Not Gretchen," Merlin said as he went in. Audra was sitting at the desk and had some books open. "What's that?"

"Writing an article, maybe, just doing research," she said. 

"I thought you were busy at work right now."

"I had time."

"Audy, look at me please," Merlin said and she briefly looked up and her eyes were red and sunken, shadows under them heavier than he had seen in a very long time. "Darling."

"I'm fine."

"Eat a little for me?"

"I'll throw it up," she said calmly. "Protein shakes and bars are doing me fine."

"One piece of vegetable matter?" Merlin begged. He held the bowl right next to her. "Your favourite sauce is on it."

Audra reached out and plucked one green pepper chunk out and popped it in her mouth. "Yum. Bye."

"No, we need to talk," Merlin said.

"Busy," she replied.

"This can't wait, it is about Saturday."

"I'll be fine by then," Audra said and started typing hoping her father would get the hint and leave her alone.

"Clara asked that you not attend the party," Merlin rushed the words out.

Audra's fingers stilled on the keys. Merlin saw a tear hit the board and put the bowl down. He reached out and picked Audra up and went over to her bed and lay down, holding her tight as she sobbed out the pain. "Why does no one want me?" she said between sobs.

"They do. Clara was crying as well, but she didn't want you to have to pretend to be happy."

"I would have been fine," Audra tried to insist.

"No, you wouldn't have," Merlin said. "You would have tried so hard, I know you would have, but you are not a great actress darling, and you wear your heart on your sleeve. It would have come through." He rubbed her hair and held her until she ran out of tears. "Roxy loves you."

"If she did, she wouldn't have dumped me."

"She is scared. She faced her mortality and not everyone responds to that well. Not the first time."

"I love her, Daddy," Audra said. "And I hate her so much."

"Maybe you two find your way back to each other, or maybe you don't," he said softly, "But never regret loving her, okay?"

"Do you regret loving Mama?" She looked at him and she nodded, "You regret how long you loved her after she stopped loving you."

"You are far too good at reading people," Merlin said. He kept holding her close. "I am sorry my love that your heart is hurting."

"It got bruised but good, Daddy," Audra admitted. "Clara is right, and I'll make it up to her. Just a her and me thing."

"I think that will be lovely."

"Gretchen will be good at the party."

"Clara chose Eggsy for the Namco Funscape Birthday Experience."

For the first time in a week, Audra laughed, "Oh my god, the poor bastard."

"Aye," Merlin sighed. "Aye. Can you eat two more pieces of vegetable matter for me?"

"It will have cooled and congealed."

"Still warm at the house," he suggested gently. She nodded after a minute and he didn't care he picked her up and she held the bowl and they went to the house. He put her on a chair and got a fresh bowl for her. Audra reached out and hugged Clara who just sunk against her.

"It's okay," Audra told her. "It's okay."

"I have a five step plan to make Roxy's life hell. I just need to collect a few more spiders."

"My hero," Audra managed a smile. "But maybe we think about it a little bit more before implementing it." She managed to eat a quarter of a bowl and Merlin was relieved. Even more so when she stayed for family telly time after.

************************************

Eggsy went in and paused. "Damn," he said. The place was loud and bright and there were a lot of kids running around. He went to a person with a name tag. "Hi, I'm here for a birthday party? Clara Young?"

"Birthday tables will be that way," the person vaguely gestured and Eggsy followed. It was pretty crowded and seemed to get louder. He saw a huge 9 balloon and went over. There was Clara in a sparkly top hat and goggles. That was about right. She was surrounded by a few other girls, same top hat but no goggles. "Happy birthday, luv," he said and froze under the stare of all the girls. "Uhh, hi?" he gave a small wave.

"He's pretty," one girl said.

Clara tilted her head just like Merlin. "He's just Eggsy. He sings nice though." She eyed the gift bag in his hand. "Interesting," she said, "Very interesting."

"It's a good gift," he swore. "So umm, where's your Da?"

"Right here," Merlin said with two servers behind him. "Now then, we have food and beverages and 20 tokens for each girl for the arcade. Who wants to arcade and who wants to bowl?" Merlin stepped back as the food was put on the table and he yanked Eggsy to the side.

Eggsy watched them in awe and the girls descended on the cotton candy and chips and everything that was brought. "Didn't they eat lunch before coming here?"

"Eggsy, there is always room in stomachs for party food," Merlin explained. "Clara?"

"I want to bowl then arcade," she said. She looked at her friends. "That okay?" They all nodded and then filled their cheeks and ran for the bowling lanes.

"They'll choke, running with that much food in their mouths," Eggsy said concerned.

"No they won't," Merlin said, "You read the brief right?"

"Sorta? It's just a party, how hard can it be?"

Merlin shook his head sadly. "It is a bloody lamb to the slaughter."

"Whatever," Eggsy said, sure he was still joking.

90 minutes later, Eggsy realized why Harry was haunted by his experience. Six kids, two adults, and they were nine! You needed to keep a reasonable eye, but didn't have to stand over them over them. Only one of the three he was assigned kept giving him the bloody slip. Girl was smoke and shadows. Blink and she was nowhere in sight. "Patty where are you?"

"Here!" called a voice and fuck if he could see where it came from.

"Where is here?" he shouted.

"She's over there," the girl next to him pointed. The same who had called him pretty. The same who had stayed attached to his side and blinked up at him and smiled.

"Thank you, Emma," he said. When she slipped her hand into his, Eggsy tried to be smooth about letting go to find Patty and bring her back closer. Emma was on his heels the whole time. "You okay Joanne?"

"I'm going to murder every zombie and get more tickets than Clara and crow about my victory until the end of time." Eggsy honestly couldn't tell if the two were the best of friends or like superman/lex luther levels of enemies. 

"Good luck with that," Eggsy said and glanced at Clara who was two machines over and terrifyingly focused on Pacman. He saw Merlin on the machine beside her equally focused. Clara wasn't his by blood but dear lord their focused looks were exactly the same. And dammit he wanted to play a game too. "Right I'm going over to the racing games," he said, "Who's with me?"

"I am, can we drive a pink car?" Emma asked.

"You can, I think you play those games solo," he said.

"Oh, okay. You have pretty eyes," she told him.

"Thanks. Oi Patty race cars!" 

"Going!" she called and one from Merlin's three switched to him.

Fifteen minutes later, Merlin collected everyone for cake and gifts and Eggsy could have wept in relief at getting a break. And jesus but the vultures went at the cake like they had the earlier snacks. Emma also complimented his singing voice.

"Fizzy drink," Merlin offered him and he winked.

Eggsy didn't know what that wink meant until he took a sip and realized there was Jack in the coke. "You are my hero," he told Merlin.

"Want some cake?" Merlin asked.

"I'm not getting in the middle of them to get a piece, are you mad?" Eggsy had eased back a couple steps from the table. His feet were killing him.

"Not all heroes wear capes," Merlin said seriously and moved forward and somehow emerged with two almost intact pieces of cake. He handed one to Eggsy. "Thank you for helping me with this."

"How many of these have you done?"

"The math hurts too much," Merlin replied. "Just go with a lot. And so many more still to do." He ate some cake. "Not bad, actually."

The icing was so sweet, Eggsy was pretty sure he had a cavity forming. He looked over and one lens of Clara's goggles had blue icing on it. He had to take a photo. She was so happy. The cake was cleared away and Clara opened her gifts and Merlin took tons of photos. She was excited over everything she got and Eggsy thought it the sweetest thing ever when Joanne showed all the tickets she had got, more than Clara, gloated about it very loudly, and then handed them over to Clara as a part of her gift. Eggsy couldn't tell if Clara was hugging her or choke holding her. "Merlin? What's with them?" Eggsy whispered.

"Not a flipping clue," Merlin whispered. "They've been like that since the day they met."

"Flipping?" Eggsy wouldn't not laugh at him.

"Oh look, Clara's opening your gift," Merlin pointed. Panic settled in, because he had thought it was a great gift but maybe it was stupid. Oh god, it was the worst gift ever. He reached out, to maybe grab it out of her hands but Merlin just took the hand in his and kissed it. "It will be fine," Merlin promised.

"It's too baby," Eggsy whispered. He started to bite the thumb nail on his free hand and Merlin moved behind him and wrapped him in a hug.

"Go on, Clara," Merlin told her, more confident in Eggsy than Eggsy.

Clara took off the tissue paper and peered in. "It's beige," she said. She pulled it out and it was a mini trench coat, fedora, and wrapped inside was a first edition of Harriet the spy. She looked up at Eggsy and gave him a grin and he realized how much he adored her. "Flipping spectacular," she told him. She immediately took the top hat and goggles off and dipped the fedora low over her eye. "I will solve every mystery out in the world."

"Aye, you will," Merlin agreed. He gave her a look over Eggsy's shoulder.

"Thank you, Eggsy. Thanks everyone!" Clara looked at Merlin. "How much time left?"

"Twenty minutes," Merlin told her.

All the girls screamed and headed back for the machines. Except Emma, who walked slowly keeping an eye on Eggsy. "You are coming to watch over us, just in case there is a creeper who wants to trade our young flesh into the sex trafficking business?"

"What the -"

"Her mother is the 'I have concerns' sort," Merlin whispered.

"Coming, Emma," Eggsy agreed. He watched over the girls as Merlin collected the gifts and he gave Emma a gentle squeeze back when she hugged him. The parents all started arriving and each girl was given a treat bag and passed over to parents hyped up on sugar and fun. Once they were gone they went to the prize area and Clara traded all her tokens in for a small Pacman stuffed animal. 

She held it out to Eggsy, "Thank you for coming and helping, Eggsy. It was really great."

"Luv, you don't have to spend your tokens on a thing for me, I was happy to do it."

"Dude, you look wrecked," Clara replied.

"Yeah, I'm completely wrecked, doesn't mean I wasn't happy to do it."

"I will break into your flat and leave it on your pillow," she warned him. "I have a trench coat now, I'm a proper spy."

Merlin gave him a look and Eggsy took the toy. "Thanks, Clara. Happy Birthday."

"Want to come home with us? The party stuff isn't done yet, family dinner party! With my favourite!"

"As you said, he looks wrecked, Clara, let him go home."

"Okay." Clara ran and squeezed him tightly and Eggsy squeezed back. "I'll just wait over there so you guys can kiss."

Merlin laughed and when she was a few metres away he pulled Eggsy close and kissed him. "Thank you," he said. "Ye were incredible."

"This was the worst thing ever," Eggsy whispered. "How do you survive?"

"I love them, so I endure," Merlin said. "Go home, have a shower, get the goo out of your hair."

"I have goo in my hair?"

"It looks charming," Merlin promised and gave him another kiss and then went to collect Clara who gave Eggsy a final wave.

Eggsy went home and was utterly exhausted. He had a shower and then collapsed on the sofa in front of the telly. A couple hours there was a knock on the door and he groaned. "Hang on," he said and struggled to get up. His legs were killing him. He opened the door and there was Roxy on crutches.

"You are hugging Pacman," she said.

"He's very huggable," he answered. He took a good look at her. "Oh, babe," he said.

"I broke up with her, I'm not allowed to be heartbroken," Roxy said and her lip quivered before it firmed. "Never mind."

"Get in here," Eggsy said and pushed her to the couch and put her foot up on the table with a cushion. He sat down next to her and gave her Pacman to hug. "Okay, just let go," he told her and held Roxy while she sobbed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eggsy makes the big mistake of telling the youngs he is going on a road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.rsmotorhomes.com/rs-model-range/emotion This is the motorhome that the family has

"I'll be missing taco night next week," Eggsy told the table and immediately every set of eyes was on him. Well not Ben's he took the chance to steal the fresh pico de gallo that Audra had made, which good on him, that had been tasty stuff.

"Why?" Gretchen asked. She gave him a look, "Are you thinking of being stupid too?"

Eggsy glanced at Audy who had eaten about half of what she usually did but she was eating. "No, my sister is going to be graduating."

"High school?" Bethany asked and Eggsy remembered she hadn't met Daisy during the visit.

"No, preschool," Eggsy said. "Right proud of her, don't want to miss such a big moment. Cleared the time off with Harry, and going to it."

"We can all go!" Lacey said. 

Eggsy appreciated the support, "Hun, they aren't in London, they are in Wales, I'm driving down next Thursday morning, the graduation is on Friday and going to come back on Sunday. Have a real nice visit. Bit of a road trip, not done many of them."

"Dude, you should not have said those words," Ben whispered to him and hunched down. Eggsy thought he could see Ben contemplating to put the food down, which what would make Ben do that?

"ROAD TRIP!" oh god, it was so loud, how did five girls sound like twenty? He couldn't make out what anyone was saying but one weird word floated out.

"What's the Sidrat?" He looked when Ben groaned and went even lower in his chair.

"It's the Sidrat," Audra said and was bouncing. "Dad, we get to break Sidrat out!"

"Left top bunk!" Clara screeched.

"Right top bunk!" Gretchen screeched and then frowned. "Bugger, I have that showcase to prep for, I can't spare a weekend. No. No no no no no, I can't miss a road trip!" She banged her hand on the table and the spoon with the guac went flying and Ben caught it and ate the food on it. "Ugh, I bestow upon you Bethany the right top bunk."

Bethany hugged Gretchen tightly. "Thank you!"

"Hey this means no one is couching it up!" Audra said cheerfully. 

"What about Eggsy, we should give him a bunk," Lacey said.

"He can sleep with Dad in the overhead bed," Gretchen said.

"What is Sidrat?" Eggsy asked as plans that included him were being made.

"The motorhome we use for our wandering vacations. Upgrade we made a couple years ago," Merlin said and Eggsy wondered why he seemed so damn happy. "I admit, I indulged in a few bells and whistles." Merlin caught the look Ben gave him. "Oh I don't think we want to make a comment right now, when I know the second we are gone you are bunking down for the weekend here, now do we?" Ben turned bright red and focused on the rest of the taco. "Remember the talk about grandchildren we had?" Merlin said, deciding to make the guy squirm just a little bit.

Ben actually gave him a defiant look. Merlin smiled at him and he did his best not to wilt under that grin.

"Good lad," Merlin replied.

Eggsy decided to rescue Ben. "I still don't get why Sidrat?"

"It's TARDIS backwards, because it is as exactly big on the inside as you expect," Gretchen answered. Ben gave a slow nod of agreement and the look he gave Eggsy spoke volumes that Eggsy could not understand.

"Blackwood, correct?" Merlin said. "That's three hours on paper, from here. We can have the Sidrat brought in from storage, I can have it packed the day before. Yes that is best," Merlin had gone into full planning mode. "A driver can bring it to the outskirts of London and we all meet it there. Be at your Mum's doorstep within four hours. Is hers a small street, will there be room to park a motorhome?"

"Why would you need room?" Eggsy was lost. "I'm going on a road trip. I was just mentioning so you didn't wonder where I was. You aren't coming." He watched everyone's faces fall. Even Merlin's. "I just said the words road trip."

"No, of course," Merlin said swiftly. "It is your family and your sister's big day. It is foolish of us to invite ourselves along."

"But Sidrat," Clara said mournfully.

"Road trip," Bethany added.

"I was going to fake sick," Audra was pouting. "I didn't even fake that two weeks ago."

Eggsy looked at them all. "What is going on?"

"We like road trips in the motorhome," Merlin said. "We take one or two a year, when we can."

"All of you, in a motorhome." Eggsy remembered the photo he had seen of Merlin in jorts and holding Lacey. "You actually own it, don't rent."

"Of course, we keep it in storage, but we had specific needs."

"It was just this crappy caravan, when we were kids, remember Audy?" Gretchen said. "Two beds for us and Dad slept on the ground."

"It had been your mother's. She won it in a poker game and used it for field work she did in Ireland." Merlin didn't say that Audra had likely been conceived in that rickety death trap. "Then we got Red Rover."

"Oh man, the one bed would not stay attached to the wall. Always flopped open," Audra remembered. "Dad took so many blows to the head."

"It had the sunroof though, I liked that," Bethany said. "I could see the stars from where I slept on the sofa."

"You guys are really serious about this," Eggsy stared at them in awe. "Like you legit love road trips in one of those tacky motorhomes old people drive to weird estate sales."

"Sidrat is not tacky, he's awesome!" Clara glared at him. "And you'd know that if you invited us to the graduation."

"Do nae guilt or pressure Eggsy into this," Merlin warned.

"But he knows all our family, why shouldn't we know his?" Bethany asked.

Eggsy had to admit that was a fair point. "Okay, look, you can all come." He winced at the cheers that broke out. "But I need to get there first okay? So you all can uh meet me there in Sidrat?"

"Are ye sure, Eggsy?"

Eggsy gave Merlin a small smile, "Maybe it'd be cool to introduce you to Mum. Never actually introduced anyone I was with all proper like. They were mostly sh -" Eggsy coughed. "Shallow relationship that didn't really warrant family meetings."

"Maybe I can blow off the showcase," Gretchen said.

"No you cannot, you have been working on it for months," Merlin said. "For that Masters of Fine Arts you applied for and don't think I know about."

"I haven't," Gretchen muttered. "I'm not good enough."

Ben put down his food. "No one insults Gretchen, not even Gretchen. And you have too, I maybe hit send when you weren't looking."

"We are talking about that this weekend," Gretchen warned him and he just kissed her cheek.

Clara ignored that. "So road trip."

"Yeah, you can road trip too," Eggsy said.

Audra started banging on the table. "Sidrat. Sidrat. Sidrat."

Eggsy was stunned when even Merlin started in on the cheering. "You are such a dork," he realized. Merlin just grinned at him and kept chanting with his girls.

*********************************************

"Hi, you must be Eggsy," a voice called out when Eggsy got out of his car. Eggsy looked over. The neighbour. Sean Mcknight. Looked around the same age as Merlin and Harry, his hair pure silver.

"I am, and you are the new neighbour," Eggsy replied. He reached over the low hedge to shake the hand that was offered. He realized that he had completely forgotten to have Merlin look the man up.

"Sean Mcknight, pleasure," he said and smiled and shit okay, it was a charming grin. "Your mum has mentioned me?"

"In passing, something about you taking the rubbish bins up."

Sean just shrugged, "Easy enough to do, if I'm already doing it. You here for Daisy's big graduation?"

"How'd you know about that?" Eggsy gave him a look.

Sean's smile stayed in place. "She's been mentioning it a lot."

"Well preschool graduation, pretty big deal," Eggsy said.

"EGGSY!" Daisy screeched and came running down the drive. Eggsy caught her. 

"Duty calls," Eggsy said and gave the guy a salute and then focused all his energy on his girl. "Oh my days, have you grown!"

"I'm taller than everyone," she crowed.

"I don't doubt it." He walked into the house, still carrying her. "Hi, Mum." He leaned down and kissed her cheek and Daisy held them both in a death grip. "Daisy, can't breathe," he joked though her hold was tight as hell.

"I'm happy," she said.

"I'm happy too," Eggsy agreed.

"I have lunch almost ready," Michelle said, "your favourite." They all went into the kitchen and Eggsy saw the beans on the burner. His palette had refined over the last couple years but he didn't care.

"Beans on toast is perfect, Mum." They sat and ate lunch and Daisy babbled all about the ceremony tomorrow.

"Hey, Dais?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Mind if 5 extra people were there?"

"Who?"

"Daisy, not with your mouth full, chew and swallow," Michelle sighed, words she had said a million times. "And who?" she asked to Eggsy.

"Uhh, my boyfriend and four of his five daughters?"

Daisy and Michelle just stared at him. "Wow," Daisy said.

"I agree. Wow," Michelle started grinning. "That serious is it?"

"Look, apparently they go nuts for a motorhome and road trip and decided that they were coming too." Eggsy rubbed the back of his neck. "And maybe it's getting a little serious."

"Are they bringing me gifts?"

Michelle gasped, "Daisy Elizabeth Unwin, do not dare of even think of being greedy like that." Daisy pouted a bit but nodded.

"I brought you something," Eggsy promised her. Michelle rolled her eyes and Daisy squealed.

"When will they be along?" Michelle asked.

"Soon, probably."

"Well, it's a small house, but we can make room," Michelle said. "If they have a little motorhome, bet they have sleeping bags and we can camp them out in the living room."

"Thanks, Mum," Eggsy said. He would have told her more, but Daisy declared herself done and dragged him off to see her room. Eggsy collapsed to the floor when JB woke up from his nap and immediately barked and ran at him. "JB, you been taking good care of my girl?" JB woofed and ran in circles and tried to drown Eggsy in spit. For an hour he pet and threw toys for JB while Daisy showed him every single toy in her room and he read her a book. He then heard a car horn. "Bet that's them, coming down with me?"

"Sure," Daisy said and they held hands as they went down the steps. Michelle was standing in the front door just staring out. 

Eggsy went beside her and he was pretty sure he died. Or at least had slipped into an alternate universe. No way did such a thing exist on the planet earth that he resided on. He stared at the white with swirls of red and brown and it seemed to just keep going. It would definitely not fit in his mum's drive. And on the road it would easily block two houses and no cars would pass on the road. It drove by them and then turned onto an empty plot.

"I think that's illegal? To park there?" Michelle said.

Sean pulled into his drive and hopped out of the car. "Did you see that gorgeous machine?"

"My mum can never date you because you just said that sentence about that monstrosity," Eggsy said.

"What? I'm just neighbourly," Sean protested.

"Sure," Eggsy said. He looked down at it. It just fit in the empty plot. "It's a planet. It's the size of a fucking planet."

"Language!" Michelle snapped.

"Think they'd let me look under the hood on that?" Sean asked. "Spent decades in motorhomes and caravans. And seriously that thing is top of the line."

"Why did you do that?" Michelle asked curious.

"Travelling mechanic, retired it was getting too long the hours," Sean said. "I put in a few hours a week a few blocks over, the tire and lube place." He was looking at the giant thing hungrily. 

Eggsy was wondering if it ate people.

"Do we go to them?" Michelle asked.

They all could see Merlin get out and hit a button and a set of stairs emerged. Sean whistled, "Would have loved that."

Then the fours girls who came poured out of the Sidrat with balloons and flowers in their arms. They came running down the street. "It's a mob," Michelle gasped.

"It's the Youngs," Eggsy said and picked up Daisy when she looked a little nervous.

"Girls, calm!" Merlin shouted as he locked up and followed at a slower pace. Soon he met them at the edge of the drive. "Hello, I'm Hamish Young, these are some of my girls. Audra, Bethany, Clara, and Lacey."

"Hiya," Audra said. "Thank you for letting us come to your big day. Graduations are a really important thing."

"We have flowers and balloons. Balloons make everything awesome," Clara said.

Daisy looked at what was a dozen huge helium balloons. "I like balloons." She giggled when Audra carefully tied one of them to her wrist. She watched it float in the sky. "I have enough stuffies for us all to play."

"I love stuffed animals," Lacey said. "I have my bear on the Sidrat. Daddy?"

"Of course," Merlin said and ran back to get the bear and returned to hand it to Lacey.

"Nice bear," Daisy said. "Wana play?"

"Okay," Lacey said and her and Clara went with her inside.

"Can I have clippings from your bush?" Bethany asked staring at the hedge between the houses. "It is for a project."

"Sure?" Michelle said. She looked at Merlin. "I'm Michelle, it's a pleasure to meet you Hamish."

"I promise the pleasure is all mine." He smiled at her. "Your son is a charmer and I can see where he gets it from."

"Dad," Audra hissed.

"I'm not being embarrassing," Merlin protested, "your notes on how to behave in a socially acceptable manner when meeting perspective in laws were quite thorough."

Eggsy had to laugh at that one. Merlin interacted with people just fine, but that meant he had been nervous about this. Merlin wasn't nervous over much, but had wanted to make a good impression on Eggsy's family.

"No, Dad," Audra pointed, "There is a man watching us."

"That's just the neighbour," Michelle reassured her. "He's rather interested in your...vehicle."

"Hoping for a peek at the engine if it isn't too much trouble," Sean said.

"Dad, look at him," Audra said and Merlin looked at almost stumbled. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"Oh. My. God," Merlin said. "Can we get a selfie with you?"

"Thank fuck you said that so I didn't have to," Audra whispered.

Eggsy looked at his mum, who seemed just as lost as him.

"What?" Sean asked and laughed a little awkwardly. "I think maybe you mistake me for someone else?"

"You're Sean Mcknight," Audra and Merlin said in unison.

"You...wow, I'm starstruck," Merlin said. "I'm actually gobsmacked right now. The boys will never believe this. I need that photo. Eggsy take my photo with him, will you?"

"Me too!" Audra said quickly. "One with each and then both of us, or is that too much?" 

"No, not if it gets me a look at that engine."

Merlin was almost swooning. "Sean Mcknight wants to look at my engine."

"Oi, I haven't even seen your engine much," Eggsy said offended.

"Darling I think they actually mean engine," Michelle said, though she was thoroughly confused. "He said he was a travelling mechanic."

"Travelling mechanic? The best chief mechanic McLaren racing has had in their storied career a travelling mechanic? He is the reason for at least 80 of their wins. He has a dozen patents on car parts and the charity car he builds every year for Le Mans? It is always a thing of beauty. I have followed your career, it is incredible."

"Okay him being a weird gear head I absolutely buy, but you Audy?" Eggsy had to ask, his little retro girl did not seem the car sort.

"I wanted to bond with Dad when I was a teen, did a lot of reading and we went to events. Do you know the amount of psychology that goes into a racing team? It's not just the car."

"No one ever thinks about that," Sean said.

"It's fascinating, the relationships. The mechanic and driver are both possessive, but who does the car really belong to?" Audy was eager, "And your interviews were always fascinating. If you watched you talked well, said all the right words, but you could tell when it was a year you didn't believe in the car. Please can we have our picture with you?"

"Yeah," Sean was clearly stunned. He came around the hedge with them and smiled. Merlin was clearly gleeful. "So can I get a look at that beaut?"

"If I can pick your brain about 2012's car," Merlin replied. The two men walked to the motorhome and Audra was clearly torn.

"Go on, I can keep an eye on Bethany and the others."

"Okay," Audra said and ran.

"So your boyfriend is a nerd. He reacted like I would if I met the guy who plays Thor," Michelle bit her lip. "You are dating a super nerd." She began to giggle. "Eggsy, he lost his shit over a mechanic."

"I know," Eggsy said. "I knew he was, but oh my god. He has gone like full dad nerd here." Eggsy shrugged. "Bethany, wanna go play stuffies?"

"Okay," she agreed and packed up her few leaf samples into her backpack. Eggsy took her in the house and they all played. 

For dinner Merlin insisted on getting takeaway for everyone since they were imposing and Michelle tried to object but it was hard with how earnest the man was. Daisy started to nod off halfway through the meal and Eggsy took her up to bed. He undressed her and put her in a big vest and tucked her in. "You grow too fast," he told her and kissed her head. When he got downstairs Michelle was trying to insist they had the space for everyone.

Audra finally had to say, "We like staying in the caravan," she said, "it's part of the road trip experience. I mean, we'll use your bog before we leave and half will probably use your shower tomorrow, but still, Sidrat sleeps us all fine."

"I know it's big but come on," Eggsy said, "the floor has to be better than a bloody camper."

"Come and see," Clara said and began to tug on him. Eggsy let himself be pulled down the street and lead into the giant thing.

"Jesus," he breathed out. "This is nicer than our flat on the block."

"Sidrat is the best!" Lacey cheered. The girls lead him through the camper and he oohed and ahhed at everything they pointed out.

"Merlin where do you sleep?" Eggsy asked. Merlin hit a button and a bed above the driver's seat appeared with a small ladder. "Impressive."

"You are going to stay right?" Clara asked, "For the routine?"

"The routine?" Eggsy asked.

"The routine!" all the girls shouted. They closed a fold in door by the bunk bed and Merlin went to the stove and put a pot on. He put in milk and a few spices and then some milk chocolate chips and began to whisk. He hummed as he did so, a Disney song, and Eggsy joined in automatically.

"Mugs are just there," Merlin said, nodding to a cupboard and Eggsy pulled a bunch down and Merlin poured out the hot chocolate. The door was flung open and Eggsy just shook his head.

"Of course there are matching pajamas," he said. "Where's Merlin's pair?" he joked. And then he realized that Audy was holding a set. Merlin went and closed the door and came out in the same pajamas. The girls all sat around the table with their mugs and Merlin leaned against the counter. "Five," was all he said.

"Five golden rings?" Bethany guessed and he shook his head.

"Five books of the Torah?" Audy tried and he shook his head.

"Five...five, five," all the girls were saying and Merlin was grinning.

"Five lands in Disney Paris," Eggsy guessed out of nowhere thinking of the photos on his desk.

"Aye, your turn," Merlin said.

"Nine," Eggsy said and eventually Audra guessed with the one question everyone was allowed to guess and the game went on until the mugs finished and then Merlin went to a different cupboard and pulled out a book. Girls scrambled for beds, even Audra who would be up for hours yet and he began to read Alice in Wonderland until Lacey and Clara had drifted off. He handed the book to Bethany so that that she could read a couple more chapters and Audra pulled out her phone. Merlin tilted his head towards the door and Eggsy followed him out. "This thing is stupid huge, Eggsy said.

"It is," Merlin agreed.

"You fucking love every square bit of it don't you?" 

"It is so pimped out, ugh I could go on for hours, between what I custom ordered and what the boys in mechanics did to it."

"Where do you even store it?"

"In the Kingsman garage," Merlin said, and sure of course that's where it was, "the mechanics take naps in it."

"It is the stupidest thing I have ever seen, and all of you are dorks for loving it."

"There is nothing false in that statement."

"I'm going back to the house," Eggsy said.

Merlin wrapped his arms around Eggsy. "There is a dreadful couch that you can sleep on in there."

"Dreadful couch, double bed with fluffy pillows. I'll stick with fluffy pillows, thanks," Eggsy gave him a kiss. "But I am glad you lot are here."

"We are glad to be here," Merlin promised him and gave him a last kiss before Eggsy headed back to the house.

*************************

The took up a whole row at the graduation, like a real family, Eggsy realized. The sort that did everything together and celebrated stuff like this. He and Merlin were both in suits, his mum and all the girls in nice dresses. Sure it was only preschool, but Daisy was going to grow up every single day knowing she mattered.

Audra took video when the itty bitty kids came in in their even tinier gowns and Eggsy died at their little hats. Each was given a diploma and a small thing of bubbles and when Daisy went to get hers, she shouted, "Do you see me Eggsy?" and their whole row broke into cheers and waves and did not give fuck that they were annoying everyone around them.

Eggsy cried a little, she looked so grown up and Merlin held his hand tight. "I see you," he called out when he realized that she was not going to move until he answered. "I see you," he said again softly when she went to sit.

Merlin kissed his cheek. "Wait until it is high school, that is painful."

"No you and the nerds are going to freeze time before then, so it doesn't happen," Eggsy said.

"We'll get right on that," Merlin replied.

"Michelle, it's so nice that such...enthusiastic people came out," a woman behind them said. She moved back in her seat at all the glares that met her.

"I am developing lasers that make facial hair always visible no matter how much a woman bleaches or waxes," Clara told her. "For mean judgey mums."

"Ohh dear, your marriage is in shambles and you think Michelle because she is gorgeous is going to steal your husband away. She isn't, Michelle has better taste than to shag a man who is not at his child's graduation because he's up the arse of a rent boy." Audra smiled at her. "Because if it was just his secretary like its supposed to be in a midlife crisis, you wouldn't be so pinched around the eyes."

"Every light will always be red for you," Merlin said darkly.

"Don't be mean to our family," Lacey stuck out her tongue.

Bethany said nothing, which honestly terrified Eggsy what science project she would unleash.

"Sorry Michelle, meant nothing, just saying nice to have efamily isn't it?" the woman said hastily.

"It is," Michelle gave her a gracious smile and after when parents were milling about she leaned into Eggsy, "they have the biggest snob ever running scared. We need to keep them around."

Eggsy looked where Merlin was holding Lacey in his arms and the others were moving about and looking sincerely happy to be there. "Going to be around a long time, mum, promise."

"When you fuck this up, make sure you fix it, okay?" Michelle patted his cheek and then ran over to Daisy where the teacher lead them all out. Eggsy smiled and did his best to ignore the hurt of those words, she hadn't meant it like it sounded. That night he had to ask Merlin where he got the fireworks and permit. Merlin just smiled and Daisy declared him magic and Eggsy couldn't disagree.

The motorhome looked just as insane leaving as it had coming.

He was in the motor pool back at the estate two days later and just stared at the giant thing. Lamorak was returning a motorcycle. "The top left bunk is the best one for naps," he told Eggsy when he went next to him.

"I've heard it's good," Eggsy kept staring at it. "I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"How the fuck all of you are still petrified of Merlin knowing he drives that bloody eyesore and actually sings fucking car songs." Eggsy couldn't fathom it.

Lamorak clapped him on the shoulder. "My friend. He drives that crazy beast and then stays in it for two weeks with five girls. That is a man who holds no fear of god or hell." He walked away laughing.

Okay, Eggsy had to admit, that was a good fucking point. He blinked and he was pretty sure Sidrat got bigger. He decided to run away from it and avoid the words road trip for the rest of his life.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX

They were sitting at the bar, after a slow and enjoyable meal. "Wait, your phone hasn't beeped once," Eggsy realized. "Neither has mine, come to think of it." They had been out for over three hours with zero interruptions between work or Merlin's family which was a record. Eggsy looked around the bar. "Did we die and this is like the waiting room or something?"

"Harry is with the girls, my assistant and his assistant are both on the job. It was understood that tonight you and I were having alone time under penalty of the removal of all Disney movies and no science experimentation."

"Awww, your assistants would be lost without their Beauty and the Beast," Eggsy joked. He felt warm inside, "You really threatened everyone so we could be alone?"

"Made suggestions," Merlin's voice was mild and yet somehow smug. "To privacy," he said and held up his glass and Eggsy clinked his against it.

"To privacy," Eggsy agreed. He was debating another drink, or maybe seeing if Merlin wanted to go dancing or something. It'd be aces to grind up against him. "When do you have to be home for the girls?" Eggsy asked. It was already almost ten and what had his life become that this was feeling like a super late and naughty date that maybe he'd get to keep Merlin until eleven.

"Harry has said that if I do not bring home pastries for breakfast by 8am he will never babysit again," Merlin was grinning. "It seems I have no bed for tonight, do ye know where I can find one?"

"A hotel," Eggsy answered automatically. He saw Merlin flinch before putting on a stoic face and the words and their meaning properly registered for him. "Merlin are you asking to spend the night at mine?"

"I am sorry, I am rushing us to the next step. We can take as long as you need," Merlin said earnestly. "I should have consulted you before I made the plans."

"You think I'm not ready to fuck?" Eggsy asked and it came out a little louder than he meant it to, due to his shock. "I've been wanting to shag you for a year now," he said in a lower voice. He leaned towards Merlin. "You know how much goddamn lube I've gone through jacking it to thoughts of you?"

"A tube?"

"Try five," Eggsy said. "I have a lot of thoughts about you, Merlin."

"Bethany asked why I was taking more showers," Merlin had to admit, "I got a lecture about conserving water and saving the planet."

Eggsy had to put his drink down he was laughing so hard. "Really?"

"There was a chart," Merlin sighed. "Plus side we're turning it into a girl scouts project. She's been wanting the ecologist badge."

"Of course you are," Eggsy shook his head and then finished his drink. "Hey, Merlin?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you care to come back to my place tonight. 'Fraid I don't really have a spare pair of pajamas, since I don't wear any. Think you can manage?" Eggsy leaned in and gave him a deep kiss.

"Oh I think I'll be able to cope," Merlin promised. He looked at Eggsy. "Not rushing you?"

Eggsy snorted, "Please rush me."

Merlin's grin changed somehow, though it barely looked like it had moved and Eggsy shivered. He really liked that grin. "No, we'll have to rush eventually. Tonight we take our time. As much time as we can." He was almost purring the words. Eggsy couldn't figure out what the rush he meant was, but he was happy to have a slow Merlin right now. They paid their tab and the Kingsman car took them back to Eggsy's flat and they both pretended they didn't see the wink that the driver gave them. They went up to the flat and Eggsy realized he was glad it was a touch pad lock, he didn't think he could easy seat a key; his hands were actually shaking. He opened the door and once they were inside he turned and looked at Merlin. "So what? We strip and fuck?" Somehow he went to brash when nervous, even now.

Merlin cast his gaze around the room. He had been to Eggsy's place a few times, enough to know the general layout but not really be comfortable there. With the girls most time was spent at his house. But he saw the small bar. He went over and poured them both a drink. "Eggsy, no rush remember? And to be clear I would be content just to share a bed with ye tonight."

"I really would not be," Eggsy said and thought maybe that sounded bad, "Unless that is what you want."

"Eggsy, I would very like sex tonight, or at least hand jobs." Merlin grinned and sipped the scotch. He knew Eggsy didn't like it, had poured the man a jack, but it was Merlin's preferred heavy drink, and the fact that Eggsy had it there meant a lot to him. "We both want tonight to involve us naked, and desperate and needing skin against skin and hands that never seem to stop touching, mouths that hurt from all the kisses and preferably enough burn in our thighs tomorrow for a pleasant memory as we part ways."

Eggsy nodded and took a swig. "Yeah, yeah we both want that." He moved closer and put his drink on the coffee table. "We both want a lot tonight."

Merlin put his down as well. "Shall we take then?"

"Bedroom's that way," Eggsy said and held out his hand. It wasn't a rush down the hallway, they knew what they intended and had wanted it for months but now that the moment was here, they were rather calm about it all. It was the first time in a relationship that Eggsy had waited this long for sex. As he had that thought, he clued in that this was in fact his longest relationship.  "I'm glad we're here," Eggsy said softly.

"Your bedroom is quite lovely," Merlin joked.

"Har har." Eggsy turned on the small lamp and put condoms and lube on the nightstand from the drawer.

"I'm glad we are here as well, Eggsy. Very glad of ye," Merlin promised. He kissed Eggsy, tilting his head down a bit to do so and it stayed soft and sweet even as their hunger for each other grew. Merlin turned them so that he could sit on the bed and pull Eggsy onto his lap. He broke the kiss and looked up. "Oh but I like the look of ye on top of me."

Eggsy adored how Merlin's dialect grew thicker as he got worked up, it was a thing that they had in common. "Yeah?" he asked and pushed a little until Merlin was lying on the bed. He put his hands on Merlin shoulders and looked down at him. "You like it like this?" Eggsy asked. He sort of expected Merlin to roll them over, take charge, but Merlin's eyes were dark and there was a small gasp.

"I like it very much," Merlin agreed and Eggsy had to kiss him, a little harder then before, nips and teeth and tongue. He worried at Merlin's neck a bit, it was childish sure but he liked hickeys, sue him. He sat back up and quickly shed his top and pushed Merlin's up and was annoyed it didn't come off.

Eggsy got off Merlin's lap and began to strip. "All of the kit needs to come off," Eggsy said. Merlin stood and even though he started second, he was the first naked. "Oh but those limbs are going to look brilliant stretched out on the bed." Eggsy took the last sock off and pulled back the covers. They climbed into bed and lay on their sides, kissing and running their hands over each other.  Merlin reached between them and wrapped his hand around Eggsy's cock and gave a tug. "Oh fuck," Eggsy gasped. It was almost perfect, Merlin's fingers warm and strong, the only problem being neither wanted to move from the other far enough to make decent room. 

"You feel incredible," Merlin said. "I cannae wait until you are fucking me." He started to kiss Eggsy's neck after saying that, pressing their bodies back tightly together and his hand had to pull away for a moment.

Eggsy scratched Merlin's back and moaned. "Oh hell yeah," he agreed. God this was all feeling so fucking good and soon he'd be fucking Merlin.

He'd be fucking Merlin.

Wait.

Wait, what?

Eggsy had to pull away a little and Merlin immediately moved back as well. 

Merlin looked at him concerned, "Eggsy? Did I bite too hard?"

"I think I misheard you," Eggsy said.

"I said you feel incredible," Merlin replied a little lost. "I'm sorry? I can go into more detail, but not especially skilled at dirty talk. You are...thick and I can't wait for you to pound all that thickness into me?" Merlin frowned. "See that was dreadful."

"You were good at it before we were in bed," Eggsy said.

"Seduction, not porn. I can't talk like porn, it is unsettling. Is that something you want? Because I can research different ways to ask you to fuck me."

"See, right there, there it is," Eggsy pointed at Merlin. "You said it again. Me fuck you."

"Yes?"

"You want me to top?" Eggsy cleared his throat and lowered his voice about three octaves. "You want me to top?"

"I can top if you like, but I do prefer otherwise," Merlin said honestly. "Is this a problem?"

"I've never done that before!"

Merlin frowned, "your sexual history on file says you have had sex with four men."

"Yeah and not once in all that was I on top," Eggsy snapped. "Who looks at me and thinks oh yes that guy should be shagging me six ways from Sunday?"

"I do," Merlin answered honestly. "I see a brave, strong, and incredibly handsome man. One with astonishing perfect thighs, and a kind heart and a great smile and I think about how I want all that drive, and emotion, and muscle coordination fucking me. Eggsy I'm in my fifties now and I have woken up from wet dreams over you fucking me."

"Really?"

"Eggsy I prefer bottoming, but I can top and enjoy it, if you always prefer being on bottom we can make this work."

"No," Eggsy said quickly. "That's just...that's what I was wanted for, so that was what happened. I could. I want you, Hamish, and I want to fuck you."

"Tonight or is the mood ruined?" Merlin asked, willing to live with whatever the answer was.

"Tonight," Eggsy promised and rolled on top of Merlin. He looked down at him and smiled. "You are so tough at work, just figured you'd be super in charge in bed."

"I can 100% top from the bottom," Merlin assured him and Eggsy laughed. "But I like being fucked."

"Okay, then," Eggsy said and kissed him. He reached out and moved the lube closer and caught a glimpse of his nails and flashed to a memory and started to giggle.

"Eggsy? Did you just have a breakdown?" The lad was giggling a lot.

Eggsy looked at his ragged pinky nail, one he chewed a bit when nervous. "This is why Harry gave me that nail care kit and kept recommending I join him for manicures isn't it?"

"Oh lord," Merlin groaned and threw an arm over his eyes. "I am going to kill him."

"Promise I won't hurt you," Eggsy said.

"I know you won't." 

Eggsy slicked up a finger. He had fingered himself plenty it wasn't any different. It was just his boyfriend, who was fit and perfect. Harry had said Eggsy was full of surprises and he had to wonder how the man said it with a straight face; Merlin was the one who was a surprise. He circled the finger around Merlin's hole and began to press. "You better goddamn tell me if I do something wrong."

Merlin spread his legs a little more and grabbed a pillow and slid it under his hips. "I will," he promised. He closed his eyes and was quiet. He didn't really say much as Eggsy pressed the finger in more and started to slide it in and out. Merlin had said he wasn't one for dirty talk and all but still. He looked at Merlin's face and realized that Merlin was wholly focused on the moment and the sensations. Merlin was utterly in the palm of Eggsy's hand and for a brief moment that terrified Eggsy more than anything he had ever done for the Kingsman but he pushed the feeling away. 

"Oh baby, I am going to make you feel so good," Eggsy purred and added a second finger. "You do this a lot to yourself, have a drawer of toys?"

"No, never the time," Merlin said.

"That must suck."

"You could?" Merlin asked quietly, the smallest quiver in his voice.

Eggsy immediately changed his position on the bed so that he could lick at Merlin's cock. He moved the two fingers and pressed against Merlin's prostate as he swallowed around and sucked the head of Merlin's cock. He felt proud of himself when a gasp came out of Merlin. It was a nice cock, as those things went and Eggsy had always loved going down on guys. He moved up and down the length as he opened Merlin up. Eggsy was pretty sure he was doing well with the way that Merlin's hips were beginning to move and started to work another finger in. Nerves and focus on Merlin had him only half hard but he wasn't too worried about it. 

Merlin's breath was shortening and he was starting to leak precome when Eggsy decided he was probably good to go. 

Eggsy sat up and grabbed a condom and began to stroke himself.

"Come here, Eggsy," Merlin said.

"I am here."

Merlin gave a soft chuckle and picked Eggsy up so that his arse was resting on his upper chest. Merlin moved him a bit and then lifted his head and started to suck at Eggsy's cock. Eggsy cursed and moaned and braced himself on the wall above the bed. It felt so good and it wasn't much before he was rock hard and aching. How could he not be when Merlin had Eggsy fucking his face. When Merlin swallowed around his cock, Eggsy quickly pulled out and died a little at how Merlin whimpered in protest.

He never thought Merlin would make that noise.

He wanted to hear it again. A hundred times, a thousand.

Eggsy put the condom on and then settled between Merlin's legs. He spread them a little bit more apart, raking his nails down the man's thighs and liking the moan that evoked. Eggsy took a few slow breaths to calm himself. "Ready?"

"Aye," Merlin agreed.

Eggsy lined himself up and slowly sank into Merlin. He had had a decent amount of sex in the ten years he had been doing it and it felt safe to say that it had never felt like this before. Every cliche that was said or written was true. Merlin was so hot and a vise around him. And it felt better because it was Merlin. He had never given a damn about a person the way he did the man spread out below him. He bottomed out and then began to rock back and set a steady rhthym.

Like they said there was no rush tonight. It was slow and soft and the air was filled with the sound of soft gasps and heavy breaths and an occasional moan. Any more in that moment would have been crass. Eggsy was too lost to remember to stroke Merlin, he was pretty sure his fingers were fused to Merlin's hips but it was a treat and a half to watch the way that Merlin stroked himself. 

Eggsy topped over first, the orgasm almost taking him by surprise. He was sure it would be this slow rolling feeling over his body but it crashed through him, made him numb from toe to fingers. He was gasping and aching but managed to still thrust into Merlin, to press against his prostate and Merlin's hand was quick over his own cock and Eggsy was just able to watch Merlin come.

He watched Merlin close his eyes tight and throw his head back and look almost in pain. Such beautiful pain. Perfect pain. And Merlin said, "Eggsy," and Eggsy felt lost.

When Merlin was done Eggsy pulled out and went to the bathroom to clean up. He calm back with a flannel and gave Merlin a gentle wipe down and then slid into the bed. He wondered if he was supposed to be the big spoon now and was relieved when Merlin turned and wrapped Eggsy in his arms.

"That was magnificent," Merlin managed to say. He sounded exhausted and that rather pleased Eggsy.

"It was pretty alright," Eggsy agreed and laughed a little when Merling goosed his side. "It was amazing."

Merlin kissed his shoulder. "Tomorrow morning, can I wake ye in time for us to have a cuppa before I leave?"

"No second round?" Eggsy asked eager.

"Ye would have to wake up at 6am."

"Fuck that noise, we'll figure out another time. Wake me up in time to kiss you goodbye." It was a day off for him and no sex was worth waking up that early.

"I will wake ye with a kiss," Merlin said.

"That sounds like a fairytale," Eggsy yawned and snuggled into Merlin's embrace."That what we are?"

"Maybe," Merlin said and they drifted off.

In the morning, Eggsy woke to the smell of coffee and a kiss against his lips. "I'll see you later," Merlin whispered.

"bkdaf;dkfja;"

"Good enough," Merlin said and Eggsy drifted back to sleep and didn't even hear the door close after Merlin.


	8. Chapter 8

"Eggsy, you are going to be late for our fitting," Harry chided, even as he was himself running late.

"What fitting?" Eggsy asked. He ran through his schedule in his head, "Crap do I have a mission I don't know about? I think Lamorak and Percival were covering for Roxy? I'm not out for another two weeks. Wait, why am I not out for another two weeks?" Eggsy thought about it. "Why do I have less missions than others?"

"You actually don't," Harry stopped walking and slid into his Arthur mantle. "Every agent serves a specific function in our ranks. While everyone has excellent broad stroke skills, there are specialties. Percival a sniper, myself it used to be gathering intel. You are among our best at intel drops, and hard copy information extraction."

"So a thief," Eggsy said.

"Indeed," Harry replied with a small smile, "and that particular subset of skills is not needed in current missions. You have to learn to enjoy the downtime, sometimes an agent doesn't go out for three months, and then are gone for five. Use the time to train, study. Live."

"I am," Eggsy promised him. "Should I learn another language? Would that help?" He had picked up a few phrases here and there in his travels, but wondered if dedicated learning would be better.

"It could," Harry said honestly, "We have access to all the linguistics software on the market, and Merlin has fiddled with them to make them even better. I speak Italian, Roxy French, Merlin German."

"I want to learn Japanese," Eggsy said immediately.

"Then learn Japanese," Harry answered. "Now then come on, fitting."

"Swear it wasn't on my schedule," Eggsy walked with him though, "but what the hell."

"I may have forgotten to tell you," Harry said after thinking, "I had assumed you'd want a new suit for the event anyways."

"What event? Some dead, someone getting married?"

Harry turned and looked at him. "It's Gretchen's showcase, her big one as her final project in her fourth year seminars before she finishes her undergraduate degree."

"Bitch didn't tell me," Eggsy said. "Merlin didn't tell me. I'm killing them." He pulled out his phone and sent furious texts to the two of them, yelling at them for not letting him know about it. "Right let's get kitted out."

Harry smiled, "I am thinking a new plaid trouser and smoking jacket combo."

"You can keep thinking that for you, trouser and waistcoat for me I think," Eggsy said and the two walked into the tailors and Eggsy ignored his phone, really miffed at the two of them. They took their time picking out fabrics and when Harry held up an orange velour, Eggsy was a little sick in his mouth. "Miss me with that insanity," he groaned. He picked a really nice dark green tweed that in no way matched the sort of colours Merlin regularly wore. When they were done he checked his messages were a mix of wait dad didn't tell you, and wait Gretchen didn't tell you? "Looks like standard miscommunication," Eggsy said. He snorted, "Look." He held out his phone to Harry and it was a photo of Gretchen on her knees praying with big puppy eyes and a pout begging him to come to the show. Harry rolled his eyes at her dramatics, like she hadn't learned it from him.

"Put her out of her misery, and Merlin too, he'll be very worried," Harry suggested.

"You know, think I might go tell Merlin in person." Eggsy gave Harry a wink and headed back to the bullet train. When he arrived at Merlin's office he knocked and waited for Merlin to call him in. He made sure to make his face as neutral as possible. "Hey, Merlin," he said.

Merlin looked vaguely panicked. "I am so sorry Eggsy, I honestly thought Gretchen had invited you to the show. I would have told ye about it. We are all going and then out to dinner after, the girls even get to stay up for it. I deeply apologize and of course understand if you have other plans for that night."

It was too painful, Merlin looked so sad and upset and that made Eggsy's stomach hurt. "Merlin, I'll be there, just did a fitting with Harry, can't wait for it. Is it more of the Ben Maths art?"

"Aye, and a piece I'm not allowed to know anything about until I see it," Merlin said. "She has been very secretive about it."

"So this is a big deal right?" 

"The biggest," Merlin confirmed. "It is her and five other students, a special program within the degree. The ones who earned the right to do more an independent study."

Eggsy nodded, "oh man, I can't wait to see her in a suit."

"A suit?" Merlin frowned at him.

"Well sure, Audy looks so killer in all her suits, bet Gretchen is adorable, takes after Harry right? Maybe she'll be in that ghastly orange."

"She prefers a more feminine look for formal situations," Merlin explained. 

"But she lives in dungarees and giant vests and stuff."

"Exactly, she likes the contrast."

"Cool, so super girly cut suit, can't wait to see. Are we all going over as a family or am I meeting you there?" Eggsy asked, not really noticing how that would sound, but Merlin did.

"You can meet us there, as Harry is," Merlin replied. "All girls getting gussied up for a big event is...chaotic."

"Jeez I bet. Okay, make sure I actually get sent the info, yeah?" Eggsy asked.

"Of course," Merlin was actually a little abashed about the whole situation. "Are ye headed out?"

"Bit flexible today, why?"

"Because my work doesn't go live for twenty minutes."

Eggsy smiled and moved close and settled onto his lap. "Hmmm, however will you kill that time?"

"Perhaps with a snog or two?"

"You can have three," Eggsy promised and wrapped his arms around the man's neck.

*************************************

"Harry, that is ugly as balls," Eggsy whispered. It was a painting and just...ugly. He had no other words for it.

"It's use of..." Harry began and couldn't finish, "it looks like baby sick."

Eggsy snorted. "I know we're going to be biased that Gretchen is the best but come on, Gretchen is the best right?" He scanned the room. "Actually though that isn't bad." He went over to a sculpture. "I like this."

"Hmm, it is lovely," Harry agreed and looked at the name. "Gretchen has talked about this person, they have been friends for years. From a technical standpoint it is more well done than her work, but lacks her liveliness." They had been walking around and making sure to avoid Gretchen's corner saving it until the end, and hopefully they would be there soon. Harry looked up, "Oh my god, he is darling." Harry felt himself turning to a pile of goo. "Look at that Marks suit."

Eggsy turned and there was Ben in trousers a little too short and a jacket a little too big, and a crooked tie and not sure what to do. "Oh holy shit, look at the baby," Eggsy crooned. "I want to pinch his cheeks. Harry, does he have a corsage for Gretch?"

"He does," Harry said. "I wanna squish his face." 

They had to walk over to rescue him, "Ben," Harry said to him, "you look very handsome tonight."

Ben tugged at the suit jacket with his free hand, "it doesn't fit like how you fit your clothes."

"The colour is great on you," Eggsy promised him, "and we're tailors, if our stuff didn't fit be pretty poor advertising."

"I would have gone to you guys, but not like I have that money," Ben said. "I have cufflinks on though. That's pretty smart right?" He held up his hand and Harry couldn't help himself and adjusted them a little bit.

"Very smart," Harry agreed, "and you are family Ben. When you need another suit, we'll take care of it okay?" Ben sort of ducked his head and Harry gave him a shoulder pat. 

They all heard a swell of noise and looked to the door and Ben lit up. "There she is," he said and ran to her almost knocking over some weird wire thing another student had done.

"Where, I don't see her," Eggsy said looking at all the Youngs. Merlin was in his suit that he wore whenever the girls had a thing, he called it his 'I live in awe of my girls' suit, and Audy was in a dapper grey suit. Bethany was in a flowered dress, Clara nice trousers and a pretty top, and Lacey in a Cinderella dress. They had a woman with them in a sheer and lacy white dress and a black veil, but no Gretchen. "Where's Gretch?" Eggsy asked. He watched Ben give the flower to the girl in the dress. "Oi, no pretty girl gets Gretchen's flower, I'm killing the baby."

Harry looked at Eggsy like he was insane. "Eggsy that is [Gretchen](http://www.hurtcafe.com/game-of-thrones-star-maisie-williams-perfectly-rewrites-sexist-headline-about-her/)," he said.

"No it ain't, that's a girl."

"Yes, Gretchen is a girl," Harry said slowly, "Eggsy did you stare at the ugly painting too much and become blinded? Did you have a stroke?"

He watched the girl stand on tiptoes to kiss Ben even as she didn't let go of Merlin. "That's not Gretchen, Gretchen isn't a girl."

"Yes...she is."

"But that's a girly girl and Gretchen wears dungarees and coveralls and men's shirts 8 sizes too big and occasionally like weird jewelry." Eggsy stared. "That is a beautiful and poised young woman in a banging dress."

"You've never seen Dress Gretchen?" Harrry laughed a little, "she dresses so practically because of all the paint and mess she is constantly in, that when given the chance she breaks out Dress Gretchen, who is a marvel and a delight."

"Dress is a bit see through innit?" Eggsy frowned. "Merlin let her out in that?"

"She's almost 22, Eggsy, and you sound 70," Harry hit him lightly. "She looks young and fresh and gorgeous."

"She does, and that is weird as fuck," Eggsy said.

Gretchen looked over and saw them, "Oi, devoted fans come over here and tell me how awesome my art is!"

"Okay, yeah, that's Gretchen," Eggsy agreed and they went over and jesus even her make up was perfect. "Your art is crap."

Gretchen snickered, "no the painting over there is crap," she whispered. "My stuff is brilliant."

"Was saving looking until you got here," Eggsy said. "Wanted to have the artist directly tell me what it was all about."

"I think we'd all like Gretchen to show us what she selected for the showcase," Merlin suggested, "it's been rather secretive." 

"Sure," Gretchen took a deep breath and let it out, "You need to bask in my glory." In a second, Eggsy could see she was terrified. He also knew that Merlin and Ben saw it and he was ready to murder Merlin for letting go of Gretchen but he saw it was to let Ben take the lead with her. 

Ben held her hand so hard his knuckles were turning white, but she was holding just as tight. He bent down to whisper something to her and Gretchen smile grew more natural. She nodded a little to him and her face shone like the goddamn moon on a clear night and every thought Eggsy had about them being a college romance flew out the window. Eggsy went beside Merlin and took the hand that had let go of Gretchen.

"Look at them," he said, "that was it was so easy to let her go?"

"Oh, it wasn't easy at all," Merlin replied softly, "But they are each other's and they'll weather any storm. He'll equation it to death and she'll punch it."

"It's a good fit."

"Aye," Merlin agreed and Ben gave Gretchen another kiss.

"Right you lot, time to see my genius." Gretchen lead them all over to her corner. "So the three paintings are numbers that Ben says compliment each other, that look complete only when they are next to each other." She pointed from left to right, and explained them a little bit. Eggsy didn't understand the technical details and it was just these blends of colours and passion that all should have clashed and would have if it wasn't for the colours they blended into. It was the most orderly chaos he had ever seen.

"3584 and 61," Ben said to Eggsy pointing at the one in the middle, "You and Hamish remind me of them."

"How?" the colours were not at all what he associated with Merlin, or himself really and it was all these hard lines against soft curves. "He's not hard like that."

"Didn't say he was," Ben replied.

"Don't be insightful, it's weird."

"I'm hungry," Ben said, "only time it happens. I'll shut up once food arrives." 

"Boys," Gretchen said and Ben instantly forgot everyone else existed. "So those are the three I did because of Ben. I know everyone thinks all my art is about Ben but please, I'm not that shallow. That it is all about a boy." There was a mannequin in what was clearly a handmade suit from an insane amount of things. "That is for Uncle Harry." It was repellent and compelling at the same time. "It was my step out of my comfort zone piece."

"You honour me," Harry said in that stiff upper lip way he had when he was trying not to show emotion. He kissed Gretchen's head and then adjusted her veil.

Gretchen took a deep breath. "I grew a bacteria in an arty way," she said, "couple nerds in the science department and I worked together on it. I thought Mum would like it." It was small and under glass and frankly creeped Eggsy out.

"She wanted to make it back but -" Merlin tried to explain but Gretchen held her hand up.

"Science never waits for art," Gretchen said. She didn't sound sad, more resigned, "it's a bacteria she discovered."

"We'll send her photos."

"That's good," Gretchen replied. There was one piece left. "Right, so the thing that is left was my final piece. We basically drew lots, and I had to do a mixed media sculpture that 'spoke to 21st Century anxieties and blah blah blah, bullshit white dude crap that they think is profound as they suck Banksy's cock. So I made this." Gretchen slowly pulled a sheet away.

Merlin didn't even try for the stoic that Harry had done a couple minutes before. Tears slid down his cheeks. "Bunny," he said.

Eggsy stared at it. It was an old beat up desk with a computer on it, painted with glitter and screen removed so you could see the wires and they slowly stretched out of the screen and wrapped around the chair and the wooden life model sitting there. The model was wearing Merlin's clothes and it should have looked like a man being chained to the computer and desk but where the wires bound wrists, children's bead projects and flowers mixed in and there were two small shapes behind the chair. One was a traditional carved one, lying down and reading a book. It was some sort of stone, Eggsy couldn't tell which and the other was paper mache out of Madeline and Eloise and Beatrix Potter pages, clearly ready to jump and try to scare the man in the chair.

"Gretch, that's the picture in Daddy's office," Lacey said. "The special picture."

"Yeah," Gretchen said. "They said to recreate something that mattered within those parameters. So I did the special picture."

Eggsy gave up holding Merlin's hand and hugged his whole arm. "Hamish?"

"I'm fine," Merlin replied and used his pocket square with his free hand to wipe his eyes. "I am. Gretchen, it is beautiful."

"Of course it is," she blustered.

Merlin moved his arm a little and Eggsy understood and let go as Merlin pulled her into a tight hug.

"Bunny, it is beautiful," Merlin told her.

"I cannot fuck up my eye makeup," she said and blinked her own tears away.

Audy went next to Eggsy. "Mum left for the last time, I was six and she was four. Dad had a nanny but had let her go because she constantly complained about the weird hours. He was so worn down. Trying to juggle us and work, and he did as much as he could from home, but was always in his office, worried that he wasn't spending time with us. Harry had come over, and Dad was typing furiously away and I was reading on the floor and Gretchen was tumbling around on the floor and babbling away and he always answered her and pretended to be scared when she would jump and say boo, or help me with a word when I got stuck. Kept typing. I swear I need the sound of a keyboard to fall asleep. Harry took a photo of it, to show Dad that he spent more time with us than he realized. Dad hung it up and after that was just...better? That photo changed him, in some way. At least from what we are told and can remember. It is the moment he became okay with being a single dad."

All the girls went over and joined the group hug and Harry, Eggsy, and Ben gave them a few steps of privacy even though the small gallery was getting busy. 

"Food," Ben cheered and chased after weird cocktail snacks.

"Is it all a con?" Eggsy asked, "to hide how profound a nerd he is?"

"No, he really does love food that much," Harry replied. "I will be sending a very stern email to Susan later. She should have made time for this."

"How often she not made time for Gretchen because it's art?" Eggsy asked. He figured Harry's silence was enough of an answer. The girl's all let go of Merlin and he let go of Gretchen so that she could talk to her classmates and professors. When he came over to Harry and Eggsy, Harry gave Merlin a quick hug before going over and picking up Lacey in the nick of time before she knocked over a glass piece.

Eggsy kissed Merlin. "You okay?"

"No," Merlin replied, "But it's a good not okay."

"I can get that. Shit, bruv, she is so fucking talented. Like it breaks my brain. She is to art what you are to hacking and shit."

"Oh no, she is much much better than I ever will be," Merlin was quite happy to say that. "You looked confused when we came in, though I can understand with some of the art in here. Gretchen is by far the best."

"Proud Da or what?" Eggsy teased. "No though, I was confused by her dress. She's all girly. Like super girly. Did not expect that."

"She has a great deal of style, she just deploys it carefully." Merlin lead Eggsy and they walked around the room a bit, Clara joining them for a while until she realized that Ben had found dessert and made a beeline for him. "She has insisted that her graduation just be the family party at Harry's, nothing too large. You'll be there, provided you are in town, yes?"

"Course," Eggsy said immediately, "And Susan will make it for that right?"

"Hopefully, but she is well fixed on a small island right now, takes a lot to leave," Merlin shrugged, "she'll try."

Eggsy kept his thoughts to himself; he couldn't say much, he'd potentially be gone for a month or more at some point. "Who's that bloke talking to Gretchen?"

"Her thesis advisor for this project," Merlin frowned a little. "He looks like he is making her uncomfortable."

"Good thing we're spies, innit?" Eggsy whispered, "Can get close without being noticed." They moved softly through the crowd and reached them to hear the man being effusive in his praise and the words, "when you start your masters in September, I hope you'll choose me as your advisor," before he disappeared into the crowd.

"Gretchen?" Merlin asked in surprise. "Gretchen did you just get accepted into the program?"

Gretchen was paying a great deal of attention to her black manicure. "Two weeks ago," she said finally.

"Gretch," Merlin moved closer to her. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"No biggie, Audy already did a masters, Mum has the doctorates, not even a real degree, MFA right?" Gretchen was pale. "Gotta wee, be right back."

Ben, thanks to his height saw her moving, but he was blocked in by some art snobs. He deployed Clara who started sobbing on cue about being scared and where was her Dad and the crowd began to part. Harry still had Lacey and Bethany was busy trying to figure out one of Gretchen's maths paintings. Merlin moved towards where Gretchen had gone and Eggsy couldn't explain why he stopped the man, but he did.

"I got this," Eggsy said.

"You've got what?" Merlin replied and tried to move around Eggsy.

"I think I know what's wrong, and trust me, I'm the best to help her. I'll take care of our Bunny, okay?" Eggsy gave him a quick kiss and then went to where Gretchen had gone. He took a deep breath and shouted into the girl's bog, but she wasn't there, and he could tell the back door hadn't been opened. But a storage door had. Eggsy went in and turned on the light and closed the door. "Gretchen?"

"I'm fine," she called out.

"Like fuck you are," he said and followed her voice. She was sitting on a drop cloth on a crate. "Going to get that pretty white dress dirty."

"I was careful. No weird arse stains." Gretchen looked at him. "Why you?"

"Because Ben was stuck and I told Merlin to let me, that I had this."

"Had what?" And god, sometimes she sounded so much like him.

"Being good is so fucking terrifying isn't, Bunny?" he asked. He came and sat next to her. 

"Thought we agreed it was weird when you called me that."

"Well you ran and are in all that soft white, seems pretty Bunny like to me." He looked at the dress. "Why was I thinking you'd be in a suit? That was so wrong."

"What Audy wears and I'm the weaker copy. So logical."

"Wow, no," Eggsy said, "what the fuck was that?"

"Nothing, I don't know," she said. "I don't. Because I am proud of Audy and not ever jealous of her, because I couldn't do psych in a million years, and she couldn't do art and Dad never treated us as different or that our dreams for the future were better or worse or less. But...just..."

"What if you don't do as well in your masters as she did? As your mum did?" Gretchen gave a small nod, "What if you disappoint the people who believe in you?"

"Yeah," she said, "What if it is all just I'm good for undergrad, and then I get into the masters and turns out I was just good for my group. Because come on, some of the stuff out there sucked."

"And some didn't," Eggsy countered. "Some was better than yours, Harry said. To me you were the best, but he said something about technique."

"See, there you go."

"Gretchen, you are a Young. Anything in their way gets mowed down in determination and heart. I wasn't the best, probably am still not at the best, but I sit at the fucking table yeah? You and me we're fighters and we'll get what we want, everything we dreamed of, and then freak out about it for a while, because wee impostor syndrome is a bitch and a half."

"She didn't come. I forgot to invite you and you came," Gretchen looked at him and then dove into his arms. "You can call me Bunny. Just never in public where anyone hears you. Or on Thursdays. Or Easter. Or the Queen's birthday."

"But any other time, it's okay?"

"Yeah, any other time, it's okay," Gretchen said. "I'm going to do amazing things."

"You are Bunny, and I cannot fucking wait to see it."

"That sounds like you are sticking around."

"I'm the sticky sort."

"Okay, big girl knickers on," she said and stepped away. "Hey Eggsy, know what?"

"What?"

"I got accepted into the MFA program, that's pretty cool isn't it?"

"The coolest, Bunny," he told her. "Now let's go before your father batters down the door with Ben as the ram."

"He got me a corsage, you know."

"I saw."

"I'm going to have his babies."

"What like today?" Eggsy stared at her in horror. "Fuck you are not allowed to be dropping that bomb on us too."

"No, grandchild laws are still in effect. You've got time. I've got things up my junk stopping the babies."

"Stop saying babies!" Eggsy pleaded. "Let's go look at your bitching art again, okay?"

"Sure," she agreed and they walked to the door. "Eggsy?"

"Yeah?" 

Gretchen gave him a wicked grin, "Baaaaabieeeeeees," she sing songed to him.

He opened the door and pushed her right out of the room into Ben's arms. Merlin and the rest were also there.

"I'm doing an MFA," Gretchen told them all and there was much cheering.

Merlin went over to Eggsy with a look in his eyes and Eggsy gave him a smile to let him know it was all okay. Merlin took his hand and they all walked back into the main gallery and Eggsy happily kept Merlin company as he went back to the sculpture. "She amazes me," Merlin said staring at it. "Her mind sees things, impossible things and she just creates them. If only she could see how much she's like her mother in that."

Eggsy kissed his cheek, "Naw, Hamish, what you don't see is how much of that is all you."

Eggsy turned his head and saw Gretchen watching them.

 _Babies,_ she mouthed.

He flipped her off behind Merlin's back and then rubbed it for the man, who was still rather emotional over the evening.

It was pretty great art.


	9. Chapter 9

 "Merlin?" Eggsy had tapped the side of his glasses. It was late and he figured even money he got one of the assistants.

"Aye?" Merlin replied. "Is there a problem with the mission, Galahad?"

Eggsy sighed, "Beyond boredom? No. Christ I know I said I wanted more field time, that I was worried about not being deployed, but observation missions suck balls."

"Is that a formal complaint?"

Eggsy had to think. "Yeah, it is," he had to admit. "I wanted to be used in the field more and kinda thought Arthur's explanation that agents are deployed very specifically was a bit bullshit. That I was at home more because I was dating you but -"

"Excuse me?" Merlin interjected. 

"Well you know," Eggsy said.

"I do not, actually," Merlin replied. "Agent Galahad do you believe our personal relationship has affected our professional work." Eggsy was about to respond but Merlin kept talking, "No, ye don't answer right away. Collect your thoughts for a minute."

Eggsy thought about it. "Arthur would maybe do that but you wouldn't. You would use me as the missions demand. I'm sorry, Merlin." Eggsy thought about it. "But this is still balls."

"We use agents to their skills. You are not built for long term missions. Nor are ye built for observation. But you were insistent we were not using you to your full potential. Galahad, would you trust Lancelot to steal a pass card or any item directly off a person?"

"No, Lancelot has the heaviest fingers on the planet."

"Exactly. Arthur and I are very careful to use everyone to the best of their abilities. And sometimes agents think they know better than us and have to have a good reminder that just as they know their job, we know ours. Now then, you have broken on day 4 of a three week mission, is that correct Galahad?"

"Yeah, this guy has done nothing. It is killing me."

"That is because he is an accountant who has done nothing wrong and is off no note to us."

Eggsy had to run those words through his brain several times to process them. "Wot," his voice was flat. "This isn't a real mission?"

"Oh no, it was, just not the one you thought." Merlin sounded smug and Eggsy wanted to punch him and then kiss him. "Arthur felt you needed a clear demonstration of how he and I work, and that we do use the agents to the best of their capability. So we found a random Canadian for you to follow."

"Bruv, are you aware how shitty Winnipeg is?"

"Why, yes, I am," Merlin replied.

"Oh we are talking when I get home. Send a goddamn plane for me."

"A coach ticket for public transportation is ready and waiting for you at the airport."

"Have to drive that needle in just a little more?" Eggsy was going to kill them both.

"I do believe that this is an important lesson learned is it not Galahad?"

"Fuck you," Eggsy said.

"I look forward to that," Merlin replied and cut off the transmission.

It was late and the airport wouldn't be flying for a few hours so Eggsy sent a cranky message to Harry and packed and got some fitful sleep. He couldn't believe that they did this to him. Sure they had told him that he wasn't being benched deliberately but he didn't fully believe it. It had to have been some other reason, that he wasn't good enough, or they just wanted him home. So he had pushed and pushed for a mission and this one came up. And he hated it. Sitting watching through binoculars for hours, making copious notes about when the bloke took a piss, what he ate for lunch, it was murder. The forms to be filled out on an observation mission were insane, no one could like doing this. He could never like doing this and hated the few days of it he had done. Just like they had known he would.

He did not like that Harry and Merlin knew him better than he knew himself. They were going to be annoying gits about it. He tapped the side of his glasses again.

"Problem, Agent?" Merlin asked politely.

"See if I bring back any fucking souvenirs. This is goddamn Winnipeg." Merlin's warm laugh curled through him and Eggsy felt his anger lesson. Because they had been right to do this to him. "I'll bring home some maple syrup." Another laugh and Merlin was gone. Eggsy figured he wasn't going to go to sleep so he grabbed everything and headed to the airport. Might as well wait there and get the first flight out.

***********************************

"Now then any follow up questions, Galahad?" Arthur asked during their after action meeting.

"You could have just told me," Eggsy said.

"Told you what? That we played to your strengths just as we play to everyone's strengths? We did. Several times. You very much have a show, don't tell, personality my boy. So we showed you."

"It was a dirty trick, Arthur," Eggsy replied.

"Yes," Harry answered and Eggsy was surprised how casual and matter of fact he was about it. "Of course it was. Do you not remember your training? We use dirty tricks all the time because they are what get through to stubborn people. And that is not a problem just you have Galahad. This is a lesson many agents have needed. If we asked Percival to do what you do, he'd have a stroke. Do you know he designed some of those observation reports that you would have tried to fill out? He loves them."

"What the fuck is wrong with him?"

"Nothing," Harry's voice was sharper than it usually was with Eggsy. "He has talents that lie in one direction. Just because they are different than yours, does not suggest they are weaker in any way."

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Eggsy bit his lip. "You swear you weren't keeping me home to help my relationship with Merlin?" Harry's face went blank and Eggsy paled that was not a good look. That was a somebody is going to be murdered look. "Fuck," Eggsy breathed out, "Fuck I'm sorry. That is stupid, you wouldn't do that. Of course you wouldn't."

"I love you, Eggsy, and I love Merlin. You two are my dear friends and my life would be much diminished without you in it. And I want your relationship to succeed. But I will never pick your dating habits over the fate of the world. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir," Eggsy was abashed and felt like crap that he questioned Harry like that.

"Go run the track with a full pack."

"Yes, sir," Eggsy said and figured he got off light. He hurried out and went and ran the course and as he headed back to the estate there was Merlin reading on his clipboard. "Hey, Merlin, do you need a report as well?"

"No, I've received Arthur's accounting and understand that everything is clear now?"

"It is," Eggsy promised.

"In that case, would you care to shower and then join me for dinner?"

"I would. Where we going?"

"You'll see," Merlin said and went back in the estate.

Eggsy was intrigued by the surprise and hurried to clean up.

*********************************

"This is pretty damn romantic, babe," Eggsy said. It was a private function room that could fit a dozen people and all theirs. Projected onto the wall was some old Gene Kelly movie with the sound low and there were dozens of candles and vases of flowers filling the empty space. "Pretty good apology for that fake mission."

"No, I'm not apologizing for the fake mission, that was necessary. The apology is that you were sent to Winnipeg." Merlin laughed as he said that and Eggsy had to crack a smile. 

"Yeah, alright, I get it. Promise I do. While I was killing time I did learn to ask for the loo in Japanese and a couple other phrases, not much as to do but listen to those language files." A waiter came in and opened a bottle of sparkling wine and appetizers were put in front of them. "We don't order?" Eggsy asked after they left.

"I went for the fixed menu, I know your food dislikes well enough, everything should be enjoyable."

"I trust you," Eggsy answered easily. "So tell me what the girls were up to while I was gone."

"You have been gone less than a week, do you think you missed that much?" Merlin teased.

Eggsy snorted, "With our girls? Yeah." He couldn't quite fathom the look Merlin was giving him but he shrugged it off as the low light of the candles and ate the goo that was on crackers that was pretty decent as Merlin went into the exploits of the girls and how Bethany is having slight issues with the science project for her girl guides, it was only a small fire, and Lacey was really starting to read on her own a lot more, which was clearly making Merlin emotional.

"Over reading, babe?" Eggsy had to ask.

"Well she'll be the last who wants me to read to her, won't see. And her starting to read for herself as fast as she's picking it up? She's six and managing little golden books on her own. Soon it will be the Hobbit and thanks Daddy I don't need you tonight."

Eggsy melted at how sad he looked. "Oh babe," he got up and went around the small table. "How fucking goeey and squishy is your heart?"

"Very," Merlin said.

"Badass with the marshmallow heart." Eggsy made him stand and gave him a hug and a gentle kiss. "Audy still likes you to read to her sometimes. You have the most soothing voice on the planet. I don't think it will be a worry for a while, okay?" Eggsy looked at him. "You are thinking something else. Thinking it hard. And it makes you sad."

"You are far too good at reading people," Merlin grumbled, "And I don't want to say."

"Okay," Eggsy gave him another kiss. "I understand. I'll always listen yeah? But I don't need every thought in your head."

Merlin gave a nod and Eggsy went back to his seat. "How's Clara?"

"You mean your favourite?"

"I don't have a favourite," Eggsy huffed. "She just is a spitfire. I like spitfires."

"Googly eyes are now passe. We have moved on to slime. Do you know how many recipes for slime are out there?"

"Thought she was already into slime."

"No, no, that was casual play. This is now serious business. I fear my staff might be making flubber soon."

Eggsy had to laugh at that and they talked easily as the worked through dinner and their ankles rested against each other's under the table. It was the type of date Eggsy thought only happened in books girl's read and skimmed for the dirty bits. "Merlin, you didn't have to go to this trouble," he said.

"I wanted to. I like romance and have had too little chance to indulge, but I can be less in the future."

Eggsy shook his head. "No, never less with me. You've been made less before. Not again."

"In that case, may I ask you to dance?" Eggsy looked at the wall to see if it had been timed to a huge sweeping romantic moment in the movie, but Gene Kelly was dancing with a mouse and that was almost a relief.

"No fancy dancing right?" Eggsy asked. He had had training in it, but dancing felt awkward.

"Just want you in my arms, Eggsy," Merlin replied, holding out that hand.

Eggsy took it and Merlin pulled him close and Eggsy did not care, they were alone on this stupid fairy tale date and he put his head on Merlin's shoulder. It wasn't dancing, it was swaying to a beat that could barely be heard, was maybe imagined but it was enough. They stayed like that and the warmth of Merlin and the full stomach, caught up to the jet lag and lack of sleep and he didn't fall asleep, he wouldn't do that when Merlin had worked hard on this date, but he drifted off. "Romantic is nice," he managed to say.

"I'm glad," Merlin replied and kissed his head and Eggsy sank into him as much as possible.

Eggsy could feel himself slipping deeper down and knew soon enough he'd be asleep standing up. "Babe, I'm sorry, but I gotta call it a night. Can we go home?"

"Of course." Merlin guided him towards the door and the air outside wasn't cool but the freshness briefly perked Eggsy up. He was bundled into the back of a Kingsman cab and immediately curled into Merlin wanting the feel of him wrapped around again. He heard Merlin give an address but wasn't paying attention and when the car stopped he was lightly snoring. "We're here, Eggsy." 

Eggsy blearily opened his eyes, "I said home, why we at tall ugly building?" He closed his eyes again. "Take me home."

"You are home, this is where your flat is."

"No," Eggsy was grumpy that he couldn't be asleep against Merlin and burrowed in. "Home. Gardens, girls. House that smells like you and barbie dolls. There now. Want bed."

"Very well, back to sleep with you," Merlin said and his grip tightened on Eggsy and that made Eggsy very happy. He was completely asleep by the time they arrived at Merlin's place and when he felt a nudge he swore. 

"Mean."

"I know but unless it is an emergency I cannae carry you."

"Meaner," Eggsy groaned. He had been have a wonderful dream about being asleep with Merlin. He slid out of the car and stumbled. He sighed when Merlin's arm wrapped around him and somehow he was brought into the house.

"Oh my god, is he hurt?" Audy asked when she saw them.

"Nae, just very tired."

"I'll pull out the bed up in the telly area."

"No," Eggsy said and wrapped his arms around Merlin. "His bed, keeping him. Home now."

"You are home," Merlin agreed. He held Eggsy tight and Eggsy was floating not paying attention. "Thank you for babysitting Audra."

"Of course, Dad. You know this is going to be a thing."

"He called this home," Merlin sounded helpless and lost and Eggsy felt sad. Merlin wasn't lost he was right there in Eggsy's arms. Eggsy squeezed him tight. "What happens in the morning, happens and we will cope."

"Of course. Get him in bed before I have to help you carry him." 

Eggsy thought he saw an Audy shape walking away. "Bye," he slurred.

"Oh, Eggsy, what will I do with you?"

"Something fun later, beeeedddddddd," Eggsy replied and they made their way up the stairs and when Eggsy saw the bed he just started throwing off his clothes but when he got to his pants, Merlin stilled his hand. "Sleep, please, bruv."

"I know, darling, but leave those on or borrow pajama bottoms."

"No, sleep is naked. More comfy."

"That is a bad idea."

"So was Winnipeg. Coach, Hamish, from the middle of Canada." Eggsy thrust off his pants and crawled into the bed. It was the perfect amount of soft and the pillow was cool and the comforter exquisite. He was sure Merlin was still speaking but his brain stopped all higher functions and he was asleep.

***********************************

"Daddy, there is a naked Eggsy in your bed."

Eggsy's eyes opened in an instant and he saw Lacey standing there in pajamas with a large stuffed unicorn.

"Are we keeping Eggsy now?" Lacey asked. "If he doesn't have enough knickers, he could borrow some. Bean Boy Ben once borrowed Gretchen's."

He was not awake enough to process that sentence. He looked down and realized there was zero blanket on him and reached out scrambling to cover himself. He rolled at least so his junk was flat against the bed.

"Now I see his booty."

Oh god, he was going to die. The weight of a comforter landed on top of him.

"Now you don't," Merlin said. 

Eggsy pulled the comforter over his head and tried his best to have a stroke and forgot the last three minutes.

"Go up to the telly, ye can watch a little before school."

"Okay, Daddy. Bye, Eggsy." 

"And that is why we always wear pants or pajamas to bed."

He heard whistling as Merlin went to the ensuite to have a quick shower.

Eggsy stayed under the blankets and figured he would never come out. 

Ever.

He heard giggles roll through the house

Never ever.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is rare in this story to pick up right after the last chapter, but you didn't think Eggsy would be okay with being seen naked by Lacey did you?

Merlin was in the shower and soaping down when Eggsy stumbled in. "Want to join me?" Merlin asked easily. 

"Lacey saw my dick!" Eggsy shouted. He was pale. "Oh my god a little girl saw my junk."

"Penis," Merlin replied, "We do try for accurate words in this house."

"That is the concern at the moment? Proper linguistics?" Eggsy was pacing. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Your daughter saw my di...penis, and you are just showering like it is no big deal."

Merlin sighed, "It is no big deal. Surely Daisy has seen it." Eggsy gave him a look through the glass. "What?"

"Are you mental? Why would she had seen my penis? And fuck I hate the word penis."

"Because little children are incapable of knocking no matter what you do. Surely she has walked in on you having a wee?"

"No," Eggsy said and shook his head. "She is in Wales, she doesn't walk in on anything. She wasn't yet busting in when I still lived with her."

"But when you visit?"

"I lock the fucking doors, Merlin," Eggsy said and his eyes widened. "Bugger." He spun and locked the bathroom door. "Why aren't doors locked?"

"So not joining me then?" Merlin shrugged and turned off the water. He stepped out and began to dry off. "And I do not lock doors, because I have young children Eggsy. And if they have a nightmare or are sick they need to get to me quickly or I need to get to them. And sometimes they just have to talk to you."

"They can wait. What they just bust in on you while you are taking a shit to chat?" Eggsy joked.

Merlin shrugged. "Well, yes." 

"And you are okay with that?" 

"No, but you remind them to knock and that one should only be interrupted in the bathroom when it is a necessity. And then you remind them that Alice band issues, or a new discovery in Minecraft are not actually necessities. You get used to it."

"How?" Eggsy almost shouted.

"Because that is parenting."

"We are locking the door when I stay over," Eggsy demanded.

"When we have sex, aye, but not when we are asleep," Merlin said.

"But privacy."

"That is what pajamas are for, and the half dark shower door here," Merlin said.

"Merlin, it isn't like they are babies," Eggsy protested.

Merlin gave him a look, "They are my babies," he said quietly and wrapped the towel around his waist and went to get dressed. He had known it was too soon for Eggsy to spend the night, and if he was having problems with such a trivial thing there were going to be problems. He didn't look over when Eggsy came into the room.

"A locked door bought me time when Dean was in a mood," Eggsy said quietly. "Let me hide the couple dollars I skimmed off a job, one time let me hide an application for uni. Like that would have ever happened. Gave Mum time to distract him with another beer, or his mates coming over. He didn't want the damage of breaking down a door. Would have one day probably, but hadn't gotten there yet. Leaving a door unlocked at night? Very least something I love is ruined."

"Leaving a door locked here at night, could ruin something," Merlin explained.

"We need to put me on the other side of the bed," Eggsy said. "When I stay over again. I don't want to," he swallowed, "someone touching me, waking me up unexpected? I might not react the best."

"I've never cared about what side of the bed I have." Merlin went over to him. "Here unlocked door might end up with surprises but never something horrific."

"A six year old girl saw my ju-penis," Eggsy corrected. "Something horrific definitely happened. Which how do we handle that?"

"Handle what?" Merlin kissed Eggsy's head and finished getting dressed.

"Talking to her about what she saw," Eggsy said, "How do we make sure she isn't traumatized, doesn't accidentally make it sound creepy when she tells people. I don't know. The talk we need to have now."

Merlin tried not to laugh, "There is no talk, Eggsy. She saw your dick."

"Thank you," Eggsy breathed out, "But like seeing your Da's boyfriend's dick has to be a big deal right. You seem like you talk everything out with the girls, so we have to talk everything out no matter how I will want to die during this conversation."

"Eggsy nothing happened, children see their parents's genitals regularly and that is just life."

"But just..." Eggsy made a face, "No this has to be addressed. There is definitely a website that deals with this sort of trauma for a child. And since I'm not on a mission in Winnipeg, I have time to research it."

"Eggsy, if you make it a big deal, it is a big deal, but I promise this is nothing." Merlin was worried by the determination he saw on Eggsy's face. "This is perfectly natural."

"Don't worry, Merlin, I'll find the answer." He froze when he heard running. "What the hell is that?"

"The rush for food before school."

"It was the great migration."

"I would suggest you have a nice hot shower, my dear, you are not ready for this." Merlin was pleased that in this at least Eggsy took his advice. He heard the lock click on the bathroom door and figured that was fair enough.

**************************************

Audy was humming to herself as she made a cup of tea. It was her paperwork day and she wasn't too far behind. She might even have everything done by the end of the day. She stared out the window until she figured the tea was steeped enough and head back to her office. She was rather surprised by whom she saw against her door. "Eggsy?"

"Hey, Audy, I need the help of a psychologist."

That did not sound good. "Of course, come on in," she said and brought him into her tiny office. "Eggsy, sit," she told him. The man looked terrified. "I can absolutely recommend some really excellent people to you, but I know that Kingsman have people on staff. Dad has used them regularly."

"Really?"

"You sound surprised. He's dealt with a lot in his life, and his job. Occasionally he asks for help. That is an act of courage."

"No, that's brilliant, but this isn't about me. Or it is but it isn't. You know kid psychology."

"I know how to help diagnose ADHD and other disorders," Audra reminded him. "I'm not an actual psychologist."

"Sure, but you can help me fix a problem with Lacey."

"Oh Eggsy," Audra smiled at him, "you are blending into the family really well and there will be lots of difficulties as we all move forward if you are worried about parenting, you have to talk to Dad about that, not me."

"Huh?" Eggsy shook his head. "I'm talking about what happened last week."

"What happened last week?"

"Don't play dumb," Eggsy groaned and Audra watched a blush come over his cheeks as he slumped in his chair.

"Trust me, at the moment I am not playing," Audra promised him. She cradled the cup in her hands. "Did you and Lacey have a fight?"

"How do you fight with a doll like her?"

"Very easily she has a whine that can break ear drums."

"She had to have told all of you what she walked in on," Eggsy said and buried his face in his hands.

"Were you and Dad having sex?" 

"How can you ask that so casually?" Eggsy bounced up and started to pace.

"Because you are insane enough right now for both of us?"

"She came in when she woke up and your father is a blanket hog to end all blanket hogs and she saw my penis while I was asleep."

"Were you hard? Wanking in your sleep?"

"NO!" Eggsy looked so grossed out. "No it just were there all floppy about."

"Okay?" Audra frowned. "I don't understand."

"YOUR SIX YEAR OLD SISTER SAW MY DICK AND NOW YOU LADY PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOLOGY PERSON ARE GOING TO TELL ME HOW TO DETRAUMATIZE HER!" Eggsy stopped the pacing to slam his hands on her desk. "How do I talk to her about this?"

"You don't," Audra said easily. "In most homes young children walk in on their parents all the time. It is perfectly natural."

"That's what your father said, and I read a lot of parenting boards online and one,what the fuck are some of these women naming their kids; and two, it was barely even discussed."

"Because every kid has seen their parents take a wee," Audra said. "Because kids have no sense of privacy or space or boundaries. Gretchen used to ask Dad all the time about whether her balls would be as big as his someday."

"God she does exude big dick energy."

"When she was 17, he told her that hers were far bigger than his. Lord it embarrassed her, it was amazing." Eggsy was not looking comforted. "Drop trou."

"Wot?" Eggsy looked panicked. "You like ladies."

"I do, but you seem really upset that Lacey saw you, thought maybe if another of us did it would sort of spread the humiliation, thin it a little?"

"This is a big deal, Audy!"

Audra looked at the crotch of his trousers, "Is it though?" She smirked a bit.

"Oi, you shut up there, it is plenty a big deal, not that I'm showing you."

"Eggsy I remember walking in on Mum and Dad."

"Saw Mum and Dean and that was plenty wrong."

"Dean, so when you were a teenager? Yes that is all sorts of ick. But a child, especially a six year old doesn't have those sorts of reactions to bodies Eggsy. They just are. Soon enough her relationship to them will change, but right now she has probably already forgotten that she saw you naked."

"You need to help me, Audy," Eggsy begged.

Audy got up from around her desk. "I am. I am helping you with my little sister, whom I adore. And I like you Eggsy, and I tell you this in earnest, because I can see that this is eating you up. Are you listening to me very carefully?" Eggsy nodded and she cupped his face. "In this one very specific thing, this one very very specific moment you are a moron who is overreacting and needs to chill the fuck out. It is just a dick while you were asleep. That's it."

Eggsy dropped his forehead against hers. "But what if like in the future -"

"Eggsy, baby -"

"I'm older than you."

"Not by much and not right now. I promise you have not in any way shape or form traumatized Lacey. And if you try to talk to her about it, or explain it, or do something weird other than learn to wear pajamas, you will make it into a problem. Okay?"

Eggsy had his eyes closed. "Okay."

"Really?"

"You guys all have the dream at home from what I can tell. And I don't want to ruin it."

"Eggsy, you won't."

"Thanks, Audy." Eggsy kissed her forward. "I'll leave you be."

"You are welcome anytime."

"You are the best."

"You are pretty okay. You can still show me your junk."

"I thought we were supposed to say penis."

Audy snorted. "I like girls Eggsy, trust me what you are packing is junk."

Eggsy laughed at that and she was relieved to see it was a true laugh and she shooed him out of the office.

***************************************

Ben was reaching for the guac. The last of it and somehow on the first pass it had missed Eggsy and Eggsy did not like this.

"Hey Ben, why do you wear Gretchen's knickers?" Eggsy asked and when Ben dropped the bowl in horror, Eggsy easily caught it and got the last of the guac.

Gretchen burst out laughing and had to hug Ben who was flushed bright red.

"Everyone behave, or no Sleeping Beauty tonight," Merlin said mildly. He was in a good mood. Eggsy had brought an overnight bag, the first proper pack to stay over. They ate the rest of the tacos and watched the movie and Merlin saw Eggsy talk with Ben and give him a hug, so he figured they were fine. Merlin tucked all the girls in and when he went to his room, Eggsy was there on the bed reading on his tablet in some blue pajama bottoms. "Should I lock the door?"

"I'm not freaked out anymore, but we so ain't having sex yet in this house. They might hear us."

"The room is fairly soundproof."

"Ask me if I care," Eggsy said. "We'll shag in my office tomorrow."

"Yes, because that is private."

"Hey Harry sees me dicking you, we can cope. Clara seeing that? I can never come back from that." Eggsy grinned at him. "I will give you a nice cuddle and a few kisses though."

"That's a start," Merlin said and crawled into the bed. Eggsy lifted an arm and Merlin curled into him. "You mind being the big spoon?"

"Jet pack. I'm the awesome jet pack," Eggsy said.

"You are very awesome indeed." Merlin fell asleep while Eggsy practiced ordering food in Japanese.

 


	11. Chapter 11

The were on the second floor and hadn't bothered to close the curtains. Anyone outside managed to see them, they could enjoy the show. But the soft green bedroom that Merlin had claimed as a personal space at the estate faced the pond and the trees so chances were even more slim they were being watched. And they both liked when there was actual sun out. Merlin didn't have work for another 90 minutes and Eggsy was leaving for a mission in four. They were going to take the time they had.

Merlin was face down on the bed and Eggsy was at his neck and began kissing each knob of spine. "Never thought I'd fine a spine sexy," Eggsy said as he kissed another vertebrae. "That's a bit weird. Finding this sexy."

"I like your feet. Always thought feet were stupid, but all I want is to paint your toes," Merlin was laughing a little. "Never expected that. Never cared about it before you."

"My feet are ugly," Eggsy said.

"I know," Merlin agreed and then moaned when Eggsy's mouth hit his lower back. "But strong. So very strong. Flexible toes, soles that could walk on hot coals. I like the strength in ye Eggsy." 

Eggsy rested his forehead in the curve of Merlin's back, "How do you always taste so good?"

"I own stock in LUSH," Merlin said.

"That explains the hint of lavender in the sweat." Eggsy smiled and kissed the skin stretched tight over bone. He moved up and lay down next to Merlin. "More?"

"I won't get hard again, not this quick, but I certainly have no objection to ye fucking me again, if you are still hungry."

"Always hungry for you Hamish," Eggsy said. "Wouldn't mind another round. I'll be good in 15. Enough time right?"

"Plenty," Merlin kissed him. "You know, we can have sex at home too."

"Still not happening babe," Eggsy said. "I am not having Clara ask why I was calling for the lord in your bed."

Merlin snorted a bit, "I haven't heard you call out Jesus once while we fuck, Eggsy."

"It could happen, you feel real good around my cock," Eggsy grinned and wiggled his eyebrows and his grin became a true smile at the way Merlin giggled. "Going to miss you."

"We'll miss you too, though Ben is appreciating that I cannot seem to scale taco night back down to pre-Eggsy levels. He gets all sorts of leftovers when you are gone."

Eggsy melted at the thought that Merlin was cooking for him even when he was gone. "What souvenirs are good from Munich?"

"Eggsy you travel enough you don't have to bring something home for everyone all the time."

Eggsy frowned at him. "You bring stuff home for your kids when you go on a business trip. I'll think of something. Now help me practice those German phrases until I'm ready to fuck you again." The practiced the few sentences Merlin had been teaching him and then the words changed and Merlin's voice went deeper and he was whispering the words against Eggsy's throat as he nuzzled him. "Thinking you didn't tell me how to find the loo there."

"No, I said that I see whole galaxies in your eyes, infinite possibility when you are inside me and just about to come."

Eggsy shuddered a little and rolled on top of Merlin. "You sure you don't mind?"

"Eggsy one doesn't have to get off to have great pleasure in sex," Merlin said. He pulled Eggsy down to kiss him. "Think you don't even have to worry about prep this time. You can just slide into me and fuck away."

Eggsy groaned, "You cannot say things like that to me." He whispered in Merlin's ear, "say more."

Merlin didn't kiss him goodbye when he left for Munich, that wasn't their style, but he did watch until the plane was out of sight and then got back to work.

***********************************************

Merlin was working in his home office. He should be in bed, it was going to be Saturday and the girls had been promised an adventure, but Thursday and Friday nights, Eggsy stayed over and Merlin had found he was accustomed to the weight of Eggsy on those nights. So an extra hour or two of work wouldn't hurt. His glasses beeped and he tapped the side. "Aye?"

"Why can't I sleep tonight?" Eggsy asked. "I keep trying but won't sink down."

Merlin smiled softly. "Friday night is usually a night you are here. I found myself unable to sleep and am running some data simulations." Eggsy was quiet. "Or perhaps the bed you are on is just shite."

"No, I'm missing you," Eggsy said. "Gotten used to you I guess. You snore by the way."

"I have been told, not something I can personally attest to."

"Hated it the first night I crashed at yours," Eggsy didn't sound particularly angry. "Getting used to it and now the bloody quiet is keeping me awake."

"We could fall asleep together."

"That could be nice," Eggsy said. "But how do we manage that?"

"Let me shut down work, tell me what you are thinking of Munich." Merlin set programs to run until morning and collected the 7 mugs that had congregated on his desk and brought them down to the kitchen as Eggsy talked about the city. He went to the loo, muting the glasses while he took a wee and then had a glass of water. He put on his pajamas and crawled into bed. "Sounds like you like the city," he said once settled.

"Be nice to be here with someone who spoke German," Eggsy said. "Think we might take a vacation some day? Just you and me?"

"I think we could manage a little getaway," Merlin agreed.

"Good, and I was thinking, know it is a few months away, but are we having Mum and Daisy up for Christmas or going to them? Figured you were the planning sort for this sort of thing."

"You want a full family Christmas?" Merlin was almost speechless.

"Well sure, what you do right?"

"Harry too," Merlin said. "He spends Christmas with us."

"I have an idea," Eggsy said and was silent. "Might be a bit stupid though. Bet you guys have a million traditions."

"What is it?"

"Away," Eggsy said. "What if we rented a house, like a lodge or something? I dunno. But one of those places with the huge family area with the big fire place? Fit all the girls, and Ben if he wants. Harry, my family. All decorating a tree and drinking spiked hot chocolate, and singing carols. Real out of a movie shit." Eggsy started to laugh. "Stupid idea right?"

"No, it sounds lovely," Merlin said. "I will look into it."

"Wot, just like that?" 

"Why not?" Merlin countered. "I can make no promises, but it sounds rather magical."

"It does, but it even would snow on Christmas eve just for us." And like any night when they were in bed together Eggsy rambled on about whatever thought was in his head and Merlin fell asleep and started to snore and those snores set Eggsy to sleep.

****************************

"Oi, you better not be going for that guac, Ben," Eggsy warned as he walked into the kitchen.

"Eggsy you are home!" Clara shrieked and launched herself at him and he easily caught her. "What'd you bring us?"

"Clara!" Merlin snapped. "He brought himself and that is all that matters."

"That's right, brought me, myself, and I and absolutely no super cool dragon figures I found in this shop. Certainly didn't spend the time picking out a dragon that matched each and everyone here. Yes, you too guac hog." Eggsy gave a pointed look to Ben's hand which was reaching for the food. Ben smiled and put it at the empty place set. "Why's there a plate?" Eggsy asked.

"Oh, Dad always sets your place for taco night even if you aren't here," Bethany explained and Eggsy looked at Merlin in surprise.

Merlin flushed a little. "Habit," was all he said.

Eggsy dropped Clara on her chair and sat down. "Feed me people. Bloody starving." The food was passed around and the conversation bounced between a million things and Eggsy felt all the tension of the trip fade away. When they went upstairs for the movie, he handed out the gifts to everyone and was happy at how they all reacted and when Merlin came in, he laughed out loud at the dragon in glasses, sleeping on a pile of laptops. They watched a Disney movie and Eggsy had a shower while Merlin sent all the girls along their way and tucked the younger ones in.

When Eggsy came out of the ensuite, he saw Merlin putting the dragon on the bookshelf and pat its head. He smiled. "Hi."

Merlin went over and gave him a proper kiss. "Hi," he said as well. "Girls all tucked in."

"That's good, missed you."

"I missed you dreadfully as well," Merlin promised him and had to kiss him again. "I'm going to have a quick shower as well."

Eggsy went to bed and was reading when there was a knock on the door. "Yeah?"

Clara came running in and gave him a hug. "Glad you are home, and with no bullet holes in you." she said and then ran back out.

Eggsy had to rub a hand over his heart. He had been missed. He still wasn't used to that. Merlin came out already in his pajamas and crawled into bed. "Can I interest ye in some mild groping?" Merlin asked.

"Still not happening," Eggsy said. He sank into the bed and wrapped his arms around Merlin and kissed his head.

"Well then I'll look forward to lunch tomorrow," Merlin said, "in our room." He took the hand that Eggsy had on his chest and kissed the palm.

"Tomorrow," Eggsy agreed. He yawned, "promise one day we can have sex in here. When it doesn't terrify me."

"One day will be a very interesting day." Merlin laughed, "because I promise you whatever day you decide you are okay with it? We will get interrupted."

"Of course we will." Eggsy held Merlin tight and told him about all the silly things he noticed in Munich. Two minutes after the snoring started he was dead asleep as well.


	12. Chapter 12

Eggsy was in a damn good mood. Pumpkin spice lattes had arrived, he could now speak a little Japanese, he had survived Clara walking in to find something while he was in the shower one of the mornings he forgot to lock it and he and Merlin were going to have their Tuesday lunch date.

That was code for sex.

Tuesday lunch was one of his favourite meals of the week.

His boyfriend was very tasty.

Eggsy was whistling as he emerged from the bullet train and headed towards Merlin's office when his glasses beeped. "Hiya, Harry, gorgeous day innit?"

"My office now," Harry said.

"Sure let me just pop into -"

"Galahad, I believe the word now implies a certain amount of immediacy is required." Harry tapped off.

Bugger, it seemed a mission had come up. His mood was slightly dampened but he still had the Tuesday lunch date to look forward to, and just really hoped his departure wasn't immediate as well. He walked into Harry's office and he and Percival had their heads together. "I'm sorry," Eggsy said. 

"Knocking is the mark of a gentleman," Harry said and pointed out something to Percival. "I believe you are trying to get Merlin's daughters to remember that fact. It would help to lead by example."

"You made it sound urgent," Eggsy protested.

"It is," Percival said. "You are the last."

"Last what?"

"Last agent not in the field," Harry explained.

"Uh, I'm staring at the two of you right now."

"And in an hour I'll be in Madrid, and in two Arthur will be in Las Vegas," Percival said. "I need to pack. Thank you, Arthur."

"Of course, thank you for your scheduling assistance," Harry replied. Once Percival was gone Harry reached into his desk. "Here is your ticket to Tokyo. Enjoy your week away."

"I don't understand, is there a mission?"

"A vital one, one that is about keeping all my agents alive," Harry said. "You know what week it is."

"Third week of September?"

"Exactly," Harry's jaw was so tight, Eggsy wondered how he wasn't dislocating it or popping a tooth or something. "And you know what that means."

"Fall solstice?"

Harry paused, "Eggsy, this is not the week for jokes. I need to keep all of you out of medical, out of his path. No matter your personal relationship, it will not save you. Go, enjoy Tokyo, bring the girls souvenirs." Harry came around his desk and put his hands on Eggsy's shoulders. "I will save your life."

"Okay, there," Eggsy laughed, "What the fuck is going on, Harry?"

Harry stared at him. "Eggsy it is inventory week, did you forget?"

"What's inventory week?" Eggsy was lost. "Did I get a memo?"

"Inventory week, Eggsy. There were seven magpies on the grounds this morning. For a secret never to be told." Harry shuddered. "What will he find this time? We all need to be gone. Hazard pay is already given to his staff, and I cannot save them. But I can save you. Go to Tokyo come back in 5 days."

"Harry, I love you, but have you lost your mind? Merlin's doing inventory and that has you like this?" Eggsy shrugged Harry's grip off, which took work as he was holding pretty tight. "Harry, it's Merlin. He's calm about everything, he'll have his lists and go through the his department. Be more tired but no big deal."

"No big deal?" Harry tried to stay composed. "Tell that to Owain's missing toe. Tell that to me in 1996! Tell that to Kay. Oh right you can't because he went to medical and actually had them remove those memories from his brain. Eggsy pick up the fucking ticket and go to Tokyo!"

"If he is so scary, what are the girls up to, who is taking care of them?" Eggsy asked, sure he caught Harry out.

"Nannies in the past. A few times, Susan even came home or had girls sent to her. Audy and Gretchen are on it this year, because Bethany is away on a guides trip. Audy is taking the week off work, and Gretchen scared her professors into leaving her alone to work on a project."

"Harry, it's Merlin. I don't know what happened in 1996, or to Jesse's toe, but come on, this is one of those things that gets exaggerated in memory and becomes legend." Eggsy thought about it and started to laugh. "Oh my god he was a shit about it for a few years to freak everyone out and get everyone to leave so he could do some work in peace." Eggsy was in hysterics. "He's played you."

"No, he hasn't," Harry promised him. "I'm leaving. You should do the same. And if you don't, well, just stay away from him."

"He's pulled the best con ever," Eggsy said and kept laughing. "Have fun in Vegas yeah? Twenty quid on number 9 if you hit a roulette wheel."

"May god have mercy on your soul," Harry said mournfully, which just set Eggsy off some more as he left the office. He made his way down to Merlin's and knocked on the door before walking in.

"Hey Merlin," Eggsy said. "How's it going?"

"Well," Merlin looked up and smiled at him. "I am just preparing the forms for inventory. I do nae think it will be a difficult one this session." He typed away and the print across the room whirred to life. "Where are ye off to?"

"Nowhere," Eggsy said. "Well in a couple hours, heading upstairs for our Tuesday lunch date, but otherwise nowhere."

"Harry would have arranged for your travel," Merlin was clearly surprised.

"Sure, but not going."

"Eggsy..." Merlin looked concerned. "I think you should go. I do become a touch difficult and obsessed during the semi annual inventory assessment."

"Sure, I get that it is pain in the ass work, but the way Harry was talking?" Eggsy snorted. "You have them right scared."

"I am a touch difficult and obsessed during the semi annual inventory assessment." Merlin stood up and went to the printer and collected the pages and added them to a large stack on his desk. 

"Not used to you with so much paper, all on your board usually," Eggsy commented. "That's the whole inventory you need to do?"

"Eggsy, this stack of paper is just the inventory of the weapons room."

Eggsy's eyes widened. "Wot the fuck?"

"touch difficult," Merlin repeated. "Now then, if you like, before you go to Tokyo, I can move up our Tuesday lunch to a Tuesday brunch."

"I'm not going, I don't feel like the jet lag," Eggsy said. "And you are not going to be that bad."

"Eggsy, my darling, you know so much about me, this is a side I never want you to see." Merlin went over and cupped his face. "A touch difficult is an understatement."

"You've seen me when I'm focused on the job and a bit of a prick. I can bring you tea, make sure you eat. Because we're a team yeah?" Eggsy kissed his nose. "Come on then, the brunch and then I'll help you with the weapons room inventory."

"That is a very bad idea, Eggsy," Merlin warned him.

"Really me sucking your cock is a bad idea?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Please, Eggsy. This is me at my most focused, the me I keep a very tight leash on. The me no one likes to see."

"I like to see every part of you."

"To be romantic in the face of certain doom is charming in movies, less so in real life." 

But it was a very romantic brunch in their room.

And then no matter how Merlin insisted that Eggsy not help, Eggsy was determined to help.

***************************************

Audy opened the front door. "Oh baby, why didn't you use your key?" 

Eggsy held up the hand that felt like it was still holding a pen. "I can't move my fingers." He walked into the house and curled up in a ball on the ground by the living room sofa. "I can't even feel them."

The other girls who were home emerged. "What the hell happened to him? He's broken," Gretchen went over and poked him with a paint brush. "How'd he break?"

Audy looked at him and sat on the ground. "Eggsy, why aren't you out of the country."

"It's Harry, he's a drama queen," Eggsy said. "He made it sound too scary. And I stayed. And I helped." Eggsy bit back the sobs. "And I helped."

"I'm getting a shock blanket," Clara said and ran for the closet.

"Whisky," Gretchen added.

"I'll get him a stuffie. He needs a Hello Kitty," Lacey headed to her room.

Audra ran a hand over his hair. "Oh, Eggsy, you tried to help with inventory?" Eggsy gave a small nod as he curled in on himself. "That was a dumb fucking idea."

"I didn't believe okay? I know Hamish, and that? That is not Hamish. Hamish is all cuddly and dopey and soft. Merlin is severe, controlled, and still a little soft, when you know where to look. I was slow on my check marks on a page. The look in his eye, the words he said. I am a council boy and I didn't know half those curse words." The blanket draped over him and he hugged the stuffie that was smushed against his face. "That was not any man I knew."

Gretchen was holding a bottle of whisky, "Inventory Monster," she said, "That's the polite name for him. He's terrifying."

"Why?" Eggsy managed to sit up and kept the blanket around his shoulders and clutched the stuffie. Audra began to work his fingers loose. "What was that?"

"He sends you out," Audra said. "He sends out friends, colleagues, people he has known for decades. People he likes, people he more than likes." Eggsy flushed a little at that. "And he watches. He guides, but cannot at a certain point keep you safe. He has to believe in his team, in what you were sent out with. So when he does inventory it isn't just about counting bullets, it is about counting what brings you home."

"Oh," Eggsy said. He looked at her. "This is like the Mister Hyde side of all that softness and love he gives everyone."

"It used to be quarterly," Gretchen offered, "And then four people were put in the medical wing. And so it was twice a year, which made it better and worse." She handed the bottle to Eggsy. "Want to hang out here until he is done?"

"What happens at the end?"

"He remembers he hasn't really eaten or slept for a few days," Audy explained, "eats and sleeps for about 18 hours. And sends apology gifts out and makes sure we each get some quality alone time. Bet that list will include you."

"We were making caramel corn," Clara offered. "It is a super gross mess."

"I like super gross messes," Eggsy said.

"Stay," Lacey told him.

"Okay, this is a pretty great bolthole," Eggsy said and twenty minutes later managed to stand.

*********************************

Eggsy did his best with taco night but it wasn't quite the same. He had texted Merlin, sure the man would come for at least for tacos, but all he got back was the live feed from Merlin's glasses for a few seconds. There was an ax thrown against a wall and three people in a row standing there as it sailed centimeters from their nose, diligently check boxes. He figured that was a no, but set Merlin's place anyways. He liked hope.

The conversation was easy, or at least noisy, even though they were down Merlin and Bethany but Bethany briefly face timed them from her tent where she somehow how had boosted a good wifi connection in the middle of nowhere. "Oi, that's looking like a rash honey," Eggsy said. "I want you to go see the nurse."

"I'm fine."

Eggsy squinted, "Did we infect ourselves for science?"

"Nooooo," Bethany said and smiled. "Kerssshhh, you are breaking up, kersshhhh pick me up on Saturday, kerrschchchc." And she quickly hung up the connection.

"I'll text the guide leaders," Audy offered and sent word. 

"I don't want to do guides, there seems to be a lot of mud," Lacey said eating a quesadilla.

"You don't have to, I didn't," Gretchen told her. "You know Dad puts us in whatever activity we want."

"Ballet," Lacey said definitively.

"You are already in ballet," Audy was a little confused.

"Teacher wants to put me in a higher class," Lacey said. "I'l surpassing my classmates."

"That's brilliant," Eggsy told her.

"Means a lot more money," Lacey said. "I heard a couple of the other parents complaining."

Eggsy waved a hand. "Hey if this matters to you it is happening. Your dad and I pull down plenty of tutu money at work okay? We got you covered. Just make sure you give us any forms that need signing or something, okay?" The table was oddly quiet and he looked at them all to realize they were staring at him. "Wot?"

Audy smiled, "Nothing, you are right, Lacey is completely covered."

"Holy shit, do you get to do like the Nutcracker at Christmas. Shit I need to buy a video camera. Not recording that on my phone."

"Dad has a camera," Gretchen said. 

"Okay, good, now anyone else? Or we headed upstairs?"

Everyone agreed they were stuffed and no Merlin meant the movie snacks would be larger and more sugary in nature. Eggsy shooed them all upstairs and did a quick clean. He tried to reach Merlin again but there was no video, just an audio that was, "Contain the fire ye bastards!" Eggsy shuddered and wondered if he should have gone to Japan, but he was enjoying the family time. He went upstairs and they all watched the movie and Audy tucked the girls in and then said she was going to meet a friend for coffee. Ben and Gretchen had disappeared a while ago.

Eggsy decided to read in bed a bit but it was too bloody lonely so he went down and read in the living room. 

He didn't know how late it was when he heard the cough. "I'm up," he groaned and straightened himself on the couch. "Fuck me," he said and tilted his neck about; he seemed to have fallen asleep at a horrible angle. "Ben?" he looked at the boy. "Shit, problem? Is it Gretchen? Sick, committed a felony?"

"No, she's all tucked in," Ben said. "Can we talk? Man to man?" His voice squeaked a bit as he said that and Eggsy wanted to pinch his cheek.

"Sure, Ben," Eggsy agreed. "This a whisky sort of manly talk?"

"Whisky makes me sick," Ben said and sat down. "I like patterns."

"I like stripes," Eggsy said seriously.

Ben rolled his eyes. "No, tracking patterns, not fabric patterns."

"Hey, I'm a tailor, we make fabric jokes."

"I know certain things in this world. Pi to the 42nd number, how to fix a leaky pipe, Gretchen's favourite everything, that the number 24 is actually a really sad number all these blues and greys and that 3 is a really flirty number with a pink core. I know a lot." Ben took a breath, "And I know you aren't a tailor."

Eggsy looked at him. "Course not, I'm a buyer. Fabric, silk, whatever Harry sends me out to find."

"I follow the patterns. You travel, Harry sometimes travels, and nothing happens. A lot of nothing happens," Ben explained. "And Mr. Young gets busy at odd hours for an IT man, and does inventory that takes 5 days. I can see the patterns. Also Harry when he has five drinks, forgets around me and calls Mr. Young Merlin."

"Old college nickname," Eggsy supplied with a smile. "Sort of like Bean Boy."

"Happy that that got dropped because of you."

"Glad to oblige. And if you could be obliging and maybe know a little less."

"I just. I can't say it to Mr. Young and I can't say it to Harry, but I thought maybe I could say it to you."

"What do you need to say, Ben?"

Ben took a deep breath. "I don't care if you are the bad guys."

Eggsy knew odd things happened and were said in the Young family, and he thought he was getting used to it. But that was a shock. "Ben, what makes you think we're bad guys?"

"I don't," Ben answered, "But I'm just saying if you were, I wouldn't care. So long as it didn't hurt Gretchen, I don't care. And I'm not telling anyone about the things that I don't know."

Eggsy really wished he could talk to Merlin right now, because he was at a loss as to what to say. "I've been a bad guy," Eggsy said slowly, "Used to be a thief, rather good one actually. Used to get in fights, used to boost cars, rob houses. My stepdad ran a small group and I was either to earn my keep, or hit the bricks and I was the one what was keeping my sister safe, because Mum was too busy surviving. Didn't kill no one back then. Have now. I've stone cold executed people, on paper that makes me a bad guy."

"You bring me home souvenirs," Ben sounded so young and it hurt Eggsy.

Eggsy went over and sat next to Ben. "We fuck up, because we are dealing with some serious shit on a far too regular basis. We try, we try so fucking hard Ben, to be the good guys. And being the good guys, the big picture? Means that sometimes we do bad things."

"Greater good and all that?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, some days it's brilliant and some days it fucking sucks sweaty balls."

"That sounds very unpleasant." Ben took a breath. "Hamish he could have hated me, but he hasn't ever. He treats me like family. And Harry is great. And you are like an older brother, and that is cool to have. And Gretchen would be sad if anything ever happened to you. So, I'm in."

"In what?" Eggsy asked.

"Hamish is good at practical maths. But sometimes you need a numbers guy who understands there impracticality. I don't want to go work for you, or him, or whatever is going on over there, I want to teach sixth form maths, but if a situation arises where you have to do bad things for reasons and it involves maths, I'm in."

"Ben, Merlin," Eggsy closed his eyes and cursed himself; they all really were to casual with Ben. "Hamish has a very good team."

"You know how Gretchen is with art?" Eggsy nodded, "I'm like that with equations. I make it look like she's drawing stick figures. She would be sad if you died. Family looks out for each other. So if you ever need my goddamn skills to stay alive then you use them or I'll kick your arse to hell myself."

Eggsy's mouth dropped open. "Are you sure you are Ben?"

"No," Ben was pale, "Pretty sure that used up a decade of bravery. Oh god, I need a snack."

Eggsy helped Ben to the kitchen and grabbed him a cornetto from the chill chest. "Here, eat this." He waited until he was eating food. "Ben, you don't have to do this."

"I know, but it's the right thing to do. Me teaching maths, right thing to do. Me and Gretchen living together and have 3 babies while she becomes a world famous artist and I take paternity leave, right thing to do. Letting my maths save the world? Right thing to do."

"Oi, no mentioning babies for two years, bruv. Not ready to be a PopPop yet."

"Huh, I was figuring the kids would call you Grandda."

"No, that's a Hamish name. I want something stupid." Eggsy looked at him. "Jesus Ben, did you grow up like right this instance?"

"I think so. It's a little freaky."

"You are coming to the shop. We really do tailor, you know. You need a good suit. My treat."  Eggsy went around the island and wrapped him in a hug. "You are a good man Gilbert."

"Don't ever call me that again, please?"

"Yeah, it's just wrong." Eggsy kissed his head. "Need a cab called?"

"No, I'm fine."

"I'm calling you a driver, it's late and no arguing. You have a glass jaw and I can't leave the girls." Eggsy texted work and they promised a driver would be there directly. "Come on, let's talk about something normal."

Ben thought about it. "Want to discuss the perfect ratio of guac to sour cream on nachos?"

"I actually have strong opinions about this."

Ben smiled, "Me too."

****************************************

Eggsy cursed as a heavy weight fell on him and the only reason he didn't go into full attack mode was he recognized the smell of Merlin. "What the fuck time is it?"

"Five am, Saturday. Inventory done," Merlin whispered. Eggsy couldn't tell if it was to be polite or because his voice was shot. "We need to repair a slight acid ate through the floor situation, but otherwise it went really well."

Eggsy rolled over and looked at him. "This is well? You look like shit."

"Off for three days. Should be coherent by the third one. Apologize then."

"I'll appreciate the apology."

"No, you, for tapping out like an inventory wuss. All the agents are. Oh look at me, I can kill three people with one bullet tra la la, watch me jump off a skyscraper, I'm so brave and strong and manly. Two hours of inventory and ye pray for the sweet release of death. Wankers and amateurs the lot of ye." Merlin was snoring less than thirty seconds after the last word was out of his mouth.

Eggsy thought him the most adorable creature he had ever seen. He undressed Merlin as best he could and tucked him into bed and managed to drift off again. He'd give it a week or two before he mentioned the conversation with Ben.  

 


	13. Chapter 13

Eggsy opened the email Merlin sent him and stared at all the information and the pictures.[ Of a castle.](https://www.oliverstravels.com/britain-ireland/scotland/ayrshire/ayrshire-castle/?arrival_date=22-12-2018&departure_date=28-12-2018) In Scotland. Booked for December 22nd to December 29th. An actual castle. Like an old one. A super old one. It looked so cool, and cozy. There seemed to be fireplaces and blankets everywhere. And oh man, it had a hidden staircase. But he didn’t understand. He left his office and went down the hall. Merlin wasn’t in his office, so Eggsy went to Harry’s and remembered to knock. When Harry called him in, there was Merlin. “Sorry,” Eggsy said.

“No, we are just planning Christmas now that the place is booked. Not taking SIDRAT out in winter, Scotland has been cold and it doesn’t like snow.” Merlin smiled at Eggsy, “Might be able to get you that white christmas you wanted.”

“I wasn’t serious,” Eggsy said. “That was just late night, dreamy talk.”

“Oh well, the deposit is already down, with extra for them to put in a Christmas tree. A real one. Harry you’ll drive one of the vans, and I the other?”

“Sounds good,” Harry agreed. “Is Ben coming along?”

“He wants to, still trying to convince his parents. First Christmas completely away and all that. Susan already has sent her regrets and her gifts for everyone. She thinks she’ll be able to visit in February.”

“I’ll arrange a dinner at her favourite,” Harry replied. “Now then probably easier to ship decorations and gifts ahead?”

“Good idea,” Merlin nodded. He looked to Eggsy. “It will probably be easier for your mother and sister to fly up and we can pick them up. Does that make sense, they fly to Glasgow and one of us collects them?”

“To a medieval castle in Scotland, for Christmas,” Eggsy looked at them. “I need you to hear that sentence. We are all going to a castle in Scotland for Christmas.”

“Aye, you had a great idea, Harry and I just implemented it.”

“I am looking forward to it,” Harry said happily. “I get to make my classic duck. You haven’t had it, have you Eggsy?”

“No, can’t say I have.” Eggsy was trying to process it. “Merlin, I am drugged right now, from my mission?”

“It has been 48 hours, I don’t anything is in your system, not that there was upon your arrival home,” Merlin was concerned. “Eggsy, do you need to return to medical?”

The information properly sank in and Eggsy smiled. “I’m spending Christmas in a castle. With my family. Like a movie on ITV.”

“You are,” Harry said kindly. “A magic Christmas guaranteed.”

“I need to go home, to call Mum. Reports are filed, so heading out.”

“Roxy is going live shortly, I am here for a long time,” Merlin said. “You going to your flat or my place.”

“My flat unless you need me to babysit?”

“No, Clara and Lacey are at a sleepover; headed over right after school. Gretchen is going to look after Bethany and Audy has late meetings.”

“Cool, see you tomorrow then.” Eggys went over and kissed Merlin’s head and then went home. He had a shower and grabbed a fizzy drink and texted to see if his mum was available for Skype. Five minutes later he waved to his mum and then frowned. “Oi, who’s that behind you?”

Michelle turned her head and when she was looking at the camera again, she was blushing. “Oh, Sean had some concerns about my shutters with the winter winds starting to settle in. Made him a cuppa.”

“Shutters, hmm?” Eggsy’s brow went higher than it ever had before.

“He is just neighbourly,” Michelle said. “Now, what’s up, not the usual time.”

“Need to talk about Christmas.”

“Oh, Eggsy don’t say you have to work, Daisy was desperately looking forward to you coming here.”

“So I was rather hoping, you might come to me?”

“To your flat?” Michelle was confused. “But we have a whole house.”

“But you don’t have a castle,” Eggsy said.

“I do, I have the My Little Pony castle all ready to go for her for Christmas.”

“Mum, Merlin’s rented a castle in Scotland for Christmas week, and he made sure it had more than enough room for you and Daisy too. A huge family Christmas in a bloody castle, Mum. You, Me, Dais. Merlin and the girls. Harry. Maybe Gretchen’s boyfriend. Roaring fire, giant tree. It’s fucking magic.”

“I invited Sean to Boxing Day supper,” Michelle said faintly.

Eggsy grinned. “It’s a bloody castle, Mum, hell invite him along.” He started laughing at the look on her face. “Still want to say he’s just a neighbour?”

“We have coffee, occasionally. He’s all alone.”

“It’s Christmas, no one stays alone anymore. Invite him along. I am sure there is room.”

“In a castle. Daisy will lose her mind,” Michelle’s eyes were misty. “Eggsy -”

“I know, Mum, I know. Going to book you flight tickets for the three of you, okay?”

“Okay,” Michelle agreed.

They chatted for a bit longer and then hung up when Sean needed a hand with the kitchen shutters. Eggsy was about to grab a beer and settle in with his playstation when the phone rang. “Hullo?” he said when he didn’t recognize the number.

“This is Mrs. Gaines, the principal of Hitherfield Primary. Bethany Young is not feeling well and when we could not reach her contact list, she said to call you.”

“Bethany’s sick?” Eggsy was already grabbing his keys and heading out of the door.

“She is. We’ve explained we cannot release her to you as you are not on the list, but she insisted. Dreadful stomach ache, and a little bit of a fever.”

“I’m coming.”

“I was hoping maybe you could reach her father, or sister. Or Mister Hart.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible.” Eggsy hung up and ran through London taking every short cut he knew and the underground and was there in thirty minutes. He crashed through the front doors and found an office. “Bethany Young, sick,” his breath was a little heavy.

“This way.” A woman lead him to a back area where a pale Bethany was on a cot and clutching her stomach.

“Oh, honey,” Eggsy said. He knelt next to the bed and smoothed her hair down. “Hit you hard, huh?” Bethany gave a small nod. “I’m going to try to get you home.”

“Thanks, Eggsy,” she whispered and curled into herself more.

Eggsy stood up and was taken to the vice principal. “She needs to be home.”

“I agree, but I will not release her to someone not on her list.”

“I work with her father, and am his boyfriend,” Eggsy said.

“You could be the Prime Minister and I wouldn’t release her.”

“Good call, the PM is a tosser,” Eggsy pulled out his phone and called Merlin and when he got voicemail he hit in his personal emergency code and put it on speaker phone.

“Aye, busy,” Merlin snapped.

“Bethany is sick and when the school couldn’t get you or the other contacts she insisted they call me. But they won’t let me take her home.”

“I Hamish Young, Bethany’s father, give permission for her to be released to my partner Eggsy Unwin.”

“I’m sorry, but it has to be in writing.”

“Scanned and emailed fine?”

“It is,” she agreed.

“Good.” Merlin hung up.

Eggsy went back to Bethany and just ran a soothing hand up and down her arm and sent word for a Kingsman car to come get them. It seemed like forever before he was told they could leave and that Eggsy was now on her list. They stayed until his phone dinged and then he carried her outside into the waiting car. She was shivering a little and he was debating calling a doctor, but she wasn’t vomiting or anything, so bed would be the best bet. Eggsy got her into the house and carried her to her room. He told her he was going to make her some tea that should soothe her tummy and see about some children’s pain medication. He went downstairs and sent a text to Merlin that Bethany was home. He was in the kitchen when he heard a crash and he ran upstairs. The bathroom door was closed and he knocked.

“Bethany? Are you okay? Sick?”

“I tried to reach and I couldn’t,” she said so quietly he almost didn’t hear.

“Reach what, honey?” Eggsy asked. “Can I come in?”

“Okay.”

Eggsy slowly opened the door and she was in her pajamas and there was a wad of something in the sink, clearly soaking. “Did you throw up?”

She shook her head and pointed to the top shelf. “I have what I need up there, but I can’t reach.”

“I have you,” Eggsy promised and reached up and realized in her attempt to get what he assumed was a hot water bottle for her sore tummy she had pushed it back. He grabbed and pulled it down. “Umm, think I grabbed the wrong thing.” He was holding a package of sanitary napkins, spares for Audy or Gretchen. He was about to put them back up when Bethany took it from him.

“No, that is what I need,” she said.

“Oh,” Eggsy replied. He realized that the wad in the sink was probably her knickers and she had had a bit of leakage. But why would the napkins be all the way on the top shelf if. “Bugger,” he whispered and looked at Bethany. “Honey, is this your first period?”

“Yeah,” Bethany said. “Eggsy uh...can you leave the loo please?”

“Sure,” Eggsy couldn’t feel his legs though, they seemed to not be working. He took a few deep breaths and then remembered how to move his limbs. “Just, going to make that tea.” He left the bathroom and went downstairs. He tried Audy and Gretchen and left them messages and texts when they didn’t answer. He then left a detailed and very panicky message for Merlin telling him he was very much needed at home.

Eggsy began to pace the kitchen while the tea steeped. He had no idea what to do. Oh god did he have to explain what was going on? He barely understood what was going on. Women bled for...reasons...and it was bad for some and not others and why hadn’t he paid more attention to health class or commercials. The tea was ready and he took it upstairs and Bethany was in bed in her room. “Cuppa?”

Bethany put her book down. “Thank you, Eggsy.” She was clutching a stuffed pig. “It hurts.”

“I checked and here, this might help.” He gave her a small dose of pain killer. “Tea, and ummm, Mum swears by dark chocolate.”

“I don’t like chocolate.”

“I know,” Eggsy said, “I...are you okay?”

“I guess,” she said. She took the small dose and clutched her cuppa. “I knew it could hurt but it’s a different pain, than anything I’ve had before.”

“I’ve heard it is like being kicked in the junk but can last for days,” Eggsy said.

“I don’t want this feeling to last for days.”

“I bet,” Eggsy sat on the bed. “So...do you know...do we need to talk? I can do google?”

“So can I, Eggsy. And Dad and Audy have talked to me a bunch about this. I know what a period is and why it happens. I’m perfectly in the middle range for having my first one and I want my Dad.”

“Honey, he’ll be here as soon as he can be.”

“No, he won’t, he’s dead,” Bethany’s chin wobbled and the tears started. “And now I’m having period crying and it is stupid and I want my real dad!”

Eggsy gently pulled her into his arms and rocked her as she cried. “I know a little about that.”

“Period hormones?”

“I mean had a girl stab me with a protractor once and said it was PMS,” Eggsy said. “But no, wanting your dad and not being able to have him.”

“Is he gone?”

“He was almost a Kingsman. He died saving Harry and Merlin’s life. I was seven. He’s hazy. And hard to know if what I remember is real, or just me thinking about superheroes and believing that is what my dad was.”

“He was a full Kingsman. He could braid my hair,” Bethany whispered. “He called me his curious bug. Bought me encyclopedias. He carried me on his shoulders and I thought I would touch the stars. Going up to them one day, so I can be closer to them. To him.”

“Astronaut Bethany Young?” Eggsy smiled and kissed her head. “Going to be amazing.”

“I miss him,” Bethany said.

“I miss my Da too.”

“Eggsy, don’t tell Da I wanted my dad?”

“Oh honey, he wouldn’t mind, not a whit.”

“I know, but still, he’ll get that sad look, worried he isn’t enough, and he’s everything.” Bethany looked up at him. “You are warm.”

“Run a bit hot.”

“Better than an electric blanket.”

“Do you want to stay in bed, or up to the family room and a movie?”

“Family room,” she decided and Eggsy carried her up, and tucked them both under a blanket and stretched out and she sort of draped over him, using him as a hot water bottle and they watched Blue Planet and she lightly dozed.

They were three episodes through, when they heard the footsteps and there was Merlin with a bouquet of flowers. “Hello, my girl,” he said.

“Hi, Dad,” she said. Merlin put the flowers down and settled onto the couch and Bethany sank in between them.

“How are you?”

“Tummy hurts less,” she said. “Eggsy took good care of me.”

“Of course he did,” Merlin said. He looked over her head and raised a brow. Eggsy gave a helpless look and shrugged. Merlin nodded. “Comfort food for dinner tonight?”

“Please,” she agreed.

“Perogies it is,” he said. “Her nanny made them for her. I can’t do them from scratch but there is a good place not too far.”

“I can go and get them.”

“When is everyone else home?” Bethany asked.

“Busy, remember, sleepovers? And I told Gretchen she wasn’t needed to watch after you. Unless you want her.”

“I could have the two of you all to myself, all night?”

“Aye,” Merlin told her. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head. “Just the three of us, if you like. If Eggsy is available.”

“Please, Eggsy? I never get my dads alone.”

Eggsy didn’t really hear her on that, or figured with their earlier conversation she was thinking about her birth father, and Merlin, or something. “I have no plans. Other than getting you those perogies.”

“Yay,” Bethany said and snuggled in between the two men and went back to watching Blue Planet.

Merlin kept an arm around her, and Eggsy had his on top of Merlin’s until there was a stomach rumble and got the address from Merlin for the restaurant and went to head out. He was almost out the door when he remembered the clothes in the sink. He went to the bathroom and pulled the plug and grabbed the tights and knickers and the basket under the sink, filled with the girl’s clothes. He took it down and tossed it all in the machine. She didn’t need the hassle of remembering that later. He turned it on and went out the door to get Bethany her comfort food.

They ate in front of the telly, a special treat, and Bethany had some dried fruit. When she drifted off, Merlin took her to bed and Eggsy put the clothes on to dry. He went to their bedroom and Merlin was sitting on the end of the bed.

“You okay?” Eggsy asked.

“Aye, luckily Roxy’s mission went better than expected and my assistant was able to finish the extraction.”

“Good,” Eggsy said and went over and punched Merlin’s shoulder. “Keep the pads where a girl can reach them, yeah?”

Merlin laughed. “I suppose I thought there was still time. But puberty strikes the Young house again. Two more after this. Oh god, I’m going to be dealing with puberty in my sixties.” He buried his face in his hands. “I am going to die.”

“Nah, why you got me now. I’ll only be in my thirties, still plenty spry. You have the knowledge, I have the stamina. We’ll get through Clara and Lacey just fine. Even money Lacey goes full goth.”

“Why do you hate me?” Merlin moaned and collapsed against the bed.

Eggsy climbed on top. “Here, I’ll make it better. Sean Mcknight will be at your big castle Christmas. Bet you can get all sorts of pictures with him. Won’t even be jealous. My Christmas gift to you.”

Merlin laughed. “This will be interesting.”

“Amazing. The word you are looking for is amazing.” Eggys rolled off and decided to go have a shower. He hummed Christmas carols the whole time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in a Castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a christmas gift to all you dear readers.  
> please enjoy 10,565 words of christmasy goodness with our dear family  
> and please forgive typos wanted to get this up for christmas

“Why is everyone looking so glum?” Eggsy asked as he loaded the luggage into the van. “We’re going to Christmas!”

“That part is awesome,” Gretchen agreed, “But we’re with Harry.”

“I know, Merlin asked which van I wanted, I said Harry,” Eggsy loaded another bag in and then turned and looked at them. “Wot?”

“You poor dumb bastard,” Gretchen said. “Well at least we’ll have a good nap.”

“I want to be with Dad,” Clara said firmly.

“Yes, but you screwed up but good and chose the punishment of Uncle Harry,” Gretchen reminded her.

“The crime does not fit the punishment!” Clara raised her fist to the skies. “I was still chocolate high.”

“You shouldn’t have eaten all the road chocolate that was meant for both vans,” Gretchen said. “We’re just here because we drew the short straws.” Ben was already in the van and asleep. “Christ this is the seventh ring of hell.”

“Harry? This will be brilliant. Supposed to be an almost eight hour drive, we’ll be there six max.” Eggsy grinned.

“Can I say the swear, Gretchen?”

“Oh yeah, big sister permission,” she agreed.

Clara shook her head at Eggsy, “you poor dumb bastard.” She got in the van behind the driver’s seat and pulled out her tablet. Gretchen climbed in as well.

“I didn’t even call shotgun,” Eggsy said.

“We don’t want it,” Gretchen replied and put headphones on.

Harry was coming over from where he had been talking to Merlin and them consulting actual paper maps. “Eggsy, I am pleased to have your company on the road. Thought for sure you’d be with Merlin.”

“Nah, chose you. Be good to have time to chat, yeah?”

“Indeed,” Harry said happily. “Now Merlin’s done an analysis up of our likely petrol consumption and where best to stop for petrol. We aren’t worried about keeping the cars together, just that we all arrive at the castle tonight. You’ll take one of the vans tomorrow to collect your mother, sister, and her paramour.”

“Harry, I love you, but call Sean Mum’s paramour again, I will take your other eye,” Eggsy felt a little queasy at that word. “They are just neighbourly.”

“Of course,” Harry got behind the driver’s wheel. “Everyone buckle in. Wait Clara, you aren’t in your booster seat.”

“I officially weighed and heighted out last week!”

“Congratulations, I know you hated that thing.”

“Dad let me take a rubber mallet to it.”

“That’s wasteful, we should have kept it for Lacey,” Eggsy said. “Need to talk to your dad about this sort of thing. No need to destroy useful stuff.”

“It was sent back to the hell it belonged in,” Clara’s voice was deep and dark and frankly scary.

“No saying hell, young lady,” Harry scolded.

“Uncle Harry, you curse, like all the time,” Clara protested.

“Not all the time, I do not say please pass the fucking potatoes.”

“You just did,” she pointed out.

“I don’t say it at the dinner table. Yes, I swear frequently. I am also a man over forty with a stressful career,” Harry said, “and a certain degree of laxness in language is tolerable in me in a way, it is not in you.”

“Over forty?” Eggsy tried not to laugh.

“I am, am I not?” Harry countered.

“Other van already left you know,” Gretchen offered and put her headphones back in place.

“Let us be off then,” Harry said and they set off. 

Eggsy wasn’t surprised it was murder getting out of London that was to be expected, where they were leaving at 8, hoping most of traffic would be dying down. The hit the highway north and Eggsy was relieved, it was actually moving.

Moving right by them.

Very quickly.

“Problem, Harry?” Eggsy asked quietly.

“Not at all, some reckless drivers out today, but I have a vigilant eye.”

“Sure,” Eggsy said and checked their speed. “Harry, trust me the filth doesn’t pull you over for anything under 15 over.”

“4 above the speed limit is a good speed,” Harry said calmly and then smiled. “Oh I forgot, road music.” And Flight of the Bumble Bees poured out of the speakers.

Eggsy was trying to think what to say when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and it was a text from Gretchen right behind him.

_ There’s a reason he always uses drivers. _

_ You poor dumb bastard. _

_ He will never go faster than this. _

_ The music will get worse. _

_ Wait until the fun facts start. _

 

“Fun facts?” Eggsy said out loud.

“Did you know that 8 times in the last 15 years traffic has been stopped on the M1 to allow for safe passage for ducks?”

“I did not,” Eggsy said.

“Indeed. And actually one of those is a funny story.”

Eggsy’s phone buzzed again and he looked at it as Harry chattered on.

 

_ It is never a funny story _ .

 

Fucking hell.

Three hours later they stopped to stretch their legs and Clara to use the loo. They all did and Harry decided to fill the petrol tank. Eggsy stood on a small patch of grass and debated have a bit of a weep. Gretchen came and stood next to him. “He’ll start the sing along soon.”

“Do I even want to know what songs?”

“Nope,” she said.

“What the fuck, Gretch?”

“Well he doesn’t actually drive a lot, and when he does it is super reckless on the job. And he in a million years would never be reckless with us in the car because he loves us very much, and will see us arrive to our destination safely.”

“That is sweet,” Eggsy said.

“It is,” Gretchen agreed.

“I’m knocking him out and taking over,” Eggsy added.

“You are my favourite Daddy,” she smiled at him.

“Yeah, man, get it!” A guy walking by shouted and whistled at Gretchen.

“Oi, she’s my kid, you gross wanker, shove off, before I literally stuff your head up your arse since it already there metaphorically.”

“Fuck you, you want to go?” the guy started to approach.

“Yeah, you know what? I do. Nobody talks to my daughter like that,” Eggsy said and moved forward.

“We are ready,” Harry called over to them. “Let’s go.”

Eggsy looked at the bloke. “Learn some manners,” he said and went to the van, Gretchen beside him. “You, you never call me Daddy again. That just was wrong. I have watched enough porn that the word Daddy has been ruined for me.”

Gretchen snickered, “Ever notice the ‘girls’ in that look 30?”

“Yes, and why have you?”

“Porn is really great for figuring out how to pose bodies. Plus it can be hot.”

“Ewww, no,” Eggsy said. “Porn is now on the no no words list for you.”

“Isn’t baaaabies the only other word on that list?” Gretchen kept laughing at Eggsy.

“Come along, please,” Harry said and had the driver’s door open.

Clara looked numb, grey. Eggsy had to step in. “Hey, Harry, I’m happy to drive the next shift.”

Harry gave his most serious glare. “Merlin entrusted the girls, and Ben’s safety to me. I will -” His eyes widened in shock and horror as the sleeping dart hit his neck. “You…” 

Eggsy caught him as he started to fall and Ben helped him put Harry in the back of the van. Gretchen grabbed shotgun and Ben moved next to Clara. Eggsy took the driver’s seat and turned the car on. He changed the music to a cheesy pop station and revved the pathetic engine in the van. He smiled, “let’s kick the tires and light the fires.”

Everyone not drugged into unconsciousness cheered as Eggsy hit the highway and drove almost 20 over the limit. He sighed in contentment and figured he’d deal with the fallout later. It was Christmas, Harry was unlikely to murder him.

Probably.

****************************************

“It’s a real castle,” Eggsy said. He stayed behind the wheel and stared at the white building, seemed so bright against the grey skies. “Like a real real castle.”

“I know!” Clara said. “I bet they poured hot oil from the roof.”

“Christ when you take over the job, I am worried. Really truly worried,” Eggsy said. “It’s a fairy tale.”

“Good thing, I’ve got a happy ever after,” Gretchen said.

Ben flushed a little and got out of the van to get bags. 

Merlin came out of the castle. “You made it, and only an hour late.” He looked at them. “Where’s Harry?”

“Eggsy drugged him,” Clara said with relish. “I only got half punishment.”

“Well now I guess I know someone who isn’t getting any sweets for the next 36 hours to finish off the punishment.”

“How is that fair? I was in a car with Uncle Harry!” Clara stomped a foot.

“Tablet right now,” Merlin said firmly, “and it can be gone for 36 hours as well instead of just until morning. I know you are tired and upset, but when you misbehaved, you didn’t just hurt yourself, you hurt your sisters. And you know that is unacceptable. So this is done. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Clara said and when Merlin held out his arms she burrowed into him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

“I know, did you sleep at all on the drive?” Clara shook her head against his stomach. “Okay, onto a couch with you.” He picked her up and went back into the castle.

“She tantrummed,” Eggsy was surprised.

“Dude it is Christmas with little girls,” Gretchen said. “Everybody gonna be getting time outs galore, energies are so high.”

“Wait we have to still parent at Christmas time, the rooms gotta chill right?” Eggsy asked.

“I’m 22 why are you asking me, no babies remember?” Gretchen decided to help Ben with bags.

Eggsy realized he was going to have to get Harry. Great. He went into the back of the van and shook Harry a little. “Harry?” he shook him some more and stayed perfectly calm when a hand clutched his throat. “We’re in Scotland.”

“I know I’ve been awake the last hour.”

“How? You should be still out,” Eggsy said.

“I’ve developed an immunity to iocane powder,” Harry said. “I am cross with you.”

“I wanted to make it before midnight,” Eggsy said. Harry was still holding his throat. “You are the worst driver ever.”

“I am a safe driver when my nieces are in the car, the ones that my dearest friend trusted me with.”

Eggsy swallowed, “Harry it isn’t just you two anymore, yeah?”

“Susan has sometimes -”

“Oh like I give a damn about her,” Eggsy snapped, “I’m here. And I love them. And I wouldn’t let nothing happen to them. They matter to me, almost more than anything else.”

The two men looked at each other, Ben and Gretchen having abandoned emptying the van when Harry grabbed Eggsy’s throat. Eggsy waited for Harry to process whatever thoughts he was having. “It has been Merlin with my help for 18 years.”

“A long time,” Eggsy agreed. He looked at Harry, “You know the girls still need you right? Me being around doesn’t change that.”

“I am needed less than I was before.”

“For day to day shit, I guess, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t needed,” Eggsy said and realized a few things. “Fuck Harry, when did you last have a lonely night?”

“A few months ago.”

Eggsy moved the hand on his throat and pulled Harry into a tight hug. “You are needed, so much. And we are fixing this. Because I cannot do this without you. And they need the mischief they can get into with Uncle Harry.”

“We do have a great deal of mischief. One time -”

“No, parents don’t need to know Uncle Harry mischief unless it lands someone in the A&E,” Eggsy said quickly, not wanting to know any details. He kept hugging Harry. “You should have said something.”

“Family building was more important than my feelings.”

“You are family, you fucking numpty.” Eggsy’s grip tightened and he wasn’t sure if Harry was breathing. “They need you. Merlin needs you. I need you.” Eggsy wouldn’t let go. “Know you dislike tacos, but you are coming to Sunday supper now, no ifs, ands, or buts. You used to and then stopped. So fuck that shit, you come over for that. And we were using Audy for more babysitting to distract her from the break up. Putting you back in the rotation.”

“Thank you,” Harry whispered against Eggsy.

Merlin had come out. “Problem?” he asked softly.

“Harry thought he wasn’t needed anymore. Because he is stupid,” Eggsy said.

“Ah,” Merlin said. “Harry.” He was quiet for a moment. “Harry,” he began again, “Chocolate covered bananas.”

Eggsy froze as he thought Harry started to cry against his shoulder but he realized the man was laughing. “Do I even want to know?” Eggsy asked.

“No, you do not,” Harry said, “An incident many years ago, on vacation. Okay,” he nodded. “Okay, we should get the rest of the bags inside.” He waited. “Eggsy, that does mean that you need to let go.”

“One more moment.” Eggsy squeezed tightly and then got out of the van. Harry followed him and adjust his clothes a little. He stood in front of Merlin and Eggsy watched them. “Jesus, will you two just hug already?”

“We don’t hug very much,” Harry explained to him. He and Merlin looked at each other some more and then both men just nodded and sure enough the air between them felt warmer. Harry collected a couple bags and went in the castle.

“That was weird. You don’t hug?”

“No, we hug,” Merlin said, “But it is very specific circumstances. Sorting out our life out isn’t one.”

“You two are emotionally stunted.”

Merlin smiled at Eggsy. “I’m Scottish we feel sadness and anger, and he is British aristocracy - he feels gin and stoicism.” 

Eggsy snorted at that. “Yeah, those are certainly the only two feelings I’ve ever seen you express.”

“Of course, I’m never not dour, Merlin replied.

“That would work better if you weren’t in a Frosty the Snowman sweater,” Eggsy said. “Grab a bag.” Eggsy took three out of the van, and Merlin the last couple. They went inside and Eggsy paused. “Oh god, it is all old and stuff in here.”

“It is,” Merlin said and leaned to kiss Eggsy’s cheek. “This will be incredible.”

“It will,” Eggsy agreed. He saw Harry sneak a piece of chocolate to Clara and decided to ignore it. Uncle Harry mischief privilege and all that. “Where are we sleeping?”

“Top floor, our knees will hate us by the end of this, but the floors are stone and very thick, and afford a lot of privacy, and with the stairs we’d easily hear anyone coming to get us,” Merlin said.

“Well now that is interesting,” Eggsy said.

“Ah yes,” Harry called over, “I looked at the floor plans, and while I was originally going to bunk with that Sean person and Ben, really I am not a bunking sort. And there is a pull down bed, in the study attached to the master room you are staying in. That will be perfect for me.” He smiled at Eggsy, a vicious evil smile.

All Eggsy could think was well played and started to take bags upstairs.

********************************

“What happened?” Eggsy asked as he saw Sean carrying Daisy. He reached out and Daisy dove for him, and collapsed against him. “Mum?” she did not look good either. He pulled her in close, held his family tight.

“Flight was a bit bumpy,” Sean said. “That did not agree with either of them.”

“I sicked on the lady,” Daisy wailed.

“Flight attendant, she was very understanding.” Sean nodded to Eggsy and grabbed the two suitcases that Michelle had been carrying. “I’ll just be...over there.” He went and stood by the window, watching the flurries that were falling.

“Oh, Daisy,” Eggsy crooned.

“Planes are mean. The sky is mean. Scotland is stupid. I wanna be home. I only got to bring 2 stuffies!”

“Only 2?” Eggsy gasped in horror. “Mum!”

“Do not,” she warned still looking a little green, “she wanted them all.”

“I neeeeed them all,” Daisy complained.

“Well, good thing there might be one or two more at the castle,” Eggsy told her. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“My letter to Santa didn’t tell him I would be in Scotland. Will he find me Eggsy?” Daisy had the largest eyes he had ever seen.

“Of course Dais, he’s magic innit he?” Eggsy said. “He always finds the good little girls like you.”

“Okay,” she said and dropped her head on his shoulder. “Scotland isn’t stupid.”

“Wait until you see the castle,” he told her. “We have an hour’s drive, so I want you to go to the loo with Mum, okay?”

Daisy held out her arms and Michelle took her and they went to clean up a little and Eggsy went over to Sean. “Hey, welcome to Christmas,” Eggsy said.

“I appreciate you inviting me,” Sean replied. “You didn’t have to.”

“Well, you know ‘neighbours’ are welcome,” Eggsy said. “And are we seriously going with that?”

“I,” Sean gave a shrug, “I think slow is best isn’t it?”

Eggsy looked at him and smiled. “Slow is good. Do I need to threaten you?”

“If you like. I’m a widower, we never had children. Nora passed 12 years ago. Dated a little since then, but was busy with work, the F1 season takes a lot out of you as you get older. Then I had a minor heart ‘episode’ and realized it was taking too much out of me. So I retired. I earned a good salary and invested carefully, so I’m solid, and I work three days a week at the tire and oil change place.”

“Bit of a come down,” Eggsy said.

“Keeps my hands busy, and is nice and simple,” Sean said. “I like your mum, and I like your sister. And I know there is some bad in the past. So I’m good with slow. Spent most of my adult life caring about speed, nice to have slow.”

“Okay,” Eggsy said. “You seem like a good guy. Clearly not good enough for them but you know, pretty good. When my boyfriend fanboys over you, be cool.”

“Lord, I’m nobody.”

“Nobody is nobody, learned that over the last few years.” Eggsy saw his mum and Daisy coming back a little perkier. “Got a booster seat in the van for Daisy,” he said, “Lacey’s should work fine for her.”

They went to the van and luckily Daisy drifted off for the drive, which was the best thing for her upset tummy. Eggsy chatted with Sean and his mum, and the drive went quick. He turned down the lane for the castle, “Mum wake her up,” he told her.

Michelle nudged Daisy gently. “Honey, up you come,” she whispered.

“Why?” Daisy blinked slowly awake and Eggsy pulled in front of their vacation spot. “It really is a castle!”

“It is, Happy Christmas, love,” Eggsy told her and got out of the van and went to her. “This is going to be the most magic Christmas ever.”

Daisy couldn’t even speak, just stared. “It’s so big.”

“And pretty, wait until you see inside. You got the luggage?” he asked Sean who nodded. Michelle went in with Daisy and Eggsy. “Welcome ladies,” he told them.

“Oh, Eggsy,” Michelle could have wept, it was so incredible. There was a tree just waiting to be decorated and people milling about, music playing and it was just a dream.

Merlin came over and hugged her. “Happy Christmas, Michelle.”

“Happy Christmas,” she managed to say.

“Hi,” Daisy said and held out her arms and Merlin easily took her.

“Hello, lass,” Merlin said and had her easily on his hip. “Lacey has been looking forward to playing with you.”

“I was only allowed 2 stuffies,” Daisy complained yet again.

“Oh dear,” Merlin nodded. “It is upsetting to be sure, but we have to listen to our mums, they don’t do things to be mean. And imagine if ye had loaded your suitcase with stuffies, how would you have brought home all your treats from Santa and from us?”

Daisy thought about it and nodded; that made a lot of sense. “Why is the tree naked?”

“We couldn’t decorate it without you, could we?” Merlin smiled and put her down. “And now that you are here, we can begin.”

“Lacey!” Daisy cried when the girls came into the room carrying snacks and hot chocolate. “Hi! We get to do the tree!”

“Finally,” Clara shouted. “I call all purple ornaments!”

“Green!” Daisy threw in quickly, worried they all might get hung without her.

Harry began to open boxes with ornaments and fairy lights and everything else to make it perfect and it was a madhouse as people dove in.

“Where should I put bags?” Sean asked as he came in.

Eggsy did not laugh when Merlin squeaked a little. “You all are one floor up. You are bunking with Ben, that pole over there,” Ben gave a wave, a candy cane clutched between his teeth as Gretchen scrambled up his back to hang ornaments up high, “Mum and Daisy are in the room next to yours.” Sean headed to the stairs, leaving one suitcase behind. “Need help with that one?” Eggsy asked.

“No, that is everyone’s gifts,” Sean said. “Been interesting shopping.”

“You didn’t have to,” Eggsy protested.

“Yes we did,” Michelle said firmly.

“Oh, did you do the shopping together?”

“We didn’t have to buy anything for Merlin, Mister Sean had the perfect thing already from his before days!” Daisy shouted.

“Daisy, it is a secret,” Michelle reminded her.

“I didn’t say it was a car picture!” 

Everyone in the room laughed at that and Merlin tried to not look too excited by the prospect of something authentic from McLaren’s past. Harry and Ben kept trying to string lights around all the people decorating the tree which was difficult and everything ended up perfectly imperfect. Once that was done, Harry and the girls all stepped back and Eggsy wondered why until Merlin opened a box very slowly.

Temporary hooks had been placed on the wall and Merlin began to hang what were clearly handmade stockings. “Audy, Gretchen,” he began and they were slightly warped and the fabric stretched thin. “Bethany, Clara, and my little Lacey,” he said. “Ben, Harry,” they were hung up just as gently. “Eggsy, Michelle, Daisy, and Sean.” He stepped back and smiled. “Sorry, Sean wasn’t sure what colours you like so made you neutral green.”

“You made these?” Eggsy melted at the Daisy one that had Peppa Pig fabric.

“I did, I don’t have the best sewing skills, but good enough for these,” Merlin said.

“Where is yours?” Eggsy asked.

“It is at the bottom, it is family tradition that Dad hangs all of ours and then one of us hangs his,” Audy said. “Eggsy you want to hang it?”

Eggsy went over and found the black watch plaid stocking. He picked it up and put it on the last hook. “Hamish,” he said and pat it gently. He stepped back and wrapped his arms around Merlin.

“It’s going to take Santa a long time to fill all the stockings this year,” Lacey pointed out. “We might catch him this time!”

“I have a most excellent plan this year to nab him,” Audy said. “Been designing it for months.”

“Excellent,” Clara rubbed her hands together. 

“We’re catching Santa are we?” Eggsy asked.

“We try every year,” Bethany said earnestly, “But Dad won’t help us, so our plans often fall apart.”

“Santa is pretty clever,” Eggsy agreed. “Equal match for the Young girls, without a doubt.”

“This is the year,” Clara said certain. “We’ll get him this year.”

“And what would you do if you caught him?” Eggsy asked, sure it was going to be a very Clara answer.

“Tell him I don’t need so much,” Clara said. “My friend at school, the one who thought you were cute, her Dad isn’t working right now. He needs to give her some of my stuff.”

“I adore you, kiddo,” Eggsy told her.

“We need food,” Harry said. “Who wants to help make homemade pizza?” Ben immediately raised his hand and they went to the kitchen along with Audy, Gretchen, and Sean.

Eggsy helped his mum put gifts under the tree, while Bethany curled into a chair with a book and the younger girls ran up to a room to play. Merlin went to the storage room to get the other gifts to put under the tree. Merlin then picked up Bethany and took her away knowing Eggsy and his mum needed a moment.

“Is this what happiness and a family is like?” Michelle asked.

“There is no family like them,” Eggsy said. “And we’re a family. Just a small one.”

“I’m going to ask Sean out for coffee in the New Year,” Michelle said. “Do you think that is a good idea?”

“I do,” Eggsy said. “I want you happy, Mum.”

“That’s all I want for you too.”

“I am,” he promised her.

“Good, I’m going to have a quick shower, still feeling a little gross and don’t want to get sick over pizza.” Michelle went up the stairs and Eggsy stayed looking at the tree and the stockings. His had pugs all over it. It was delightfully ugly. And perfect.

*****************************************

“Everyone has an important task.” Harry was pacing the kitchen. “There is no job too small in this delicate operation.”

Sean raised his hand, “My job is to sit here and ‘look pretty’.”

“Yes well you are quite handsome, and I need inspiration as I work,” Harry waved a hand, “Plus I have no idea about your skill level. But if you like, I can also give you rubbish detail.”

“Sitting, looking pretty,” Sean answered and sat in a chair against the wall.

“Should I be upset?” Michelle whispered to Eggsy. 

“No, Harry is charming as a matter of breathing, he don’t mean nothing,” Eggsy reassured her. They were all in the worst clothes they brought, and Harry was in an apron, Daisy and Lacey had tea towels tied around their necks.

“Ben, you are on measuring dry goods, Gretchen crack eggs, Audy, blending butter and sugar. Bethany be ready to add the vanilla. Clara you are on picking cookie cutters, Lacey and Daisy, with Michelle’s kind assistance, mix us different colours of frosting. Merlin prep trays, Eggsy prepare bowls with various cookie toppings.”

“What are you actually doing in all this, Harry?” Eggsy asked.

“I will bring the dough together and roll it out. I have a deft hand at rolling. Eggsy you may also lead us in Christmas carols as we work.”

“I am happy to,” Eggsy agreed and started with Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and everyone was joining in with various degrees of talent. He and his mum harmonized well and Merlin stopped to listen to them. He and his mum even when things had been shit, they had singing together, and he always thought his mum’s voice the best ever. Years of smoking had thinned it a bit, but it was coming back like he remembered. Quitting had been good for her. He looked over and saw Sean looking at his mum in surprise and he just looked at her like she was amazing. Dean even when he had been good never looked at her like that.

He put sprinkles in different bowls and stole a few gum drops as he moved through all the happy and silly Christmas songs. Eventually he had a nice selection put together and saw Harry rolling out cookie dough. “Thought you had to chill that?” Eggsy was sure he had read that. Or seen it. He watched a lot of cookery shows late at night when he couldn’t sleep.

“You can, but Martha Stewart says it is unnecessary and I have found her right,” Harry said. “Everyone grab their cutter and then queue.”

Clara handed a cookie cutter to each person and they all lined up and cut out their personal cookie and then Harry made swift work of the rest of the dough. Merlin put two trays in the oven and the rest waiting their turn. Eggsy was pretty sure there was more frosting in Daisy’s hair than in the bowls by her. He took a dozen photos. 

Sean despite his earlier comment, got up and tidied the mess and washed all the measuring cups that Ben had used. Only he and Harry crashed into each other and the bag of flour that Harry was putting away went sort of puft and Harry was wearing a good bit of it.

Eggsy was sure that Harry would kill him if he took a photo. He took five.

“Eggsy?” Michelle asked.

“Yeah, Mum?”

“Please?”

“Muuuummmm,” he sighed.

“We’re doing carols,” she said. “Please.”

“We’re not even religious.”

“I know but the Christmas hymns are so beautiful and I love how you sing them.” Michelle smiled at him. “Consider it my Christmas gift.”

“Oh that mean I can take the box for you back from under the tree?”

“If it gets you to sing my favourite, then yes,” Michelle said.

“Now I am curious,” Merlin admitted. He smiled at Eggsy. “For me, if not for your mum.”

“Us too,” Audy added.

“Ugh,” Eggsy groaned. “I hate all of you.”

“Not me,” Daisy said. 

“No, my love, never you.” He kissed her head. He closed his eyes and took a few breaths. “O Come, O Come Emmanuel,” he began and let his voice slowly build through the song, never over selling it like so many tried. He kept his eyes closed because he knew if he looked at anyone he would falter. He let the last note hang in the air and kept his eyes closed until he felt his mother’s lips on his cheek.

“Thank you, Eggsy,” she said.

He opened his eyes and everyone was looking at him. “Do not,” he warned them and of course everyone broke out into huge applause. “Not that big a deal.”

“Uh, yeah, you sounded good,” Gretchen said.

“I am utterly astonished,” Harry said, “Eternally you surprise me.”

“If they have a guitar floating around here, we could have some fun over the next few days,” Sean said.

“That could be good,” Eggsy agreed. He looked to Merlin. “Babe?” And oh that was hunger in Merlin’s eyes. “Hi,” he said.

“Hello,” Merlin replied.

“I’d tell them to get a room, but they have one already.”

“Why do they need a room, Gretch? Is Eggsy tired from singing?” Clara asked.

“Yeah, Eggsy you tired from singing?” Audy asked him.

“No, I can decorate the cookies just fine. Plenty of time to rest later.” Eggsy smiled at Merlin, who smiled back.

“Gross,” Ben whispered. Michelle nodded along with him.

“First cookies are ready for decorating,” Harry declared as a distraction and disturbingly bright frosting was put out and Eggsy brought over all his toppings. Everyone looked at him and he groaned and began to sing some more carols.

*****************************************

“How much can that boy eat?” Sean said in awe.

“We aren’t actually sure,” Eggsy told him. “A lot.”

Sean stared as Ben ate another egg roll. “It’s insane.” 

“Yeah, kinda fascinating to watch,” Eggsy said. He reached out and stole the last egg roll before Ben could grab it. “You have to move fast if you want to claim any food.”

“I thought when Hamish brought in 3 boxes of take out we’d have leftovers for days,” Sean shook his head. “There’s barely breakfast.”

“The girls can mow through Chinese takeout. It’s a thing,” Eggsy said like he wasn’t loading up a second plate. Audy’s phone rang and she squealed when she looked.

“Mum is face timing!” she said. She hit the button, “Mum! Happy Christmas!” Gretchen leaned into the screen and waved. 

“Mum, you have to see everyone here!” Gretchen took the phone and slowly showed everyone at the table. Merlin smiled happily and Harry gave a jaunty salute. Ben slid under the table and took his plate with him and Eggsy gave a polite nod when the phone faced him.

“Hang on, we’ll go to another room,” Gretchen said and stood up. “We wish you could have made it, you could have bunked on the floor with us. She was already gone down the hall telling all about the castle. 

Audy stood up. “Lacey?” she held out her hand.

“No, thank you,” she said, and ate some more lemon chicken. 

Merlin looked at Lacey. “It is unlikely that your mother will be able to call again. This is the Christmas call, honey.”

“Tell her Happy Christmas, Audy.” Lacey did not look like she was moving.

“Lacey,” Merlin’s voice grew firm. “I’d like you to wish your mother Happy Christmas.”

“I’m eating, it is rude to leave the table,” Lacey said and ate the tiniest bite of chicken ever.

“This is not the wisest path to walk down,” Merlin warned.

“Want me to go with you?” Eggsy asked out of nowhere.

Lacey looked at him. “Eggsy, I don’t want to.”

“I know, but we go you literally say, Happy Christmas Mum, and come right back, and then we get to eat biscuits, yeah? And no one ends up on time out or with lost privileges going into Christmas eve.”

Lacey eventually nodded and Eggsy took her hand and they went across the hall to where Gretchen and Audy were talking to Susan. Lacey held up her arms and Eggsy picked her up. He had thought he’d stay in the hall but if she needed him he was there. He walked over and Audy twisted her phone.

Eggsy looked at Susan. He could see a bit of her in Audy, Gretchen had her hair colour. “Hello, Happy Christmas,” he said to her.

“Eggsy, I hear a lot about you, Happy Christmas,” she said. “Lacey, my dear, you’ve grown again.”

“Happy Christmas, Susan,” Lacey said. “Okay, I did what you asked Eggsy. Now we can go back.”

“What the -” Gretchen was shocked at the rudeness.

Audy looked at Lacey clutching Eggsy and just touched Gretchen’s arm. “It’s fine,” Audy said. She looked to Eggsy, and Eggsy really wished he could read her like how she read everyone else. Audy nodded to the door and Eggsy took Lacey out and went to the stairs and sat on them.

“You need to talk about that?” Eggsy asked.

“She’s a stranger, Eggsy,” Lacey said. “I know she’s my mum, and I know she loves me. But, it’s a love that makes me sad. And you give me love that makes me feel happy and safe. You went out and got me the new ballet shoes. She doesn’t even remember I take ballet. And it hurts trying to make it feel like normal families. Especially since you gave me normal.”

“Honey, we’re not normal.”

Lacey leaned against him. “She’s distant family. You’re family. Don’t need her.”

“Aww, baby, we always need our mums.”

“I got my dads. I’m good.”

“I’m going to have to tell your dad about this, you know.”

“I know but it can wait until after Christmas right?”

“Yeah, I can let it sit until then. But you are right, you got your dad, Merlin ain’t ever going anywhere.”

Lacey giggled. “You are so silly, Eggsy.”

“Why? What’d I say?”

“That I just have Dad.”

“Well sure, you have Uncle Harry, and all your sisters.”

“And you,” Lacey said and kissed his cheek. “I have you too, Daddy.” She slid off his lap and went back to the dining table.

Audy came out of the other room and came over to him. “Eggsy, are you having a stroke? You look like you are having a stroke.”

Lacey hadn’t meant it. It was just emotions from Susan. It was all good. “Fine,” he croaked, “Shouldn’t have had that egg roll.”

“Okay,” she said, not believing him. “Come on, Dad’s going to put on Muppet Christmas Carol any minute now.”

“Muppets are good,”  Eggsy said and Audy helped him up. “Muppets are great.”

“You are not okay,” she said.

“Will be.” It wasn’t weird or scary at all. Not a bit. They went to the table and Lacey looked at him.

“Eggsy, you need to do your fortune cookie.”

Eggsy breathed easier, it had all been a slip of the tongue. It was fine and back to normal. He cracked open his cookie. “I’m going on a long journey, big shocker with how I travel.”

Audy snorted a bit and he looked at her and just got a bland smile in return.

“Time for muppets!” Merlin shouted happily and they all went to settle in front of the telly.

*****************************

“You’ll need a cauldron of hot chocolate,” Michelle said as she walked into the kitchen. “Going to be a lot of wet and chilled people soon. Oh lord, you make hot chocolate with actual chocolate?”

Merlin had a large pot on the stove and was adding chocolate in slowly, “Is there another way to make it?” He began to stir. “You didn’t want to play in the snow?”

Michelle rolled her eyes, “No,” she said.

“Your boyfriend did,” he looked over his shoulder at her. “I did a little research on him.”

“Because you are a fanboy,” she joked.

“True, and also because he has an interesting in you and Daisy and I knew it would help Eggsy sleep at night. Not so much as a parking ticket.”

“Would have thought a speeding ticket or two.”

“No, he is a very good man.” Merlin turned the hot chocolate down low. “And do not suggest that you are not a good woman.”

“I’m not,” Michelle sat at the table. Merlin grabbed a ladle and served her up a bit of the hot chocolate and pulled a mini bottle of orange liquor from his pocket and added it to her mug and then his. “See? Spiking the hot chocolate when it is 10am? Don’t do that for a good woman.”

“No, I only do that for the best women. My mother used to do this for herself, many many moons ago. Apparently I was a wee bit hyper around Christmas.”

“How do you cope with all those girls? Eggsy was brutal.”

“Long bathroom breaks,” Merlin replied. He laughed, “when she was a teenager Audy was researching irritable bowel syndrome and insisting I see the doctor and I explained to her that the was place I had a 30% chance of being left alone and took advantage. She was shocked that sometimes parents need breaks. Are human.”

Michelle had to laugh, “I’m just happy Daisy still crashes so early, she goes so hard, she just collapses.” She took a sip of hot chocolate, “And how do I go back to powdered after this?”

“Ye don’t, I’ve ruined you.”

“Honey, I was ruined a long time ago.”

“Dented some, but not ruined.”

“At some point, I will have to tell him who I was, Merlin, and he’ll walk away.”

“Then he isn’t worthy of you,” Merlin reached out and squeezed her hand. He took a sip of hot chocolate. “Mmm,” he said.

Michelle drank some more as well. “I screwed up a lot with Eggsy, and can’t claim that any of who he is now is because of me, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t fill my heart, that I don’t -”

“Michelle, I am going to do my best to never hurt him,” Merlin promised.

She shook her head. “No, I am begging you, when he breaks your heart, that you forgive him.”

“Michelle, he won’t,” Merlin protested.

Michelle gave him a sad smile, “He’s learned a lot of bad lessons from me, and maybe he won’t. Just promise me, you’ll give him a second chance.”

“You say he fills your heart, but you doubt him so?” Merlin shook his head. “No, you don’t have to worry about this.”

“I hope so, I really do,” Michelle said. “It is really good hot chocolate.”

“Thank you,” Merlin replied. He would have said more, defended Eggsy but they were soon invaded and he had to serve up drinks to the shivering people.

************************************

Audy went up to the room she was sharing with Gretchen and closed the door. She stared at her phone as she sat on the bed. She checked her email, played a game, read twitter and generally tried to talk herself out of what she was about to do. 

She didn’t have the number in there anymore, but it was memorized. Audy dialed and waited. When she got voice mail, she quickly hung up.

Audy paced around the room and changed into pajamas. Put her hair into pigtails. Went to the loo, came back, grateful that no one was around. Gretchen would kick her ass for making this call. Or for chickening out on the call. It was hard to tell.

She dialed again and took deep slow breaths and this time when the voicemail beep happened she was prepared. “Roxy,” Audy said and had to clear her throat, it still shouldn’t hurt so much to just say her name. “Roxy, I just wanted to call to wish you happy Christmas. I wish...I it is so stupid but Christmas is about wishes isn’t it? I wish we had made it, that you were here. I think it would have been fun to have you here too. But we didn’t make it, and eventually I’ll be okay with it. And that...that isn’t about you. I’m not mad at you for ending it, because you had to for you, I think. More than anything Roxy, I hope you find happiness, something to anchor you to this world so that you don’t get lost in the job. That’s my Christmas wish, that you don’t get lost. Be merry, Roxy, and make your own Christmas wish, okay? For me, because I know you don’t believe in that sort of thing. Happy Christmas.”

Audy hung up and wiped her tears away. She ached but felt better for making the phone call. When she opened the door, her dad was out in the hall. “Hiya,” she tried to smile and when he opened his arms she fell against him.

“She’ll find her way back to you,” Merlin said and stroked her hair. “She is dimmer than she used to be. A bit of spark gone.”

“Keep her safe, Da,” Audy begged. “As much as you can, as your team can? I know I shouldn’t ask, but I have to.”

“I will do better than my best.”

“Thank you,” she leaned against him. “Is it stupid to hope?”

“No, many things are stupid in this world my love, but hope is never one of them.”

They stayed hugging in the hall, a moment of quiet and healing for Audy until they were called down to play board games.

*************************************************

Eggsy was antsy. He wanted to play Santa but had to wait until Merlin gave them the all clear. All the kids had been down for an hour, even the adult kids which surprised him, but he guessed they were determined to keep the magic alive for the younger ones, which he had to appreciate. “It has to be all clear by now,” Eggsy whispered.

Harry shook his head, “We hold,” he whispered back. Sean was dozing in a chair and Michelle was making the adults tea. 

Eggsy shook his head this was overly cautious and then he heard a noise. Small, almost scuttling. He tilted his head and tried to place it.

Merlin was circling the tree and watching it. “There,” he said and reached into the tree and pulled out a small hex bug that had a tiny camera on it. He smiled at the camera. “Bethany,” he said, “Nice try but sorry no catching Santa on camera. Us parents have to look out for the big guy.” He took the camera off the toy and crushed the camera. “Excuse me, I should return the bug,” he told them.

“Damn,” Eggsy said, “I’m a little impressed. We really should get her to come to work for us instead of being an astronaut.”

“How is a tailor better than an astronaut?” Sean asked only half awake.

“Don’t worry about it,” Michelle told him, hearing him as she brought the tea tray in. She put it down and went over and covered him in a blanket. Her hand reached to smooth his hair but stopped halfway.

“Okay,” Sean agreed. “Wake me when you need something carried.” He fell back into that half asleep state.

Merlin came back downstairs. “Bethany is awake but not for much longer, the way she was blinking. And Audy and Gretchen will make sure she doesn’t get loose. After we drink the tea we should be good to go.”

Eggsy’s leg was bouncing, he was so eager to get this going. He had done this for Daisy her first Christmas but she had only learned how to hold herself up so not like she remembered. Merlin sat next to him and pulled him into his lap and Eggsy stilled himself. “I’m excited,” Eggsy whispered.

“Oh really?” Merlin teased. “I could hardly tell.” 

“Shut it, this is magic here, okay?”

“Aye it is,” Merlin replied and kissed his head. They were all quiet and eventually Harry and Merlin exchanged a look and were in agreement. “Now,” Merlin said and gifts were brought out from various hiding places. Sean was nudged awake and he went to his room and brought down a lot.

Eggsy decided to work on the stockings, since Merlin was working on the Santa lay out. He put a satsuma and toothbrush into each one, and then chocolate for a lot of them, but dried fruit for Bethany and the sourest candy to be found in the world in Gretchen’s. Nail polish, and lip balms, and lego mini figure bags were spread among the stockings, some coffee shop gift cards, and then his personal addition a tiny stuffed animal for each one. He had taken forever making sure to get a stuffie that matched each person on this trip, but he thought he did well. The stockings were nice and plump but not so full they’d fall down.

He turned and Merlin and Harry had a very efficient wrapping system going, clearly years of practice and Sean was helping Michelle place the gifts when they were done. Eggsy wished he could take photos but it was just too much a risk in case little eyes saw them before they were ready. “What can I do?” Eggsy asked.

“Go get the champagne that is chilling,” Harry suggested. “There are two bottles.” 

“On it,” Eggsy said and went to the kitchen and found them and the glasses and when he returned, Harry was whisking away all the rubbish and Merlin was nudging a couple items and nodding to himself. “Santa didn’t go overboard,” Eggsy was a little surprised.

“Santa is for a few things, but there are many kids who don’t have much,” Merlin said. “Better that Santa is a board game, a doll, and more flashy stuff can come from fathers,” he looked to Michelle, “and mothers.”

Harry opened a bottle with barely a pop and began to pour out. Sean laughed. “Had more of these poured over my head than I have actually drunk.”

“That reminds me I want to talk to ye about -”

“Later, babe,” Eggsy said.

Harry cleared his throat. “To Christmas magic and the eternal possibility that it brings.”

“To Christmas magic,” everyone said. Merlin looked at Harry with a raised brow and Harry just smiled and nodded.  Eggsy drank his champagne as Harry recited from memory Twas the Night Before Christmas in that perfectly posh voice of his, but it held such warmth and love, that it made Eggsy feel so soft.

They all sat and drank the champagne and stared at the tree in a moment of quiet contentment.

“I don’t know how yours is, Michelle, but morning will come very very quickly with Clara around,” Merlin said. It wasn’t near midnight yet, but it wasn’t unreasonable to expect a child bullet to hit a parent bed at 5am. Glasses were taken to the kitchen and quickly cleaned and Harry and Merlin double checked there was no hint that it wasn’t Santa who had done it all. Everyone went to their rooms and Harry kissed both Merlin and Eggsy goodnight.

“I have Christmas pajamas for ye,” Merlin told Eggsy and handed him a set decorated in fairy lights. His had wreaths covering them. He dressed in the full set, and Eggsy just went for bottom half. They crawled into bed and Merlin rested his head on Eggsy’s heart. “I hope ye like your gifts.”

“I am going to love them. And if you hate what I got you, just pretend to love it, okay?”

Merlin nodded and Eggsy had a hand on his neck and his other was playing with Merlin’s hand that wasn’t squished between their bodies. “Eggsy?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“It isn’t a gift gift per se, but I had a Christmas wish and it was about you.”

“Aren’t we supposed to keep wishes secret?” 

“Wouldn’t do me any good to keep it a secret, sometimes wishes need a little help to happen.”

Eggsy laughed that felt like such a Merlin answer. “What’s the wish then?”

“That you move in, permanently. Not just the few nights a week.  But that all your shoes, and everything you value, and you, were with us.”

“What would the girls think?”

“We had a family meeting, you are very wanted.”

Eggsy bit his lip and felt his eyes fill. “Yeah?” His voice was thick, the word bit off so it didn’t carry the weight of his whole heart.

Merlin sat up and looked at him. “I didn’t wrap the key to the house or anything like that. Mainly because ye are already in the security system. I don’t sleep as well when you leave, and am always happiest on Thursdays now because that is the night you stay. So...stay.”

“Even my sofa?”

“No, your sofa is rubbish, but that recliner chair can come.”

It was a fair point. “I want to stay,” Eggsy said. He pulled Merlin down for a kiss. What started as a kiss of promise turned darker, deeper and Eggsy rolled on top of Merlin. “I would love to move in, Hamish,” he said when they broke apart. He rolled his hips against Merlin and Merlin pushed up against him automatically for a moment before freezing.

“Eggsy?”

“I want to fuck you,” Eggsy said.

“We didn’t pack anything because of your no sex in the house with kids,” Merlin pointed out.

“Bugger,” Eggsy groaned.

“Well no, that is rather the exact point I’m making.” Merlin laughed at him. “Now is when you decide to be okay with it. Now when it isn’t only the girls, it is your mother and sister and your mother’s future boyfriend.”

“They are all well below us with tons of stone in between us and we are having the type of moment that should have shagging,” Eggsy protested.

“Harry is 10 metres away. Not even,” Merlin gestured in the direction of the room Harry was in.

“He sleeps like the dead when not on a mission,” Eggsy said. “Right I have lotion in my travel bag.”

“You are not fucking me with just lotion as lube,” Merlin said. “I’m not 23 and a moron.”

“Okay, now I know something about you and Susan, and isn’t that an interesting thing to learn right now?” Eggsy goosed his side. “Not going to fuck your arse with lotion, but it would help intercrural yeah?”

“That is a lovely idea,” Merlin said and Eggsy got out of bed to get the lotion. He did a quick check and sure enough Harry was asleep. He went back to Merlin and saw that Merlin’s pajamas were already on the ground and he took his off as well. 

“No passing out right after, because those all need to go back on,” Eggsy said. “Not having a dick incident Christmas morning.”

“Indeed,” Merlin agreed and pulled Eggsy down for another kiss. 

40 minutes later they put their pajamas back on and Eggsy wrapped around Merlin. “You’ll remember tomorrow that you asked me, yeah?” He was worried that maybe all of this was a Christmas dream.

“I will,” Merlin promised. “Been wanting to ask you for months.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Never felt like the right time.”

“Well, this was the perfect time.”

“Does it mean once you move in, we can have sex in the house?” Merlin yawned, exhausted.

“Yeah, we can fuck in the house,” Eggsy said, finally over that personal hangup. 

Merlin didn’t respond to that, already snoring. Eggsy kissed his head and rolled over and hoped maybe it would be 7am before one of the girls woke up.

**********************************************

“Coffee,” Eggsy whimpered as the girls and Ben tore into their stockings. Harry handed him a cup looking perfectly rested even though it was 5:53am. “I hate you,” he said.

“Open your stocking,” Harry told him and then Harry sat and oohed and ahhed over everything in his stocking, looking quite dapper in his bathrobe and candy cane pajamas. Eggsy realized that everyone was in new pajamas purchased by Merlin.

He was such a softy.

“Santa got me a rock!” Bethany exclaimed happily and held up the uncracked geode. “It’s brilliant.”

Sean was clearly confused but smiled, “He always knows what to get people, magic right there, matching the gift to the kid.”

“Mama! Santa did find me,” Daisy shouted as she tore open a package. “Lookit the new Stuffie!”

“It is a wonderful one,” Michelle agreed. “Look at all the pretty colours on the wings.”

“It is so great,” Daisy hugged and hugged and forgot there were a few more things.

Everyone exclaimed over what Santa gave them, while all the adults took pictures and then Audy started to hand out other gifts.

“Well now thank ye, Ben,” Merlin said as he opened the dvds.

“I just thought you might like the old show Danger Man,” Ben replied and smiled. Eggsy choked on his coffee at the deadpan look Merlin gave him back. “It’s really brilliant. Suave spies and saving the day and all that.”

“Well, I look forward to watching it,” Merlin said and set the dvds aside. Gretchen was snickering as she held her new leather paintbrush roll. 

There was just paper and tissue everywhere and Eggsy opened clothes and books and other things.

“Why thank you, Michelle, thought you didn’t have to,” Harry said and was admiring a pocket square.

“Saw it in a shop, and thought the colour just suited you,” she replied. “Thank you for the chocolates, they look decadent.”

“Not at all,” Harry said and put it down carefully.

It was probably polyester and 1/10th the price of what Harry wore, but he was treating it as incredibly important and Eggsy really appreciated that.

“Eggsy, this is from me!” Daisy said and handed him a very creatively wrapped package. “I wrapped it myself.”

“You did a wonderful job,” he told her and opened it. Inside was a tin that had a plaster indent of her hand painted with a great deal of blue and yellow glitter paint. “It is perfect,” he told her and pulled her in for a hug. “I love love love it.”  He looked over and it seemed Merlin was hugging a framed blueprint of a car, so he guessed that was his gift from Sean. Eggsy wondered if his gift would compare to that.

“Eggsy, you are taking me to the ballet?”

“Yeah the doll one, Coppelia? Just you and me, all dressed up and going to the ballet next month.”

Lacey dove through everyone to hug him. “Thank you, Daddy,” she said against his chest and he looked around but no one heard her say that. 

Eggsy kissed her head. “You are welcome, hun.”

Lacey went back to her pile and there were regular shouts and mayhem and happiness and then Audy handed her dad a box. “This one is from Eggsy.”

Gretchen crawled through the paper and hugged Eggsy’s leg to reassure him.

Merlin looked at Eggsy and smiled, “I love it.”

“That’s great, now open it.”

Merlin tore the paper off and opened the box and just stared. He stared for so long, the room when quiet waiting for him to respond. And there was just more silence.

“Commissioned a friend of Gretchen’s, with the idea. They do metalwork and well it was something I saw on Pinterest, really cheesy, but like they made it cool. I think. Maybe. Hamish, you really need to say something. Please?” Eggsy was getting ready to panic.

Merlin opened his mouth and had to close it again. He shook his head and reached out a hand. Eggsy did not understand but Harry quickly gave him the pocket square so that he could wipe his eyes. “Eggsy, it is astonishing,” he managed to say before he had to wipe his eyes again. He lifted the box so everyone could see.

It was a family tree.

Metalwork, all these twisting coppers and bronzes, with bits of steel as well. The branches were all hard angles but with delicate leaves dangling and from each branch hung a photo of one of the girls that Eggsy had taken over the last few months. “The one root the pattern on it is DNA,” Eggsy explained, “For Susan. And the bird hovering on the one branch, that is Harry looking out for all of you.”

“I love it,” Merlin repeated. “I love ye so much, Eggsy.”

It was the first time Merlin had said it. It was a better gift than everything else he had gotten. Eggsy looked at Merlin as Gretchen pinched his leg, to make him say something. “I love you too,” he replied. The two men stared at each other, forgetting how full the room was.

“Yes!” Clara crowed, “Lookit this book on the history of spy gadgets in movies!”

The tension and moment was broken and the last of the gifts were opened.

“I am going to make breakfast, and then everyone is to stay out of the kitchen, unless specifically summoned by myself or an angel of the lord.” Harry stood up. “Play with your toys, watch movies, but that is henceforth my domain to make Christmas supper and there will be no interference.”

“I always loved the smell of Christmas dinner,” Sean said. “Mum always let me sit with her, needed the quiet from all the cousins.”

“You will be permitted in at 1pm, to provide continued inspiration for my labour,” Harry offered charitably.

“Oi will you stop hitting on my boyfriend!” Michelle told him. Everyone turned and looked at her including Sean. “I mean...future boyfriend...maybe?”

“I was going to ask you out,” Sean said. “Eventually.”

“Looks like eventually is today, bruv,” Eggsy told him.

“Michelle would you go out to dinner with me?” Sean asked.

“I would love to,” Michelle answered. “Okay then, you can inspire Harry away.” Sean blushed as Harry winked at him and disappeared into the kitchen.

“I can’t even see the floor, there is so much wrapping paper,” Eggsy said in awe, now that everything was open.

“Hmm?” Merlin couldn’t stop tracing his fingers over his Christmas gift from Eggsy.

“I’ll take care of it,” Eggsy said and he and Michelle began to clean up while everyone poked at their gifts. Sean helped Daisy open a few of her toys and Gretchen was painting Ben’s toes, while Clara and Bethany read, and Audy put bows in Lacey’s hair.

The rest of the day was playing with gifts and watching movies and at 12:30, Harry asked Eggsy to help him in the kitchen.

“What you need, Harry?” Eggsy asked happy to assist. Harry had changed into trousers and a shirt and had an apron over it. The kitchen was already smelling divine.

Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. “This is for you.”

“You gave me that jumper, Harry. It was the softest thing I’ve ever felt.”

“I’m never going to have biological children, Eggsy.” Harry stirred something on the stove, not looking at him. “And I have an old family. Things that get passed down to eldest sons. So I am passing it down.”

Eggsy opened the small package and it was a wax stamp, an odd thing to be sure. It had a crest that he could almost make out on it. “Harry?”

“You give it to your eldest to show how he is going to carry on your name. It has been in my family for three hundred years,” Harry would not look up. “I like to think if I had had a son, he would have turned out at least half as good as you, dear boy.”

Eggsy put the box down very carefully and went and wrapped his arms around Harry. “I had a dad, and he was a good man.”

“The best,” Harry replied.

“But he is hazy. You and me, we ain’t perfect by any stretch and we annoy the fuck out of each other,” Eggsy smiled at the laugh that rumbled through Harry. “But I am proud to be your family, Harry. I’ll treasure it.”

Harry squeezed the hands that were against his stomach. “Enough of this, please send in the inspiration.”

Eggsy laughed and pressed a gentle kiss in between Harry’s shoulders. “Love you Harry.”

“Yes, we’re all full of love today, aren’t we?”

“Christmas day, Harry, best day to share all those gooey feelings.” A last squeeze and he let go and went back to the family room with the small box. He sat on the sofa and Merlin put his head in Eggsy’s lap and drifted off and Daisy and Lacey were both asleep on the ground. Gretchen and Ben had disappeared and Eggsy wasn’t going to look into that too much, and Audy was reading on her phone. 

“I think I can make you that,” Bethany said staring at Clara’s book.

“Can you show me how to make it?”

“We can do it together. Bors will get us the explosives.”

Eggsy was really going to pretend he didn’t hear that and fell into a light nap as well. At supper they all did crackers and wore paper crowns and Harry provided a feast that would have made professional chefs weep. The duck smelled divine, and there was a ham as well and sides that almost made the table groan.

Merlin raised his glass. “To Harry for creating this incredible Christmas feast. And to Eggsy for coming up with the idea for this Christmas. I have already booked this castle for next Christmas as well.” There was a rousing cheer for that. “To family. To friends. To the warmth and joy that we all bring to each other, may we carry that in our hearts always. Happy Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas,” everyone said.

Eggsy had hoped for a Christmas like in the movies.

What he got was even better.


	15. Chapter 15

“So how was the ballet?” Roxy was carefully folding clothes into a suitcase and just hung her head when Eggsy began to toss them in a rubbish bag.

“Good?” Eggsy said. “I think. I definitely did not fall asleep, just so we are clear.”

“Did you snore?” She looked over him and smiled a bit.

“No, I know that,” Eggsy replied. “And to be fair I was suffering some epic jet lag.”

“It was sweet that you made it back in time. Merlin would have filled in, if the mission had gone long.”

Eggsy threw some trainers into the bag as well and tied the top. “No fucking way, Lacey been let down enough. I bought those tickets, I was going to the show, no matter what. Merlin filled in enough. Was going to take my girl to the ballet, even if it put me to sleep.”

“Eggsy…” Roxy closed the suitcase.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing, I’ll just put this in the hall.”

“Cool, now linens. Think Merlin wants my sheets as spares?” 

“You are moving into a fully set house, Eggsy, you don’t need half the things you are bringing.”

That made Eggsy feel off, like someone he was being erased, which he knew wasn’t the case. Other than the couch, which was nasty, Merlin and he agreed that Eggsy could bring whatever he wanted. “They have good thread count,” Eggsy replied.

Roxy looked at his bed. “Maybe for blanket forts for the girls?”

“Yeah. Yeah that could work.” Eggsy went to the wardrobe and pulled down the spare sets. “I’ll throw my tea cups in the middle keep them from breaking.”

“Is that what you’re calling your balls these days?” Roxy shouted from down the hall. 

“Shove off,” Eggsy said and took the sheets and an afghan that he didn’t actually know he owned and lined a box with them and put his tea cup collection in very carefully. It was five tea cups but they were stupid and frivolous and just, they made him happy. He didn’t go looking to collect them, but if he was walking by a shop and one caught his eye, well he picked it up. He tried to get them wrapped quickly but Roxy noticed.

“Eggsy, is that a Prince William wedding tea cup? A really cheap one? Not even an official one?”

“I like that this nose is wonky and her last name is spelled wrong, okay?” Eggsy hunched his shoulders in a bit. 

“It’s kitsch for tourists, good lord Eggsy, didn’t the Kingsman give you better taste than this?” Roxy joked.

“It is ugly and lonely and it was sad in the shop so I bought it.”

“It is a tea cup, Eggsy, not a puppy.”

“You’re just jealous because I’m moving in with the person I love,” Eggsy snapped, feeling a little hurt that Roxy made fun of something that mattered to him, even if he couldn’t fully explain why. It took a second and then what he said registered. “Fuck, Rox, I’m an idiot.”

“It’s fine,” she dismissed and carefully covered his tea cups. “Not like I’m in love.”

Eggsy pulled her in for a hug. “You could call her.”

“I can’t change my mind on this,” Roxy whispered. “It just isn’t the right time for us.” She burrowed in. “Me. It isn’t the right time for me, and by the time it is, if it ever is, she’ll have long moved on.” 

“She still loves you,” Eggsy promised. He knew this was a fact, though he hadn’t seen her much since Christmas, mostly coming and going, and taco night. “You could…”

“No, Eggsy, I’m not ready for forever with someone, not when I might not come home. To make that kind of commitment? Knowing I’ll be injured maybe worse than last time. Maybe dead? To do that to her? What if we had kids? That would be cruel.”

“I’m managing,” Eggsy said.

“It’s different, Merlin knows the score. And they aren’t your kids,” Roxy gave him a shrug. “It’s just different than what she and I would have built if we had gone on. And I couldn’t do that.”

Eggsy frowned at her. “Roxy, I love those girls. Wouldn’t be moving in if I wasn’t willing to be there for them.”

“I don’t mean it -” Roxy was clearly struggling to find the right words and Eggsy was not going to help her. “I’m sorry. I just mean, it is different Eggsy, and you know it.”

“Sure,” Eggsy said.

“Eggsy, I’m sorry.”

“Just help me load the van,” Eggsy said but he squeezed her shoulder as he went by. She was still hurting and it was fine. It was all fine. They loaded up the van and she apologized again and he gave her a hug and the Kingsman driver took him over to the house. Merlin was waiting and when the van stopped he began to pull out Eggsy’s boxes.

“Last of it?” Merlin asked.

“No, near though. More the final go through, double check,” Eggsy explained and grabbed a box. “Get it finished on the weekend.”

“Wonderful,” Merlin smiled at him.

“You look happy.”

“Ye are almost all the way moved in. That is a very happy thing.” Merlin looked down the lane and there was a woman walking to them. He bobbled his box a bit and Eggsy looked over. It was a dark blonde, he didn’t recognize her at first and then he properly looked at her face.

“Wot the fuck did Audy do to he asked.

“She said she wanted a change, seemed she went close to natural.”

“Natural? Her hair is black.”

“No, it isn’t. Haven’t you looked through the photo albums?” Merlin put the box back in the van and took Audy’s hands when she got to them. “My dear, stunning.”

“Looks odd. Been years.” Audy touched her hair. She had been growing out the bangs since the breakup and now it was a different colour. “Eggsy you like?”

“That’s close to natural?” He stared at her in shock. “Almost the same colour as me.”

Audy stared at him and they both laughed. “Weird,” she said. “Give me a box.” The three bring them into the house and Eggsy breathed in.

“Hmmmm, stew,” he said. “My fav.”

“I know,” Merlin replied and kissed his cheek. “Don’t suppose these are organized or labelled?”

“Nope, each box is an adventure.” Eggsy put it down and went to get more. The rubbish bag at least he knew went to the bedroom. Short work was made getting the boxes in and while Merlin finished dinner Audy helped Eggsy sort.

She giggled. “This is the best teacup ever!” She looked at Prince William. “It’s wonderful.”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” Eggsy smiled at the sad cup. “I love it.”

“Of course you do. Tea cups are something grandparents collect, and families lament when they pass on and you have to deal with this hutch full of the fuckers that no one wants. No one will have ever had anything to hand down to you, so you create your own collection.”

“Audy, remember?” Eggsy asked softly.

“Sorry,” she winced, “No reading your soul.”

“Right.”

“Especially when I have a favour to ask of you?” Audy gave him a smile.

“Of course, love, whatever you need.”

“Go to the gym with me?”

Eggsy blinked. “What that’s it? Workout with you a little?”

“Yeah there is this wall thing? You run and jump and then pull the pegs up and put them into the next hole and I cannot do it. And I want to. It is my workout goal this stupid wall.”

“Sure,” Eggsy said. He thought about his work schedule which was mostly reports and some joint training with Tristan. “Saturday morning?”

“7?”

“Fuck off with that, baby. 8.” Eggsy showed her the teacup that had a dick painted on the bottom. “Think we hide this one on a top shelf?”

“Yeah.”

“Eggsy, want to get the girls? Dinner is ready,” Merlin called.

“You got it.” Eggsy jumped up and went to corral everyone.

***********************************************

“This isn’t that hard, the key is when to time the jump, use a push off the wall, a sort of swing out to pull the peg out and move it up. Watch.” Eggsy took a run and jump and was on the wall and he moved the pegs up a few as he climbed and then just let go and fell. There was a ladder against the wall and he climbed to move them back down for Audy. “You’ve tried?”

“Yup and managed to grip them, and then fell.”

“Okay, run and jump and I’ll spot you a little.”

“Sure,” Audy said. Eggsy watched her move back and take a few breaths. She ran at the wall and jumped and he put his hands on her waist and moved her, to show her how to swing. She lost her grip and he easily caught her. 

“Again,” he said, and the next try was better. Her face was growing more stubborn and it was making the Merlin in her features really stand out - it was adorable. He could tell she was frustrated but this was a hard task and he was going to switch her off, her arms had to be burning, when she growled a little. “Wait, Audy, no,” he said and she just ran and leaped at the wrong time and angle and went tits first into the wall.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” she screamed and hugged her chest and was on the ground gasping for air.

“Fuck, baby, you okay?” Eggsy asked. He crouched down beside her. “Come on, you gotta let me know if you hurt yourself.” He began to rub her back.

“I ran my tits into a wall - of course I am not okay!” she yelled at him. A few people turned and looked at them.

“I’ll get an ice pack.” Eggsy looked around and saw a bit aways away a girl wearing an id. He hurried over. “Right, hi. Yeah. Boob injury.”

“I’m sorry?” She took a step away.

“Ugh that sounded insane. My family, there -” Eggsy gestured behind him. “She did the jump wrong. Ice pack? Help?” The woman looked beyond Eggsy and winced. “Oh I can guess what happened. Give me a moment.”

Eggsy went back to Audy. “Relief is on its way.”

“Tits hurt.”

“I know and I’d massage the ache away but that would be the third creepiest thing ever,” Eggsy said and kept rubbing her back.

“Third?”

“Scientology, and the way Gretchen now says the word babies to me.”

Audy nodded and the air was clearly coming back into her lungs. The woman came over to them. “Hi, this will help, I’ve done that,” she explained and handed a compress to Audy. Audy put in on her chest and sighed. 

“Thank you. It smells nice.”

“Lavender, I sewed that with lentils and rice. Keep it in the freezer, and you can bake it for heat.”

“Clever,” Audy said and looked at the girl. 

Eggsy looked between them. “Yeah, thanks for your help.”

“Natalie,” she said and smiled at Audy. “I’ve seen you in here. Your hair is different.”

“Went closer to natural.”

“Highlights the family resemblance between you and your brother,” Natalie replied. “He was really worried about you.”

“Oh, wait, no I’m not -” Eggsy began but was cut off.

“Could you help me up?” Audy asked Natalie. “And I think the wall was a little much for me. You work here. Something other than weights you recommend?”

“Yeah, I’m a personal trainer. I could work with you on a plan?” Natalie bit her lip and Eggsy glared at her a little. Audy was still heartbroken. No flirting with his girl while she was still bruised.

“You know, plans are best discussed with something in hand,” Audy replied, “like a drink from the coffee shop across the street?”

Eggsy felt his jaw drop.

“I’m on break in 30?” Natalie’s voice squeaked a little.

“I’ll go shower,” Audy said and handed her back the compress. She winked and went down the hall.

Eggsy was left with the trainer who was staring at his kid’s arse. “Oi, flirting on the job?”

“I’m sorry,” she said and flushed and Eggsy felt like shit.

“She had her heartbroken not too long ago,” Eggsy said, “Still loves the ex. Just don’t be expecting much. Feel like they might work it out.”

“Oh,” Natalie dimmed a little. “I see. Well. Here I make a lot of these, she can have this one. Tell her I got my break mixed up but she could set an appointment.” The girl went over to the treadmills and talked to an older man clearly doing pt.

Eggsy felt worse. Fuck. He went and got changed and when he came out Audy was clearly looking for Natalie. “Um, Audy?”

Audy took one look at him. “What did you do?”

“Screw up good,” Eggsy had to admit. “Told her you were still heartbroken and maybe even getting back together with your ex.” He waited for Audy to hit him or yell, or the million other things he deserved.

Instead she hugged him. He waited to feel poison course through his veins, but it was just a hug. “Thank you, Eggsy.”

“I fucked up and you are thanking me?”

“You are a loyal man, Eggsy. Trying to protect your friend, to protect me. And if you plant the idea that I might get back together with Roxy, that means you think she might still have feelings for me, or that there is a legit chance one day, I could be with her again.”

“So ignoring the pretty trainer?” Eggsy asked.

“No I am going to go over there and explain to her that my brother is a well meaning moron, who worries greatly about my heart, which I appreciate, but I am definitely not heartbroken, and definitely not planning to get back together with my ex.”

“I’m confused,” Eggsy said. He was thoroughly lost.

“I know, you’ll understand later, but just now you solidified something in my mind. The hair, the working out, a few other things were new year’s resolutions, kick in the pants because I had been mourning the end of a relationship almost as long as the relationship itself. And you sealed the deal on a part of it.” She kissed his cheek. “Go home. I need to buy a pretty girl coffee.”

Eggsy went home and found Merlin playing slime in the kitchen with Clara and Bethany. He joined in and when Merlin looked at him with a raised brow, he just shook his head. It would all play out later, he figured. They played slime and when he and Merlin had a moment alone, he explained the gym and was relieved that Merlin didn’t understand what Audy had meant either. 

“She’s a grown woman, though, Eggsy, you shouldn’t have interfered like that.”

“I know but...I just don’t want her to have anymore heartbreak.”

“Coffee seldom breaks hearts.” Merlin wrapped an arm around Eggsy as they sat on the couch with some tea.

“Fuck, it is just hard, yeah?”

“It is. I know they still hold each other in their hearts, but that is for them to decide what portion that is.”

Eggsy leaned against Merlin. “The girl was cute.”

“Audy tends to have excellent taste in women.” They heard thumps and running upstairs and Eggsy started to stand to investigate, but Merlin kept him in place. “Doll war, or some such. It is fine.”

“You sure?”

“Aye. We will be needed soon enough. Enjoy the time until then.” They sat and talked about nothing in particular and the front door opened. Audy walked by and then came in. She sat across from them. “Hello, dear,” Merlin said and she just shook her head a bit.

Eggsy watched Merlin sit up and then they just started staring at each other. It was so odd; it felt like the air was filling with words. Words that made the room feel heavier. Audy bit her lip and nodded. Her eyes were wet but her spine straight. “What’s going on? Who do I need to kill?” The moment was growing more charged.

“Does Gretchen know?” Merlin asked. Audy nodded. “And you are sure?” Another nod. “I understand. I just need a moment.” Merlin hurriedly left the room.

“Go after him,” Audy whispered to Eggsy.

Eggsy bolted and found Merlin in their room, sitting on the edge of the bed, palms pressed against his eyes. “Babe?” he sat down, careful of the glasses on the bed. “What’s going on?”

“She’s moving out of the garage and into her own flat,” Merlin said.

“You got all that from her just looking at you?”

“She’s been changing things in her life, changing her world approach. Beginning anew. And that means leaving.” Merlin wiped his eyes. “And this time, she will stay gone. My baby is leaving Eggsy, and it is good and right, but my baby is leaving.” 

Eggsy leaned against him and held him close as a few tears fell.

Audy told the family at dinner, and Clara shouted and ran away from the table. Lacey crawled into her lap and cuddled. Bethany moved to the seat next to her. “I will still be here every taco night, nothing would keep me away. And weekends, and I’ll come over tons, whenever you need me.”

“We need you,” Bethany said.

“You still have Gretch, and more importantly you have Eggsy now, you are set. And I need this. For me.”

“This is my fault? Me moving in wasn’t supposed to kick you out!” Eggsy was horrified.

“No, Eggsy, it isn’t like that,” Audy said. “It just made me realize, you and Dad changing, that I wasn’t. I stay here, I stay a daughter, a sister, a heartbroken friend. And I need to be more,” Audy said. “I’m 24, Eggsy, going to be 25, time to leave the nest.”

“Because of me,” Eggsy said.

“Because of me,” Audy promised him. “You are just a part of the whole. This is the right thing.”

“I know a decent flat with a shit couch, and comfy bed,” Eggsy said. 

“It’s a Kingsman flat, is that allowed?” Audy replied. “Dad?”

“I think an arrangement can be made,” Merlin said. 

“It is a decent flat, not too many stops on the tube for your work,” Eggsy offered. He gave her a smile, “Decent water pressure, and excellent security.”

“I think it a not bad plan.”

“Spare room for having your sisters for sleepovers,” Eggsy added.

Bethany perked up a little at that. “We could sleep over?”

“Absolutely,” Audy promised. Dinner continued and Audy went upstairs to talk to Clara. Lacey came and curled up in Eggsy’s lap. He tried to nudge her to Merlin but she clung and he just started to eat around her.

“It will be okay, little one, promise,” Eggsy said and kissed her head. “Lots of change all in a row huh?” Lacey nodded against him. “Yeah, I don’t like one of my girls leaving right when I get all of you.” He caught Merlin giving him a fond smile and smiled back.

Dinner was more somber after that and Merlin went to put a happy movie on, and Eggsy gathered the dishes. Audy came and helped him. “So thanking me? Me being a jackass is what pushed you to move out. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You aren’t wrong wrong, but you are thinking it wrong. I’m not mad about what you did,” Audy promised him. “But you were parenting there, Eggsy. You are three years older than me. And it isn’t good that for a second I was willing to let you go all concerned dad. I’ll not grow if I stay longer.” She hugged him. “You moving in, is good. Me moving out, is good. It was going to happen in the summer at the latest, but I realized that would be me just wanting to keep hiding. I’m a Young, we don’t hide from fuck all.”

“No, you don’t.” Eggsy squeezed her tight. “We’ll start moving you in next week, yeah?”

“Is the couch that bad?’

“Even worse,” Eggsy promised.

“Well, first proper solo flat should have a shit couch,” Audy laughed a little.

“How was Natalie?”

“Understanding. I did have to explain you weren’t my brother but my dad, and then explain all that.”

“Please don’t start calling me Dad,” Eggsy begged.

“What about Deggsy? A dad/Eggsy hybrid?”

“Oh fuck, that now tops the creepy list,” Eggsy said. “Why is everyone growing up? And so fast?”

“You’ve still got plenty of parenting you can do, don’t worry. And you’ll take care of Dad, right? Otherwise I’ll kill you.”

He ran his finger over the scar on her cheek. “I’ll look after him,” he promised. “I like you as blonde.”

“It’s a decent look.”

“Don’t ditch all the punk pin up though, it suits you too.”

“I won’t, I’m finding me in the middle.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Eggsy agreed. “But since you’ll be leaving soon, you can finish the dishes.”

“Fair enough,” Audy began to fill the dishwasher and hummed a little as she did it. Eggsy didn’t comment that it was Roxy’s favourite song she was humming. He went upstairs and settled into the family room. 

He guessed it was a good thing he hadn’t taken all his boxes back to the estate storage yet. 

And at least Ben waited until Audy had been gone a week to sneak into the garage flat.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> valentine's!!!!!

“I’m sorry, but I know I misheard you,” Eggsy said to Harry and Merlin.

“You did not, You leave on the tenth and if all goes well you return on the 16th,” Merlin replied calmly.

“Bullshit,” Eggsy said, “we can fiddle with the dates yeah?”

“I’m sorry, Galahad,” Harry said and gave him a look, “But that is when the man is travelling and you need to be shadowing him.”

“But, Harry,” Eggsy pleaded. “Valentine’s Day.”

“Exactly, and he is meeting his mistress and that will be the perfect time to plant our misinformation and steal certain documents and if we are very lucky have you get her on our side.”

“Oh you are not expecting me to fuck someone else on Valentine’s,” Eggsy warned them.

“Nae,” Merlin replied. He pulled up her dossier on the screen. “She hates him - a reasonable stance of course, but also does not see a way out. Security, protection, and a hefty bribe and she should be on board. Arthur and I have gone over this mission and Galahad it bests suits your skills and the time frame is exact. There is no moving it. At least New Orleans in February should be fairly enjoyable.”

Eggsy opened his mouth to protest but the deadly calm that was centered around both men made him quiet. He was a Kingsman and duty came first. He nodded and they went over the mission parameters twice and Eggsy agreed this was the only course of action. “I got it,” he said. “I’ll put in my weapons request after lunch.”

“Understood. Are you taking lunch now, Galahad?” Merlin asked.

“I am. Are you able to take a break as well, Merlin?”

“In about 15 minutes.”

“I imagine you know where to find me,” Eggsy said and gave a nod to Harry who managed to look both sympathetic and resolute. He went up to his and Merlin’s bedroom and paced, tried to burn off his frustration. When Merlin came in exactly fifteen minutes later, Eggsy pointed at him, “Fuck you.”

“Very well,” Merlin agreed and began to strip down.

“That isn’t what I meant and you know it. Don’t be cute,” Eggsy tried to glare but Merlin had his jumper and tie already off, and seriously seeing the man down to his shirt did something to Eggsy. Teen Eggsy would seriously wonder what the fuck happened that they found this sexy. “Do not think being naked will help you win this argument.”

Merlin looked down at himself, still fully dressed by anyone’s standards. “I’m...not?”

“Yeah you are, I see throat! And it’s distracting.”

“Am I Regency hussy, showing my ankles off?” Merlin looked at Eggsy and rolled the cuffs of his shirt up. “What about now? Am I completely scandalous?”

“Look, okay, I get it this isn’t as big a deal to you as it is to me. Fine.” Eggsy went and stared out the window. He was annoyed that they had gotten distracted. He was happy that when Merlin moved closer the man didn’t touch him, just gazed out the window as well. “Valentine’s is bullshit,” Eggsy said, “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want the bullshit. Our first bullshit living together.”

“Eggsy, I am upset too,” Merlin replied.

Eggsy stared at him. “You are?”

“Of course I am,” Merlin looked devastated. “The girls were already making plans. I was too.”

“You were?”

“Aye,” Merlin looked out at the grounds. “Eggsy I am the Kingsman’s quartermaster, I seldom have the luxury of responding to situations in the ways agents can. But that shouldn’t suggest I’m not gutted when things arise that affect our personal life. You can be pissed and Harry will accept it. I cannot.”

“Fuck, babe,” Eggsy groaned. Even dating Merlin, living with him, he fell into the trap that so many of the agents did - the belief that Merlin was a robot. He went and wrapped himself around Merlin. “I’m sorry.”

“And I’m sorry that we will not have our bullshit.”

“We can just do it a few days late, yeah?” Eggsy squeezed him tight. “Were you going to get me a box of chocolates in the shape of a heart?”

Merlin laughed a bit. “No, I had other plans. Which did involve the girl’s spending the night at Audy’s flat, and us getting to use items from the lock box under the bed.”

Eggsy made a happy noise at that. “The 18th, we do that?” He wasn’t quite begging.

“I think I can make arrangements.”

“Nice,” Eggsy sighed. They kept staring out the window. “Merlin?”

“Hmmm?”

“Does the job always come first, no matter what?” When Merlin was quiet, Eggsy figured it was answer enough. Merlin squeezed him tight.

“It does,” Merlin said finally, “no matter what else we want.”

“Then the girls, then us.”

“Is that a problem?”

Eggsy moved so he could look Merlin square in the eyes. “No. We need to make sure we matter yeah? Because we do. The us of us matters so fucking much, but they matter more.” He pulled Merlin into a kiss that was a promise but grew heated. “Work doesn’t need us right now, does it?”

“No,” Merlin said. “We have an hour before I’m needed.”

Eggsy smiled at him. “Shall we use it well?”

Merlin took a few steps back and for a moment Eggsy thought he had read the moment wrong, especially when Merlin unrolled his cuffs, but then Merlin started to undo the shirt buttons and Eggsy quickly stripped down, naked before Merlin even had his shirt off. “How do you wear so many layers?”

“Habit,” Merlin shrugged the shirt off and then took his singlet off as well. Eggsy went to the bed and Merlin finished undressing. “Gets warm sometimes, but I’d feel naked without all of it.”

“See, shirtsleeves does equal naked.”

“No, this equals naked,” Merlin countered as he removed his pants and socks. He walked over to the bed and crawled on top of Eggsy. “Shall we have a preview of my plans for the 18th?”

Eggsy rolled them over so that he was on top of Merlin and loved the way Merlin just seemed to relax, to melt into the bed. Eggsy rolled his hips a little. “Do the plans involved me kissing every inch of you and then fucking you until you beg for release?”

“More that I kiss every inch of you and then you fuck me until I beg for release,” Merlin shifted and wrapped his long legs around Eggsy? “Whatever shall we do?”

“I think we’ll figure out the right kiss ratio,” Eggsy said and began at Merlin’s neck.

*********************************

He liked New Orleans. It was a weird city that he couldn’t quite make sense of, the mix of colours and smells, the social and economic strata even worse than back home. But fuck the food was so good, and maybe he was doing a bit too much shopping for the girls. But the French Quarter has the perfect mix of girly and creepy stuff that suited his kids so well. For clara he had found this silly little beginner’s voodoo kit that he thought she’d find hilarious, there was jewelry for Audy, and way too much street art for Gretchen, pralines for Ben, a beautiful mask to hang on Lacey’s wall, and in this weird antique shop he had found old patent plans that he thought Bethany would dig. He also bought t-shirts for everyone, and spice mixes, and antique cufflinks for Merlin and he really needed to stop shopping and focus on the mission. Except the bloke took the girl to these meals that took forever, so he had a little time.

He was glad he had packed an extra suitcase.

He sat on a bench and listened to the music and ate something that was sort of maybe a sandwich thing, but not at all. It was too early in the day for whatever it was, but he had never cared about definitions for brunch food; it was brilliant. The man had picked a table on a balcony that put them front and centre and was making a show of ordering expensive champagne and there were roses and a jewelry box and she smiled and looked in awe of him at all the right times. But when he was yelling at his waiter, it was clear that she was debating stabbing him with her knife. They could definitely get her onside. 

He froze when she saw him and made sure he didn’t make eye contact but when he glanced again she was still staring and gave him a small nod. Definitely get her onside. He moved away a little, still could see them but was more hidden. He looked in shop windows that reflected the tables and she was back to smiling and laughing at what the man said. He looked down and saw these bead bracelets, nothing fancy likely just quartz or even plastic but they sparkled in all these different colours, just stacks of them and made him see his girls. He quickly popped into the shop and bought a bunch. When he came back out they were settling their tab. He tailed them to the hotel and once they were inside he went back to his which had a view of their room. The bloke never closed the curtains all the way which was very handy.

He sat in his room and watched them settle in she watched telly and he was clearly going for a shower. She was tapping her fingers and kept glancing at the closed door. Yeah, something was about to happen. She went to the window and held up a page against the glass with tomorrow’s date, a time, and a location. He flicked his lamp on and off a couple times to show he got and was a little impressed when she ate the note instead of throwing it out, that was clever.

He tapped the side of his glasses. “Merlin, we got contact initiated by the woman,” he said.

“This is Yvaine, and I will make a note in the file,” one of Merlin’s assistants replied. “Are you concerned it is a trap?”

“A little but doubtful,” Eggsy said thinking about it. “She hates the guy. But here is the location and time.”

“Hmmm, no real cameras we can hack there. We’ll call in a disturbance to the police when you make the rendezvous so that a distraction is in place should it go south.”

“Good.” They talked logistics a little bit more and went over the plans to bring the woman on side. “Why isn’t Merlin on duty? Thought he was this shift?”

“Susan arrived unexpectedly,” Yvaine said cheerfully, “Isn’t it great when she visits?”

“Oh yeah, it is super spectacular that my partner’s ex that he was hung up on for decades is there visiting on Valentine’s while I’m stuck on a mission. So great.”

“Ah,” Yvaine said. “Well. I...yup.”

“Indeed,” Eggsy agreed. “Thanks for the help, Yvaine.”

“Good hunting, Galahad.”

Eggsy checked on the couple but they retired to the bedroom and the curtains were closed there so not much to keep an eye on. He grabbed his phone and called Merlin’s private line. Which went to voicemail. Super. Just super.

He called a very reliable source that would definitely answer if Susan was visiting.

“Save me,” the voice said immediately. “We are at a stupid posh restaurant, do you know how tiny these portions are?”

“I got an idea Ben, and I promise bought you tons of food as your souvenir/valentine’s gift,” Eggsy reassured. “How posh?”

“I’m in a suit. My new Kingsman one, Harry texted and made it sound like if I didn’t there would be consequences. I was saving it for something important. Susan is not important.” The last words were clearly whispered.

“What is it with you and her anyways?” Eggsy asked.

“Not now, the walls have ears,” Ben replied, “and I can only be away for a few minutes.”

“Bruv, how’s Lacey?” Eggsy was super worried about his girl.

“Not good,” Ben had to admit. “I think it was a huge fight to get her to this dinner. Her eyes are a bit red.”

“Can you get her?”

“Yeah, I can do that. Susan’s here for a week, you come home soon right? Please, please kill people quickly and come home soon. Oh fuck tomorrow is Valentine’s taco night. I have to do Valentine’s taco night with her and not you!!!! Eggsy.”

“I know Ben, I know,” Eggsy reassured. “And I’m sorry. But I’m home on the 16th okay? Now get me Lacey.”

Eggsy could hear noise and then the voices of the people he loved and Ben explaining that Eggsy was on the phone and that no sir, he doesn’t want you, he wants Lacey. There was shuffling about and then Lacey’s voice shouted, “Daddy!” All other noise from around her went silent.

“Hey baby, listen have Ben take you away from the table okay love?”

“Sure, Daddy,” Lacey agreed swiftly and she did not move the phone away from her mouth when she loudly declared, “Daddy wants to talk to me alone, so Ben gonna take me to front area.”

Yeah, apparently he and Merlin were going to be talking about a lot when he got home. Whole bunch of stuff. He sort of hated the kinds of talks you had to have when you were in a long term thing. Never had them before, and would prefer to skip them entirely but you could.

“Okay, Daddy, it’s just me and Ben,” she said.

“Ben said it was a little rough for you,” Eggsy said softly. “You okay?”

“She’s here and you aren’t,” Lacey said.

“I know honey, and I really wish I was at that dinner with you.”

“But if you were here, we could have stayed home,” Lacey protested.

“No, you just would have been able to sit next to me. Because her visits are important.” 

“But -”

“Lacey, I know our family is pretty complex at times, but we follow a certain path, yeah? And that is kindness and respect unless the person is complete shit and then I kill them. Can you honestly say that your mum is complete shit?”

“No,” Lacey sighed. “She’s just not a mum.”

“So you do the fancy dinner, and be polite, and remember that I’ll be home in a few days.”

“I made you a Valentine’s card,” she said and sniffled a bit.

“I bought you way too much stuff. Your dad is going to make that I spoil you lot face he gives me every time I return home. And I cannot wait to see the card, just a few more days okay? Bet Ben will let you sit in his lap if you need some cuddles right now.”

“Ben, can I sit in your lap? We can protect each other from her serious face.”

“Sounds perfect, hun,” Ben agreed.

“Okay, you go back to your meal now, and I’ll see you soon. I love you my little lace heart.”

Lacey giggled at that and hung up.

Eggsy put his phone down and scrubbed his face. Fuck this mission better be worth it. He basically had to kill time until the next day so went on a couple tours and bought more things. Yes he was buying things to deal with his feelings, and he did not care. Time took forever to pass and sleep was fitful but eventually it was time to prep for the meeting. He tapped the side of his glasses, “What’s the word?” he asked.

“We are ready to make the call to the local authorities, you are free to make whatever bargain ye think will help, and ideally you walk away with not only her co-operation but some intel or locations.”

“Understood, Merlin,” Eggsy said. 

“I have done a little more digging into this woman, Galahad. She is intriguing.”

“How so? I mean she’s banging gorgeous, but just a bog standard mistress yeah?”

“No,” Merlin replied. “No she has a degree in computer science, and electronics from the University of Mexico. She has written papers in respected journals and holds a few patents.”

“Think the bloke knows? Because he spends all his time staring at her tits.”

“I don’t know, but I think maybe she has plans of her own. See what you can find out.”

“Got it. Headed to the location.”

“Keep the glasses on Galahad,” Merlin ordered.

“Of course,” Eggsy replied. He got to the graveyard and with Merlin in his ear found he way to the meeting place. She was already there, a bag at her feet. “Hey, is this part where someone jumps out behind a stone and kills me?”

She was beautiful and had a sharp grin. “No, this is where you offer me a deal, si?”

“I’m pretty good, you know. How’d you notice me?”

“You were close to blending in, and I am used to eyes on me, but your eyes were never on my ass. It is a very good ass.”

“I prefer them a little bonier,” Eggsy said and grinned a bit when Merlin snickered in his ear before returning to fully professional. “You ain’t just a fuck are you?”

“Oh I am a very good fuck, as I imagine you will take advantage of?” she queries, like it is expected.

“Nope only fuck for the job if it is super important, get the feeling money might seal the deal here.” Eggsy looked at her. “No. No this isn’t a money situation is it?”

“I took something from him. I go back, I am dead.”

“That what’s in the bag?” she nodded. “Can I see?” She picked up the bag and handed it to Eggsy. Eggsy put it on a grave and opened it. It was some sort of device, wires, and a whole lot of stuff he didn’t understand, but Merlin made a hungry noise in his ear. “This a good thing or bad thing?” Eggsy asked.

“It was supposed to be a good thing. And he stole my ideas and made it a bad thing. I seduced him to get my work back, but I cannot find my way out, he has too many eyes, too many in his pocket. I go home, my family will be hurt. I stay, he hurts many, and I likely die. I give you that, you give me a way out?” She was trying to look strong, but Eggsy could see the fear in her eyes. “What you want of me, I give.”

“Give me a sec,” Eggsy said and walked a bit away but kept her in his line of sight. “Merlin?”

“That is a catalyst device. For mixing things successfully that should never ever be mixed,” Merlin said. “My team have similar but it is flawed. That does not look flawed. I want her brain in my lab.”

“Okay,” Eggsy said. “How do we do that?”

“We kill her,” Merlin said, and then explained his plan. It was a good one if he could pull it off. He looked at how she was standing, back straight, slight tremor in her hands. He would pull this off. Eggsy went back over to her and nodded.

“Right, my quartermaster wants your brain working in his office. So in exchange for any information you have, and that whatsit in the bag, we offer you a way out and a future. But to get it, you will have to die.”

She looked at him, eyes sad, “My family they will have to believe this?”

“For a while at least.”

She hesitated but then nodded. “What name did your intel say I carried?”

“At first Maria, but my guy did some digging.” Eggsy held out his hand, “Pilar, are you ready to die?”

She took a breath, and shook his hand, “I am.”

“Let’s get to work.” Eggsy lead her out of the graveyard.

*************************************

She slept on the plane home. He wanted to keep an eye on her but he also knew she’d end up in a secured room for a week or two. The car crash that killed her was very dramatic, perhaps a little to explody but hey they had to have some fun.

They made it back to the estate and she was lead away. She turned back to Eggsy and he gave her a smile and nod. “I’ll check on you, yeah?” He could see her shoulders relax a bit. He went to his office and wrote up his report and hand delivered it to Harry who read it and then told him he was off for the next week effective immediately.

“Eggsy,” he began.

“Nope,” Eggsy said, “Just nope.”

“Dismissed,” Harry agreed.

Eggsy went to their room on the estate and Merlin was already there. “I’m all square with work, and off,” Eggsy said.

“As am I,” Merlin answered. “We couldn’t be sure when she would arrive. She is so dependent on too many factors. I only got the call five hours before she arrived.”

“I get that,” Eggsy said, “At least a bit. But I can still be mad that she got Valentine’s taco night and I didn’t.”

“On Valentine’s day, Harry took her out for a lovely dinner at a restaurant they enjoy and I do not care for. The girl’s, Ben, and I had taco night alone.” Merlin looked at him. “Eggsy, I would never, no matter how she is family, have her at a taco night that coincides with valentine’s day.”

“Even if I’m not there?”

“Because you weren’t there,” Merlin said. 

Eggsy walked over and pulled him in for a hard and desperate kiss. “Thank you,” Eggsy said when he pulled away. He could see his teeth marks on Merlin’s lip and kissed them gently. “Thank you.”

“She is in town for a few more days and I do want you to meet her, that is important to me and the girls.” Merlin gave him a look, “Susan has heard a great deal about Daddy and how wonderful he is, and how happy we are together.”

“Lacey’s been calling me Daddy off and on since Christmas,” Eggsy said. “I meant to talk to you about it, but I didn’t…”

“Didn’t?”

“Didn’t want to in case it was a phase and she went back to calling me Eggsy,” he explained. “I shoulda told you.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“If it makes her happy, I’m okay with it,” Eggsy said.

“Very well,” Merlin replied.

“Really, that’s it?” Eggsy was sure this would have to be a larger talk.

“Eggsy, you are finding your place in their lives, and they are figuring out what that place is. For Audy and Gretchen that is a friend, for the younger ones it will be more paternal whatever they decide to call you. Much is going to have to be sorted out. And will take each thing as it comes.”

“Sure.”

Merlin gave him a soft kiss. “Happy Valentine’s Day. Shall we use the room a little?”

“But I bought the girls and Ben really cool gifts, and I want my handmade card,” Eggsy whined. He then paused. “Wait, did I just turn down sex for construction paper? What the fuck?”

Merlin was just beaming at him. “That is the most ‘dad’ thing I have heard ye say.”

“Yeah, well, apparently I’m rolling with it, because dang it I want to see everyone open their gifts. Beside you and me have a sex date planned, so we’re good right?” Eggsy asked.

Merlin’s smile softened, warmed even more. “Aye, we are very good.” They sent a few texts to make sure everyone would be at the house and headed home.

Eggsy was very relieved when Susan wasn’t there, he didn’t want to meet her during this. He caught Lacey as she leapt at him shouting, “Daddy, you are home!”

“Course I am, always come home to you lot, don’t I?” He smiled at Ben who was super tense. “Oi, I’m here okay?” Ben relaxed a little. “With dessert from New Orleans, which you will die for.”

Gretchen laughed at how happy Ben looked. “Glad you are home...Deggsy.” 

“Jesus, not you too,” Eggsy groaned. “I banned that word. Audy tell her I banned that word.”

“Only depends on what you brought us back,” Audy countered.

“Audra Young, do not set a bad example for your sisters!”

“I brought back the best stuff,” he promised.

“Not as good as the stuff we made you,” Clara shouted. “My hands are still red from all the dye we used.” She held them up as proof.

“I’ll take that challenge,” Eggsy said and they all settled in to have their belated family Valentine’s.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look, this chapter did not turn out how i expected. very minor reference towards suicide ideation at the end. unedited because i just need to get this up and out of my hands.

“You came,” Pilar sounded surprised.

“Promised I would. They treating you okay?” Eggsy asked although he knew the answer.

Pilar looked around the room. “It is nice as cells go. The cameras took a good couple minutes to find. The people who question me are interesting.”

“Arthur has been by?”

“He wears a good mask. The gentleman? Like you. Only yours hides heart, his hides ruthlessness. It will be easy when he deals straight.”

Eggsy nodded, it was a fair assessment. “And Merlin?” And jesus the way she lit up, she was stunning.

“Oh he and I are going to have so much fun,” she said. “When they decided to let me play? His brain is the fucking sexiest thing I have seen in a long time. He is a challenge and a promise.” She watched Eggsy. “Good. You try to hide how you wanted to claim him there.”

“Mine,” Eggsy said.

“I have no interest in his dick unless sucking it gets me out of this room faster.” She shrugged, “But this does not seem like the sort of place where that will occur.”

“We all wear the gentleman mask, but it ain’t just a mask?”

“Then we will wait, and I’ll prove I’m vital.”

“Look, I had to spend three hours listening to him swoon over some paper you wrote two years ago that I do not understand at all. He’s got a thing for clever women. The name Dr. Waithe mean anything to you?”

“Si, not my particular field but I know the name. She has done work on your poisons?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy sighed.

“All accounts a brilliant woman, but I know little.”

“Dammit, I have dinner with her tonight and could use some intel,” Eggsy said.

“Your Merlin and Arthur cannot provide this? That you come to a prisoner?” She snorted at him a bit.

“They are biased, but okay yeah see your point. You need anything?”

“To get the last two years of my life back.”

“I can get you more chocolate?”

“You are too kind for the job you have.”

“No, I’m the exact right amount of kind the job needs,” Eggsy countered and left her. He tried to think who he could ask about Susan. The girls reports were one thing, but they were all about her as mum or friend of Merlin’s. Merlin and Harry adored her because of everything. Merlin’s staff might report back. He walked around the estate and then found himself knocking on Percival’s door. “You got a minute?”

“Of course, Galahad,” Percival replied and lead him into the office.

Eggsy realized it was his first time in the space. It was...softer than he expected, soothing. He hadn’t thought they could paint their walls, he was definitely doing that. He liked the warm peach colour in here and fuck the chair he settled into was comfortable. “It’s a bit,” he took a breath. “It isn’t a work question?”

“You want my opinion on Susan,” Percival replied immediately.

“How’d you know that?”

“I extrapolated from available data,” Percival said. “Harry is happy, in the way he is happy when he has had clever conversations with a clever woman.”

“That’s a really specific thing to know,” Eggsy looked at Percival. “You really know those kind of nuances?”

“I am a specific sort of man.”

“Sure,” Eggsy agreed, though that was still an odd thing to know. “You know her personally?”

“We’ve met a few times. When she’s done some work here. A couple social gatherings. She and Merlin were already done when I joined the Kingsman, though not by much.”

“Are you a good judge of character?” Eggsy asked, he really didn’t know much about the bloke. 

Percival had a faint smile on his face. “Dreadful, I always like the worst sort of people.”

“And you like her,” Eggsy said.

“No, not particularly,” Percival replied. “I don’t dislike her. I don’t like her. She...exists.”

“I’m having dinner with her tonight. And honestly Ben doesn’t like her and that sets off major warnings for me because that boy likes everyone. Not a mean bone in his body. But it might also be that she’s his girlfriend’s mum? I’ve googled the shit out of her, watched her speeches, trying to figure out who she is.”

“She is your partner’s ex, Eggsy, you are allowed to not be okay with this. To find it awkward and uncomfortable.”

Eggsy realized that no one had actually said that to him. Merlin and Harry carried this implicit belief that Eggsy would adore her just as they did. The older girls were so excited that he was going to meet her, Ben was scared of her, and Lacey was confused, and it was all just a mess. No one had told him it was okay to not be thrilled about this. “Thanks, Percival.” He paused, “Shit, I don’t actually know your name.”

“Oliver,” Percival replied. “A pleasure to meet you, Eggsy.”

Eggsy shook the hand that was offered. “Maybe I could stop by a little more?” 

“You are very welcome.”

“Thanks. I don’t have to like her, even if she is likable.”

“You do not,” Percival said.

A huge burden just sort of fell off of his shoulders. “Okay. Okay, yeah. Because she’s the mother of my kids, my partner’s ex. And we need to get along because that is what adults do, but the world doesn’t fall apart if I don’t like her, so long as I am considerate and polite.”

“Indeed.”

“I needed this, thank you.”

“Since you are here, I was hoping I could ask a favour of you. I was working up to asking you.”

“Of course,” Eggsy said ready to help.

“I often have to travel from building to building quickly. I can do it, but not well. Teach me some parkour?”

“I can absolutely do that,” Eggsy smiled at him. “Okay, I should go home.”

“Good luck,” Percival was clearly sincere and Eggsy liked to think maybe he was making a new friend.

*****************************************

“Well, you look very handsome,” Merlin said, “Though you don’t have to dress up. This is just dinner at home. You can wear your trackies.”

“Fuck you, if I am meeting Dr. Waithe in my trackies. Be thankful I ain’t in full gear,” Eggsy said, nervous returning. He was in trousers and a shirt, no tie or anything. It was close enough to a suit of armor.

“It is just Susan,” Merlin dismissed. “You’ll like her.”

Eggsy took a slow, deep breath. “Hamish, this is a big fucking deal to me, alright?” He went to their bathroom and checked his hair. It wasn’t going to get any better. When Merlin tried to stop him as he walked by to leave, Eggsy just shrug it off. No comfort would help right now. He could hear all sorts of noise downstairs, including a voice he didn’t really know. Her voice. He went on and knocked on Lacey’s door. “I’m here,” he said and the door opened. He was surprised Clara was in there too. “Hey, you.”

“Hi,” Clara said. She pulled him into the room and they shut the door. 

Eggsy sat on the bed and Lacey crawled into his lap and Clara sort of stood there. “Taking care of your little sister?” He was proud as hell of his fierce girl for being so protective.

Lacey looked up at Eggsy. “Clara doesn’t like Susan very much.”

“What?” Eggsy was rather shocked. 

“Bethany likes her because they science. She doesn’t notice me at all. Why would she? I don’t science and I’m not hers. Half the time she thinks my name is Claire.”

Fuck, how had they all missed this. Fuck, fuckity fuck. “Clara,” Eggsy said and held out the arm not cradling Lacey. She came and snuggled against him. “You know I learned about a thing.”

“What thing?”

“NXT UK. Going to get you and me tickets. You and me at a wrestling match. Pro one.”

“Like you did the ballet with Lacey?”

“Just like that. We’ll make signs for whoever you think looks cool, and I’ll buy you t-shirt like I bought Lacey that fancy program.”

“That could be fun. Is it a bribe to behave down there?”

“No, because I know no matter how frustrated you get, you will behave because that is the baseline behaviour that your dad and I ask of you. This is because we missed seeing your feelings and that sucks.”

“It’s not so bad,” Clara offered. “She’s never mean.”

“Hey, I know from life, being forgotten is sometimes worse.”

“Who could forget you?” Lacey asked in sheer shock. “You are great.” Clara made a noise of agreement.

“Thanks,” Eggsy kissed both their heads. “But that is not a story for tonight. Tonight we go down and I meet Susan.”

“And we show her we don’t need her!” Lacey said eagerly.

“No, I know it is confusing and weird, and makes your tummy hurt,” Eggsy began firmly, “but you need her. She is a component of the family. It’s...we’re a clock. An old fashioned one with all these gears and pins and screws and whatever the hell else is in there. It runs smooth, perfect everything working together. But removed even one tiny seemingly insignificant cog, and it might run but it will gong at the wrong time, or the second hand will jerk. She’s a tiny cog, nowhere near the heart but the thing don’t run right if it isn’t there.”

“Fine,” Clara decided, “Let’s go see the cog.”

Eggsy tried not to laugh too much. “Maybe we just stick with calling her Susan, or Mum?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Lacey agreed but would not let go. He stood up holding her, guessed he was carrying her down. He swung her so that she clung to his back and her grip on his neck choked but he didn’t mind.

“Clara? In it to win it?”

“Dad, I’m going to be the most gentlemanly gentleman to ever gentleman,” Clara promised.

“We got this.” Eggsy held out a hand and Clara took it. They went downstairs and Eggsy did not react at all to the way Merlin had his arm casually over the woman’s shoulder and they were laughing. “Susan, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Eggsy said. He let go of Clara’s hand and eased Lacey down to the couch. He went over and held out a hand. “Hear a lot about you around here. And dang but Gretch looks like you.”

Susan pulled him into a hug and just for a second he froze before he allowed it. That he didn’t think about murdering her then and there deserved a goddamn parade. “God, I have gotten so many emails about you. And like to think I’m the reason you are here.”

Oh bitch you better not, Eggsy thought and pulled away. “Oh?” was all he said.

“If I hadn’t interfered, Hamish would have pined forever,” Susan joked.

“Pretty sure, it was Gretch’s plan b that sealed the deal,” Eggsy replied politely. “How goes your work?”

“Well, I think we’re almost done this current research project and I actually have some news. I’ve been offered a one year fellowship at Oxford. I’ll be in England for a year.”

Audy cheered and hugged her mum, and Merlin was beaming. “We need to break out the champagne,” he said. “That’s wonderful news.”

“I’ll be having an art show at the end of the year, well my program will, you’ll be able to make this one,” Gretch enthused. “Currently I’m -”

“Yes, yes, of course. I’m sure it is all quite clever, though you know me. I don’t know art, but I know what I like.” Susan laughed and Merlin smiled. Eggsy was rethinking his not thinking about murder plan.

“Gretchen’s stuff is brilliant,” Eggsy said. “Hamish wept at its beauty her last show. The piece she did in honour of you was impressive. The baby scientists she worked with to create even wrote a paper about it. That make it matter to you?”

Gretchen’s mouth dropped open and Eggsy pretend he didn’t hear Clara’s snicker with a tiny little “so much for all being cogs.”

“Eggsy?” Merlin was clearly at a loss. He looked between Susan and Eggsy unsure what to say. Audy was doing similar, though she was clearly reading the moment better than Merlin.

“My apologies, long day at work,” Eggsy said. “But it’s great you’ll be around for a year, not too far away. I should check on dinner.” He hurried to the kitchen and checked the chicken that was roasting. It was a meal he actually hated. He loved chicken but roast chickens were not good. He remembered a few times making a deal at the back door of aldi’s for ones they were about to throw out, so there would be something to eat. Some protein in his and his mum’s system. Never had told Merlin that. He really should have. They weren’t feeding Ben tonight, nothing could convince him to support Eggsy and Eggsy couldn’t blame the boy, so at least there was only one cooking. He could tell it was done and pulled it out of oven and tented it to let it rest.

“Eggsy, you are being rude,” Merlin said as he came in.

“You know what fuck off, she hurts my kids, so she gets council Eggsy, not Kingsman Eggsy,” Eggsy snapped.

“They are her children, Eggsy.”

They both went very still the moment the words left Merlin’s lips. “Yeah, yeah they are, aren’t they?” Eggsy said. He checked on a couple of the pots. “Sorry, Merlin. Won’t overstep again.” He pasted a fake smile on and turned. “Right as rain.”

“I just mean -” Merlin was completely off footed in the moment and Eggsy could see how much it was messing him up.

“It’s fine,” Eggsy replied. “All fine. Call everyone to the table yeah? I’ll get everything on the serving dishes.” He served everything up and brought it to the table and everyone came in and Susan took the seat to the left of Merlin. 

She winced. “Eggsy is this where you usually sit?”

“No,” Eggsy said. “I don’t have a usual spot beyond beside Ben at taco night so we can equally battle over the guac.”

“That boy,” she shook her head fondly. “I do wish he would understand everything is bygones.”

“It ain’t for him, whatever it is,” Eggsy said. The girls might be hers, but Ben was his and he was going to defend that boy until the end of the earth. “Maybe it ain’t about you in the way you think.”

“Deggsy,” Gretchen said in awe.

“We agreed!” Eggsy whined.

“Then don’t be so Deggsy,” Gretchen replied. She opened her mouth and the gleam in her eyes was evil.

“I swear, next trip your souvenir is shite if you say the word that is about to come out of your mouth.” He sat himself in between Clara and Lacey.

“Baaaaabies,” she said not giving a damn and everyone at the table giggled at the groan that came out of Eggsy’s mouth.

“You aren’t seriously considering babies yet, with that boy are you? You two are way too young for that. And you said you have no interest in marriage. Never have.” Susan was frowning as she took some food and passed the plate down.

“Uterus don’t need a wedding ring to function,” Gretchen replied and ignored the chicken for more vegetables.

“I know how they function!” Bethany offered. “We’ve been studying the reproductive system in biology!”

“That is perhaps information that can be shared later,” Merlin suggested firmly. 

“Audra, you were saying that today was going to be interesting at work. I’d love to hear about that,” Susan said and Audy went running with it and told an amusing story about her day. Dinner went smoother after that, and Eggsy was grateful he was not expected to participate much. He ate and kept an eye on the younger girls. 

When it got quiet he smiled at Lacey, “how was your day?”

“I jumped the furthest in gym class,” Lacey said excitedly. “I beat the boys who are taller than me.”

“I know you are all about the ballet, my heart, but maybe you’d like me to teach you some gymnastics too?”

“Me too?” Clara asked eagerly. “I can cartwheel!”

“Sure, on the weekend we’ll go to the rec centre and have some fun, yeah?” Eggsy said.

“Thanks, Daddy,” Lacey beamed. “I can also count to ten in french.”

“Audra was almost fluent at your age. You should have been studying languages more,” Susan said. “Hamish, is she in a good enough school?”

“She is, she just has little interest in languages,” Merlin took a little more chicken and frowned at how much was left. He looked around the plates and was clearly trying to solve the problem. “Eggsy did you get enough chicken, there is plenty.”

“I’m fine, not really in chickeny mood tonight,” Eggsy replied. “And I’ve been to Lacey and Clara’s school, it is brilliant. Teachers there seem to give a damn, more than they did in my neck of the woods.” His glare went lethal when he swore for a second it looked like Susan blanked on who Clara was. He smiled politely, he would not cause any more waves, he would not make Merlin frown more. He had to be equal to what he expected from the girls. “Tell us more about this fellowship.”

Susan extolled the virtues of it and what it meant for her research and the lab that they were promising her and Eggsy paid just enough attention to be polite. It would seem like bragging but he knew she really was that good. When she wound down, she smiled at Eggsy, “Hamish hasn’t said where you went to uni?”

“Didn’t go,” Eggsy replied and realized if he ate he would sick up. “Anyone else done?”

“But Hamish likes smart people,” Susan said.

“MUM!” Audy and Gretchen both shouted. She had the grace to look abashed.

Eggsy’s fake smile did not slip. “Let me get your plate for you, Susan.”

“Eggsy, don’t worry about it right now, because Susan is leaving,” Merlin replied. “Girls, upstairs. Now.”

Eggsy was impressed, it was the fastest he had ever seen them move. He put the plates down that he was holding and looked at Merlin. “Babe -”

“The chip is back on your shoulder, Eggsy,” Merlin said and looked tired. “You were prepared to hate her and fulfilled that personal prophecy, well done.” He turned to Susan, “And you were being a passive aggressive bitch and you know it. Since when do ye question how I’m raising the girls?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “You are a good father, the best Hamish.”

“And so is Eggsy,” Merlin replied.

“Not hard to be a parent,” Eggsy muttered, “Half of it is just fucking showing up.”

“Enough,” Merlin told him. “You both are weaponizing my children to hurt each other and that is not going to happen in this house.”

“Some are my children too,” Susan said, echoing Merlin earlier.

Eggsy bit his tongue, he didn’t really have a claim did he. “I know what it does to a kid to be forgotten by a parent,” he went with. “And you are fucking destroying them.”

“She isn’t high or drunk, or out fucking a man who called her pretty,” Merlin answered. “She’s not Michelle, Eggsy.”

Eggsy looked at Merlin. “Really?” He nodded. “Right. The only reason I ain’t walking out right now is because of my kids. My fucking daughters up there, that I told to respect and be kind to Susan see me walk out, they will feel scared and worried, and they been left enough. I’m not doing that to them. I told them we treat Susan with respect because she is a part of this family. And staying a part of this family, no matter that they want her good and gone. Guess I should have realized I was the add on, not her. How about you two enjoy dessert and tea. I’ll see to my charges.” 

Eggsy stopped at the bog first, because if he went upstairs that second, Audy would read everything on his face. He tried to breathe but it was all an ache. He was hurting so fucking much. And he couldn’t even blame it all on her. A lot but not all. God he wished he could. There was a soft knock on the door. “I’m fine.”

“Eggsy,” Merlin said. “She’s gone.”

“You had to bring up Mum?” Eggsy went to the door and did not open it, just leaned his forehead against it. “Couldn’t even go one dinner with the great and awe inspiring Dr. Waithe before she found out I come from shit?”

“Is some of your reaction to her not because of your mum?” Merlin asked and Eggsy hit the door.

“Fuck you,” Eggsy snapped. “She is toxic for the girls, and you don’t see it. Because you are still wrapped up in her. You see who she was, and don’t see who she is now.”

“Who do you see?”

“Go to hell.”

“No, I am in earnest. Eggsy who do you see?”

“I see a woman who scares Ben. He tries to run and hide whenever he sees her. How is that right?” Eggsy dug his fingernails into the door. “You caught him and Gretchen boning and he meets you square on and he runs from her. And you think it is something funny? It is a family joke, ha ha. He is ready to use maths to murder people for the Kingsman, for Gretchen, he is willing to give everything to her. You don’t laugh about something that scares him.”

“No,” Merlin almost couldn’t be heard. “No, you don’t.”

“She isn’t...Look do I give a flying fuck about Hello Kitty? Nope, but Lacey does so I have a fucking list on my phone of each of their goddamn names. I have read about every major abstract artist of the last 70s years. I now have an opinion on fucking Banksy, and that is that he’s a wanker.”

“Gretchen shares that opinion,” Merlin offered.

“Good because it thinks it is edgy and deep and it ain’t. It’s all a giant ass con. But I have an opinion. Because it matters to Gretch. Does Susan?”

“She knows what she likes.”

“Which is the most bullshitty thing to ever say, especially to your own fucking kid, Merlin. You don’t get art to save your life. You think Monet is the shit.”

“Monet is the shit,” Merlin replied.

“But you listen to Gretchen.” Eggsy kicked the door a little. “She ever listen to Gretchen? Properly listen?” There was quiet. “Audy adores her. And she can read people so well. I don’t get how she doesn’t see how much Susan hurts everyone else.”

“Because she remembers Susan the most. And more she remembers most the Susan I want them to remember.” 

“Merlin, she isn’t good for them.”

“I know that,” Merlin said and the crack in his voice had Eggsy opening the door. The man looked so defeated. “I know as she grows older, she invests less in them. Lacey has never spent a summer with her the way Audy and Gretch have. I know that she loves them, I swear she loves them Eggsy.”

“My mum loved me too.”

“Eggsy, I hate to say it, but it is different.”

“Yeah my mum fixed her shit.”

“You fixed her shit.”

Eggsy was ready to snap, but the man wasn’t wrong. “She forgets them. Mum forgot me. And i know that it is different, but I see Lacey being confused and it breaks my heart.” He looked at Merlin, “she ignores Clara.”

“Aye,” Merlin went and sat down on their bed and Eggsy couldn’t sit beside him but leaned on the dresser. “You aren’t right about, Susan, Eggsy. But you aren’t wrong either. She isn’t a villain. She made a choice.”

“So did fucking I. To be here. To be theirs. And tonight that mattered less than her absent ass. You chose her fucking biological role over me helping Audy with her heart, being at Gretchen’s art show. Driving Lacey to ballet, letting Clara practice sneaking on me. Dealing with making sure Bethany doesn’t blow up the house with her latest science project. She comes and you heel. You are supposed to be mine. And the first thing I see is your arm wrapped around her. Not me.”

“I love you,” Merlin’s voice was harsh, guttural. “Eggsy, you are my fucking heart, make no mistake about that.”

“I really hate roasted chicken.”

“Okay, it is off the menu.”

Eggsy laughed a bit. “It may have triggered me a little. And she is the exact sort I am always going to think is looking down on me. And she wasn’t.”

“No, she was, I won’t let you wash that away,” Merlin said. “Not intentionally but it was absolutely there. Just because she wades through jungles and muck doesn’t mean she isn’t an ivory tower sort. Eggsy, she was being a bitch.”

“And I did have a chip on my shoulder.”

“So much of my history, of the girl’s history is wrapped up in her, that when she comes, I get caught up in it. She is my blind spot. She and I made a choice, that she would go to her career and I would raise the girls and we stumbled along, making it work. And it so often didn’t but it sometimes did, and you focus on the did not the didn’t. Then you came along. You became us. Are us, we are we and fuck I forgot how to word.”

“Gretchen says that,” Eggsy finally moved over to the bed. He couldn’t hug the man, they both felt so raw. But he put his hand next to Merlin’s. “You’re an idiot, she’s a bitch, and I’m defensive. That’s a hell of a combo to throw together in a dinner.”

Merlin laughed. “I love her Eggsy. I can’t deny that.”

That didn’t hurt a single bit - it hurt every bit. “I know you do.”

“But it is a memory, a dream that is soft around the edges. Because we only remember the good dreams not the bad ones.”

“I remember the bad ones.”

“Aye, you do,” Merlin brushed his pinkie against Eggsy’s. “But they are just memories.”

“What is she was around more, and they didn’t...what if? She’s Susan. Mum of three of your girls, decades of history and longing. What if this Oxford fellowship is her realizing she made the wrong choices and wants it all?” Eggsy couldn’t look at Merlin. “You’d give it to her.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“How can you be sure with how much she messed you up?”

“Because of how much she messed me up. I remember the good and love the good and love her. But I’d like to think I have enough self awareness to know that the man sitting next to me, the man whose heart is the biggest I’ve ever seen, the man who gives me everything, gives the girls everything, that is who I want to be with. Eggsy you are scared because of how much she had of me. But that is the key word. Had. You have me. Will have me. She muddles me up, blinds me occasionally, but she doesn’t get to have me.”

“Bet she wouldn’t even peg you.”

Merlin laughed. “No, she wouldn’t.”

“You need to see her.”

“I will better open my eyes.”

“I’ll give her another chance, because it’s all muddled there too, but the girls do love her.”

“Our daughters love you too.”

“I know I just said that.”

“Eggsy,” Merlin held up his hand and Eggsy tentatively placed his hand on top. “Our daughters. As in yours and mine. My daughters. Your daughters. Deggsy.”

Eggsy took the hand in his and twisted so that Merlin was flat on the bed and Eggsy on top of him. “Do not fucking start with that! No encouraging the bad word.”

Merlin laughed so hard he did that stupid snorting giggle that should have sounded hideous but that Eggsy adored. He let go of the hand and rested his forehead between Merlin’s shoulder blades. “I’m sorry.”

“As am I. For many things.”

“She leaves soon, yeah?”

“Aye, and I think we can forgo any more family time,” Merlin suggested. Eggsy relaxed against him. 

“Okay, thanks.”

“We should go cuddle the girls, they’ll need us.”

“Yeah.”

But they stayed for an extra moment, just touching each other.

****************************************

Eggsy was walking to the tailor shop and saw Susan standing out front. “Oh come fucking on!” he shouted and did not give a damn that she heard him. He went over to her. “I have to be on the range in an hour.”

“This will be quick. I owe you an apology.” She gave him a smile. “That dinner sucked.”

“It did,” he agreed. “I owe you one too. I guess?” He cleared his throat. “I apologize for not being a better host.”

“I am famous, Eggsy. And in specific circles a big fucking deal. In textbooks my name will last long after I die.”

“Good for you, really that is just great.”

“You have made me irrelevant in my own life, and that stings, more than I thought it would.” 

“I don’t understand.”

“Lacey was never mine, I actually don’t have a problem with her calling me Susan, the way Hamish does.” Susan looked in the Kingsman window. “But do you know how much Gretchen and Audy talk about you? How I have spent the last year hearing about you over and over. I couldn’t have made it to Gretchen’s show, I honestly couldn’t. But I also figured she wouldn’t care, because she had you there.”

“She cared,” Eggsy said.

“I’m never going to regret the choice I made, and I know you’ll never understand how or why I could do it -”

“I get women choosing personal survival over their kids.”

“I could have survived being a mum and lab scientist.”

“Could you?” Eggsy properly looked at her. “You’re why Audy went into psych innit? Trying to figure out all the pieces. And she figured it out and decided to focus on kids.”

“If I hadn’t left then, I probably would have left when they were older, in a way that would have been a lot more permanent. I think she’s figured that out.”

“And that is why she holds you tightest. To keep you there.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I am happy with my life and choices. But I suppose I always thought there would be time to rebuild some of the bridges I shut down, when they were adults. But you can’t do that can you? Not when you find out another road has been built entirely.”

“Not sure, I’m ever going to like you,” Eggsy decided to just be blunt. “I have a lorry load of issues and neurosis that mean I kinda am going to intensely dislike parts of you. But like I told the girls you are a cog in the clock, don’t work without all of us.”

“I am truly glad that Hamish and the girls have you,” she said. She held out her hand and Eggsy shook it. “I’m going to intensely dislike you for being the sort of person who can balance everything. Those people always make me feel inadequate.”

“Your lot always make me feel like shit.”

“A common ground, perhaps enough to see us through all this. That and the girls.”

“Have a safe trip,” Eggsy said. He had to walk away, that was all that he had in him right now. Harry was coming down as Eggsy was going into the change room to head to the estate. “Hey,” he said.

“Problem?” Harry asked. He glanced out the window and Susan was still there. 

“Just tired,” Eggsy said and disappeared into the room.

Harry went outside. “Susan, coffee?”

She smiled brightly at him. “Of course.”

“Good and on the way, let’s talk about how you hurt my son.” Harry smiled at her. It was not a bright smile. “And let us talk about how this fellowship at Oxford is perhaps in fact not the best option at this stage in your career.”

“It is going to be an interesting conversation isn’t it?” She looked at him. “Just tell me they’ll make it. I just want Merlin and the girls happy.”

“That is the only reason I am not killing you right now. Because I know that that is sincere. I can’t say if they will make it, no one can. But it won’t be for a lack of trying.” Harry tucked her arm into his and they walked down the street. “Let’s talk about an interesting research grant in Melbourne that I happened to catch wind of.”

“Let’s,” Susan said and they went to coffee.


	18. Chapter 18

“Oi! I have a mountain of pizzas,” Eggsy called out juggling keys and four pizzas as he went into the house. “Anyone? Help?” There was no reply, no thunder of feet and he was at a bit of a loss. Pizza always brought everyone running. “Ben? Food is available?” Nothing. Well that was super weird. He had been sure he was supposed to pick up dinner. He took the pizzas to the kitchen and the table wasn’t set. Even weirder. “Babe?” Eggsy shouted loudly.

“Aye?” Merlin said only a few metres away and Eggsy threw a knife and Merlin caught it easily - it had been a wild, startled throw. “You didn’t get my message.”

Eggsy pulls out his phone. “Bugger, had forgot to charge it. Something going on?” He paused. “Susan left a few days ago. She didn’t come back, did she?”

“No, she’s gone,” Merlin looked sad and Eggsy felt bad that he couldn’t get along with the woman better. “Harry was feeling a little bereft and everyone, including Ben are spending the night there.” 

“Are we going to talk about the fact that Ben sleeps in the garage four nights a week now?” Eggsy asked.

“No, we most definitely are not,” Merlin said.

Eggsy had to laugh at him. “So we are going to have a lot of leftover pizza huh?”

“It seems so,” Merlin agreed and opened the boxes until he found the one he wanted. He put a few slices on a plate. “Care to watch a movie just you and I that doesn’t involve singing animals?”

“Wait...those movies exist?” 

“They do, we even own several,” Merlin promised. “I have something wonderful picked out.”

Eggsy smiled, “I can’t wait.” He was sure that Merlin would have picked something soft and romantic. He went to the cupboard and grabbed a bottle of red and put it, a couple glasses and his pizza on a tray and took them upstairs. Audrey Hepburn...no Meg Ryan, Eggsy thought. But sweet and happy was definitely on the menu.

40 minutes later, Eggsy was crawling down the stairs. “Oh god, can’t make it,” he said between giggles. “Fuck.” He ran for the bog and just made it. He made his way back upstairs where Merlin had paused the movie. “You bastard.”

Merlin was trying not to laugh. “How was I supposed to know you’d find it quite that funny?”

“You know me better than anyone!” Eggsy flopped on the couch and put his head on Merlin’s lap. “You should have figured I’d lose it over the Pink Panther.”

“People either love Peter Sellers or find him unbearable,” Merlin pressed play. “I am glad you are in the first camp with me.” The movie rolled on, and at one point Merlin had to catch Eggsy before his giggles almost made him roll off the couch.

Eggsy looked up at Merlin who was watching him, and not the movie. “What?” he asked.

“To watch you enjoy things is a joy,” Merlin replied and stroked his hair. “You’ve been serious. I’m glad of your laughter.”

“You like serious people,” Eggsy shrugged.

“My best friend is Harry,” Merlin pointed out.

“You like serious people, in here,” Eggsy reached up and tapped Merlin’s heart. “Just been in a serious frame of mind.”

“I like you, in here,” Merlin pressed Eggsy’s hand to his heart with his own. “You are a serious person. You take the piss and you joke around, but I don’t think you realize how serious you are.”

“Come on,” Eggsy said, “I’m not -”

“No,” Merlin cut him off. “You take the job, the girls, your mother and sister seriously. So seriously, cut a limb off to make them happy seriously. You so often see the bad in yourself, and ignore the good. And trust me Eggsy, your good outweighs most people’s.”

Eggsy forgot about the movie. “Merlin?”

“Yes?”

“Choose me?”

“I thought I had,” Merlin was clearly lost.

“Can you promise, that you’ll do your damnedest to choose me, every time there is a choice to be made? I get maybe there will be situations where you can’t. Saving the world and all that, but if you could, would you choose me?” 

Merlin rested a hand on his cheek. “Eggsy, there may come a day when it is your life or a thousands and in that moment I will choose the thousands just as you want me to, just as a quartermaster should. But Hamish, if he were allowed, he would always pick Eggsy over the world. And didn’t I just sound like a prat using the third person there?”

Eggsy smiled at him. “Horrible prat, but I get it. I choose you too, you know. Didn’t...when you were the quartermaster knew you were hot, because have eyes don’t I? But didn’t fall for the guy who terrified me at work, fell for the guy in at home clothes, covered in slime. The guy who has a pet name for each girl that makes sense for them, in a way it shouldn’t. The guy who is really far from perfect.” Eggsy blinked. “Fuck I fell in love with you when I realized you were a mess.”

“Thank you,” Merlin shook his head. “But I am, a little.”

Eggsy sat up and climbed onto Merlin’s lap. “No babe, you are such an idiot about other adults. The ones who love you. You are human. If I hadn’t seen that picture of you in front of Sidrat holding Lacey, in those vile shorts, you would have stayed my quartermaster and I wouldn’t be here.”

“They are really quite comfortable.”

“They are gross and emphasize your weird legs.”

“What’s wrong with my legs?” Merlin dumped Eggsy off his lap and onto the ground. He lay flat on top of Eggsy, pinned him. “They are strong, hold me up, can almost keep up with you on the obstacle course.”

“They make you look like a praying mantis. I want to paint you green for Halloween.” Eggsy looked up at him and smirked. “They are twigs.”

Merlin made a face at him. “Your elbows are too dry.”

“Your teeth are crooked.”

“Your toes are disproportionately hairy.”

“You have gross morning breath.”

“You always go flat when you sing Let it Go.”

Eggsy gasped dramatically. “Oh you take that back. I am ten times the singer that you are. You can only sing the joking sidekick songs.”

They stared at each other and both started laughing. Merlin forgot to hold himself up and collapsed on Eggsy and Eggsy groaned at the weight. Merlin rolled a bit off him and they stayed on the ground and realized the credits were rolling on the movie. “It was funny. Funny was good tonight. You and me was good tonight.”

“We’ve been taking less time for ourselves,” Merlin said. “Less lunch in our room at the estate. Less dates out and about.”

“We have the girls to raise,” Eggsy protested. “I need to be there for them. They need to know I’m here for them. Need to prove my place. And don’t make sad face at me,” he groused. “I don’t sound that bad.”

“Eggsy, if there is one thing that I am sure of, it is that they know you are here for them.” Merlin nuzzled his nose against Eggsy’s cheek. “They know.”

“I want to be a good dad,” Eggsy said. “Like you.”

“No, you are a good you dad,” Merlin said. “That is what matters more. And they know. And they won’t suffer, if they spend a night at Harry’s, or we hire a babysitter.”

“My job, I’m gone often enough, they need me.”

“I need you, you and me need you. We need to find a good balance, it will take time, but we need to find it.” Merlin sat up and Eggsy did too. “Perhaps some you and me time in our bedroom?”

Eggsy grinned, “Now that is a very excellent idea.” 

They took the tray back downstairs and put the dishes in the dishwasher and went up to the bedroom. Eggsy had mostly gotten over his hang ups about the girls walking in on them, but still he forced himself to be quieter than he wanted to be, and it was often quicker than he wanted. Now though they had time and space. It was a good size house, and they had plenty of space, but god he’d love it if he and Merlin were on different floors. But the girls and Merlin were so ensconced in this house, and loved the gardens. So Eggsy adjusted.

“Eggsy? You left,” Merlin said. “Come back to me?”

“I’m here,” Eggsy promised and went over and pulled Merlin in for a kiss. It was a gentle kiss and a full one. They stood there, and the house was quiet and Eggsy smiled, thrilled. He stepped back and began to undress and Merlin did the same. Merlin crawled into bed, and Eggsy joined him. “Hi,” he said and rested his head on Merlin’s heart. 

Merlin’s hand stroked up and down his back. “Hello, Eggsy.”

“I like the sound of your heart.”

“I like the feel of you breathing.”

“We’re saps.”

“I suppose we are.”

Eggsy slid down Merlin’s body until he could kiss the man’s hip. He pulled Merlin’s soft cock into his mouth and he grew hard against Eggsy’s tongue. It didn’t take much before Merlin was restless underneath him and his hands were gentle but firm in Eggsy’s hair. He loved making Merlin undone. Even when he could just feel it, and not see it, mostly under Merlin’s quilt, it was wonderful how the man grew undone.

“Eggsy you bring me to the edge too quickly.”

Eggsy pulled off. “I want you to tip over,” he replied. When Merlin gave him a look, Eggsy smiled. “Please?”

Merlin nodded and Eggsy went back to work and it was only a couple more minutes and Merlin was spilling down Eggsy’s throat. Eggsy was gentle but kept Merlin’s cock in his mouth just a little longer. When he went back up the bed, he adored the blissed out look on the man’s face. 

Eggsy went and got the bath water going and tugged the already drifting off Merlin to the tub. They sat in the water and barely spoke, just enjoyed each other’s company until the water began to cool. They got out of the tub and Eggsy dried off Merlin. “Can I fuck you?”

“Aye,” Merlin agreed.

Eggsy smiled and they went back to bed, and he put Merlin on his stomach so as to be able to kiss every bone of his spine, his favourite thing to do. He worked Merlin open slowly, taking his time, pressing more kissing on those knobs that moved under his lips. Merlin was almost purring beneath him. “You hard?” Eggsy asked.

“A bit,” Merlin said.

“Want to be all the way hard?”

“I’m happy, just want you in me,” Merlin said. Eggsy stroked himself a bit with the lube and then carefully pressed into Merlin. It was an odd quirk of Merlin’s that Eggsy wasn’t even sure Merlin realized, but the man really loved to be fucked when he didn’t actually care if he got off or not. He just liked the feeling and buzz of it. And tonight they had had the time for Eggsy to get the man off and then fuck him. Eggsy was just happy with however he had Merlin, so long as he could touch the man. He rolled his hips and slowly fucked in and out of Merlin. 

“God, I love you,” Eggsy said, and rambled about all the things he found sexy about Merlin, everything he hoped that they’d have time for one day. Eventually the words were traded for moans and gasps and he felt the pressure build at the base of his spine and he was coming. He dropped his head between Merlin’s shoulders and gave a few more kisses to that perfect spine before he pulled out of Merlin and rolled to jetpack him. He reached down and Merlin was hard and he wrapped his hand around the man, more for the connection. Merlin would let him know if he wanted more.

Merlin didn’t move though, content in Eggsy’s embrace. He slowly went soft in Eggsy’s hand and wasn’t bothered by it. He had had one great orgasm that night and didn’t feel like chasing a second. 

Eggsy moved his hand to on top of Merlin’s heart. “What time is Harry bringing home everyone?”

“We are expected for brunch at 10:30.”

Eggsy paused. “I can sleep naked tonight,” he was almost giddy.

“You can at that.”

“You won’t.”

“I like pajamas.”

“You are such a dork.”

“You love it.” 

Eggsy got up and went to the drawers and brought Merlin back his pajamas. “Yeah, babe. I do.” They went to the bathroom and took care of business and turned out all the lights. 

“I love you too,” Merlin said in the dark. “And your voice isn’t flat on Let it Go.”

“You still have weird legs.”

Merlin snorted and there fingers were entwined as they fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

Eggsy would not panic even though Merlin had just said the most terrifying words in the English language. “I need you to repeat that?”

“We have an MI-6 code ribbon,” Merlin dutifully repeated. “She is 7.” Merlin was going to a locker and grabbed a bag. “Let’s go.” 

Eggsy watched Merlin walk towards the door, and he tried to move his legs, and couldn’t. “Merlin?”

“Eggsy, what is wrong?”

“What if I fuck this up?” This was his first code ribbon, and he was about to change his life forever. One phone call and everything would change. Which sure that was how things could go on the job, but this was different.

“Eggsy, she just needs to lean on someone right now, until her family can arrive.”

“Sure, sure,” Eggsy said, mostly hearing about the leaning and not the family part. “Be a tree. I can be a tree.”

Merlin came back and gave him a kiss. “Aye, be a tree, for her to lean on.”

Eggsy was able to follow Merlin this time and Merlin drove them through London to a very nondescript building. “This MI-6?”

“This is where they conduct some business,” Merlin replied. They went in and Eggsy was pretty sure the decor hadn’t been updated since before he was born. “Nondescript is sometimes handy,” Merlin explained. He lead them up to the second floor and knocked on a door. A severe woman answered and she and Merlin spoke quietly.

Eggsy just saw the girl sitting on a couch, clutching a bag. He went over to her and crouched down. “Hi, I’m Eggsy.”

“Pretty,” the little girl said.

“Hi, Pretty, I love the ribbons in your hair.”

“Mama and me went to get the braids a week ago.” She clutched the bag tighter. “The ribbons are just clipped in, so they can come out.”

“That seems smart,” Eggsy agreed. “Can I sit on the couch with you?” She shrugged and he sat leaving a lot of space between them. “I have a little sister, bet she would love pretty clip in ribbons. My daughters too.”

“Do they have braids too?”

“No, they sometimes braid their hair, plaits, french braids, but they can’t really do braids like yours.”

“Mama took good care of them.”

“I am sure she did,” Eggsy gave her a soft smile. “I bet she took very good care of you.”

The girl began to cry. “I want her.”

“I know you do,” Eggsy put his hand on the couch, offering it to her if she wanted it. “I am so sorry, for how much you are hurting right now.” Merlin came over. “Hamish, this is Pretty.”

“Hello, Pretty.” Merlin sat on the arm of the chair, next to Eggsy. “Your aunt has been called.”

“The mean one or the nice one?”

“Your Auntie Jenn.”

“She’s the nice one.”

“She wants to be with you, but there are bad storms in Trinidad, and no planes can leave right now. We were hoping that maybe you would come home with us. That we could take care of you until she arrives. You could bunk down with our daughters Lacey, and Clara. Clara lost her mum just like you. She will be able to help. We can help, until your family arrives.”

“I’m scared.”

“My da died when I was 7,” Eggsy told Pretty. “And it still hurts.”

“But you are like 40, how does it still hurt?"

Eggsy blinked and did not respond to that age thing, god knows how old she thought Merlin was then. “Because I remember how much he loved me. And how much I wish I had that love still here.”

“Mama said good people become angels and watch over us. Maybe your dad watches over you? Mama will watch over me, right?”

“Aye, she will,” Merlin promised. He opened the bag and inside was a bear. “Hugging this might be more comfortable than hugging that bag, lass.”

Pretty took the bear and hugged it tight. “Okay. Just until Auntie Jenn is here.”

“Sure,” Eggsy said. “We got you, Pretty. Nice and safe.” He was going to be running so many checks on this girl’s family. Because this was his first code ribbon, and he wasn’t fucking this up.

 

**************************************

There were girls running about being chased by the Ben monster and the sound was loud enough it took a while for Eggsy to hear the doorbell. He started to walk and ended up with Clara on his back as she jumped off of something that she probably shouldn’t have been on in the first place. He made sure she was secure and went and answered the door. 

“Mr. Unwin,” she said and Eggsy felt his heart drop. It was the woman from MI-6 and standing next to her was another woman. One who had Pretty’s eyes. She had a kind smile, and killer lipstick. It shouldn’t be what he was noticing right now but the orangey red was great on her. Gretchen had him noticing colours in a way he never used to.

“Hi,” he said when he realized that he had just been staring. “Sorry, come on in.” He held the door open. They went in and Pretty was being carried upside by Ben through the halls, Ben making some great monster noises, and Pretty was giggling. Ben had been the one to get her to laugh.

Pretty looked over and screamed. “Auntie Jenn!” She started wiggling and trying to get free and Ben put her down carefully and she ran over and she and her aunt clutched each other tight. Merlin had come from the kitchen tea towel on his shoulder and he was smiling fondly at the reunion.

Eggsy went over. “The woman has three outstanding parking tickets you know,” he whispered.

“Yes, and Harry has five,” Merlin commented. “Eggsy the mother’s will had been very clear, and we both looked into this aunt. Pretty will be fine.

“But we know what this grief is like, we can help.”

Merlin put an arm over his shoulder. “We did help,” he said softly. “Gretchen, can you help Pretty pack up her bag. I need to go get the thing.”

“Sure, Dad. Pretty want a last ride from the Ben Monster?” Gretchen was wearing a top hat for some reason.

“Yes, please,” Pretty said, but it took her a moment to let go of her aunt. “You’ll still be here? I’ll be real quick.”

“Honey, I’m not going anywhere,” Jenn promised. Once Pretty was upset, her smile fell and she looked tired, from travel, from grief. “I want to thank you for taking care of my niece. The storm was completely unexpected. I hated not being able to get home as fast as I could.”

“We had her,” Eggsy reassured. “We’re good babysitters, if you ever need us.”

“She has a great deal of family, though mostly in Trinidad. But we have a support system. Thank you though.”

Merlin was down first a small box in his hand. He made small talk with the woman from MI-6, and kept rubbing Eggsy’s back. Eggsy appreciated the anchor, because it felt wrong letting go. The girl maybe needed them. He watched as Pretty came flying down the stairs and latched onto her aunt again, like a man in the desert finding water. So maybe they weren’t needed needed. But still. Maybe they were needed.

Merlin held out the box. “A little gift, for being an incredibly brave girl.” Inside was a simple bracelet, of shiny quartz, nothing fancy, but would charm a young girl.

Jenn nudged Pretty. “Thank you,” Pretty said. “And thank you for babysitting.”

Eggsy went forward, wanting to hug her, but Merlin’s grip was tight on his shirt and he just looked like he was adjusting how he stood. “We were very glad to have you,” Eggsy promised. He held his hand out and was relieved when Merlin gripped it tightly. “Take care, okay?”

“Auntie Jenn, will take good care of me,” Pretty said and looked up at her aunt with relief, and hope, and sadness. “She looks like Mama.”

Jenn cupped Pretty’s face. “You look so much like her. And we’ll be strong like her right?” Pretty nodded and there was barely anymore goodbye and Eggsy’s first code ribbon was done.

“Ben, how about you and Gretchen take the others up and put a movie on,” Merlin suggested. Ben nodded and everyone else went upstairs. Merlin went to the kitchen and continued putting dishes away.

“So that’s it then?” Eggsy asked.

“Aye,” Merlin said. “Sometimes it is very simple. We wouldn’t have even been called in if there hadn’t been that tropical storm. There was other family in town, but with the will being so clear, MI-6 was not going to let the child go to anyone but the aunt.”

“But we follow up, yeah?” They had to, right? It was only logical, had to be a part of the process.

“No, our job is done,” Merlin put the last dish away and looked at Eggsy. “We had talked about this.”

“I know, but talking and doing are really different.” Eggsy felt at a loss. “We just let go?”

“We do, because if we held on, we would only hurt ourselves.”

“You held on a couple times, I’d like to point out. They are upstairs. Future astronaut and head of Kingsman?” Eggsy gave Merlin a look. “You’ve held on pretty fucking tight.”

“Point,” Merlin agreed. “But they had no one else to hold onto. Most times they do. Sometimes it is just a couple days like this, sometimes it is a few months. But we let go, when it is time to let go.”

“Would we...do you think there will ever be a time, I hold on?” Eggsy asked. He wasn’t sure if he wanted it, but maybe he did. But Merlin had had five girls already, them holding on would just be crazy.

“I cannot say,” Merlin answered. “We do what is needed, when it is needed, and hope we help.” He held open his arms and Eggsy went into the embrace. He held tight to Merlin. Merlin he got to hold onto. “Shall we go up to the movie?”

“Sure,” Eggsy said and they went upstairs and Lacey crawled into his lap. He held her close, and remembered how much he did get to hold. It was foolish to get attached when he knew the whole time the girl was leaving. His mother always said his heart was too big. He hadn’t really understood why that was a bad thing. But he was beginning to. 

They finished the movie and Lacey was yawning. “Hey, mind if I do the tuck in?” Eggsy asked. But Lacey had already rolled herself to Merlin’s arms.

“No, it’s fine, Eggsy. You always shower now, no reason to change routine,” Merlin said reassuringly and carried Lacey downstairs, Clara trailing after. Bethany switched from the movie to the extra half hour of telly she got, and had put on some nature show, and Gretchen and Ben gave a wave, Gretchen saying she was going to see Ben off.

“Want company, Bethany?” Eggsy asked.

“No, I’m okay,” she said. “Oooh arachnids.” 

Yeah, Eggsy was happy to leave her to that. “Only one episode and then to your bedroom. And only twenty pages of reading.”

“Okay, Eggsy,” she was not paying attention, but she tended to be good about bedtime. Eggsy headed towards their room and his shower and he could hear Merlin making voices as he read. He found himself heading downstairs and into the garden. It was a cool night, spring was taking a while to properly arrive. 

There was a noise in the potted trees. “Ben, we are spies. We know you spend four nights a week here, just come out of there and go to the garage.”

Ben came out, sheepish and hunched shoulders. He was about to head to Gretchen and looked at Eggsy. He went and sat at the table. “I’m good here,” he offered.

Eggsy sat beside him. “Good on cold metal, when you could be in a warm bed?” He snorted a little. “You need to talk about something, Ben?”

“Nope, I’m good. But maybe you need to talk?”

“Nah, I’m fine, just needed some air.”

“Well I need some air too, it is all airy,” Ben stretched out and looked up at the sky and breathed in deeply. “Mmmm, air. It’s great.”

Eggsy shook his head. “Go to Gretchen. I’m fine,” he told the boy. He gave his shoulder a squeeze and went back inside, but checked through the window to make sure Ben got through the garden okay. He went upstairs and showered and crawled into bed to read. He heard Merlin saying goodnight to Bethany in the hall, and then he came into the room. “Young girls all down.”

“Aye, Clara needed a bit of an extra cuddle. Pretty brought up some memories for her. Their moms were different branches, but still, there are similarities.”

“Clara need me?” Eggsy was ready to get back up.

“No, I took care of it. I have some work to get down in the office,” Merlin said. “You could read in there, company?”

“I’m good here,” Eggsy said. If no one needed him, he just needed some space to process his feelings. He wanted to be back to normal in the morning. “I drift off before you come down, you can feel free to wake me.” He gave Merlin a wink and sighed at the kiss Merlin gave him. “Please wake me.”

“Perhaps,” Merlin said and gave Eggsy another kiss and went up to his office.

Eggsy drifted off and Merlin didn’t wake him.


	20. Chapter 20

Eggsy was using Merlin’s office at the house to do some paperwork he had been ignoring for too long. He had thought all the girls at school, Merlin at work, holy shit actually having the house to himself a few hours. It would be brilliant. But he hated Merlin’s office.

The space was so thoroughly designed for Merlin’s needs and body; it had to be with how small a space it was. And you’d think that him being a bit smaller than Merlin, it’d be fine, but nothing was where Eggsy would put it. And it felt like the walls were closing in on him. After an hour of getting very little done he decided to switch to his laptop and work at the dining table. Only that didn’t feel right either. He just couldn’t settle. 

Eggsy wished the house had a work out space. It was a silly thing to want, he could go for a run or to the gym at the estate, but a fairly empty room to move in would feel so fantastic. He went into the garden and did some handsprings and jumping around and it helped. Flowers were starting to bud, and he smiled. He did love Merlin’s garden. He wondered maybe if he could add a few plants this year to it, now that it was his too.

Eggsy had just been feeling, off for a bit. He knew it was since the code ribbon, just a restlessness, that feeling a hair in on the back of your neck but no matter how you brush you can’t find it or swat it away. He went back in and was eventually able to settle on one of the stools in the kitchen and get a few reports done and answer a couple messages. Looked like he was going to have a joint mission coming up with Tristan, that would be interesting. He read an email from Pilar and smiled. She was building him some thank you tech now that she had been given a workstation and wanted to know what he wanted. Eggsy sent some ideas he had had and said they should get lunch sometime.

He finished up his work and was making lunch when the front door slammed open. “Hey?”

“Me,” Audra replied and came in looking all grumpy. “I am mad at the world and going up to the family room because I need movies I don’t own.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Nope.”

“Aren’t you supposed to advocate for talking it out. All your degrees and stuff?”

“If I want to talk it out I will talk to my parent thank you very much,” Audy snapped and grabbed a bottle of white wine from the fridge and stormed upstairs.

“Wow,” that was a side of Audy he was not used to. He sent a message to Merlin that a pissed off Audy was upstairs with a bottle of wine and got back,  _ leave her alone I will deal with it when I get home _ . Of course. Eggsy ate his lunch and when he heard yelling from upstairs he let it be, no matter that it hurt. But he wasn’t wanted, which he got.

His house right now wasn’t a space for him. He decided to pack up and go do the errands. He hit the library for Bethany, the dry cleaners, the grocery store, only to realize he had forgotten the list but he was pretty sure he remembered everything they were out of. And it was Thursday. He was feeling steak for the tacos. He paid and winced. Months and the grocery bill for all of them still broke his brain. He made it home and started to haul it in. “Anyone around to help?” he shouted and Ben came through and pulled a couple bags out of the car. “My hero.”

Ben laughed and dropped the bags off in the kitchen and disappeared.

“Less hero now, you bastard. You could put stuff away!” But he was already gone. Eggsy got the rest in the house and tried to think of what order to do things in. The steak needed to marinate a bit so he got that sorted and then began to put food away.

Bethany came in and Eggsy smiled, “Your library books are in one of these bags. Grab them would you?” He was putting vegetables in the crisper.

“You missed one. I had five waiting you only brought me four.”

“There were only four on the hold shelf hun.”

“No, I got the email, there were five.” 

“I’m sorry, but there were only four. They hold them for two weeks, finish a couple of those and we’ll go back,” Eggsy said. Three bags away, two more to go. And fuck the dry cleaning was still in the car. 

“Dad would have gotten them all,” Bethany muttered.

“I’m sorry hun,” Eggsy said. “But you have more than enough reading. Okay?”

Bethany shrugged and walked away with her books. Eggsy went back to the car and grabbed the dry cleaning and took it up to their room. He decided to check all the way up and Merlin had his arms wrapped around Audy and when he saw Eggsy waved him off and Eggsy headed back downstairs and caught Clara as she was about to run up. “Sorry, baby, but your dad and Audy need some alone time.”

“But I need to talk to Audy, Daddy,” Clara said. “It will be quick.”

“No,” Eggsy said firmly. “She’s having a day, and needs space. When she comes down for dinner, you can talk to her, but right now upstairs is off limits.”

“Fine,” Clara groaned dramatically. 

Eggsy started to head downstairs and saw out of the corner of his eyes Clara inching along the wall. “Oi,” he snapped, “What did I say?”

“But -”

“Time out, Clara,” Eggsy ordered.

“But this is important.”

“And so is listening to me,” Eggsy said. “Go to time out, or get time out and ipad time is gone as well.” Clara opened her mouth and Eggsy raised his brows. “You really do not want to keep going, baby.” Clara stomped downstairs to the time out chair. “What the fuck, is it the full moon or something?” Everyone was in a foul mood today. Thank god it was taco night. That would help everyone.

He went to the bedrooms and knocked on a door. “Lacey, you okay?”

“Practicing my routine for the recital next month!” she said through the door. “Want to see?”

Eggsy smiled happily and went in. “Of course I do love.” He sat on the edge of her bed and watched her practice her tiny little jumps and steps. “You are going to be incredible,” he swore. He thought about the emails he had had. “Wait, the recital is in three weeks.”

“Yeah,” she agreed and spun carefully. “The 12th.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. “Lacey, I might be -” 

She looked at him and smiled. “What, Daddy?”

Oh god, he couldn’t tell her that he was likely on a mission for it. He couldn’t. He could not be like her mum. “Nothing, love. You keep practicing. Dinner is in an hour okay?”

“Okay!” She was humming and kept dancing. He brushed a hand over her hair as he left. He went to Merlin’s bedroom and sat on the bed.

He just needed five minutes of quiet and then remembered Clara had been left in time out. Fuck. He opened his door and shouted. “Clara freedom!”

“Wooooo!”

“Freedom still means leaving Audy alone!” he added and then closed his door again. There now he could have five minutes. He lay down and closed his eyes and when he heard the door open groaned. “We knock people, remember?”

“Only when casing a joint,” Merlin said and shut the door behind him. “Hello.”

Eggsy didn’t open his eyes. “Hey. What’s up with Audy?”

“A series of things, mostly work related culminating in a family working against the best interests of their child no matter what she and the team say.” Merlin sat on the bed and rubbed Eggsy’s calf. “Just an epic fuss storm.”

“Everyone feeling that today.”

“I swear, everything chugs along and somehow they are all tuned into each other and I suffer for 48 hours.”

“We suffer,” Eggsy said. “I hate your office so much. It is so tiny.”

“I like it,” Merlin said. “I have such wonderful memories in there. It makes me happy to be in there.”

“This place is built on your memories,” Eggsy said. “Do you think there is a way we can make more space for me?”

“You need more space in the wardrobe?” Merlin looked at the wall, a little confused.

“No, nevermind.” Eggsy waved it off. They all loved the house as it was, it was fine. He had shoehorned in, and maybe if he pushed too much, they’d shoehorn him right out. He didn’t know if he was feeding off the girl’s moods or they were feeding off his. “Can I tuck them in tonight?” He asked regularly and no one had taken him up on it.

“No, I have it,” Merlin said easily.

“Sure,” Eggsy sat up. “I need to get the meat cooking.”

Merlin kissed him. “I’ll get the guac put together.”

Eggsy groaned. “I forgot the avocados.” He hung his head against Merlin. “This day just needs a do over.”

“We’ll be fine without,” Merlin promised. “Once everyone is asleep tonight, I’ll make your day better.”

“Mmm, better than guac, anyday.” Eggsy nuzzled against him for a minute and went downstairs. Gretchen and Ben were in the kitchen, Gretch sketching, Ben holding very still for her. “Portrait?”

“Yup,” Gretchen said. “I don’t do them often, but was in the mood for it. And he has such a great profile.”

“Steak tacos and I forgot the avocados, so you are a little fucked foodwise tonight,” Eggsy warned. “I’ll fry up a little extra onion and pepper.”

“Sure, you got me, I’m not worried.” Gretchen smiled at him and Eggsy smiled back, relieved that Gretchen was solid today. “You are good, Deggsy.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eggsy said for the millionth time. He began to heat a pan and pounded the steak a bit, vaguely listening as Gretchen talked about school and plans for a project. It was just a wall of noise, happy noise but it was always there. Merlin had come down and started to chop the peppers but there was a crash and shout from upstairs and he went running to investigate. Eggsy set the meat aside and went to finish the veggies. He knew Gretchen liked the onion super soft so it need to get on the pan.

He was counting down until he and Merlin could be alone. Everything was frying up, and he had three minutes so he began to pull down the plates. “Help?” he asked.

Gretchen kept sketching. “Why? You got it Deggsy,” she said and never even looked up. 

The stack of plates fell from his hands to the ground, some breaking some not. “Will you fucking listen to me for one second and not fucking calling me that shite name?” Eggsy roared and slammed his hands down on the table. “Stop fucking calling me that!” He felt his body tense ready for battle, and watched as terror filled Gretchen’s eyes and she flinched back.

“Sorry, sir,” Gretchen said quickly, eyes still wide. She put down her art supplies and Eggsy watched her hands tremble. She stood up, knocking her chair over and keeping her eyes on Eggsy. Ben stepped in between Eggsy and Gretchen and Eggsy could see him swallow. Scared, but determined.

They were scared of him.

Oh god.

His kids were scared of him.

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy said thickly. “I’m so sorry.”

He ran out of the house and got in his car and drove. He at first headed to Harry but he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell the man about this. Eggsy left London and didn’t stop until he pulled in front of his mum’s house. The car was down to petrol fumes but he couldn’t have stopped. 

He knocked on the door and realized his was shaking. He thought he was going to be sick. He didn’t want to sick on his mum’s flowers by her windowsill. They were real nice. 

“Eggsy?” Michelle said shocked when she saw him. “Oh, Eggsy, what’s wrong?”

“You were right,” he said and his teeth were almost chattering even though it wasn’t that cold. “About me. I ran.” He began to cry. “Mum.”

Michelle pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m here, I’ve got you.” She pulled him into the house and closed the door after him. “I’ve got you.”

And Eggsy wept in a way he hadn’t since he since father’s funeral.


	21. Chapter 21

Merlin heard a lot of noise from downstairs but he was busy helping Bethany with the picture that had fallen off her wall. “There we go,” he said, “got lucky that the glass didn’t even break.”

“Dad?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can you make sure you go to the library, not Eggsy?” Bethany asked.

“Why?”

“The system said I had five books in and he only brought four home. He’s bad at errands. You always bring me all my books.”

Merlin turned and looked at her in surprise. “Excuse me?”

Bethany bit her lip. “Please?”

“No,” Merlin replied. “Eggsy is not bad at errands. The same has happened to me. Just because the system says it is processed doesn’t mean it is on the shelf. Or maybe it was filed wrong on the shelf.”

“Why didn’t he look everywhere there?”

“If this is of such concern to you, then you can start going on errands to pick up your own books, or even ride your bike to the library. It isn’t far, and the weather is getting better enough to do it.” Merlin gave her a look. “He was doing you a favour picking them up before the weekend outings and I trust you said thank your for the consideration.” When Bethany shook her head no he held out his hand and the four library books were given to him. “You can have these back the day after next, after you have made sure to let Eggsy know you appreciate him taking the time to help.”

“Yes, Dad.” 

He went over and kissed her head. “It will be okay,” he promised her. No wonder Eggsy had looked a little worn thin. “Now I have to go see what the crash downstairs was about. We’ll call you for dinner.” He went to the kitchen and Ben was at the stove and Audy and Gretchen were cleaning up a lot of broken plates. “What happened?” He couldn’t see Eggsy. “Did Eggsy cut himself on some of those shards?”

Gretchen couldn’t look up and just kept cleaning. But Merlin saw her wipe away a tear. “What is going on?”

Gretchen finally met his gaze. “I called him Deggsy and he flipped out.”

Merlin frowned. “That doesn’t sound like him. A bit of teasing doesn’t bother him. It has been an exhausting day but just saying it once, that was wrong I’ll talk to him when he’s done cleaning up.” Gretchen looked an awful like Bethany had upstairs. “Gretchen?”

“It was more than one, and he asked us for help and we didn’t exactly give it,” Ben said quietly. “He dropped the plates and yelled at Gretch enough that he startled her and then he said sorry and ran out the door.”

“Oh,” Merlin sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Oh boy, today has been a fucking day for him. He went for a walk to get a break. He’ll be home later. While he is gone, I think we all need to have a family talk.”

“Yes, Dad,” Gretchen said. “I am sorry. I thought he didn’t mind.”

Merlin realized something. “He said he did.”

“But he always seemed to be joking,” Gretchen protested.

“We didn’t listen,” Merlin knew he was guilty of it too and felt horrible. “I don’t think any of us have been listening to him enough.” Merlin wondered if Eggsy asking for more space hadn’t been about the wardrobe after all. 

“Dinner is almost ready,” Ben said.

“Almost done here,” Audy was sweeping up the last of the broken china. “We have some paper plates in the cupboard.”

“I’ll get them.” Merlin helped finish up and then called the younger girls down.

Clara looked around, “Where’s Eggsy?”

“He went for a walk,” Merlin replied. “Today was a trial of a day for him. He just needed some space.”

Her eyes widened, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to him and needed timeout.”

“You too?” Eggsy had really had a lot to deal with. “Well I think we all need to do something extra special for him.”

“He can pick the movie tonight,” Lacey said.

“He might not be home for that,” Merlin offered gently. Even money Eggsy was going to wait to come home after the girls were in bed tonight. The poor man just needed some quiet. He decided to fire off a quick text.  _ Take your time, we’ll get it sorted tonight. _ That should solve it. He helped Lacey with her food and they all sat down but it wasn’t right. They all felt the lack of Eggsy and even Ben barely ate, which was most disturbing of all. “Now, then, how do we make Eggsy feel better?” 

“We say sorry,” Bethany offered.

“A good place, for all of us,” Merlin agreed, knowing he hadn’t been helping. 

“A sorry card would be even better,” Clara suggested. “Make it all fancy.” 

“I can make the front. I fuc -” Merlin coughed, “I was the worst,” Gretchen changed it to. She and Ben exchanged a look and Ben seemed to be trying to beam his thoughts directly into her brain.

“Ben is there something you need to say?” Merlin had to ask. The boy’s eyes were going to fall out the way he was staring at Gretchen. But he just shook his head and poked at his food more. “Gretchen?” But she wasn’t going to answer right now. “Think about it. I am here.”

“Daddy’s sad?” Lacey asked.

“I think so,” Merlin said, “and tired and we have to show him how much we love him.”

“You could let him tuck me in like he wants to,” Lacey said. “That’d would make him not make the sad face when you say no go shower.”

Merlin went very still. “I don’t…”

“He doesn’t know how to do the goodnight routine, but you could show him and then he’d know,” Lacey continued. “That’s why you don’t let him, but you always say if we don’t learn, we don’t learn. And Daddy learns quick I bet. He watches you do it once, I bet he could do it.”

Merlin felt his heart shatter. He in a moment saw how much he had been pushing Eggsy away from parenting. How he had made sure to take those aspects on himself, because he didn’t want Eggsy to chafe under everything that had to be done. But Eggsy had taken on so many of the boring parts of raising a family, with the benefit of the blessings that was goodnight kisses from your children. He had dreamed of Eggsy being able to read to the girls, and then when he had the chance to make it a reality, he hadn’t.

Fuck, he hadn’t been paying attention and been hurting Eggsy. They were going to need to have several talks about this. The girls didn’t notice how quiet he had gotten, busy creating plans to make Eggsy feel good. Breakfast in bed was mentioned, board games, many things that Merlin barely heard, so focused on his own part in how stretched thin Eggsy must have felt. “We could redecorate our bedroom,” Merlin said out loud.

“Dad?” Audy looked at him. “Why? You love it.”

Oh that even she, who saw everything in people, didn’t see it emphasized how wrong they had been treating Eggsy since he moved in. “Because I love it, it was designed for me. He put himself in cupboards and wardrobes. One picture hung on the wall. We could have done better about putting Eggsy in the house. Letting his taste matter too. Shouldn’t his bedroom reflect him? We repainted for Bethany when she took over that room. Why didn’t we think of that for him?”

No one had an answer, but he appreciated how Lacey crawled into his lap and gave him a hug.

Gretchen looked ill. “I won’t call him Deggsy again. Swear down.”

“You picked up that vocal tic from him,” Merlin smiled a bit. He wanted the girls to pick up things from Eggsy. He just hadn’t been letting them. He had been sure he had been letting go, but he hadn’t not really. He had to change before he ruined this just like he had with Susan.

“I -” Gretchen clearly had something to say but it was so stuck in her throat that she couldn’t. “We should make that card,” was where she settled.

“A good idea,” he agreed. He shooed the kids all upstairs and cleaned up dinner, and tried to think of how he was going to make all this up to Eggsy. He wondered how much Eggsy had told him that he truly hadn’t heard. He checked his phone and there was no text back, but that made sense.  _ I am so sorry, Eggsy. _ He sent along as well and pocketed the phone. He helped the girls with their crafts and tucked the younger ones in. Once they were down he poured a drink for himself, Audy, Gretch, and Ben. They sat upstairs in the quiet. “Anyone?” Merlin asked.

“I was so dismissive of him, when I came in,” Audy said and took a hefty sip of her wine. “It was just, I wanted home. Needed the comfort of here, and he isn’t a part of that? Or is too new no matter how much he has given me. And I just was mean. All he ever does is love us. I’m only a few years younger than him, and I don’t want him to parent me. I have two amazing parents. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t let him friend me.”

“Aye,” Merlin sighed. He wasn’t going to address how Audy held onto Susan. If she believed in her mother that much, then that was fine. “He has a heart larger than we even comprehend and we’ve all been taking advantage of that, though we never intended to.”

“You were supposed to have more date nights with him, and it sort of didn’t happen,” Gretchen pointed out. “Ben and I will babysit.”

“Thank you, and that is on my shoulders. We just got busy. Which is no excuse.” Merlin sipped his whisky. “We tried to slide him in and not change anything. When much needed changing.” Merlin shook his head not able to talk about it more right now and put the telly on. He knew they were all going to be waiting up for Eggsy wanting to apologize.

When it was ten and there was no Eggsy and no word, Merlin tried calling him, but it went straight to voicemail. His glasses were off as well, so Merlin sent another text asking him to check in.

At eleven, Audy was typing on her phone. “Roxy says he isn’t there, she hasn’t heard from him.” She looked at Merlin. “Should you call Uncle Harry.”

Merlin nodded and tapped the side of his glasses. 

“What?” Harry groaned when he answered. “Which mission went sideways?”

“Harry can you put Eggsy on, we just need to hear his voice,” Merlin said.

“Why would I put Eggsy on?” Harry yawned.

“Because he had a rough day and came to you. I had thought he would be home by now but clearly he decided to crash at your place.”

“Merlin, he isn’t here,” Harry replied and the sleep was gone from his voice. “What happened?”

“A rough day, but that doesn’t explain why he hasn’t been in contact,” Merlin was growing worried.

“Track him.”

“This is a personal matter, I will not abuse that.”

“Track his vitals at least if you won’t engage the location factor.”

Merlin got up and went to his office. He logged into the system and checked the status of Eggsy. “His heart rate is normal.” One keystroke and he would know where Eggsy was. He hovered over the button for a moment and then stepped back from the computer. He leaned against the wall for a moment. If he did that, if he broke Eggsy’s trust like that, they were over. But the longer it took Eggsy to come home, the more that possibility seemed likely. “Harry.”

“It is a fight,” Harry said, reassuring his friend. “It will get sorted.”

“This wasn’t a fight. I don’t fully know what it is. I just know he left, and he doesn’t seem to be coming back.”

“He isn’t Susan,” Harry’s voice was biting. “He will come back.”

“Of course,” Merlin agreed. “Of course he will. He’s Eggsy.” He thought of Michelle’s warnings. That Eggsy would do this. He perhaps should have believed her. “Thank you, Harry.”

“Hamish, he loves you.”

“I love him too.” Merlin just knew that he had not been showing it enough. He went back out and they were staring at him worried. “His heart rate is normal, he just needs more time than I expected. Audy go home, you two out to the garage.”

“We can stay,” Audy replied immediately.

“Go home, I’m fine. You’ll take him to lunch in a couple days and it will all be good. And Ben, jesus how is your tolerance that low? Gretchen get that boy to bed.” Two fingers of whisky and he was a bit glazed in the eye and flushed.

Gretchen pulled Ben up and gave her dad a hug. “I can’t talk about it to you first, it wouldn’t be fair to Eggsy,” she explained.

“Very well,” he agreed and kissed her head. It took a lot more work to get Audy moving but she eventually went out the door. Merlin checked on the younger girls who were all asleep, though Clara had fallen out of bed and had to be put back in.

He went and had a bracingly hot shower and didn’t cry but he thought about it. He put on pajamas and at midnight sent a last text.  _ Please, eggsy. Just talk to me _ . At one when there had been no answer, he fell into a fitful sleep. 

Merlin woke with a start at six when his phone was vibrating on his table. He picked it up, and his heart fell when it was just a reminder that he had to play for summer camp for the girls today if he wanted the early registration discount. He knew he wouldn’t fall back asleep and the girls would all be up in about forty five minutes. Merlin put a robe on over his pajamas and went out to the garden. He moved a false rock and pulled out a small tin. He sat in a hidden corner of the garden and smoked a cigarette. The girls didn’t know that he did this when very stressed and very tired. He went through a pack maybe every six months. He sat in the shadows of plants almost ready to bloom, and felt sick.

He heard footsteps and saw Ben heading out. He was relieved Ben hadn’t seen him, he couldn’t talk to anyone right now. Merlin looked at the texts he had sent. They showed that they had been seen but Eggsy wasn’t answering them. Merlin dialed the number and waited and was not surprised when there was no answer. After the tone he couldn’t say anything for a moment. “Eggsy?” he finally managed. “Please. Just please.” He hung up, he couldn’t form more words.

He went back in and got the morning going and the girls looked hollow when they realized Eggsy wasn’t there. But they had to keep going. Merlin went into work and tried to settle in. He did as much as he could but he easily lost focus.

It was almost lunch before his phone rang. “Eggsy,” he answered. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Eggsy said. He gave a sad laugh. “No I’m not. I’m in Wales. With Mum and Daisy.”

That was a relief and a worry at the same time. “Eggsy I’m so sorry,” Merlin said.

“Sure, no of course. I am too,” Eggsy agreed. “And I get it. After what I did you don’t have to say it.”

“Say what?” Merlin was confused.

“Don’t, don’t play like that. I know after what happened you have no space for me. I just need a few days here, and then I’ll come back and pack up my things. It’s okay, we’ll still work together fine. Professionals, because we’re gentlemen.”

“Eggsy, I do not understand.” Merlin was beginning to panic, because it was sounding like Eggsy was breaking up with him because of the neglect he had been suffering. But Merlin could fix it. He was sure he could.

“Bye, Hamish,” Eggsy replied and hung up. Merlin tried to call back but Eggsy didn’t answer. He sat there and stared at his phone in stunned silence. He had no idea how long it had been, but eventually he felt Harry’s arms wrap around him.

“Why am I so very easy to leave?” Merlin asked. He had been with Eggsy far less than Susan, but this was hurting far more. He felt like his organs were liquifying, like there was going to be nothing left in him but pain and emptiness. “Harry.”

“Shh,” Harry had softly. “Come up to my office. Your assistants will take over.”

Merlin followed him and sat on the sofa. “We are to be professionals and gentlemen. He is leaving me Harry. With Susan I held too tight, and because of her I didn’t hold tight enough with Eggsy. Why can I not do this?”

“It isn’t over,” Harry swore.

“He ran, Harry, to Wales.” Merlin looked up at him. “He ran.”

“He’ll come back,” Harry said.

“Aye,” Merlin agreed, “But not to me. To us.” He lay down on the sofa and was relieved when Harry ignored the tears that fell from Merlin’s closed eyes and Merlin fell asleep because staying awake was just simply hurting too much.


	22. Chapter 22

Merlin woke up on Harry’s couch and he could tell by where the sun was on the ground that it had been a couple hours. He wished he could say he woke feeling better, but he didn’t. He was still hollowed out. He had no idea what to tell the girls. He sat and took the cup that Harry offered him.

“You don’t say anything to them yet,” Harry told him.

“You read my mind now?” 

“Your thinking patterns are easy enough to follow. You tell them Eggsy was upset and needed space and went to his mum, but he’ll be home in a few days and it will all get sorted out.”

“It gives that false hope that they are wanted.”

“No,” Harry replied firmly. “It gives them reassurance, because I do believe that it will get sorted.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you need me to be.” Harry sat and gave him a hug. “I’m going to take you home, and you will shower and we will create a game plan. Our plans never fail.”

“Harry, our plans fail all the fucking time,” Merlin had to point out. “Our plans never go to plan.”

“But we always win, and this will be no different.” 

They got up and went into the hallway where one of Merlin’s people was running. “Sirs, a situation.”

Merlin gathered the strength he had, “What is the situation?”

“Bors has to seduce a target.”

“Fuck,” Harry and Merlin groaned. 

“I can -” Merlin began and Harry cut him off.

“I am better to talk him through this than you, Merlin.” Harry shook his head. “You need to go home. Take a few days off, your staff can handle things, and I’ll help them.” A door opened in the hall and Harry was relieved. “Percival, could you see Merlin home?”

“I can manage, Harry,” Merlin protested. He’d be a bother to Harry, their relationship it was fine, but he didn’t want to be a burden to anyone else.

“I’ll fret,” Harry replied. “Percival, a personal favour. See him home and that he eats?”

Percival gave a slight nod and came over. “Of course,” he said.

Merlin knew there was no fighting it but at least Percival would be quiet. They headed out on the bullet train and indeed the man was quiet which was a relief. He checked his phone but there was nothing from Eggsy. Messages from Audy and Gretch, but not him. He closed his eyes for a moment. Merlin had no idea what to do. That was new for him and somehow hurt most of all - he always could plan, figure it out, that is who he was. And now he was rudderless. Eggsy had done that to him. Merlin had no idea how to find his way.

“We’re at the shop,” Percival’s voice was soft, and Merlin wondered if he had ever heard the man raise his voice. He couldn’t think of an instance even in the worst missions. “There will be a car waiting.”

“I can make it from there,” Merlin said, wanting to be alone.

“Harry made a personal request,” Percival shrugged, “I will see it through.”

“You don’t -”

“I will see it through,” Percival’s voice was in his do not even try register and Merlin wasn’t going to fight that, he didn’t have the energy. The Kingsman car took them to the house and when he was going to tell Percival to stay in it, one look had him accepting the escort. Merlin went up to shower and stayed under the water for a very long time, hoping he’d be alone when he came back down. But he could smell food. His body needed the fuel but he thought he’d just be sick. He went to the kitchen and Percival was stirring at the stove.

“Broth,” Percival said. “And toast, easy on the stomach.”

“I’m not sick.”

“Aren’t you?” Percival put together a plate with the soup bowl in the middle, and the toast all around. He put it in front of Merlin. “You look ill.”

“Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“I wasn’t,” Percival replied and put the kettle on. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly,” Merlin said and ate a little toast.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Percival looked at him and it was such a passive, calm look, that Merlin found himself explaining everything. He had to wipe his tears away a few times, and wished the words would stop, but they just kept pouring out of him. Every single fault, every way he didn’t do right by Eggsy, and how they were done. “Eggsy broke up with me, and I don’t know how I move forward.”

Percival brought two cups of tea to the table and took away the plates. Merlin had managed to eat about half and that was something. “Tell me your phone conversation with him, the exact words.”

“I can’t remember exactly.”

“Why not?”

“Because not everyone has your memory agent,” Merlin said.

“Just as close as you can.”

“He understood. Why I couldn’t -” Merlin frowned. “He made it sound like he thought I was going to be breaking up with him.” He tried to think about the conversation as best he could, but he had been so tired, and so upset the words were just out of his grasp. “I can’t. The conversation was all wrong and I can’t remember it. But we are breaking up.”

“If you can’t remember it, perhaps it is because it is an unfinished conversation?” Percival suggested.

“He sounded very certain. And I don’t,” Merlin sighed and took a sip of the tea. “He has had people impose on him for a very long time. People who hurt him, and I never wanted to be one of those.”

“Then you are a fool,” Percival said.

“Excuse me?” Merlin’s eyes widened. “You think I should hurt him? Why would I want to do that? I love him.”

“I don’t think you should hurt him, I think you have to realize that hurting will happen no matter how you love someone.”

“I am well aware of that. Susan was a very good at it.”

Percival rolled his eyes and huffed, “Again her. Yes, she is your yardstick of pain. But that doesn’t mean it is the right one. You think you hurt and then are abandoned. He thinks you are abandoned and then hurt.”

“He is the one leaving me, because people always leave  _ me. _ ”

“Or maybe, just maybe, he is leaving before you can leave him. You aren’t the only one in this who has been left.” Percival pushed his tea cup away so he could lean forward. “I have read every public report on every agent. His father died, his mother lost her way, he was abused by his stepfather, Harry died. You lost, so did he. And the difference is you always had someone at your side. Harry, the girls, your staff. Always someone next to you helping you suffer, and he has had no one.”

“He had me!”

“Did he?” Percival shot back. “Did he fully know he had you?”

Merlin opened his mouth and closed it. “I thought he did. He knew I loved him.”

“You won’t be left every time you hurt,” Percival said, “But you will be left if you don’t fucking take the time to talk and fix the hurt.”

“At work I can always find the right words,” Merlin looked at his half empty cup. “I can always bring an agent home. I can see the problem, and I can fix it. I never have the right words for him. I see him and he shines so bright, and I am in awe of his heart and that he gave it to me. I watch him love our girls and I want to give him everything and then I don’t and I can’t explain why. And I hurt him. I don’t even see it, why should he stay, when I do that?”

“He shouldn’t,” Percival replied. “If you stayed like that he shouldn’t, because you will break him more than any torturer ever would.” He went around the table and sat next to Merlin. “But you are smart, and you adapt. You can change the course you were setting. Find another way around.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Start here, tell me why you love him.”

“I just did,” Merlin looked at him. “Weren’t you listening.”

“Shines bright, big heart, charming and poetic. Now tell me why you love him.”

“Why?”

“Because why not?” Percival gave him a faint smile. “I love someone too, you know.”

“That isn’t in your file.”

“You love and lose, I love and never have. That doesn’t need to be in a file.”

“What do you love about them?” Merlin countered, demanded.

“Their ears.”

“I’m sorry?” Merlin stared at Percival and began to laugh. “You love their ears?” He started to laugh so much he banged into the table and his tea sloshed a bit. The laugh turned into tears and Merlin put his head down on the table and wept. Percival’s hand rested on his back, not rubbing, just there. When the sobs tapered off, Merlin kept his head down. “I love his right pinky finger. He twitches it a lot, when he is nervous. This rhythm in the air. He doesn’t even know he is doing it.”

“Tell me everything,” Percival said softly and Merlin talked, in a way he seldom had before.

When Gretchen came in the back down she saw the agent taking care of her dad and when he tilted his head for her to leave she did so. Gretchen went to the garage and Ben was reading a textbook. He looked at her and sighed. “This is a bad idea,” he pointed out.

“I know,” she agreed. She texted Harry and he told her where Eggsy was. “Let’s go, this is my fault, and I’m going to fix it.”

“Ah jeez,” Ben groaned but he followed where Gretchen went, because he always had, and he always would.

******************************************************

Eggsy was lying on the guest bed in his mum’s house. It all felt like crap. He felt like crap. It was done, there was no going back now. He had saved Merlin the heartache of having to break up with him, the man didn’t deserve that after what Eggsy had done to Gretchen. His mum was trying to get him to say what was going on, but he couldn’t. She knocked on the door almost every hour to ask if he needed anything.

He needed to go back in time so he didn’t scare Gretchen. So he didn’t ruin everything he had ever wanted. There was a knock at his door. “Jesus, Mum will you leave me the fuck alone?” he shouted and flashed back to being 15. 

“Not your mum,” the voice called back. “She decided to go do some shopping, asked me to keep an eye on you. Daisy is at a friends.”

“Sean, I’m fine,” he said.

“I have whisky,” Sean offered.

“Right, come on in then,” Eggsy said and sat up. Sean walked in with some jack and coke. “Uhh, don’t we need glasses?”

“Oh trick I learned, from a friend in the states,” Sean said and took a decent gulp out of the fizzy drink bottle. He then poured in a good helping of whisky and gave a gentle swirl. “Looks just like fizzy drink, carries your wallop.” He held it out and Eggsy took a swig. “Go easy, you have no food in you.”

“Should have brought food with you then.” Eggsy had to laugh as Sean pulled a granola bar from a pocket. He ate that and took another swig. “You and Mum are getting close huh?”

“Keeping it slow,” Sean replied. He sat on the bed and took a drink as well. “Now I’ve shared a drink with every Unwin. You backsplash less than your sister.”

Eggsy shuddered knowing what Daisy was like with a bottle of water. “Braver man than I.”

“What you do for your kids right?”

“I wouldn’t know, left mine.” Eggsy took the bottle and drained half of it. “But suppose that was for them, wasn’t it?”

“Was it?”

“I yelled at Gretchen,” Eggsy said and clung to the bottle like Lacey clung to her favourite bear. “And she looked so scared. That look in her eyes? I know. I used to carry it, until you stop being scared and just are so used to the fear you don’t feel it anymore. You don’t feel anything.” Eggsy looked at Sean. “Until you feel the fists.”

“And you left before she could feel your fists,” Sean said.

“I wouldn’t have hurt her,” Eggsy said. He was so sure of it. He was mostly sure of it. He wasn’t sure of anything. “But Dean, Dean took two years before he hit. Maybe...maybe it would be the same for me.”

“Good for you,” Sean said.

Eggsy hadn’t quite expected that response. “I’m sorry?” He was sure the guy would immediately launch into a you aren’t like him, cycle of abuse can be broken, true love wins speech. “I thought. Aren’t you supposed to convince me to go home to him?”

“Your mum just said you were hurting and for me to keep an eye on you. You are what 27? I’m not your parent, and don’t know you that well. If you say you have a good shot of abusing your daughters and you are leaving to protect them, I can’t argue with that.” Sean just shrugged. “You are dangerous, near as I can gather. Don’t want to know the full story there. But you say, you are the type of vile contemptible man that would hit someone under your protection, then I’ll believe you and ask you to leave.”

“Wot?” Eggsy looked at him. “You can’t kick me out of my mum’s house!”

“You just said you could hit a child, you think I am going to trust you around Daisy?” Sean stood up. “You can go mope somewhere else, but not here.”

“What the fuck, I would never hurt Daisy! I’d cut my own arm off before I even tickled her too hard,” Eggsy stood up as well, ready to fight.

“You just said you could though. You may, and I will not trust you around my daughter like that. So get the fuck out.” Eggsy was a little impressed with how Sean stepped in his space.

“She ain’t yours,” Eggsy yelled.

“I will love her all the rest of my days, and that is good enough. And if you are a threat to her just like you are to Merlin’s girls, then you will get the fuck gone.”

“I am not a fucking threat to them. I love them and would never hurt them!” Eggsy screamed at him.

“No, you wouldn’t, would you?” Sean wrapped him in a tight hug. “You would never hurt your daughters.”

Eggsy cracked and began to sob against Sean’s chest, dropping the soda, ruining the carpet. Sean just held him tight and Eggsy had thought he had cried himself out with his mum last night, but apparently that had been the tip of the iceberg. He soaked Sean’s shirt with tears and snot. “I’d never, ever hurt my girls,” he said through the hiccups.

“I know you wouldn’t, I know,” Sean promised. “And I bet Hamish does too.”

Eggsy began to calm down. “But I yelled at Gretchen. And she knows everything I am capable of, and she was so scared. I put that in her. Fear of me.” He stepped back onto the soggy carpet. “Ugh, gross,” he flopped onto the bed and stared at the mess. “I can’t clean that.” He didn’t know if he meant the carpet or his life.

“Can clean most things. I once got motor oil out of a rabbit fur coat. I’ll be back.” Sean jogged out of the room and Eggsy stared at the spill. It grew a bit, a mess, just like the mess he had made of his life. Sean returned with a bucket and towels and other things. Eggsy knew he should help, they always made the girls help, but he felt glued to the bed. The mess was slowly being pulled up and away. “See all coming up. Messes can always be sorted.” It was a cheerful sort of voice; a parenting voice. He had used it when Lacey had spilled juice once.

“This some sort of metaphor for my life?”

Sean snorted, “no it is fucking wasted Jack and coke. I don’t drink much around your mum, so you killed my drink allotment for the week.”

“Drink allotment?”

“Seen lots of guys drink a lot. And so has your mum. I have maybe three or four drinks.”

“A day?” 

“A week, Eggsy,” Sean laughed and sprayed cleaner on the carpet. “All coming up.”

“You love Daisy?” 

“I do. And I love your mum. But haven’t actually said that to them yet, so maybe we keep that between us?” Sean smiled at him and okay Eggsy could see why Merlin got a little hot and bothered by the guy.

“They making room for you?”

Sean put a towel down to soak up the last of the spot. “They are.”

“That’s good,” Eggsy said. “I thought they were making space for me. And they did. But it was a tiny space. And when I wanted more there wasn’t room.”

“Did you ask for room?” 

“I did and they all ignored it.” Eggsy’s hands gripped at the comforter. “I’m not worth it really.”

“Eggsy,” Sean groaned as he got up, his back sucked from decades of bending over cars. He sat next to him. “Eggsy, your mum has told me a bit about everything. Not a lot, it is hard for her to talk about. But I have some ideas. Have you honestly told them what you needed, what you wanted?”

“I told Gretchen not to call me a thing, and she kept fucking doing it. Because I didn’t matter, not in the end, did I?”

Sean nudged his shoulder against him. “Kids are assholes make no mistake about it. Why did you know someone taught Daisy ‘this is the song that never ends?’”

Eggsy had to laugh. “She loved it.”

“Also knock knock jokes. That she makes up. The punchline tends just to be the word toot. Gets a wee bit tiresome, Eggsy.” 

“Yeah but difference between her and a woman in an MA program,” Eggsy shook his head. “Gretchen should have respected what I wanted there.”

“Yes, she should have. But Eggsy, did she know for sure that you didn’t like it? Or did you respond in a casual brush it off voice? Did you ever tell her why you don’t like it?” Sean pressed.

Eggsy had to shake his head no. “It shouldn't have bothered me. Stupid thing, who gets bothered by Deggsy? But it reminded me. It reminds me of things I’d just rather forget.”

“From before your current life. The one I only know a little about. The one that has your mum wake up screaming some nights or flinch from my hug.”

“Yeah, that life. I can’t tell Gretchen about that. I don’t want them to ever know families aren’t perfect.”

“Oh, Eggsy,” Sean sighed. “No family is perfect. They are good, they are great, but the only perfection in this world was Glam David Bowie, our engine in 1987, the quips of Oscar Wilde, and Daniel Craig’s arse.”

Eggsy looked at him, “You’re het.”

“Not blind though and jesus but your mum watches those stupid Bond movies of his a lot.” Sean wrapped an arm around Eggsy. “You are okay to ask for what you want, what you need.”

“If I let them know how much I need, they’ll run scared.” Eggsy leaned into it when Sean kissed his forehead. It was a father’s kiss. He remembered them vaguely. “I can’t ask them for everything.”

“Why? Because you might get it?” Sean gave him another gentle kiss. “Have a nap, Eggsy. You look like shit.”

Eggsy laughed a bit and lay on the bed. “Sean?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you were the neighbourly sort.”

“I am too. Rest your heart Eggsy, your family has it safe here.” Sean collected the cleaning supplies and left Eggsy alone. He couldn’t sleep but he did rest and think about what Sean said. It didn’t matter, Merlin would never stand for Eggsy yelling that way at Gretchen, even if Eggsy explained everything. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. Merlin would never yell at them that way. He was the perfect dad.

He was a great dad.

Eggsy stared at the ceiling.

He was a good dad who worked his arse off to be a great dad. That was more accurate. Because Merlin had fucked up hard concerning Susan. And he had held onto Audy too much, and hadn’t noticed when Lacey started calling Eggsy Daddy.

Merlin wasn’t perfect. Eggsy kept forgetting that. He expected the calm man who was in his ear on missions, but Merlin was a fucking mess. Merlin had told him that, but he hadn’t listened. Because Merlin was nowhere the mess Eggsy was inside.

But he was still a mess who fucked up.

He tried though. He tried to listen. He just couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Sometimes all Eggsy couldn’t see trees for the forest. He didn’t think they could get this sorted. Required more work than anyone put into him before.

He didn’t know how much time had passed but his stomach rumbled and he thought maybe a bacon sandwich would be great. He headed downstairs and saw Gretchen and Ben sitting in the living room. “Food in twenty, Ben,” he said automatically and continued walking to the kitchen. Eggsy stopped a step away from the stove and turned around and went back to the front room. Gretchen and Ben were sitting on the ‘good’ couch. And he realized how quiet the house was. “So, where’s Merlin then?”

“Last we saw, Dad was sorting himself out with Oliver,” Gretchen said. “This is all my fault so I’m going to fix it.”

“Your fault?” Eggsy sat across from them. He looked between the two and it was the most adult they had ever looked to him. And the youngest. They were determined, and a bit scared. “How is it your fault that I scared the shit out of the two of you?”

“I could have put groceries away,” Ben said. “And I can cook. I can make...eggs? I could do breakfast for dinner sometimes.”

“Oh, Ben, the world does not deserve you.” Eggsy gave him a smile. “You are great.” He loved that Ben’s ears turned red whenever he was complimented. “And I’m proud as fuck of you ready to defend Gretchen, even though you would have collapsed like a wet tissue and she would have had to have defended your honour.”

“You wouldn’t have hurt her,” Ben was sure of this. “I’m sorry that I acted like you would. Just the first time you’ve yelled like that.”

“Yeah well, a real dad doesn’t yell at his kids like that,” Eggsy muttered. He frowned when they both started laughing. “Excuse me?”

“My dad yells at me, like all the time,” Ben said. “ _ Ben will you stop worrying about those equations are worry about the shite we are wading through! Ben, Gretchen has seen you every day this week, sit your arse for dinner with your mother or you are grounded, like I give a fuck how old you are _ .”

“ _Gretchen! Why in the bloody virgin’s sainted orifices is every chair in the house painted red!_ ” Gretchen laughed, “My favourite ever. I was grounded for 6 months. He yelled it so loud the neighbours checked on us.”

“Merlin would never -”

“He has, at all of us,” Gretchen said. “Because kids suck and parents get tired. You know that right? Parents sometimes don’t mean to but yell at their kids? And it hurts and can be scary, but you say sorry, and I say sorry, and then it is all okay.”

“I can’t let it be okay, because if I do, then you’ll just start calling me that again,” Eggsy told her. “You’ll wait a while, and then you’ll think it is funny and you’ll call me that again. And I’ll tell you, ask you please don’t, and you’ll giggle and then a week later there it is again.”

“Fine, I won’t call you that again,” Gretchen said and glared at him.

Eggsy felt furious at her. “You don’t get to be mad at me for hating a name that triggers some serious fucking PTSD in me, okay?” He was happy he hadn’t yelled, but the words were hard ones, punches that swung hard.

Gretchen opened her mouth and closed it. “What?”

“Forget it, you won’t understand,” Eggsy said and hung his head. “I don’t want you to understand.”

“We might not understand,” Ben said, “But we could listen?”

“Muggsy,” Eggsy said. “I was sixteen the first time Dean called me Muggsy. He thought it was clever and Mum laughed. I had brought home my first pay, stupid job bagging groceries. But wanted some trainers. And he left me ten quid of it and said ‘thanks for paying your rent, Muggsy’ and Mum did nothing.” Eggsy got up and walked around the room. “The flat at the estate wasn’t even the size of this main floor.” He pressed his hands against the pretty blue walls. “Beige, council always beige. Know what it feels like when your head is slammed into all that beige? If he called me anything after that it was never Eggsy. My real da had given me that name and he was long done pretending he wanted to be a dad to me. It was boy, Muggsy, a few things I won’t repeat. He erased me, tried to. You erase me every time you call me that. You erase who I fought to become. You erase the meaning of it for me that the younger girls call me Daddy. You erase the best name I was ever given when you call me Deggsy.” Eggsy pressed his forehead against the pretty blue wall.

“You have to tell him,” he could hear Ben say. “He would have let you.”

“Let you?”

“I can’t,” Gretchen said. “It’s...I can’t.”

“No. You don’t hide,” Ben said. “Not you. Not ever. Be fearless.”

“I’m really not as strong as you think I am. I’m scared all the time.”

“Me too,” Eggsy said and turned to look at them. “That’s what adulthood is Bunny. It is being scared all the fucking time, but doing what has to be done.”

“You didn’t do what had to be done. You ran away.”

“I want my kids to be better than me,” Eggsy said. He was watching her face carefully. “There. Right there. What was that?”

“My baaaa -” Gretchen cut herself off and took a few deep breaths. “Sorry. That’s on the no list.” 

Eggsy stumbled to the chair. “You are not pregnant.”

“No, I’m not,” she promised. “I said, not until we were done school. But Ben and I, we talk about the future a lot. And how he will teach kids maths, and I’ll make art and we’ll buy a decrepit house and he’ll fix the plumbing and I’ll fix the walls. Dad will fix the electric. You were going to help me plan the nursery.” Gretchen wiped a tear away. “We’re going to have a bunch of kids, and I was happy because they’d have a grandpa for a long time. One who would see my grandkids. Because Da might not last that long.” Gretchen looked at where Ben’s hand held hers. “My kids are going to call you Granddad or something silly that you think is perfect. And I call you Eggsy.”

“I don’t understand,” Eggsy said. “Do you want them to call me Eggsy? I’m okay with whatever your beautiful babies will call me, hun.”

“No,” Gretchen said, “I’ve been so mad that I don’t get to call you dad. So if I called you Deggsy, it was pretty close wasn’t it? You could think I was having a grand and stupid joke that annoyed you but you tolerated. And I got to call you dad.” She leaned into Ben. “Only it wasn’t tolerated and I was hurting you. And you are going to leave us, just like mum did. But it isn’t because you don’t love us. It is because I drove you away.” Gretchen let go of Ben and moved over to in front of Eggsy. Poked him in the chest. “You can’t do that to them. I’ll call you Eggsy, I’ll call you whatever you want or nothing at all. We’ll move out, across town. You don’t have to come to my art shows. You don’t even have to move a single box. If you stay for them. Please, Eggsy, you have to stay for them. They love you so much. I’ll go away, I’ll do whatever. Please, please Eggsy I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I’m -”

Eggsy pulled her in tight. “Oh Bunny. My little girl.” He kissed her head. A father’s kiss. “Hush, my girl. Hush.” Gretchen sobbed against him and he rocked her as they stood there.

“Dad, you have to come home,” Gretchen cried. “I’ll do something. Anything.”

“You don’t have to do anything but be you,” he told her. He cupped her face and made her look up at him. “I’m only six years older than you. I thought you were like Audy. I could be a friend, I want to be your friend.”

“That’s fine, if that brings you back. Fine, we’re friends. We’ll create a secret handshake.”

“Do you honestly think of me as a dad?”

“Showed up at my art show in a new suit didn’t you?” Gretchen replied. “That’s what Dad’s do.”

“Yeah, it is,” Eggsy said. He wiped her tears away. “I don’t know if I can come back, Gretch.”

“Because of me.”

“No,” Eggsy said firmly. “Because of a lot of things. Because things have not been right, and me and Merlin have been too scared to point out the not right because we thought maybe that would make it all crumble away.”

“Isn’t that what is happening now?”

“I don’t know,” Eggsy said. “I love your dad. I love him so much. And I love you and your sisters, and Ben. And no matter what, I promise you, your kids will call me Granddad, okay?”

“Okay, Eggsy,” she agreed and leaned her forehead against his chest. He always forgot just how damn tiny she was. He cupped her head and looked at Ben who looked worried.

“How we were doing this, it won’t work, but maybe. Maybe some way forward will be figured out. And if you promise not to call me Deggsy again. If we find our way forward, happy to be your da, Gretch.”

“It’s really fucking stupid that I want to call you dad.”

“Sure it is, but whoever said hearts make sense?” Eggsy asked.

“We should head back,” Ben said.

“You are not driving back in the dark,” Eggsy glared at him. “You can crash here and go home in the morning.”

“With you?” Gretchen asked hopefully.

“No hun, I need a few more days to figure out my head.” Eggsy wouldn’t fall to their sad eyes. “I need this time, Gretchen. But I’ll come back.”

“We said that, or Audy did, I can’t remember, that you were sort to always come back.”

“I’ll try,” Eggsy said. “I’ll see if I can try.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Gretchen said and leaned against.

Eggsy gestured. “Will you come here Bean Boy?” Ben hurried over and got in on the hug.

“Love you too, you know.”

“If you come home, we’ll name our first kid after you.”

“You did know my name is Gary right?”

Ben paled a bit. “We’ll name it after your favourite movie.”

“You guys don’t even know what it is.”

“Mary Poppins,” Gretchen replied. “You sing it to yourself all the time.”

Gretchen knew his favourite movie. He didn’t think any of them did. And he wondered maybe if there would be a way back home.

  
  
  
  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we start to mend the relationship

“Merlin?” Eggsy had picked up the phone, it was late, but he hoped the man was awake.

“Eggsy,” his voice was soft, aching. Eggsy didn’t think Merlin had ever said his name like that before. “Eggsy.” Eggsy didn’t know his name could sound so heavy.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“Can’t sleep without your snores,” Eggsy said. “No,” he had to be honest, that was supposed to be what they did now. “I can sleep without them. I just don’t like it.” Even that wasn’t quite the truth. “I don’t even know,” Eggsy had to say. “My head is all mixed up, Merlin.”

“I miss you holding me,” Merlin’s voice sounded certain at least. “No one has ever cared for me like you have.”

“You are loved, you bastard, don’t try that dramatic shit,” Eggsy felt frustrated that he was doing that, it wouldn’t help anything.

“I have been loved, I am loved,” Merlin agreed. “But care? That is slightly different. I am an independent man, and those around me that aren’t my children don’t hug me Eggsy. They view me as not needing care. You  _ care _ , and it breaks me apart.”

“So you just take and don’t give care back?” Eggsy whispered. “If you keep taking, Merlin you’ll hollow me out.”

“I swear, I didn’t notice I was doing that,” Merlin said.

“Come on, Merlin.”

“Eggsy, you silence your own voice. I wasn’t hearing you, seeing you enough. But it is hard to hear words that aren’t even said.”

“I fucking said them, I said hey I could tuck the girls in tonight.”

“Did you ever say to me, Merlin I want to tuck my girls in tonight?”

“Would you have let me?” Eggsy listened to the silence. “Yeah, that is what I thought. I’m good enough to fetch library books, wait no, I’m not actually good at that. I’m good enough to fill space, what little space you give, and then I get nothing more. I’m used to getting little in life, Merlin, thought it’d be different with you.”

“Where did the fierce Eggsy go, the one I know from work, the one when we first got together?” Merlin asked. “You diminished yourself when you moved in. Why?”

“So you wouldn’t ask me to leave,” Eggsy said.

“I never did, you ran. Because I am not worth trying for.”

“Fuck you, it isn’t about you.”

“And it isn’t about you,” Merlin snapped back.

“Oh go jump in the Thames,” Eggsy said and hung up. He went downstairs and heard noise in the kitchen. He went and his mum was putting on the kettle. “You should be asleep.”

She smiled at him. “Got up to wee, heard you on the phone. Thought you’d need a cuppa.” She belted her robe a little more snugly and pulled out a bag of biscuits from the cupboard. “These will help too.” They sat and waited for the kettle.

“He’s an asshole,” Eggsy said.

“Of course he is,” Michelle agreed.

“He is completely in the wrong.”

“No doubt.”

“He didn’t listen. He didn’t see me, Mum,” Eggsy put his head down on the table. “They didn’t see me.”

“Fuck them,” Michelle said. The kettle screamed and she dumped the water over some pg tips and brought the cups over. “You’ll move on.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy agreed. He scalded his hand on the mug. “Mum, water’s too hot. Makes the tea bitter.”

“Never minded how I made tea before.”

“Merlin makes perfect tea when he actually makes it.”

“Asshole,” she declared. 

“Yeah, total asshole for making me a good cuppa,” Eggsy automatically agreed. He paused. “Wait, no, that’s like a good thing.”

“Only good thing there was though.”

“Totally,” Eggsy nodded and pulled the bag out of the tea. “I mean, the sex was good.”

“That’s what vibes are for.”

“He uhhh...I was…” Eggsy flushed red and was grateful for the shadows in the kitchen. “Yeah. Okay, my bad, switching to other good things.”

“Can’t be more than that.”

“There was loads that was brilliant, Mum,” Eggsy protested.

“Not so good it is worth fighting to keep.”

“Yes it is,” Eggsy replied and tried to ignore the mum look she gave him. He drank a bit of tea and ate a biscuit. “Yeah. Yeah it is.” He looked at her, terrified. “What if I lose the fight?”

“Then at least you know you tried,” Michelle gripped his hand. “I gave up. And when I gave up all I did was hurt myself, and hurt you.”

“Fighting will hurt like fuck,” Eggsy said.

“It will,” Michelle gave him a sad smile. “More than any bullet you’ve taken.”

“Suit’s bulletproof,” he said. “Heart? Not so much.”

“The man who did everything he did for Christmas for you? That’s not worth the pain?”

“That’s the big show, we’re good at that. The day to day? Not so much.”

Michelle got up and went around the table and gave him a hug. “Try, baby. Or you’ll hate yourself.”

Eggsy didn’t say that that was often how he felt anyways. She gave him a last squeeze and disappeared back upstairs. He put his phone on the table and stared at it. He was annoyed that Merlin hadn’t called or left messages. He was actually really pissed that it had been Gretchen who had come to him. Bastard should have been on his porch with flowers. He hit redial. “Why the fuck haven’t you shown up begging me to come home, with like gifts and poems. Serenading under my window and shit?”

“Because you went to Wales, without a word, just up and left the house, trusting that everything in the house would be okay. You ran, Eggsy, and I stayed up all night waiting for you to call or text or say that you were fine. And you didn’t. And when you called you made it clear you were breaking up with me. I would be a poor man if I didn’t respect your wishes.”

“It would show you cared.”

“You not running to fucking Wales would have showed you care.”

“You would have kicked me out for scaring Gretchen!” Eggsy snapped and then he took a deep breath. Closed his eyes. “But you wouldn’t have would you?”

“No,” Merlin agreed.

“You could have tracked me.”

“Why does everyone believe I would abuse my work privileges for my personal life?” Merlin sounded frustrated. “How could ye have trusted me if I did that to you?”

“You could have come after me, showed me you cared,” Eggsy repeated, stuck on the sentiment.

“I have done that before and been left shattered,” Merlin said.

“I am not fucking Susan,” Eggsy growled.

“No, she at least told me she was running away,” Merlin replied. “She broke my heart to my face, not a shit call after a night of worry.”

“Fuck you,” Eggsy said and hung up. He was nothing like Susan.

He was worse. He immediately called back. “You were home, so were Audy, Gretch, and Ben. The girls were fine.”

“They were.”

“But,” Eggsy said.

“But,” Merlin agreed.

“I scared Gretchen and I saw how I must have looked first time Dean screamed at me, and I panicked. And I ran and once I started I ran to Wales. And I was so sure I knew how you would respond, that it just had to be over.” Eggsy held the mug. “I was so sure.”

“I was so sure you were going to leave,” Merlin said. “I was so sure you wouldn’t stay, I get holding back. Myself, the girls, our lives. Just a little. On the hope it would hurt less when you left. And then you left and I have never felt such pain.”

“I love you,” Eggsy said. “And if I come back right now, we won’t fix this not really.”

“I know,” Merlin sighed. “Your mission next week has been given to Gawain.”

“He isn’t prepped for this job,” Eggsy said. “This is my area.”

“He is our next closest.”

“I’m doing my job, Merlin,” Eggsy said firmly.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m doing my job,” Eggsy repeated. “I will be in 48 hours before for us to go over parameters.”

“Understood.” There was silence. “And after? Do you return to Wales?”

“No, staying in London. But maybe the estate?”

“Harry is very worried about you, and would welcome your company.”

“He’ll call me a soggy egg roll.”

“No, he won’t,” Merlin promised. “I will see you for the mission brief, Eggsy.”

“Of course.” Eggsy didn’t know what else to say at the moment.

“I love you,” Merlin said and was the one to hang up first.

********************************

Eggsy ached, honest to god felt pain in his knees just being in the same room as Merlin. All he wanted was a hug, or a touch, but Harry and Pilar were in there too, and going over some new tech they were giving him.

It was pretty impressive, but he could barely focus. He was sure he nodded at all the right times and at the end of the meeting, Pilar rolled her eyes and kicked his ankle on her weigh out and said something in Spanish that he did not understand but from the small flinch Merlin gave, he was guessing the man did.

Harry looked between them. “Tell me now, Galahad, are you capable of fulfilling the mission at hand?”

Eggsy looked him dead in the eye. “I am, sir.”

“Very good, do not disappoint me,” Harry gave them a nod and a heavy look and disappeared. 

Eggsy felt a knot in his stomach grow as Merlin went over a couple more things with him. He couldn’t, he had to…”The room, five minutes please?”

Merlin gave a small nod and they walked side by side not touching until they went to the room they had spent so much time in. The second the door was closed, Eggsy pulled Merlin close and into a hard kiss. He couldn’t even say what he wanted in that moment, but just knew if he left for the mission without the feel of Merlin against him, he wasn’t sure he’d come back.

He hated himself for that realization.

Luckily Merlin seemed to understand and gave as good as he got and they separated, gasping and looked at each other. Merlin tugged his jumper off and raised a brow to Eggsy. “Yeah,” Eggsy agreed and he had never taken his clothes off so fast in his life, not even that very first time with Jennie Arback from the end flat. They moved to the bed and it was just overwhelming, Merlin’s mouth and hands were everywhere, and he found himself biting the man’s shoulder. “Leaving my mark on you,” Eggsy whispered.

Merlin paused, and gave his first gentle kiss to Eggsy’s hipbone. “Eggsy the mark ye have left on me will never go away,” he swore. He held out his hand and Eggsy reached down and linked their fingers together. “I’m asking for the lube, Eggsy.”

Eggsy tugged him up and Merlin lay on top of him. They looked at each other, noses almost touching. He couldn’t tell if the hurting in Merlin’s eyes was Merlin’s pain or his own being mirrored back. “This can’t be the first time you fuck me, okay?” Eggsy said. “It will always carry the wrong weight.”

Merlin looked at him. “I can make you feel good. I want to.”

Eggsy rolled them over. “That has never been a problem for us.”

Merlin gave a small laugh. “True.”

Eggsy found the lube and worked Merlin open. When he slid into Merlin they never took their eyes off each other and all the harshness and quickness from before evaporated. They were quiet, more than just the hushed moans they stifled at home in case the girls heard. This was a different silence. Eggsy couldn’t figure out if they were saying hello or goodbye. He couldn’t anymore and dropped his forehead and hid his face in Merlin’s neck as they fucked. When it was done and they dressed and everything felt more awkward than before, Eggsy wondered if this had ruined everything.

“It is an easy mission,” Merlin said softly. “Make sure ye come back to me.”

“Who are you asking as?” Eggsy asked.

Merlin didn’t look at him. “As the man who wanted to spend forever with you.”

“Wanted?”

“Wants,” Merlin said and left the room.

Eggsy should shower, but he wanted the feel of Merlin against him just a little longer. He could shower before he landed.

The mission went smoothly, and he and Merlin worked fine together, though he almost broke when he realized on the third day that Merlin was working from his home office and he heard the girls laughing in the other room.

He was glad they were laughing.

When it was done, he automatically found himself buying everyone souvenirs.  They’d all look adorable in berets. It would be a fun family portrait. He debriefed and looked at Merlin. “I bought stuff for everyone.”

“You could come to dinner?” Merlin offered. “Give the gifts yourself.”

“It’s Thursday,” Eggsy said. “I come back on Taco Night, I don’t fix this. I come back and fight about guac with Ben and cut Lacey’s quesadilla I never leave. And we can’t. Not yet. Not until we’re sorted.” He handed over the bag. “Go have your tacos. We’ll talk tomorrow yeah?”

“Very well,” Merlin agreed and took the bag.

Eggsy went home with Harry who was smart enough to leave him alone with a very large martini and quiet. When the door rang, Harry answered it and Eggsy could smell the chinese take away. “I swear Harry if you call me a soggy egg roll -”

“No,” Harry reassured, “You were right to not go tonight.” He put the bags on the kitchen table. “To put it bluntly, you two are a fucking mess.”

Eggsy stared at him in shock and then began to laugh. “Oh my god, we are. We are such a fucking mess.”

“How you two cocked it up this much, I have no idea.”

“I honestly don’t either?” Eggsy said. “I think something about communication, and shite histories, and blah blah blah, and just a cock up to end all cock ups.” He took out a container and opened it and immediately handed it to Harry. “Bruv, no octopus, you know it upsets me. Eating something that cute.”

“The fact that you find octopus to cute to eat but will eat rabbit stew, is a grave concern of mine.”

“Bunnies are evil and that is a fact. Octopus just want to float about the ocean.” Eggsy found some lemon chicken and tucked in. “People find furry and big eyes cute. Give me tough skin, that reaches to hold on and I’m theirs.”

“Well that explains the loving Merlin thing,” Harry said.

“Guess it does. Huh. Did I find Octopi cute before Merlin, or did I find Merlin cute because I like octopi? This is going to bug me,” Eggsy said and ate some food. There was a knock at the door and they both quickly counted the containers. “No, they didn’t forget anything,” Eggsy said.

Harry went to the door and opened it and Eggsy kept eating. Probably a neighbour. “Eggsy, just have to run upstairs for something. Be right back.”

Eggsy figured he had guessed right and decided to eat a couple dumplings. He heard footsteps and looked up. “It’s taco night,” he said around a mouth full of pork and chives and dough.

“I thought, tonight, you were more important than tacos,” Merlin replied. He was in ancient jeans, and a black vest, and his at home glasses, not his work ones. “The girls send their love. And this card.” 

Eggsy took the offered envelope, finally remembering to chew and swallow. He opened it, remembering enough to hold it at arms length. But no glitter, no feathers flew out. Inside it just said.

 

_ WE’RE SORRY _

_ WE LOVE YOU _

_ LOTS _

_ MORE THAN ICE CREAM _

_ NOT CHOCOLATE YOU’D KNOW THAT’S A LIE _

_ BUT EVERY OTHER FLAVOUR _

_ YOU MATTER MORE DADDY THAN ANY FLAVOUR OF ICE CREAM EXCEPT CHOCOLATE _

All the girls had written their names, and there were stickers, and one set of googly eyes.

God they filled his heart. 

He looked up at Merlin. “How do we go forward, babe?”

Merlin shrugged. “I have paint swatches.”

“Is that a metaphor?” Eggsy was lost. “Like about us repairing our relationship like people repair houses?”

“No, it was so we could repaint the master bedroom to a colour that suited us both. Likewise, the family room could use new furniture, thought you might want to pick it out?”

“That isn’t the answer, Merlin.”

“It is a part of it, isn’t it?”

“I really hate your plates,” Eggsy said. He had no idea why.

“Good thing you broke half of them then, isn’t it?” Merlin gave a small smile.

Eggsy had to laugh. “If you didn’t have tacos you are probably hungry. Have some fried wontons.”

Merlin sat across from Eggsy and picked up a container. “I was wrong,” he said. “I was unfair to you.”

“I should have said what I wanted, what I needed.” Eggsy ate some more. “We didn’t actually talk out what living together meant before we moved in together. What me being a proper da meant. What all our roles were. We talk, about a lot, but never all the way.” Eggsy looked at Merlin. “Hey Merlin, my stepda abused the fuck out of me, and I might be a bit more messed up about it than I thought.”

“Hey, Eggsy, apparently even after our talks, I am still thoroughly messed up by my first only major relationship and general feelings of abandonment.”

“Think we should have sorted this shit before I moved in?”

“Aye, christ we are fucking idiots,” Merlin groaned and reached for a container. “Oh lord, why is Harry eating Octopus, they are so cute.” He put the container down and found some beef and broccoli.

“You think octopi are cute?” Eggsy smiled slowly. And felt a bit lighter.

“Who doesn’t?”

“Not a clue,” Eggsy said. “You could stay, watch some telly with me and Harry before you head back?”

“That’s not us having the conversations we need to have.”

“No, but we aren’t fixing this in a day,” Eggsy said. “And some of the fixing? Is you taking the giant fucking leap of missing taco night for me. And me saying stay a while. Hold my hand while we watch something stupid.”

They finished eating and Harry joined them and they watched telly for an hour and then Merlin said goodbye. They didn’t kiss, just shared a look. It didn’t have the pain it had had before.

Now it held hope.


	24. Chapter 24

Merlin punched the bag again and again and brought his knee up into it occasionally as well. He was burning off a great deal of frustration and confusion. He and Eggsy were talking. A great deal in fact but it never felt like they were getting themselves as far along as they wanted. Eggsy  had met the girls at parks and taken Clara to a wrestling show, and come to Bethany’s guides presentation. He knew he had met Gretchen and Audy for drinks. And he brought roses for Lacey for her ballet recital.

But he hadn’t come home yet and when Merlin had asked, even just for dinner, Eggsy had said no, he couldn’t. Every time he said he couldn’t, Merlin lost a little faith that they would work this out. He was trying, god he was trying, but he couldn’t understand why this was the line Eggsy wouldn’t cross.

“On your left,” a voice called out as it approached. It was one that Merlin did not recognize. He spun around hands up ready to fight. “Wow fuck, okay, not scared. Hi. Scary man, please don’t hit me?”

“Who the fuck are you? I know everyone on staff.”

“Everyone?” The man looked impressed along with the terrified. “Are you sure, who works the graveyard shift in the kitchen?”

“Colleen, single divorced. Daughter Rachel in 9th form. Wants to be a doctor.”

“Fuck, okay didn’t think you’d actually know that. Ummm well, clearly you don’t know everyone because you don’t know me.”

“I think I would remember you,” Merlin said and did not let down his guard. 

“Because I’m just that handsome it is a curse,” the man shrugged. “I know you agents think you have all the pretty but then you are faced with all this and you just are ruined that you can never compare.”

“See right there, mistake, I am no agent.”

“Oh, that tone right there. That’s a sore spot. That you address the table, but never can sit at it. No one has ever even so much as offered you a chair. You wouldn’t take it, but the offer. The feelings of belonging, being wanted. Being equal. You long for that.”

Merlin dropped his arms, “Ahh, fuck me, you are our counselor.” He sighed and looked at the man. “Jesus, even Harry wouldn’t wear those trousers.”

“I know, he couldn’t pull them off.” The man glanced down at the mustard and green plaid trousers. “And sorry, not going to fuck you. You reserve that for Eggsy, and you know, even if you two don’t make it, bet you never let anyone fuck you again. This goes south you are done with love.”

“No, that is wrong,” Merlin replied and went to the bench and began to unwrap his hands. The man came along and sat in front of him. “I don’t need you.”

“Others say different.”

“I am aware that he is our boss, but no one should listen to Harry ever.” Merlin threws the wrappings in his bag.

The man snorted. “Really, you think Arthur actually even knows I exist? That man is fucked up six ways from Saturday and twice on Sundays and has never and will never darken my door. He doesn’t even know where my door is.”

“Then who sent you?”

“My innate skills, my spidey sense was tingling that I -”

Merlin thought about it, “Percival.” It was the only logical conclusion.

“I do have a spidey sense when I am needed, the agents just usually shut a door in my face.”

“The door is all the way over there,” Merlin gestured. “I don’t need your help.” He did not appreciate the giggle fit that the man at those words. “How is that professional?”

“Like a professional would be of use to you lot. You would send a proper professional to drink.” The man finished the giggles and coughed. “But I assure you I am fully licensed and educated and up on my research. I am an expert in military based ptsd. You paid me a future to lure me away.”

“I did?”

“Well, someone did,” the man grinned. “Hey, I’m Noah and we’re going to fix you.”

“Noah, I don’t need fixing.”

Noah just laughed some more. “Yeah, they all say that. But you are going to set the trend and realize that you are lying to yourself and use me. Use me hard, sir, until your brain isn’t it shit show it is now.”

“Why? Why would Percival send you?” Merlin looked at the man in confusion and was surprised when the man finally looked serious.

“Because he is a good man, and doesn’t like to see people hurting.” Noah stood up. “Come on, aren’t you ready to stop hurting?”

“I don’t know how,” Merlin said.

“I know, but see me? I can help you figure that out.” Noah held out his hand. “At this point, you got anything to lose by talking to me?”

Merlin reached out and shook it. “I like your glasses,” he said. The thick green frames were attractive.

“I have more style than all you put together.” Noah grinned. “I’m just that awesome.”

“Bit over confident.”

“Shit, I put up with trying to get all you lot to care about your mental health, if I wasn’t I’d be in really bad shape.”

“Fair point,” Merlin agreed. “I need to shower. Where’s your office?”

“Nah, don’t trust you to show. Percival said you are wily and to stick to you. I don’t mind seeing the d. So I’ll hang while you shower. Hell, we can call that your first session.”

“Yes, you are exactly the sort of counselor we’d have,” Merlin said. “Come on then. Let’s talk while I get clean.”

“Tell me about your childhood.”

“Are you fucking serious?” 

“Nope, don’t give a shit about that. What I want to know about is the really really real first time you knew Susan would never stay.”

“When the girls were -” He was surprised at the hard look Noah gave him.

“Don’t waste our time by lying.”

“Two months after our first fuck,” Merlin said softly.

“Let’s talk about that,” Noah said as they wandered to the showers.

Merlin hated the guy an hour later. Really, passionately hated him.

And knew that Percival had been right to send him along. Even if this didn’t fix he and Eggsy, this would help him. Merlin was finally realizing how much help he properly needed.

***************************************

Eggsy and Merlin were out for dinner, once again trying to build themselves back together. He wished they could get the rhythm back of when they were first dating, but there was too much between them now and everything felt like your favourite shirt had shrunk just a little. “My food is good, you?”

“Hmm?” Merlin had clearly been lost in thought, had the whole night.

“Work problems? The girls? You aren’t really here, babe,” Eggsy said. He wondered if Merlin was getting sick of him, sick of waiting. Maybe Merlin was going to say they were done and trying to figure out how to break it to him.

“I always knew Susan was going to leave me,” Merlin said abruptly. “I knew it so early on and denied it, pushed the thought away, believed I could change her. Our relationship, our kids would change her. I don’t think it was misogyny, I never wanted her not to do her work, or travel. I was happy to raise the girls. More than happy. I just wanted her to always come back. She could have come back for two weeks a year, and I would have said it was all fine and been happy for those crumbs. Because I am used to crumbs. And then you came along and offered me a whole slice of cake. No one has ever done that before.”

“What the fuck?” Eggsy asked. He looked around the restaurant a bit. “Where is that coming from?”

“I started therapy today to deal with my 'communication, abandonment, overly self-reliant, and stubborn as a mule issues'. He threw a stress ball at my head for each of those issues,” Merlin sighed. “Really need to work on his aim. Only abandonment hit my head.” Merlin paused, “Oh, because it is the major issue and I deal with that one, the rest will fall into place. Bugger, Noah might actually be good at his job. That’s annoying.” Merlin ate some more chicken. “And yes my food is good, thank you.”

Eggsy put his cutlery down. “You started therapy?” Of anything he expected to hear tonight, that was not it. “Bwah?”

“Well, more therapy started me? We have a staff counselor, he decided he was going to help me fix myself. I couldn’t figure out a way to say no. Turns out this might be rather useful. Audy is going to be over the moon when she finds out.”

“I don’t get it.”

Merlin shrugged, “if I’m going to do my part in bringing us back together, then I need help. I don’t have the tools at my disposal to fix us, not all the way. I never don’t have the right tools, Eggsy. It is deeply unsettling. I don’t know what to do. I am hoping that this will help me.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said. He stretched his leg out under the table and rested his ankle against Merlin’s. “That’s good. That’s real good.”

“Would you consider going?” Merlin asked quietly. 

Eggsy shook his head, “No I know what all my underlying issues are. I’m good. But proud of you.” He finished his meal. “What would you like to do after this?”

“Just go home,” Merlin said. “More tired than I expected. I hate talking about my father.”

Eggsy blinked. “You had a da? You only talk about your mum.” He groaned. “I mean of course you had a da but -”

Merlin sighed. “I did and he is a thing we have in common.”

“How?” Eggsy was a little lost.

“A good man who died far too young,” Merlin replied. “Cancer, started smoking at 13. 2 packs a day. When he started to get sick, he ignored it, everyone in the coal mines did. By the time, Ma convinced him to see a doctor, it was done. Not even three months. He was used to pain you see, pulled extra shifts to try to give me and Ma a good life. And when he passed his insurance from the mines mysteriously didn’t pay out as it should have. So Ma went to work, cleaning woman mostly, waitressing. Just as I never saw him, I never saw her.”

“Crumbs,” Eggsy said.

“Crumbs.” Merlin took the bill when the waiter brought it. He paid it. “First pay cheque from Kingsman and my ma was in a small house. Rented, but still, standalone, with a garden. I had to eat pot noodles for until the next pay. Worth it.”

“She never remarried?”

“No,” Merlin smiled a bit. “Said everyone only gets one true love in this life and some people just get fucked because their true loves were morons.”

Eggsy let out a startled laugh at that. “And yours was Susan,” he concluded.

Merlin looked at him. “How do you still not see that it is you? I almost ruined us for not believing in you. Please don’t ruin our chance now by not believing in yourself.” Merlin gave his hand a squeeze and left without another word.

Eggsy sat at the table until the waiter gave a polite and firm cough and he went to the bar and drank a martini before headed back to Harry’s, Merlin’s last words just circling around in his brain.

**************************************************

“You seen the counselor again?” Eggsy asked. He and Merlin were doing a light jog at the estate.

“Yes,” Merlin answered easily. “Noah thinks twice a week right now to unfuck years of self directed and deliberate idiocy to my own needs and those around me not female and calling me Dad.”

“Ummm, are you sure this guy is a counselor, not exactly sounding like the sort who go on the telly talk shows. That I do not watch.” Eggsy leapt over a log and took them deeper into the woods. “He sounds a little unhinged.”

“Unorthodox, which makes sense working with us. Hard to tell if he was like this before us. I am going to insist agents use his services more. We are wasting him. Though it has given him time to become very good at darts.”

“Darts?”

“We played yesterday. He kicked my arse and in doing so meant I had to speak about sex.” Merlin winced. “Fuck that was a conversation that went very poorly.”

“What your need to be fucked by me carry some deeper meaning about your intimacy issues or you only like to fuck cunt or some such?”

Merlin stopped running and Eggsy crashed into him. They toppled to the ground and Merlin rolled on top of him. “Is that what you think? Is that what you’ve been thinking this whole time. I fuck women and I get fucked by men?”

“Innit though? Only time you offered to fuck me was our broken up sex, like it was penance or something, not something you wanted.” Eggsy glared up at him. “Explain it then.”

“I haven’t fucked you because you’ve never asked me,” Merlin told him matter of factly. “I told you my preference was to be fucked but that I would have no problem fucking you, and you never once asked me to top. I assumed because you were happy with how we were in bed. I have fucked men before, Eggsy and enjoyed it. Would you like me to show you?”

“Not in the bloody woods with no lube,” Eggsy said. He let go in the tension of his body. “And I do. I love fucking you. More than I have ever liked anything with a bloke before. Most days or nights didn’t even think of it. But you managed to fuck someone enough to knock them up twice. And just wondered why you wouldn’t with me.”

“Knock you up?” Merlin looked at him like he was insane.

Eggsy had to laugh, “You know what I meant you bastard, despite poorly constructed sentences.” He nudged and Merlin rolled off him. “I thought it was a hang up of yours.”

“Because of Susan.”

Eggsy just shrugged and leaned against a tree. “Sure.”

“Because all my problems are because of one woman,” Merlin replied.

“Aren’t they?”

“Are all your problems because of Dean?” Merlin countered.

“We were talking about you,” Eggsy said. He picked up a stick and poked at the earth a bit.

“I know, it is what we do right now, talk about me and my mistakes. Of which there are many,” Merlin shook his head. “And that is why when Noah approached me on the suggestion of Percival I went along with it. Because I am working to fix us. Because on our own we were getting nowhere and soon enough it wouldn’t have been good enough. I’m working Eggsy. Are you?”

“I’m here aren’t I? I came back.”

Merlin shook his head. “No, ye didn’t.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “First guy I fucked told me I was rubbish at fucking. That sort of information lingers in your mind no matter how you want it to.”

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy was sincere. This was going wrong, and it was his fault. This one was all on him. “Bet you aren’t.”

“I know I’m good, but you well know how easy it is to focus on the bad.” Merlin saw a rabbit hopping through the woods and smiled. “Bunny told me she wants to call you dad.”

“Weird huh?”

“Not at all, not from her mind,” Merlin said. He held out a hand and lifted Eggsy up. “I’m trying. I’m learning. Why aren’t you?”

“I am,” Eggsy insisted. “I’m here,” he repeated.

“Are you? Come home,” Merlin pleaded.

“I can’t, not yet,” Eggsy protested.

“Of course,” Merlin said and continued running through the woods and Eggsy headed back to the estate.

*******************************************

“Nope,” Audy said as they sat at a tiny table outside the cafe. “Stop talking immediately.”

“But -”

“I am not a therapist,” she was very resolute and looked so like Merlin in the moment. She was still blonde, and looking great. “And even if I was, I am not counseling you.”

“Why not?” Eggsy asked. “You see me. You can fix me.”

Audy looked at him. “Beyond the crazy conflict of interest, you seem to be missing the point.”

“What point is that?”

“If you have a broken bone, a doctor fixes you. If you need surgery a doctor fixes you. Your bog break, a plumber fixes that. Your brain and heart? No one fixes those but you.”

“If people could fix themselves you’d be out of a job.”

“Eggsy, stop fucking running. Therapy gives you the tools to fix yourself, and that is what Da is doing, repairing years of damage.”

“Done by your mother,” Eggsy snapped.

“By her, his childhood, his fucking brutal job that he never admits destroys him just as the mines did his da. By caring for all of us so endlessly. By you. By himself.” Audy ticked the list off, words sharp, eyes sharper. “He is sorting himself out because he is trying everything he can to keep you. But you, you tried in coming back, and when he saw you. And then you stopped. You’ve stopped trying, hoping what he’ll try enough for both of you? Because when it falls apart again all on him?” She looked disgusted. “You aren’t worth it.”

“I know that!” Eggsy yelled. “I know I’m not worth him. I know that every fucking day.”

“Ahh,” Audy looked at him. “So what if you try, and fail what?”

“That was wrong. Because you should have said when you try and you fail. Because every time I try, I fuck it up. Because that is what I do, who I am.”

“You saved the world,” Audy whispered. “Seems rather like try and succeed.”

“Luck, and I needed your da to remind me to actually do my job. I was ready to posture. Thousands died because I wanted to take a victory pose.” Eggsy broke his biscuit apart until it was crumbs. “When I try, and I fail? This time I lose fucking everything.”

Audy reached out and cupped his cheek. “Honey, you already are.” She wiped away a tear that slipped down his cheek. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Doesn’t Da always have a big lecture about teamwork?”

“Yeah, he does,” Eggsy agreed.

“Try, Eggsy, because we all miss you so very much.”

“Thanks,” Eggsy said.

*********************************************

Eggsy knocked on a door it took a surprisingly long time to find. Half the other agents didn’t even know counseling was an option, but he was pretty sure they were playing dumb. He remembered that Merlin had mentioned Percival and sure enough the man was able to direct him to where he needed to go. A voice called him in and Eggsy walked into the office where a guy was playing twister by himself. “I can really, definitely come back another time.”

The man looked at Eggsy from between his legs. “No you won’t, you leave now, you aren’t coming back.”

“Sure, that’s on point, but uh what the fuck?”

“I sit too much and am supposed to do yoga. Yoga is stupid. Twister is awesome and serves the same purpose. Spin the spinny thing for me, I’m stuck.”

Eggsy went over and spun it. “Left hand, yellow.”

“Hmmm,” the guy said and tried to reach and collapsed. “Well that is enough exercise for the week. What can I help with Galahad?”

“I’m sure you know.”

“Nope,” the guy stretched out on the twister man and put his hands behind his head. “I don’t know much. Not about you.”

“Not much to know.”

“That’s not true,” the man said. “Come have a lie down.”

Eggsy went and lay down next to him and they stared up at his ceiling. “That water stain looks like a dick.” He laughed a bit. “What deep psychology thing does that reveal about me?”

“That when a shape looks like a dick, you’ll say it looks like a dick.” The guy laughed as well. “Sometimes a dick is just a dick, agent.”

“Eggsy,” Eggsy implored.

“I’m Noah,” the man reached a hand over and Eggsy shook it. “Pleased to meet you.”

“Going to ask me questions now? Tear me apart?”

“You look like a man who has been torn apart enough. Think maybe it is time we build you back up.”

Eggsy stared at the water dick on the ceiling. “That sounds good.”

“It will be,” Noah promised.

*******************************************

“Merlin?” Eggsy had asked him to meet at their room and was relieved when the man showed up. “I need to say something, okay?”

“Okay,” Merlin said.

“I’m not mad there was never a code ribbon for me, swear down. I’m just...I’m mad that no one ever gave a fuck about me. You only ever had crumbs and that fucking blows. But I had the whole goddamn cake and then crumbs. And remembering what was once there, remembering it just on the edges? You put the cake back in front of me, and I was so sure you’d snatch it all away, I never asked for a slice. And let myself starve.” When Merlin came forward, Eggsy let himself be hugged, just burrowed in tight. “Noah is weird.”

“Aye, very,” Merlin said. 

“He does a thing where you don’t even realize he’s pull you apart until your guts are on the floor and he’s jumping rope with them.”

“That is vivid, but what it feels like for me as well.” Merlin kissed his head.

Eggsy rocked his hips against Merlin. “Merlin, I could really use a slice of cake.”

The men were quiet and then they both laughed. “That is an entirely new name for my dick.”

“Well it’s as sweet as?” Eggsy tried, and Merlin’s silence spoke volumes. “Yeah alright. It’s a dick, a good one, but not sweet.”

“Thank you,” Merlin tilted his head up and kissed him. Slowly they went over to the bed and it was soft and slow and comforting.

Eggsy wrapped himself around Merlin after. “You are really good at fucking,” he said. “I don’t want...This doesn’t have to be a 50/50 thing. Because I have really gotten used to fucking you and it is in my top 5 of best feelings of all time. Maybe like 80/20?”

“That sounds very reasonable to me, especially because that sounds like planning for the future,” Merlin held Eggsy tight. “That sounds like a promise.”

“Would you maybe...sometimes maybe we should go talk to Noah together? Like couples counseling?” Eggsy closed his eyes, ready for rejection, ready to be laughed at.

“Because we are a couple.”

“Yeah, because we are a couple,” Eggsy agreed.

“Joint sessions sounds like a good idea.”

********************************************

Merlin was a bit frazzled, everyone had been running behind that day, and the girls were all high energy with the end of the school year fast approaching. He put out the salsa and other condiments and realized it was the first time in a while he had made the ground beef that Eggsy preferred. They had had their first meeting with Noah together that morning and it was raw and it hurt but it helped a little.

Merlin felt hopeful.

“5 minutes,” he shouted and heard feet come running. He was transferring the meat to a serving dish and the doorbell rang. “Someone get that!” He didn’t hear anything else and wasn’t too concerned. He set everything on the table and no one was barreling into the kitchen. And there was a disturbing quiet to the house. “What is going on?” he said as he went into the hall. All the girls and Ben were staring at Eggsy; Merlin wondered if any of them were breathing. “Hello, Eggsy,” Merlin said.

“I brought extra guac?” Eggsy was shaking.

Ben reached out and rescued the food from Eggsy’s hands and it seemed to unfreeze everyone and Eggsy was swarmed by all the girls. There were shouts of Eggsy and Daddy, and he was giving everyone huge hugs and more than one person was crying.

Merlin met Eggsy’s gaze once the girls stopped jumping on him. “Your night to pick the movie,” he said.

“I’ll pick a good one, a happy ever after one,” Eggsy said.

“Happy ever after is good,” Merlin said and had to clear his throat.

“Dad you should kiss Daddy,” Lacey suggested. “Because then it is our happy ever after, right?”

“You are a very smart girl,” Merlin said and walked over and pulled Eggsy in for a hard kiss. 

There were cheers and then Gretchen pointed out, “Oh, we left Ben alone with all the food.”

“Oi, you better not have eaten all my guac!” Eggsy shouted and pushed Merlin out of his way to head to the table.

“Dad, is Daddy home?” Clara asked.

“Aye, lass, Daddy has come home.” Merlin herded everyone to the kitchen and they settled into their tacos.     
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> change comes for our family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://anarchycox.tumblr.com/post/183926539193/the-new-taco-nights-home if you want to see what the house they buy looks like

“What about green?” Eggsy suggests as he runs through the streets.

“Is now really the time, agent?” Merlin replied. “3 metres hang a right.”

Eggsy followed Merlin’s instructions and eventually he was able to climb and his escape from the bad guys went much smoother once he was jumping rooftops. “Just saying, saw a brilliant shade today. I want our bedroom that shade of green.”

“Agent, the vehicle point is still a kilometre away. Focus please?”

“It wasn’t mint, but it was soft, like - oops drone hold that thought,” Eggsy said and ducks behind a roof access door. He shot the drone as it went passed him and then he got running again. “But it had an edge. It was as if mint and lime had a baby.” Eggsy went down a drain pipe. “It was like a Harry cocktail but on our walls.”

“I see.”

“You hate it,” Eggsy said. The motorcycle was waiting where it was supposed to be and he got on and made it out of the city.

“I can’t picture it,” Merlin replied honestly. “I have no head for descriptions like that. Talk it with Gretchen so she can make a sample up for us to take to the hardware store.”

“Yeah?”

“Aye, and we can talk to a contractor while there, about maybe changing a few rooms in the house, there has to be a way to carve out some personal space for you.”

Eggsy smiled as he arrived at his plane. “Thank you,” he said softly.

“See you soon, agent.” Merlin cut off the connection and Eggsy started to board.

“Ready sir?” the pilot asked.

Eggsy’s eyes widened. “Bugger, I don’t have the family souvenirs.”

“Sir?”

“Be back in a mo,” Eggsy ran down the steps.

“Sir, fifty people in that city want you dead! I have to protest.”

“Dads bring back toy surprises!” Eggsy shouted.

“Go to a fucking store and say they came from India.”

“Not the same. Back quick.” Eggsy hopped back on the bike and returned to the city. Not like the bad guys would be expecting him to be buying lace trim and fabric stamps from a fabric shop. He’d be fine.

He was only a little bloody when he got back to the plane with his treasures. “No reason to tell Arthur about this right?” he asked hopefully.

“I could have worked for British Airways,” the pilot sighed.

“Thanks, you are the best.”

“Just buckle in,” the pilot went to the front and very firmly closed the door between them.

*************************************************

The kids had all eaten and all disappeared to their own activities and Harry, Merlin, and Eggsy were having an after dinner drink. 

“So what is the situation?” Harry asked. “Both of you were distracted at dinner. Is there a problem problem?”

“Do you mean are Merlin and I preparing to fuck up again?” Eggsy snorted. “Nah, we’re doing good. Noah has us on a once a month couple meet up schedule. And apparently I am his favourite work in progress.”

Merlin made a noise in his throat. “He told me I was his favourite work in progress.” He wouldn’t pout. “No, we spoke to a contractor a couple weeks ago and he got back to us. There is no real way to carve up the house to make space for an office or gym for Eggsy, without sacrificing space already needed.”

“It’s fine,” Eggsy insisted.

“What about building a space in the garden?” Harry suggested and Merlin tried not to wince at the thought of tearing up all his decades of work in the garden, the flowers and trees he and the girls planted and cared for.

“No,” Eggsy said immediately. “And this isn’t me sacrificing for them,” he added before Harry could comment. “I love the garden too. It’s nooks and crannies, and magic. I am not taking any of that away.” He could not fathom hurting the garden.

Harry looked at them. “Or…”

“Or?” Merlin asked.

“New family, new life,” Harry began and hoped one of them would pick up his meaning. They both stared at him in confusion. “Why is it my lot in life to be the smartest person at the table? New family, new life, new home. If you both are looking to change the patterns of behaviour and emotion that almost ended everything, why not change everything?”

“Because this is Merlin and the girl’s home,” Eggsy said. “We can make it work.”

Harry pointed at him, “Soggy egg roll! Soggy egg roll. Soggy egg roll.”

“Oh fuck off, I’m not being -” Eggsy paused. “Yeah, okay. I want more space, or just different space. But we can’t move the girls.”

“Why not?” Merlin asked.

“Well they are settled, and changes schools is a bitch and what if they don’t make new friends, and -”

“And what if everything is okay?” Merlin pointed out. “What if we made a change, a choice as a family?” Merlin left the table and came back a few minutes later. “Hmmm, a minimum six bedroom,” he said and began to make a list.

“Why the fuck would we need that huge?” Eggsy asked. “You know how much that would cost in London? We can make do with four.”

“Eggsy, if we are already making do,” Merlin pointed out. “The point is to not make do.”

“Looking at six bedrooms, doesn’t mean it is six bedrooms. That allows for using space as offices, a small gym,” Harry pointed out.

“Yeah, and wait we need a detached garage or something for Gretchen,” Eggsy said. “She won’t want to move back into the main house, needs her space.”

“Fair point,” Merlin made a note. “And I admit, I want to be selfish and request a good size garden to muck about in.”

“That’s a must,” Eggsy agreed. “Probably detached yeah? We all tend to make a lot of noise, easier to not share walls with strangers.”

“Mmmmhmmm,” Merlin grunted and made a few more notes. “Factoring in the value of this house, what we have in savings, the assistance Kingsman offers for home purchase, we can swing a mortgage up to three million pounds.”

Eggsy choked on his drink and Harry was kind enough to hit his back several times to help clear his throat. “Three million quid?”

“Meeting our needs will not be cheap,” Merlin replied.

“Yeah but…”

“It doesn’t mean that we will spend that, that is just the max on mortgage.” Merlin looked at him. “Breathe, Eggsy. You know what you earn.”

“Sure, but like, that number is huge.” Eggsy was pale. “How much is this place worth?”

“Hmmm, about two,” Merlin replied and kept making notes on what he thought they needed. “Well, this will be a challenge for a realtor.”

“Merlin...how much are you paid?” Eggsy realized he didn’t actually know.

“And gentlemen, that is my cue to leave,” Harry said, a bit appalled at the conversation about money in the way only someone who has always had it could be. He called out a goodbye upstairs and was very quickly out the door.

“More than Harry, to be honest,” Merlin explained.

“Because Arthur is important, but you go everything falls apart,” Eggsy laughed a bit. “So what double me?”

“A bit more the triple,” Merlin said. “And I invest well.”

“Damn, I was right when I had told Lacey once we pull in enough for tutus.” Eggsy couldn’t fathom it. He didn’t pay much attention to his pay, if he was honest and had set it up so he had enough to live and have a bit of fun, some in savings, and the rest he sent to his mum and sister. He had started paying some of the bills when he moved in but Merlin had taken care of setting it all up. “I should pay more attention shouldn’t I?”

“I keep an eye. We can talk about it more though.” Merlin looked at him. “And we will definitely talk about it more, bills will likely go up when we move to a bigger house.”

Eggsy looked around the kitchen. “This place already feels so big.” He bit his lip. “Merlin, this is a fast leap.”

“What do you mean?”

“We go from Harry making a suggestion, to having a budget and a huge list. You’d probably have a realtor by tomorrow. We took a quick jump before and landed in quicksand. I’m scared we’ll do the same now.”

Merlin reached out and pulled Eggsy onto his lap. “We won’t say anything to the girls yet. Do some google searches. Think about it for a couple weeks, and talk again. That sounds good, yes?”

Eggsy leaned his forehead against Merlin’s. “Yeah that sounds good. Fixing behaviours of patterns. Noah goes on and on about it.”

“He does. And if he wanted to fix patterns, that one pair of trousers really has to go.”

Eggsy snickered and heard running footsteps and looked over. “Hey, Lacey, what’s up?”

“Could I have some dessert?”

“You mean a banana or yoghurt, sure,” Eggsy replied.

“But Clara got a biscuit,” Lacey started to whine.

“Clara actually ate her carrots.”

“Carrots are stupid,” Lacey said.

“They are the price for biscuits. Life is cruel like that.”

“Banana, Daddy,” Lacey sighed. “When I’m an adult, it is biscuits all the time. And you’ll have zero say in it.”

“That’s true,” Eggsy agreed. “But still a good few years off.” He got her a banana and peeled it for her. “Anything else?”

“Will I get my own room in the new house?” She smiled at them. “I like sharing with Clara, but own could be fun too.”

Eggsy and Merlin exchanged looks. “And how long were we listening in on an adult discussion?” Merlin asked his youngest.

“If you want us to not try to listen, you should talk in your room, not the kitchen,” Lacey said. “Ooooh, if we are going bigger can I have a dancing room. I’m telling everyone that I’m getting a dancing room.” Lacey turned and was running and shouting, “WE’RE MOVING! I’M GETTING A DANCING ROOM!”

“Oh fuck me,” Eggsy groaned.

“Later, if you like,” Merlin said.

“Nah, want to fuck you, but thank you babe.” Merlin had been offering more, but Eggsy seldom took him up on it, loving the feeling of pushing into Merlin more than anything in the world. “But now we have to have a family talk.” They could hear all the excited shouts. “Come on, before this gets completely out of hand.”

“It is cute that you don’t think this is already out of our control,” Merlin gave Eggsy a kiss and they went upstairs where the list of demands of the girls was much larger than theirs.

Two weeks later, Eggsy and Merlin sat in a office with their fourth realtor. They hadn’t exactly been finding someone they felt they could trust to find them the correct house. Everyone else had said their budget for London made their list impossible. And one gentleman definitely did not care that for the fact that they were two men with a family. Merlin ruined his credit rating.

But this woman had potential. They showed her their list and she didn’t laugh. So it was already an improvement.”

“You know everyone should think three impossible things before breakfast,” she looked up at them. “You seem to have thought eight.”

“Alice in Wonderland,” Merlin said automatically. “Our daughter Clara spent two years trying to find a way to fall into it.”

“Wouldn’t we all have liked that as kids,” she replied. “Okay, here’s my one problem with the list.”

“You only have one, everyone else has had a million,” Eggsy was surprised.

“Yeah well, I’m that badass a real estate agent. And yes, real estate agents can be badass,” she point at the list. “This, why a detached garage? That is going to be the sticky wicket.”

“Need it, to convert it into a small shitty flat for our second oldest,” Eggsy said. “What she has now.”

“What about an inlaw suite in below garden, or even top floor?” she suggested.

“Nah, still puts her in the house, she needs space for her boyfriend to easily sneak in and out,” Eggsy explained.

“I see,” she said politely. “That’s…”

“We don’t care, guy could move in,” Eggsy explained, “But they are amused by the game of it and don’t think 100% ready to fully cohabit. Are they babe?”

“No, one more year I think,” Merlin agreed. “And when I say on that list I need a large garden - I need a large garden. Planting and growing things is very soothing for me. I suggest no corner lots, they tend to poorly break up land, not give enough space.”

She made a note on the list. “Well, you two have made my next few days interesting. Give me a week and I’ll have six places for you to look at.”

“Excellent,” Merlin said. He looked at the name plate on her desk. “Carol, it will be our pleasure to work with you. This will be a challenge.” He held out his hand.

Carol shook it. “I eat challenges for breakfast, Mr. Young.” She for a moment looked tough. “That’s a lie, I eat sugar free oatmeal.” She sighed. “Lie, I eat Lucky Charms I import from America.”

“Oh yeah, you are the person for us,” Eggsy was grinning. “This is going to be brilliant.”

“Sweetie, it is house hunting, it sucks hard. My just is to make it suck as little as possible. And I am very good at my job,” she promised him. “Talk to you in a week.”

One week later they had a full day of viewings planned. Harry was supposed to babysit the kids but there was a mutiny.

“We are moving there too, we should get to pick,” Clara said.

“I want to see building plans, they are pleasing to look at,” Bethany added.

“I want to see my dance room.”

“Lacey, baby, dance room didn’t make the final cut.” When she looked ready to flame out, Eggsy held up a hand. “We are hoping to have a work out space, there will be mirrors and a dance barre put in, okay?” 

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Audy, you won’t even be living there, why are you coming along?” Merlin asked.

“Well, it just seemed like a fun family thing?” she admitted. She shrugged. “It was this or go to the gym. This is the better choice.”

“Well, I’m staying home, need to start looking at flats,” Gretch said.

Eggsy looked at her in horror, “But we told Carol we needed a garage to convert for you, I’ve already budgeted in an actual contractor not just Kingsman you dad scares into helping. Bunny, why are you moving out?” He felt his eyes fill, he could not cope with losing one of his kids yet.

Gretch ran and hugged him. “You want me there, Dad?” It was the first time she called him that in front of the other girls.

“Oh Bunny, I’d keep you forever if I could. But we’d have to hang your babies in hammocks from the ceiling and that might be a tight fit, so I’ll settle for you staying until you are ready to give me those grandkids okay?”

“Okay,” she said and squeezed tight. Eggsy looked over her head and Merlin who was wiping a tear away.

“So call Ben and tell him to tag along too,” Eggsy said.

“He’s already waiting outside,” Gretchen muttered against his chest.

“Of course he is. Well I’ll grab some extra protein bars.” Eggsy had a messenger bag full and ready to go because he had learned that you needed to carry a fuckton of shit when you had as many kids as they did, and seriously they needed to check if Ben was hypoglycemic or something. He made a mental note to get Ben to a doctor, and figured maybe he should get the boy on a vitamin or something. He’d look into it later. 

When they all got outside, Harry was waiting with Ben. “Seems we don’t need a babysitter anymore, Harry,” Eggsy said and looked at the man properly. His smile was a little too sharp. “Oh you are not coming along too.”

“Two cars will be needed for this journey,” Harry said. “Care to ride with me?”

“Nope, Merlin’s turn.” Eggsy went to the family car and snickered at the herd that ran. He ended up with Clara who had flat out elbowed Ben out of the way, Gretchen who also abandoned Ben where he had fallen, and Bethany. “Right, Merlin, you know where we are meeting Carol yeah?”

“Aye,” Merlin. “I can direct Harry, should be only twenty minutes late.”

There was a lot of laughter at how affronted Harry looked at that statement.

Eggsy was impressed. When they arrived at the first showing Carol only paled a little at the collection of people. “Hiya,” she said and smiled. “I think there is a winner in the bunch. Now, it was difficult to tick all the boxes, so I have a few that just fall short, for comparison sake.” She looked at everyone. “Wow, I can see why so many bedrooms were needed. All of you?”

“Not me, I’m just along because they both have dreadful taste,” Harry explained.

“I uhh...just eat dinner with them a lot,” Ben managed to say. 

“Ohhh, you are Ben,” Carol nodded and looked at her checklist. “Garage had to be a certain minimum square meterage because your kilometer of legs need room for when you sneak in to be with Gretchen.”

Ben glared at Eggsy.

“Wot? Wasn’t going to force you to stay over in a shoe box,” Eggsy defended himself. He smiled when Ben came over and hugged him. “You need a snack, got one in my bag okay?”

“Not five, Eggsy.”

“I know. Just saying. Got those bars you like.”

Ben let go and went to stand with Gretchen.

“Now this first place doesn’t have the garage, or a garden, but makes up for it with space and interesting layout. Used to be a textile shop but has been converted.” She took them in and showed them around and it was cool, and edgy, and Eggsy hated every square meter of the place. Luckily everyone seemed too and Merlin quickly told Carol the place was off the table.

She nodded understandingly. “I figured but it helps me to learn what is flexible what is not. Next place has the same problems, but it even more unique. Here’s the address, I’ll meet you there.”

When they arrived, Clara jumped out of the still moving car. “Yessss, yes this is the place. Lady, take all of Dad’s money, we will pay full price.”

“Clara!” Merlin warned. “I’m not sure a very large houseboat is the right answer for our family.”

“Dad - it is the only answer,” Clara said and ran on to check it out.

“Christ, I would have said the same when I was her age,” Audy said and hurried after her.

Eggsy had to agree that it was really cool, but he also knew after three months everyone would be sick of it. He was about to say so to the realtor when he saw something. “Clara do not unmoor the ship!”

Merlin hurried over and pulled Clara away and was clearly using serious dad voice. Eggsy smiled at the realtor and reached into his bag. “Right, here you go.” It was a slim black case.

“I don’t understand,” Carol said.

“Flash. Whisky, nice and mellow one. You’ll be needing it at some point. Also, maybe no more for comparison sake places?” Eggsy suggested kindly. “It’s list or bust.”

“I need to make a couple calls,” she said and hurried off the boat. Eggsy did a head count and went back downstairs. “Oi, Audy, come on.”

“I would make a great ship captain, sail the rough waters, a girl in every port,” she was almost dreamy in her thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah, come on.” Eggsy dragged her up top.

“Tell me you don’t want to sail off with Clara and I for a life of rum and piracy?” Audy said, digging her feet in. “The air, the water, the -”

“Your da getting sick?” Eggsy said and watched her deflate. “Look different life I’d be buying this in a second. It is cool as fuck. But this ain’t that life is it? It’s ours. And ours says that a life of piracy is not really a day to day option.” He had a thought. “But family summer vacation? Now that is a different thing entirely.”

Audy squealed and hugged him. “Let me plan it. Please let me plan it.”

“We’ll see okay? Not too old to go on vacation with us?”

“Nope,” she replied, “not when piracy is involved.”

The got to the cars and the poor realtor had a strained but determined smile on her face and gave them an address. The next two places were fine. They met all the needs, but they just weren’t right. Eggsy handed out snacks while Merlin and Carol talked. “Everyone good?” He got some fines and I’m boreds and general malaise.

Merlin came over. “Right, she wants to show us one more place today. She said it needs a fair bit of cosmetic work but pipes and electricity are all excellent. There are rumours of a ghost, and that in the thirties it was a centre of very illicit activities.”

“Crime?” Clara squealed. “Ghosts! That’s even better than a boat.”

“Daddy? I don’t want a mean ghost,” Lacey said and held out her arms and Eggsy picked her up.

“Usually when old houses say ghosts, what the mean is the floors are uneven and creak and someone made up a story once and it stuck.”

“Promise,” Eggsy said. He hugged her tight. “Hey Carol, you agree the ghost thing is b.s right?”

Carol gestured them over and leaned in. “I totally made the ghost and illicit history up, because your pirate friend there was looking bored and stroppy. Thought it would distract him.”

Lacey giggled. “Uncle Harry does look like he wants to fuss storm.”

“I’ll give him a juice box,” Eggsy said which made Lacey and the realtor both laugh.

They all headed out to the last house and as Eggsy pulled into the driveway, it just felt different. “Oh,” he said softly.

“It’s pretty,” Lacey said.

“It looks mysterious,” Gretchen added. “That is a house with potential.”

Eggsy nodded. It was old, brown brick with yellow and white and huge windows. Merlin’s house had been older too, but this was a little shabbier, a little more lived in on the outside. Like Gretchen said - potential.

When they got out of the car Eggsy told the girls to stick with Harry and Ben, but he wanted to walk around the place with their dad alone. There were protests but he gave everyone a look at they stopped. He went over to Merlin. “Tell me you don’t feel it,” he whispered.

“I don’t feel it,” Merlin whispered back.

“Tell me you are lying,” Eggsy begged.

“Of course I’m fucking lying, look at it.” Merlin waved a hand at the house. “It is gorgeous.”

“We have got to stay cool,” Eggsy hissed. “And maybe the inside is rubbish.”

Carol unlocked the front door and the front rooms on the garden level were not rubbish. Boring but not rubbish. Lots of light, and space. When they went to the kitchen Merlin gave her a look.

“Okay, it needs some love,” she said.

“Love?” Merlin snorted. “It will be another 70,000 just to fix this 60s monstrosity.”

“Look at all the room though,” Eggsy said. “No bumping into each other on taco night.”

“The room is great, isn’t it?” Carol said and her smile sharpened. “Why don’t we just pop out into the garden while we are here, show you the garage.” They stepped out and the garage was bigger than what they had converted at their house and Gretchen was hugging the other building out back.

“Art studio,” she crooned and pet the building like it was a pet.

“Garden shed,” Merlin told her and looked at the almost empty garden just begging for his touch. “Interesting,” he managed to say calmly.

“Isn’t it?” She just nodded. “Let’s go up to the first floor, the floor for the girls.”

“We get a whole floor?” Clara shouted and ran back in the house. They all went upstairs and everything was sound but definitely need new carpet and paint. There was one room that didn’t have a wardrobe at all.

Bethany walked in and smiled slowly. 

“No you aren’t living in this room it is to small and no storage.” Eggsy was firm in this. “Not when there is a room with an attached bathroom, give you privacy since growing up so bloody fast.”

“Don’t they just?” Carol agreed and was smart enough to not point out how hooked he was.

“No, Dad, a study, for the three of us. Our own little library,” she explained.

Eggsy looked at the space and picture little girl sized wingback chairs or huge bean bag chairs. “Oh, that would be brilliant,” he agreed. “Bedrooms for all of us, and this for a study.”

“Actually, this floor is for the girls and a guest room,” Carol said. “I was picturing you and Hamish up one. A floor all to yourself.”

“Really?” Eggsy asked.

“Come along,” Carol said and took them upstairs. Harry made sure to keep everyone else downstairs.

Merlin and Eggsy looked about. The master bedroom had the vilest red carpet anyone had ever seen, and the bathroom needed to be gutted. But there was space for two offices and the small home gym Eggsy wanted. “Babe,” Eggsy said softly. “Look at the room.”

“I see it.” Merlin thought about it. “We could have that spare bedroom a floor down as the family room. Or we really don’t need a sitting room and reception room on the garden level. Turn the one into the playroom.”

“That would work,” Eggsy agreed. He looked at Carol. “So does this look so good because you showed us shit at the beginning, or just because it is the right house?”

Carol smiled. “Both,” she looked at them. “Want to see the numbers?”

Eggsy and Merlin looked at each other. “Aye,” Merlin said. “Let’s get the ball rolling.” Merlin and Carol started talking and Eggsy went downstairs and everyone was waiting and all looked at him.

“Do I even try to pretend we aren’t going to make an offer on this place if it passes inspection?” Eggsy asked them and the cheers were huge. “It needs a lot of work up on these two levels, and we wouldn’t even be able to move in until that kitchen and the garage are all fixed up. Be a few months.”

“But we get to live here?” Clara asked.

“Fingers crossed. Yeah, we’re going to live here.”

More cheers and hugs swamped him and Audy squeezed him tight. “You are home, Eggsy. You found your home.”

“Looks like,” Eggsy agreed and coughed to clear his throat. Harry passed him a pocket square to let him dry his eyes.

Eggsy looked at all of them. “Do you all have any idea how much I love all of you?” He shook his head. “You can’t. I can’t even quantify it. I just...you are…” he looked at his daughters and couldn’t find the words and the moment grew a bit awkward.

“Eggsy, I could really use one of those bars in your bag,” Ben said to give the man an out.

Eggsy began to laugh. “Yeah, let’s go eat in our shite kitchen.” They all tromped downstairs and Gretchen started making notes on what colours would look good in there, Clara wondered if they’d find treasure it seemed so old. Bethany wanted scrapings for study. Harry was dancing Lacey around the room and Audy was busy texting someone. Eggsy tossed a bar to Ben and began to eat one himself. “Green,” he said. “Kitchen would be brilliant in green. I know just the shade.” He thought of that perfect colour he had seen and how it wasn’t for their bedroom, but this family space. He could almost picture it.

Merlin came downstairs and wrapped an arm around Eggsy. “This is going to be an adventure making this place perfect.”

“Don’t need it perfect. Just need it us.” He leaned into Merlin and daydreamed about the whole renovation and moving experience going smoothly. It was bollocks but he could dream.

It was his dream home after all.

Two weeks later there was a sold sign in front of the house.   
  
  



	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this story and there will be a lot more to come, though the next major saga will have different lead characters. See you there!

_4 months later_

They were actually in the new house. Keys had been handed over to the old one, they were down to like twelve boxes that needed unpacking and Ben had sneaked into Gretchen's garage an hour ago and all the other girls had been our for a couple hours. Eggsy grabbed a tray and put together a snack and a bottle of champagne and glasses onto a tray. He went through the perfectly green kitchen and went upstairs to his and Merlin's floor. Merlin wasn't in the bedroom and he followed the small noises to Merlin's office.

"Oi, celebration time, unless those papers are an emergency, you are putting them down."

"No, just something I should have done a bit ago." Merlin didn't put them down. "Almost done."

"You have until the champagne is poured," Eggsy warned him. He carefully opened the bottle and poured. A little foam slopped over the sides, but he didn't have Harry's experience with it. He cleared his throat. "What's so important? More important than this?"

"Updating my insurance, will, medical power of attorney, custody for the girls. Everything needs to have your name on it." Merlin continued his notes. Moving between paper and computer seamlessly.

Eggsy drained a glass quickly. Those words meant more to him than anything else Merlin had said to him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. "Better it would be a bit easier if we were married wouldn't it?" He flicked open the box and held it out.

"Aye, but what can you do?" Merlin agreed and kept typing.

"Well," Eggsy tried to keep him tone even, "We could get married?"

"Huh?" Merlin finally looked over and saw the wedding rings in the box Eggsy was holding out. "Oh." He kept staring at the box.

"Right. Could you clarify if Oh is a good oh or a bad oh?"

"Good oh," Merlin managed to say. It took him a moment to find his voice. "A very good oh. The best oh. A yes oh."

"Yes ohs are great," Eggsy agreed.

Merlin stood up and pulled Eggsy in for a hard kiss. "Let me show you how good." The food and champagne were forgotten.

It was barely dawn and Eggsy wanted a lot more sleep.

"Daddy, I see you butt," Lacey said as she poked him in the side.

Eggsy just reached down and pulled the blanket up over his head. "Now you don't," he said and fell back asleep to the sound of Merlin laughing and telling Lacey he'd be down in a minute.


End file.
